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They weren’t even out of the airport yet, but Dan could already taste the intoxicating atmosphere of Las Vegas. There were slot machines littered throughout the corridors and peculiar people bustled by with no care. He took a second look as they passed an incredibly attractive and tall man wearing a cowboy hat and boots.
“Can’t we just stay in Vegas all week?” Dan asked Phil, who was just as enraptured by the first sights and sounds they were taking in of the infamous sin city.
“We’ll be back at the end of the week, boys. Just in time for your birthday, Dan.” Cornelia answered for Phil.
She and Martyn were a couple of strides ahead of them, leading the way to the car rentals. She tossed a teasing look over her shoulder at Dan and Phil, and said, “Now keep up! You’ll have plenty of time for debauchery this weekend.”
Dan blushed but picked up his pace, and so did Phil. He didn’t feel like quelling on what exactly she meant by ‘debauchery.’
Phil was just his best friend and roommate. Dan had his suspicions that Martyn and Cornelia thought otherwise, but they would be wrong. He wasn’t even planning on spending his twenty-first birthday week with Phil, but when Phil’s brother offered that they tag along on an American west coast road trip, there was no turning them down. Turning 21 in Vegas would only happen once, and his quiet plans with his family could wait.
But his birthday and Vegas shenanigans wouldn’t be until Saturday. It was early on Monday morning (in his jet-lagged mind, it still felt like Sunday), and they would spend the day driving through the desert and Death Valley to some hotel in California. The following day was Yosemite, and then the remainder of the week would be spent at an island rental home that Cornelia’s family frequented. They would return to Vegas to round out their travels.
The plans weren’t what Dan and Phil would have made (except perhaps Death Valley- the title fit his aesthetic perfectly). If it were up to them, Phil probably would’ve agreed to stay in Vegas. But Martyn and Cornelia were far more adventurous than they were, and they were paying for most of the trip, so Dan and Phil were along for the ride. As long as Phil was there, Dan was sure he would have the time of his life.
***
They finally were in a rental car, and they briefly got a glimpse of the strip before driving out of the city and stopping at a Target for snacks. Phil enjoyed himself in the Target, marveled by the enormous selection of American snacks. He could tell Dan was happy too as they messed about in the aisles of the store, before being corralled back to the car by the more competent adults.
Now, as the vast expanse of absolute nothingness was spread out before them, Phil knew his enjoyment would fade fast. Everything was beige, and aside from some mildly hilly, bland mountains, there was nothing to look at but more tan. He knew there would be no avoiding his car sickness. This was a road trip, after all. But the monotonous scenery wouldn’t help.
Phil groaned and hugged his pillow closer to him.
“Motion sickness getting to you already?” Dan asked. He was comfortably sitting on his laptop, unphased by the drive, and Phil was jealous.
“Yeah,” Phil grumbled.
Dan pouted sympathetically and pushed his laptop to the side, and dug in the cooler sitting on the floor between them.
“Here, make sure you drink enough,” Dan handed him a blue Gatorade, “we don’t want you getting too ill. Only happy, healthy Phil’s are invited to my birthday.”
Dan poked him in the side, trying to make Phil smile. He succeeded, but Phil didn’t let it show too much. No need to get his birthday ego riled up this early.
“I have peppermints if you need something to suck on,” Cornelia piped up from the front passenger seat.
He could see Dan snicker immaturely beside him and rolled his eyes. “I’m good now, thanks. Maybe when the elevation changes get worse. It’s just so dull to look at.”
“The desert has its own beauty, Phil! Just wait until you see the colors in the mountains,” Martyn said.
“Sure.” Phil didn’t bother to hide his sarcasm. It was just dirt.
Phil’s opinion didn’t change when they got to the scenic point. Their shoes kicked up dust at their feet as they walked up a steep slope toward the viewing platform. The heat was insufferable. Whoever told him that a “dry heat” was better than the Florida humidity he knew of America, they lied. It felt like standing in a hairdryer.
Martyn and Dan were well ahead of him and Cornelia. He wasn’t sure why they had to go all the way up to the platform, they could see the mountains plenty well from here. His brother was right, there was a unique beauty about them, but it was still a lot of dully colored dirt and rock.
“Phil! Hurry up! I wanna use one of those viewing thingies,” Dan shouted back at him.
Dan’s excitement was cute, but Phil knew it would fade quickly. They had enough traveling experience together to know that Dan had no endurance for long expeditions. Thankfully, there wasn’t too much walking involved in the sightseeing planned for this trip.
