Chapter Text
It had been an exhausting week. Hunting ghost was easy normally. Finding out who the ghost was and then burning the bones.
The case had seemed simple and they had found out quickly who the ghost was and where his bones had been buried. They dug up the grave, burned the bones, job done. But of course the ghost they had hunted was not an ordinary ghost but a famous mass murder who's murder weapon, an old rusty knife, was exhibited in some crime fan museum. Since that was a remain the ghost could stick onto, another innocent person got killed.
Such things always made Dean angry because he thought it was his fault. The feeling of guilt only grew stronger as Cas got hurt pretty bad as they tried to burn the freaking knife.
It had been his job to burn the knife while Sam and Cas should watch out for guards. But he had been distracted by the huge knife collection that was in the museum and the freaking ghost had used Dean's hesitation to attack Cas.
Of course Sam and Cas managed to fight the ghost off until Dean finally had burned the knife.
Seeing the angel bleed was still new for Dean. Well, the fallen angel. Cas had got some bruises and a few cuts along his arms and even though he insisted that they were not hurting that much and that he was fine, Dean still felt guilty.
The 18 hour car ride home made Dean's mood just worse.
He was mad, frustrated and tired as hell as they arrived at the bunker. Maybe he would calm himself down if he watched TV and got something to eat. They still had pie in the fridge, Dean remembered.
“Anyone up for TV?”, he asked.
“No thanks, I still have to look something up in the library.”, Sam answered.
Dean shook his head in surprise. He wondered how that man still could work.
“Oh yeah right, he had slept through the whole car ride, that jerk.”, Dean thought.
“What...what about you Cas?”, Dean turned to Cas trying to ignore the bandages on Cas's arms and the one patch on his cheek.
Cas seemed to hesitate.
“We could also share the last bit of pie that's in the fridge.”, Dean blurted out.
Sam frowned but kept silent.
“That sounds alright. I would like to watch television with you Dean.”, Cas gave him a small smile.
“But before I would like to take a shower and change into more comfortable clothes.”, he added already tucking on his tie.
“Yes, sure. Me too.”, Dean replied.
“Good, I will see you then.”, said Cas and went inside the bunker with Sam.
Dean was standing there for a second thinking that it was funny how fast Cas wanted to get into sweatpants and a t-shirt, considering that he had been running around in a suit and a trench coat all the time back when had been an angel.
“Maybe it's because he is human now.”, Dean reasoned as he stepped inside the bunker.
God he was tired. He stretched and yawned, his eyes closed as he walked into his room.
“Dean!”, Dean's eyes flung open only to find a very naked Castiel in front of him.
“Woah, what the hell are you doing in my room?”, Dean yelled raising his hand to cover his eyes, but Castiel already grabbed a towel to cover himself up and without knowing why Dean let his hand sink down again.
“Your room?”, Castiel asked slightly upset, “Dean, you are in my room.”
Fuck.
“Y..Y...Your room?”, Dean stuttered trying not to stare at Cas but he kind of couldn't turn his eyes away.
“Yes Dean. My room.”, Castiel tried to sound calm but Dean could clearly hear his embarrassment.
He forced himself to look away from Cas and to look at the room. And yes, it was not his room but Castiel's. Tired as he was he must have entered a door to early.
“Oh yeah..uhm”, Dean blushed, his eyes again focused on Cas's bare chest, “Sorry Cas. I'll...I'll better...leave...now.”, he said still starring at Cas not making any effort to move away.
“Indeed. I think that would be wise Dean.”, Castiel stared back at Dean, his blue eyes practically stabbing through Dean. Dean realized he was still standing in Cas' room.
“Yeah sorry.”, he said once again bumming into a chair as he left the room.
Damn it. That should not have happened.
Dean went into his own room, undressed himself and stepped inside his shower.
“Okay calm down”, he told himself, “So you have seen Cas naked. No big deal. A lot of people have seen their best friend naked.”
Dean took a deep breath.
“And now stop it. You should not think about your best friend while your taking a shower.”, he reproved himself.
But the image of a naked Castiel clutching a towel onto his most intimate parts was burned into Dean's mind. His pale skin bringing out his blue jabbing eyes and his black hair. His striking hipbones, his left one covered with an anti possession tattoo. His well trained abs. Dean imagined how it must feel running a finger over them, down to the hipbone circling around Cas' tattoo.
“Okay stop it! You should never think of your best friend being naked, while your taking a shower!”, Dean thought.
Why the hell could he not stop thinking about Cas?
He suddenly felt a movement between his tights, looked down and...OH MY GOD.
“You should not get a boner while you're thinking of your naked best friend who has been a former angel, while you're taking a shower!”
