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World War II, an era Kathryn remembered from a history class several decades ago. A battle spanning over six years creating a lasting mark in history. Tom mentioned it to her once, the nineteen forties, a time when women like her would never have achieved a high ranking military position, a time of pinned up hair, dresses, and red lipstick, which at least suited her complexion nicely.
“Katrine,” Tuvok called out.
“Katrine,” he called again. Was that her name here? It must be. He looked right at her, with the same serious and honest brown eyes she knew so well.
“The group would like to discuss tomorrow with you. We need your resources and tactical skills if this plan is to succeed.”
“Of course, lead the way,” she said cautiously.
The way Seven, Tuvok, and B’Elanna were talking allowed her to conclude that she was a resistance fighter in France. She was the owner of the charmingly worn-down bar which acted as their base of operations, and she’d been helping fight the good fight behind the scenes while allowing outsiders to view her as neutral to either side.
A freedom fighter, her mind was drawn to him at the thought. And as if he could read her mind, he walked through the doors.
“Ah, Captain Miller. Glad to see you decided to join us,” Tuvok said.
“Sorry about that, I intended to be here earlier, but I had plans of my own to discuss with my men.” Chakotay, or Captain Miller here, wore his usual smile, but was missing his tattoo. The absence caused a slight clench in her heart.
The group continued to discuss their plans for the morning, and she listened closely but had no real knowledge of the situation so she did her best to remain a silent observer. She didn’t want to draw too much attention to herself, but her lack of response only caused more stares of curiosity.
“Are you alright, Katrine? You’re awfully quiet tonight,” Brigitte whispered.
“I’m fine, thank you,” she replied.
“Well, I believe that will be all for tonight. Tomorrow we attempt to change history. We will need everyone to be ready, I suggest we all head home and get a good night's rest,” Seven said to the group as they all stood to leave.
The room cleared and Kathryn walked over to the bar to pour herself a drink. She needed to think about how to take down these godforsaken Hirogen once and for all.
She was taking a sip when she saw out of the corner of her eye that she wasn’t alone. Turning quickly, she released a deep breath when she realized it was Chakotay. He smirked as he came behind the bar to where she stood.
“I thought everyone left,” she said with a soft smile.
“I’ve been waiting all night to get you alone. I’ve missed you, Katrine,”
She smiled and put her glass down, her smirk faded slightly as she glanced into his eyes. Something was there that hadn’t been before, a softness, a yearning. She brushed it off and tried not to over think it.
“Did you want something to dri-” before she could finish, he pulled her close and covered her lips with his own.
He lifted her onto the bar top as he took her lower lip between his teeth and pulled at it lightly, sending a shiver down her spine. She groaned and leaned in further to continue the duel of their tongues as her hands traveled from his shoulders to his back pulling his body closer to hers.
As his lips left a trail down her neck, she was given just enough time to question what the hell was happening.
She pushed him away, startled by his actions but more so by her own immediate loss of control.
“I’m...I’m sorry. I thought you liked that,” he said, surprised by her sudden reaction.
“What..I-- I’m sorry it’s not you I just..” She was at a complete loss for words.
“Katrine I--” the sound of a name that wasn't hers was a painful reminder he wasn’t hers either.
“No, I really am sorry I’m just not feeling well,” she made up the first excuse that came to mind.
He brought the palm of his hand up to gently cup her cheek and directed her eyes to meet his.
“Hey, it’s okay. I’m not trying to get you to do something you aren’t in the mood for. It’s probably better we save our strength for tomorrow.”
She cursed to herself. She wanted to keep going, She wanted everything he had to offer but to do so would be morally gray to say the least, because he wasn’t offering it to her, he was offering it to Katrine.
“But, Katrine if you really are feeling sick again, maybe you should just let my medic give you a quick look. He might be able to help.”
She had a hard time concentrating on his words when his thumb was so gently rubbing back and forth over her cheekbone. The contact increased her desire to fall back into his arms.
“No, I’m alright. I just...should take it easy tonight.”
He smiled brightly, and she was grateful she was already seated because her knees would have gone weak at the sight of him.
“Sounds just fine to me. We’ll have plenty of time to make love when this is all over...when I whisk you away, back to the states with me, just like we talked about.”
He leaned in and gently pecked her lips before helping her down off the bar and walking to the opposite side of the room.
“Well if you won’t let me love you, at least let me hold you for a while.” He pulled out a record and with a few crackles and pops from the speakers a beautiful melody rang in her ears.
He walked back over to her and took her hand to lead her to the middle of the dance floor.
“These have been the greatest few weeks of my life,” he whispered.
Tears pricked in her eyes as she allowed herself to relax in his warm embrace.
“You know I love you.” Those simple words made her heart stop.
She felt the first of many teardrops glide down her cheek as she whispered,
“I do.”
But those words that fell so easily from his lips were never meant for her to hear. This was a different man, discussing his love for someone she was not. Even though she knew that deep down, she couldn’t stop the words from coming out, nor could she lessen their sincerity.
“I love you too,” she pressed her cheek to his shoulder and closed her eyes tight as he laid a kiss upon her head.
They continued to sway to the melody as one of his hands tangled in her hair. She never wanted to move from the spot, the warmth he provided, the gentle and loving touch his hands so freely gave. She envied Captain Miller and Katrine. They were free to love, and find happiness in each other’s arms in a way she and Chakotay never could. Why couldn't this be real?
As the song came to an end she pulled back slightly and stared into his eyes with such desperate longing. She knew it was wrong to do what she was about to do, that the first time could be partially excused because she was caught off guard, and that she had no excuse this time. She shut off any rational-thinking part of her brain, here was the man she had loved for so long standing in front of her. She slowly leaned in without another moment of hesitation and gently drew her lips to his. She kissed him with as much passion and intensity as she could, putting all her love for him into one last kiss. This was how it had to be.
Drawing back from his lips nearly broke her in two, but any longer and she wouldn’t have been able to stop herself.
She laid her head on his shoulder again and said: “Tell me about America...your home...your family.”
She felt him chuckle and listened to his calming voice as he told her stories of a life that wasn’t his.
Her hands memorized the feel of his embrace, her nose stored his scent deep in her treasure trove of memories. She wanted every bit of this night ingrained in the depths of her mind.
The entire week after the ordeal with the Hirogen, she found herself humming the song they had danced to. In the shower, in her office, even once on the bridge. Chakotay hadn’t recognized the tune, but he was amused to hear her singing to herself during a shift. He had a smile on his face the entire rest of the night.
Once alone in her quarters, she played it out loud. I’ll be seeing you. Such a fitting song considering that she did see him. Whenever she closed her eyes there he was. And it wasn’t the first officer she worked with on the bridge. No, the man she dreamed of only ever looked at her with adoration in his eyes, the man she saw loved her openly, but the man she saw couldn’t exist. Not for her at least. She wouldn’t allow him to.
She sang along in a hushed tone as a tear slipped past her defenses.
“And when the night is new, I’ll be looking at the moon, but I’ll be seeing you.”
That night he was there, just as he had been every night since. He kissed her tenderly and whispered “I love you,” taking her into his arms as they swayed to the melody.
When her eyes opened in the morning, flooded with tears, she somehow found herself longing for that simpler time of pinned up hair, dresses, red lipstick, and the man she could allow to love her.