“I’m glad you could bring Dan with you. He seems to be enjoying himself,” Cornelia said, with Dan far enough out of earshot. She had a distant, contemplative look on her face that Phil couldn’t understand.
“Yeah, I am too. I want him to have a good birthday.”
“You two seem to know each other quite well.” She chose her words carefully.
Phil didn’t know where she was going with this. “Knowing each other for years and being flatmates for two does that, yeah,” he answered noncommittally.
“Just roommates? You’ve never wanted more?”
Oh. That’s where this was going. He expected this from Martyn, who had meddled in Phil’s feelings for Dan before. But not Cornelia. She was always so polite about Dan.
Phil rolled his eyes and looked away, hoping that if he was a little flushed, she couldn’t discriminate it from the effects of the heat.
“I… it’s not-” he stammered.
“Just wondering,” she chirped, a knowing smile on her face, and walked away towards Martyn.
They had made it to the platform, and Dan was gesturing him over.
***
After the second stop in Death Valley, Dan was done with getting out of the car and looking at things. More than ten minutes in the sun and he felt like he was melting, and eventually all the sandy cliffs and plains were starting to look the same. Martyn and Cornelia still continued to pull over and get out if they saw something interesting, but Dan and Phil stayed in the car.
The changes in elevation were making Phil’s car sickness worse too. Just hours ago, they were way up in the sky, and now they were at the lowest elevation in North America. Dan knew his ears felt full and echoey, and if that were combined with a grumbly stomach and headache, he would look just as sour as Phil did. Everyone was dotting on him, offering Phil peppermints and water and snacks, but Dan was the one sitting with him as they waited for Martyn and Corn, and it was a sore sight.
Phil clung to his pillow, leaning against the window, staring out at the desert. His black fringe was messy, and his face was a particularly ashen shade of pale white, even for Phil. He had his long legs crammed up on the middle seat between them, which didn’t look comfortable for him and wasn’t comfortable for Dan either. But Dan could deal with restricted space and Phil’s mismatched, socked toes poking his thigh. At least he wasn’t the one who looked ready to sick up on the center console.
“How are you hanging in there?” Dan asked, and patted Phil’s leg.
“I’m getting so drunk tonight,” Phil mumbled.
Dan laughed, but Phil’s voice sounded so weak, he ended with a sympathetic (but still a little giggly) coo. “Oh dear. Are you sure that’s a good idea?”
Phil turned to look at him with vengeful eyes. “I am not letting this stupid car ruin our holiday. You and I are getting pissed off our asses, and there will be no excuses.”
“I’m not even legal in America yet. Are you gonna sneak me illegal booze?” Dan teased.
“All of it, anything you want. Just get drunk with me.”
“Well then, if it’s your treat, I’ll do whatever you say. Yes, sir.” He gave Phil a two-fingered salute.
“I wouldn’t give me that much power,” Phil joked, attempting to wiggle his eyebrows suggestively, but failed.
They burst out laughing at each other, right as Martyn and Cornelia climbed back in the car from their sightseeing excursion. The wear of the heat and sun looked as if it was getting them too, and they looked back at the boys, intrigued at whatever they missed.
“What are you two on about?” Martyn asked them.
“Nothing, it’s nothing,” Phil told him, the giggles dying out.
Dan felt happy that he was able to get a smile and a laugh out of Phil.
“Let’s get out of here, yeah? To the hotel?” Cornelia suggested.
“Please,” Dan and Phil begged in synchronicity.
Eventually, the landscape took on more color as they traveled to California, the trees getting taller and taller. It was impressive- the towering mountains and forests. They all stared out the windows, looking up at the gorgeous scenery.
Everyone but Phil, who had finally, and thankfully, passed out. Dan hoped the sleep would do his travel sickness well. It was hard to get him to fall asleep in a moving vehicle, and it had taken lots of turning and contortions to get his limbs into some kind of comfortable position. It wasn’t the position he originally settled in, but Phil was now sprawled out with his head in Dan’s lap, seat belt tucked behind him.
It was sweet. Dan was careful not to move and disturb him, and when he wasn’t looking out at the mountains, he let his gaze fall to his sleeping friend. It wasn’t the first time one of them had fallen asleep on the other, or together. But those occasions were usually in the solitude of their own flat, after a long night out, or more honestly, after a record-long binge-watch or video game tournament. Seldom did they display their platonic affection in the presence of someone else.