Dean slightly freaked out. What now? He was definitely not jerking off while thinking of Cas! Sure it might have happened a few times that those electric blue eyes popped into his head as he jerked off. And he might have imagined that deep husky voice repeating Dean's name over and over again while he was doing it.
But he always had tried to ignore it. Not because Cas was male. No, Dean had discovered ages ago that he was also attracted to men. It didn't happen that often but it happened.
Dean had to think back to Aaron. The flirty jewish guy in this one bar and god if he had not worked a case that time, Dean had asked him out for sure, but...
“Not now Winchester! Completely wrong time.”, he tried to focus.
Maybe it would help, if he turned the water all cold.
He started shivering but he rather took that option than jerking off while thinking of a freaking angel of the lord! Fallen angel.
“Okay and now think of...Bobby in a dress... or of Sam making out with Ruby...or Leviathans!”, thank god this method seemed to work and Dean started to relax but didn't turn on the hot water again. Just in case.
As he climbed out the shower and grabbed a towel he tried carefully not to strike over his dick to much as he dried himself.
He went out of his own bath into his room and put on a t-shirt and a pair of boxer shorts.
He closed the door of his closet almost ready to leave his room and go into the living room as someone nocked on the door.
“Dean?”, he heard Cas' voice say, “May I come in?”, and before Dean could answer anything Cas had already opened the door and stepped inside Dean's room.
Cas' hair was still wet and a total mess. He was wearing grey sweatpants and still had the bandages on his arms. But he was not wearing a t-shirt or anything like that.
Dean swallowed finding himself staring at Cas' chest once again. Why the hell was he not wearing a damn t-shirt?
“Dean, my bandages got all wet and are really uncomfortable. I need help changing them.”, Cas' explained.
Dean blinked looking a bit confused, still busy trying not to stare at Cas.
“Would you maybe be so kind?”, Cas continued his request.
“Yeah.”, Dean cleared his throat, “Yeah sure. Sit down, I'll get you new bandages. I think I have some in my bathroom.”, he said.
As he came back new bandages in his hands, Cas sat on his bed.
Why the hell was Cas, a half naked Cas, sitting on his bed?
“Maybe because you told him to sit down, you dumb-ass?”, he thought sitting down on his bed next to Cas
.
He hesitated a second to touch Cas but then slowly started taking off the old wet bandages. As he had taken them off he could clearly see the cuts on Cas' arms. Next to the fresh ones there were scars from old fights and Dean suddenly had the urgent desire to kiss those scars, to follow them with his fingers, to cover Castiel's whole body with kisses, to run his fingers through Cas's messy hair, to hold him close and never let him go.
“Wait no! Stop it Dean!”, he thought.
Of course he could not denial that they always had shared a little bit more than just a profound bound especially back during the apocalypse and if they had not been so busy saving the world...or back in purgatory if Benny hadn't been there.
But even if, Castiel was a freaking angel of the lord. Or well, had been. But that didn't change anything..did it?
Dean shook his head, trying to focus on putting on new bandages. As he finished he stroke gently about Cas' arms.
“Thanks Dean.”, Cas gave him a soft smile that made Dean feel all warm inside.
“How about I'll put on a shirt, you go to the kitchen and we meet in the living room?”, Cas suggested.
“Kitchen?”, Dean was ripped out of his thoughts.
“To get the pie.”, Cas explained.
“Oh yeah, sure thing.”, Dean nodded and got up.
“Good, because I'm starving.”, said Cas as they parted at Dean's door.
Dean had to smile. Funny how things change. Years ago Cas was never hungry. And now he used the term 'starving'. Cas was..really human.
Dean opened the fridge to take out the pie.
“But actually he is just an angel without his grace. Not really human. A fallen angel.”, he thought.
“Well so was Anna and that didn't stop you from sleeping with her.”, a tiny voice said in his head.
“Well, maybe...wait who said I wanted to sleep with Cas?”, he shook his head as he put two pieces of pie on two plates.
“Nobody. Getting a boner because of someone does not mean you're attracted to them in any kind of sexual way.”, the voice now sounded like Gabriel.
“Oh shut up.”, Dean whispered as he looked for forks.Where the hell were the damn forks?
In his left hand Dean was holding the two plates with the pie, with his right hand he was grubbing through all drawers looking for the froks as he suddenly heard a whimper from the living room. It didn't sound good at all and without any hesitation Dean dropped both plates and sprinted into the living room ready to face any kind of enemy.
But all there was, was Cas curled together on the couch his hands pressed on his ears his face obviously in pain.
Behind Cas was the TV showing an episode of Classic Who. Dean only recognized it because of the famous theme melody. Tom Baker's head was just flying through space while some really high notes where played. Dean found the old themes, especially the ones from the eighties really absurd.
“Cas buddy, are you okay?”, Dean asked and immediately wanted to slap himself because obviously Cas was not okay.
