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Was Tom Riddle in over his head?
Yes.
Would he admit it?
No.
Never.
Ever.
Never.
Times infinity.
Harry looked at him and said: "OK so I have been thinking and I am going to ask you for help because you are old."
Tom Riddle, at the same time sixteen and in his fifties, had a lot to say on that. He motioned vaguely at Harry to speak and regretted it the moment the twelve year old's mouth opened: "Why are girls so mean?"
"Well… did you do anything to them for them to be mean at you?" Not a lot of people could be blessed with the same level of emotional intelligence as Tom Riddle prided himself on having. Not even Abraxas Malfoy, for all of his fabled girl friends would have this level of tact.
"No." Harry said. "Once a month, without fail, I've got to watch what I say around Hermione because in her opinion she has run out of patience for idiots."
Tom Riddle heard the phrase 'once a month' and grew cold and uncomfortable as someone way out of his depth. He cleared his throat and said: "How peculiar."
Harry Potter, professional twelve year old, continued: "I mean we could be having a wonderful time together and she just snaps. I never know what I did wrong. She, also, eats a lot of chocolates during this period."
Tom Riddle, born in the great and progressive 1920s, had this to say: "It's the moon." He hopefully looked at Harry and wished that he knew enough about biology to connect the dots. Certainly he and Abraxas didn't get farther from just chalking this up to the moon. Thankfully they were both blessed with an indifference to the fairer sex.
Harry did not understand what Tom meant. He did not have anyone to break it to Harry up until this point either. Tom Riddle noticed this and breathed in shakily because this was not something he should be talking about. Even he never bothered to learn much about the topic. The only reason why he had was because some sources said that women had a higher tolerance for the cruciatus curse because of extremely painful cramps they could have each month.
"What's the moon got anything to do with it?"
"They're angry because they bleed a lot. There is this sort of …" Tom tried to explain, "lining? Thing? Which they shed?"
"Like dogs?"
"No?" Tom said, uncertainly.
"Huh." Harry whispered. "And why?"
"Listen .. All I can offer you is the whole Eve's punishment for sinning explanation." Tom added. "I think it is inaccurate."
"So what should I do ?"
"Be less dumb."
"Wow." Harry deadpanned at the advice.
He tried to ask something more about girls, but Tom stopped him: "Please, refrain. I do not know a lot about them. If you have anything else to ask, please do."
"OK. Why do I wake up with an erection, why does that happen?"
Tom Riddle, repressed as they came, had this to say: "Go to your room." To make things even worse, the show of his body's age manifested in his voice cracking and what was supposed to be a direct order sounded like a teenage boy's plea.
Harry went to his room whilst snickering to himself.
Lord Voldemort may be the greatest legilimens, but this Tom Riddle was still getting the hang of it. Harry had had a very uncomfortable talk with Pomfrey, as had every young witch or wizard.