Phil had long since been out to his family, and Dan was out to them too eventually, and he was certain they had questions and assumptions. He could feel the eyes looking back at them through the rearview mirror, and it bored a hole through him. It was like every repressed feeling and urge toward his strict friend, and flatmate was on show. But when he felt as if no one was watching, Dan would let his hand come up and gingerly brush through Phil’s soft hair. Moments like this had to be treasured. If Martyn could see the care and love with which Dan had for his brother, Dan didn’t know.
No one said anything for a while, a mutual agreement of silence for Phil’s sake. Eventually, Martyn turned and glanced back at the two and broke the peaceful haze.
“We’ll be there soon if you wanna wake him up,” he told Dan quietly.
Dan wasn’t sure where “there” was, aside from clearly within a mountainside forest of more giant trees. But he nodded and started to gently nudge Phil awake.
“Rise and shine, sleepyhead,” Dan whispered in his ear.
“Huh,” Phil grumbled, blinking awake.
He looked up at Dan with tired eyes and then sat up quickly.
“Feeling better after your nap?” Cornelia asked.
“Yeah… yeah,” Phil said, disoriented, “Where are we?”
“Mammoth Lakes, California!” Martyn announced proudly. “In the Sierra Nevada Mountains. We’ll be at the hotel soon, just in time for dinner.”
Dan watched Phil take in the view. He had passed out not long after they left the desert, and the daunted look on Phil’s face as he stared at the looming mountains and trees was adorable.
“Are we going to be murdered?”
Everyone laughed at Phil, and Dan playfully nudged him. “It’s the forest, silly. Isn’t it pretty?”
“It’s literally something out of a horror novel, I would know.”
***
As they entered the town, Phil repeatedly pointed out how the log cabin architecture and scattered homes along the side of the woods were peak horror tropes. Surely, no one would choose to live here unless they were serial killers or in the witness protection program.
“It’s a popular skiing location. No one’s getting murdered,” Martyn reassured him.
“Then what about the sasquatch? Doesn’t he live in California?”
That sparked a debate between Dan and Martyn about bigfoot, and whether he was a singular cryptid or one of a species, and where exactly he resided.
They turned off the road into an inn carpark. The sign was chipped and mossy, and the faded blue building was equally as run down, not as luxurious as some of the buildings in the downtown ski village area. Phil knew they were putting most of their hotel budget towards Vegas, but this place gave him seriously creepy vibes. If they weren’t going to be murdered by a serial killer or bigfoot, then they would definitely be haunted.
Cornelia checked them in, and the boys loaded a trolley with their luggage. The evening air was much cooler than the desert, and it was nice, and Phil finally understood why people liked the woodsy smell of the mountains.
“Oh, I forgot to mention, we could only to snag two rooms with one queen each in our hotels,” Martyn said flippantly. “There should be a sofa bed, though. Needed to save some spending for Vegas,” he shrugged.
Phil paused, looking his brother dead in the eyes, and tried to telepathically communicate. He was much better at doing this with Dan, but currently, Dan was the subject of their mental conversation.
Phil wasn’t an idiot. He knew Martyn was savvy enough to find three rooms for relatively cheap, or at least a room for Dan and Phil with two doubles. This was a setup. It wouldn’t be the first either. He would blame falling asleep on Dan in the car on Martyn, too, if he could. Not that it wasn’t the best car nap he had ever had. Martyn just looked back at him, smug smile fixed to his face, eyes challenging.
“That’s fine!” Dan said, and Phil couldn’t tell if he detected discomfort. “I’ll take the sofa, but I call the bed in Vegas as birthday perks.” He smiled at the two brothers and then left to catch up with Cornelia.
“You dick,” Phil cursed at Martyn the minute Dan was out of earshot.
They were pushing the trolley towards the lobby, and he hoped the squeaky wheels were enough to drown out their bickering.
“I didn’t do anything.”
“Don’t act naïve; you can’t convince me there weren’t two beds available.”
Martyn smirked. “There are two beds. One just happens to be uncomfortable.”
Phil sighed. He didn’t have it in him to fight with his brother, but he was still annoyed.
“Why can’t you just leave it be, Martyn? It’s been two years. If something were to happen, it would’ve happened by now. We’re just friends.”