“Turn it off.”, Castiel whimpered, “Please Dean, it hurts. Turn it off.”
Did...did Cas mean the Doctor Who theme melody? Sure Dean preferred Star Trek over Doctor Who but still the theme melody was maybe weird but not that unpleasant.
“Dean, please!”, Castiel was begging now, tears in his eyes.
Dean of course hurried to get the remote and turned the TV off. Cas relaxed a bit but was still shaking.
Dean sat down next to him and wrapped his left arm around Castiel.
“Shhh, Cas, everything is all right.”, with his right arm he started stroking Cas' back.
“Shhh, I got you, I'm here for you. “, Castiel was shaking less now.
“You're safe Cas.”, Dean whispered still not knowing why the hell Cas would react so scared to a theme melody.
Castiel had now stop shaking and took a deep breath.
“You're feeling better?”, Dean asked concerned his left arm still around Cas.
Castiel nodded.
“Cas, do you wanna tell me why you were so scared by the Doctor Who theme melody?”, Dean was not curious but worried.
He had seen Castiel behave like this only a few times and he had hated it. He had hated it to see the angel cry, to shake full of fear, to be weak and fragile. Well but on the other hand Cas was weaker and more fragile than ever since he was not an angel anymore but a fallen angel. Still Dean didn't like to see Cas so broken. He just felt guiltier and guiltier every second.
“The melody, “, Cas said his throat really dry, “the melody had a secret message for angels.”
“The Doctor Who theme has a secret message for angels?”, Dean asked not able to believe what Cas was telling him. No offence but Cas had once seen the Road Runner as metaphor for god and Wile E. Coyote as metaphor for humanity, so Dean was a bit skeptic about secret messages in the freaking Doctor Who theme.
“And also I thought you're human now. How can you hear messages only meant for angels.”, he added.
“Well I am still able to hear the angel radio. I can hear them talk all the time. Even as a fallen angel.”, Castiel explained, “But they make me uncomfortable, dizzy and they hurt. They hurt so much.”
“Then why..”, Dean's voice dropped by the sound of Cas' sad voice, “why are you listening if it hurts so much?”
“Normally I'm not. I always shut them out.”, Cas answered, “Only this time, I was not prepared to hear them talk. It took me by surprise.”
“And what..what did the messages say?”, Dean just had to ask, “And how did they even get in the theme in the first place?”
“I do not know how they got there.But I guess the high notes of the theme were a good disguise for the voices of the angels. They actually do not say anything special. Nothing we did not know before. Just warnings about yellow eyes and that he is up to something. But that was a long time ago.”, Cas replied, “Although there was a part I did not quite understand. But please Dean, don't make me listen to them again.” Cas suddenly looked very scared again.
“Of course not Cas.”, Dean sounded quite shocked, “ I would never force you to listen to them again, if they hurt you so much!”
He looked Cas deep in the eyes.
“I promise.”, he said as he wiped away Cas' tears with his thumb.
“How about I get us the pie and you put in a DVD of Stark Trek?”, Dean suggested and Castiel nodded and smiled.
“Thank you Dean.”, he said and Dean just nodded.
“Really odd those angels.”, Dean thought as he went to get the pie “Putting messages in the Doctor Who theme.”
A small part of him wondered what those messages were that Cas didn't really understand, but he promised Cas he would not make him listen to those again nor did he want to see his angel suffer like that ever again.
Wait did he just call Cas 'his angel'?
“Oh screw it!”, Dean decided, “Cas had dragged him out hell, had watched over him and saved his life. Calling him 'his angel' was absolutely legitimate.”
They ate their pie and watched Star Trek. After a while Dean started freezing.
Why the hell was he so stupid only to wear a pair of boxer shorts and a t-shirt. He should have taken a jumper and sweatpants instead. He still could get up and change, but the episode was really exciting and he was also really lazy. But still he started to shiver.
“Are you cold?”, Castiel asked.
“A bit.”, he answered, “Wait, Cas, what are you doing?”
Cas had moved closer to Dean and pressed his upper body against Dean's chest, their legs slightly tangled in each other.
“Isn't it obvious?”, the fallen angel asked, “I'm keeping you warm. I've seen people do it in movies.Also I'm a bit cold myself.”
“Uhm..yeah..but Cas,”, Dean stared but he had to admit it felt kind of nice “Never mind. Let's just watch the show.”
Cas nodded and then pressed his head again against Dean's chest.
After a while Dean could feel how Cas' breath slowed down and as he looked closely he could see that Castiel had fallen asleep.
“Great,”, Dean thought, “Now I have to spend my night on the couch with a fallen angel all over me.”
The option to wake Castiel up never occurred to him.
“Good night Cas.”, he mumbled as softly pressed his lips in Castiel's hair.
“What the hell am I doing?”, he though for a second before he fell asleep too.