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“I miss you.” Otabek wrapped his arms around himself, trying to suppress the shivers. It was the middle of the night in December in Almaty, of course it was cold. “No one understands. My parents think I’m insane, my brother thinks I’m being a moron, even Dariya thinks I should just get over it. At least Phichit gets it. I wouldn’t be going through with this if he didn’t, but that doesn’t make anyone else understand.”
He paused, listening to Yuri calling him a moron and telling him it didn’t matter what anyone else thought. Except for Phichit, that one mattered, fine. It didn’t exactly help him relax, but it at least made him feel better.
“Phichit’s the best thing that could have happened to me, since losing you. Doesn’t stop me from wishing it were you, you know.” Yuri knew. It couldn’t change anything. Nothing could change the facts.
“We’re going to split time between Thailand and Kazakhstan. We’re running clinics for kids, scouting for talent, helping promising athletes get in contact with sponsors and coaches so they can get what they need. Thailand and Kazakhstan aren’t going anywhere anytime soon, not if Phichit and I have anything to say about it. Phichit’s got an ice show that he’s getting started, and he’s helping me put one together to tour Kazakhstan. The first Phichit on Ice tour is next summer, and you wouldn’t believe the lineup. Phichit got Seung Gil to come skate.”
As expected, Yuri didn’t believe. Chris, sure. Yuuri, duh. Viktor wasn’t skating, but he’d choreographed a lot of the program and was using his name and legend status to help with promotion. Otabek had been there to watch Phichit work his magic on Seung Gil, and he still didn’t believe it had happened.
The wind picked up a little, and Otabek turned his face away from it. “You know what I don’t get? Why Phichit’s agreeing to this. He knows he’s a consolation prize, he knows I don’t love him the way I still love you, the way he deserves to be loved.” Otabek paused for a moment, and then snorted at Yuri’s question. “Of course I’ve asked him. All he’ll say is that he’s in a similar situation, in love with someone he can’t ever be with. He won’t say who it is, and I’m not gonna push him on it, but I can’t help being curious.”
Another strong gust of wind, and Otabek sighed. “I’d better go. I have a wedding to be at in the morning, and I need more sleep than I did when you and I would stay out all night and then go skate in an exhibition gala the next day. I love you. I hope you’re happy for me, wherever you are.” Otabek took off his glove to kiss his fingers. As he pressed them to the gravestone, he could almost see Yuri holding up a thumb as the wind whispered “Davai.”