He could tell Martyn was waiting to respond. Cornelia and Dan were already upstairs where their rooms were, but the floors of the inn were all outside, and there was a chance they could hear them above. A creaky lift dinged and opened for them.
“Phil, you weren’t the one who had to watch the two of you for the past four years and the whole ride here,” He started once the doors closed. “I mean, you fell asleep in his lap!”
“That wasn’t-”
“You love him. You’re in love with him. It’s clear as fucking day. And I’m pretty sure he is too.”
Phil was speechless. He had told Martyn about his crush on Dan before when it was worse, and he couldn’t do anything about how frustrating it was. But with time, he grew to like the close companionship they had instead and gave up on his restless pursuit. They loved each other in their own way, and that was enough for him. But hearing it put this way- it did something to him. Those wanting feelings crept up around his heart, tempted by the possibilities.
“Just don’t give up already, okay? And enjoy this week,” Martyn said vaguely.
As they suspected, Cornelia was waiting outside the lift for them.
“Took you two long enough. Phil, Dan’s already in your room down the hall.” She gestured at the room with the open door.
Phil took Dan’s and his own things (which wasn’t much for two people, Dan always packed light) from the cart and walked to their shared room.
The lights were off, and he didn’t see Dan. The entryway was small, thin, and cramped as most hotel rooms are, with the bathroom off to his left and a closet on the right. Sure enough, there was only one bed. He waddled further in, arms full and legs tripping on a suitcase. Just as he passed the corner of the bathroom wall where the rest of the room opened up, Dan popped out from the shadows, lunging towards him.
“Boo!”
Phil yelped and jumped, dropping their bags. He stumbled back into Dan’s arms, who caught and steadied him, laughing immensely.
“Terrible boy!” Phil scolded him, chuckling as well.
When Dan was finished giggling at Phil, he said, “Yeah, this place is definitely haunted.”
“I know!” he was glad they were on the same page, having not mentioned his suspicions of ghosts after his serial killer in witness protection theory got shut down in the car. They were always on the same page.
“You’re lucky I’m here to be brave for you,” Dan teased.
“As if you’re not the one with the fear of the woods.”
***
They took turns using the shower before dinner. It felt nice to wash off the layer of grime that always seems to stick to him after flights. Martyn had texted with details about some Mexican restaurant down the road, and they didn’t have any objections.
Phil was simply satisfied that it was near a liquor store so he could buy wine for their drinking plans tonight. There was a small pool and hot tub they could see from their balcony, where they agreed drunk Dan and Phil would end up in a few hours. He was on board with the idea, hoping that alcohol would relax Phil, who seemed unusually skittish after getting to their room. Perhaps it was the ghosts.
Dan left the bathroom with a towel around his waist, going to retrieve a change of clothes. Phil was watching something on TV, sitting on top of the bed's duvet, primped and dressed up for dinner. He paused for a minute and drank in the sight. One room, one bed, and one astonishingly attractive man. Phil was in a red plaid button-up that was Dan’s favorite (and he was pretty sure Phil knew that too). If only it were all his.
There was a space next to Phil on the bed, and although Dan would be ending up on the sofa at the end of the night, he couldn’t help himself. Making sure his towel was secure around his waist, he flopped onto the empty space.
Phil looked down at him, eyes wide. They’ve seen each other in only a towel more than enough, but that didn’t stop this from being a daring move. He felt Phil’s eyes drift over his mostly naked body and tried not to feel scrutinized.
“Um… are you gonna… get dressed?” Phil stammered out the question.
“Yeah. Just lazy.”
“Okay, uh, do you want to make up the pull-out bed when you’re done?” It was impressive how intensely Phil was trying to focus on Dan’s face and not the rest of him.
Dan considered it. But he was genuinely feeling lazy, and while he knew drunk him would be lazier, Dan shook his head. “How about later? We should leave soon.”
Phil nodded in agreement, and Dan got up to gather his clothes. Before he left for the bathroom, he turned back to his very much platonic best friend.
“By the way, you look gorgeous in that shirt.” He winked.
Dan wasn’t even drunk yet, and he was already very uninhibited about his flirting. This would be an interesting night.
***
The dinner was nice. It wasn’t anything special, but Phil and Dan got margaritas to begin their activities for the evening. Phil was pretty sure their accents distracted the young waitress from asking about at least Dan’s identification. The girl, who was probably around Dan’s age herself, was short and curvy with shoulder-length brown hair and a nose ring, and she particularly couldn’t stop staring at Cornelia. Everyone at the table picked up on it and teased Corn the minute the waitress had taken their orders. This was not an uncommon occurrence.
Phil could tell Martyn and Cornelia were keeping a closer eye on him and Dan than usual. When they split up earlier into their rooms, they had probably talked about him and the sleeping situation setup. But as the night went on and they got refills of their drinks by the still very enamored waitress, the couple spent more time looking at each other, and not Dan and Phil, who were also caught up in their own world.
Some mixture of no longer being on the road, good food, and alcohol made Phil feel much better than he was earlier. Dan told him about the sights he had missed while he was napping, and they agreed that the Sierra Nevada’s were much prettier than Death Valley, even if Dan enjoyed the name of the latter more. On occasion, their feet would brush up against the other’s legs under the table, but neither jerked away from the touch. And it couldn’t just be in Phil’s head that Dan was touchier than usual, talking with his hands in a way that so happened to require squeezing his bicep, rubbing his forearm, or nudging his shoulder.
After dinner, the wine was acquired, and Martyn and Cornelia left the two for their room. Dan and Phil quickly changed into swim shorts and headed down to the pool. It was dark now, and the spooky hotel vibes only intensified. There was some light coming from the road, where just beyond a highway still buzzed with traffic. But behind the inn was all foresty, and while the thicker woods were still a way off, the looming trees cast dark shadows, and the boys clung to each other as they tried to find the pool gate.
“Why did Martyn have to pick a haunted inn of all places?” Dan looked suspiciously out at the woods and back at the building.
“Our Vegas suite better make up for this.”
Our.
Phil fiddled with the latch on the gate, while Dan bounced anxiously beside him. They had hotel towels with them, and Dan carried their wine in a paper bag. He knew that having glass or alcohol on the pool deck was likely breaking the rules, but they didn’t care. No one seemed to be around to bother them about it.
The hot tub and pool weren’t large, and some leaves floated around on the surface of the sparkling turquoise water. They put their towels down on the white plastic loungers and stripped off their shirts.
“Hot tub first?” Phil asked as if he didn’t already know Dan’s answer.
“Obviously.”
“I call bubble control!”
Dan laughed. “Wouldn’t have it any other way.”
They submerged themselves slowly in the steamy water. The hot tub was square, one side with steps and a railing. They sat opposite each other, Phil, of course, taking the side with the jacuzzi controls that he turned on immediately.
Dan sighed as the bubbles turned on, and he let his head fall back against the deck, sinking further in. Phil stared at the extension of his neck, the jut of his jaw, and the way the water lapped at his collar bones. With the haze of the steamy water and filtered yellow lighting, the image was something out of a dream. And not the kind of dream he’d share with someone.
“This feels amazing after all those hours on the plane,” Dan said.
“Don’t go falling asleep on me.” Phil nudged him with his foot.
“I don’t even know what time is anymore, let alone when I should sleep.” He tilted his head back up to look at Phil. “Let’s get started on that wine, shall we?”
The two passed the bottle back and forth, and the brown paper bag hiding its contents quickly got soggy, but they didn’t care. They didn’t finish the whole bottle, but just enough for the lights to get brighter, their smiles wider, their laughs louder. Tomorrow they would be driving through Yosemite, and they didn’t want awful hangovers to ruin that.
Dan and Phil chatted idly about nothing in particular, making plans for what they’d do at the house on the island, and more importantly, in Vegas. Phil brought up a strip club, but Dan made a face at the suggestion and said he would rather spend all his time with Phil in their hotel than go to a strip club. Phil was shocked by the sincerity of the statement, which wasn’t usually Dan’s style.
“You’re so sweet,” he told Dan.
“Pfft, no.”
Phil rolled his eyes endearingly. Dan could never take a compliment, and he was expecting a self-deprecating joke to follow.
“I’m sexy,” Dan said in a failed attempt at sounding hot. He tried to make finger guns at Phil, but his altered depth perception threw him off, and his hands splashed at the water instead.
Phil giggled- the kind where his tongue peeks out between his teeth- and Dan facepalmed. Once the laughter subsided, the silence felt awkward. They were well accustomed to comfortable quiet, but this moment was significantly uncomfortable.
“It’s getting too hot in here, do you wanna get in the pool now?” Phil changed the subject.
***
Dan nodded and followed Phil out of the pool. He noticed that Phil was obviously trying to change the tone of the conversation, and it had him second-guessing the entire day. There had seemed to be something there, some kind of mutual understanding that here in America, the rules they played by at home were void. Everything was on the table- the years of lingering looks, questionably friendly affection, and those deathly standoffs of pent up sexual tension.
But was it? Or was Dan’s desperate flirting only making Phil uncomfortable? It would not be unlike him to fuck up everything with misguided intentions.
Dan went to the lounge chair to check his phone, and he watched Phil walk over to the edge of the pool, lingering somewhere between the light end and deep end. He dipped his toe in, balancing precariously on the wet stone patio, and tested the water. Phil’s foot jerked back instinctively, and he looked over to Dan.
“It’s really cold, I don’t think I’m gonna get in all the way.”
He was probably right. It was 10:30 at night in the middle of the woods, and it wasn’t a heated pool. But as Dan looked at the sparkling blue water, he couldn’t be stopped.
At a full sprint from the far side of the deck, Dan jumped in.
He plunged into freezing water. His poor muscles tensed and jumped, squeezing the breath from his lungs with shock. He opened his eyes to see fizzy bubbles floating up around him, and Dan looked up and followed them to the surface.
The breath of fresh air felt glorious, and he blinked the chlorine from his stinging eyes and acclimated again to his surroundings. Phil was sitting on the edge, water up to just below his knees, and was smiling wide.
“Are you insane?!”
“Sometimes, you just have to jump off the deep end!” It always felt amazing to get a smile like that from Phil.
Dan lazily swam over, right up to the space between Phil’s slightly spread legs. He braced his hands on the man’s knees to hold himself up in the water. It wasn’t lost on either of them that Dan was facing directly at Phil’s crotch, arousal swimming with him, but it was when he looked up at Phil’s face that Dan struggled to breathe.
Phil was beautiful. The shimmering light from the water reflected onto Phil’s pale skin, dancing with the shadows of the night, practically making him glow. Dan always thought Phil was beautiful, but tonight it really struck him how much he wanted Phil. His roommate, best friend, companion. Dan wanted more than that. He wanted everything with this beautiful man.
Instead of saying that, he repressed it like they had been doing for years.
“Are you going to get in?” Dan asked in a shaky voice.
Phil looked down at him with those blue eyes, thoughts clearly somewhere else, and solemnly shook his head.
“It’s too cold.” It was practically a whisper.
“Come in with me, please. It’s not that bad.” The chatter of his teeth betrayed him.
Phil pushed a strand of Dan’s fringe that was starting to curl off his forehead and smiled. He didn’t say anything and kept looking at him with a wistful, closed-lip smile.
It was frustrating how Phil rarely let go and just did. And Dan was done with it.
Dan reached up and pulled him off the edge.
Phil belly-flopped forward, and a second later bobbed up from under the water, spluttering and gasping.
It was hilarious until Dan saw the look of pure (loving) retaliation in Phil’s eyes.
“I hate you!” Phil shouted with an evil smile and lunged forward.
Dan tried to swim away, the two splashing around and yelping as Phil chased him and eventually backed him into the opposite corner. Phil’s arms bracketed him in, and Dan used his toes to balance on the slope of the wall. They were pressed against each other, both breathing heavily, water dripping from their hair.
“I got you,” Phil smirked. He looked over Dan like prey, and it was dizzying how much he loved it.
Dan’s gaze fell to Phil’s wet and shiny lips. “What are you going to do with me?” He whispered.
Phil pushed up even closer, chest to chest, and he could feel Phil’s warm breath against his face.
It was going to happen. All Dan had ever wanted. He steadied himself desperately, agonizingly waiting for the gap between their lips to close.
There was squeaky sliding noise, and their bubble popped.
They both recognized the sound of a balcony door being slid open. Dan looked up and across at the second story of the inn, but he couldn’t see the person. If it were Martyn or Cornelia, Dan was absolutely ready to murder both of them.
His head thumped back against the deck, and he sighed deeply as Phil backed away quickly, swimming to the steps on the other end of the pool. That kiss was all he wanted.
***
Without speaking, they both dried off and gathered their things to go inside. Phil was definitely not drunk enough to deal with this, but they made the spooky walk back to their room, opting for the stairs to avoid an awkward lift ride. Dan muttered that Phil could have the bathroom first, so Phil changed into his pajamas and brushed his teeth, the haze of the night rapidly wearing off.
He was so close to kissing Dan. It was right there, and he didn’t do it. Now he wasn’t sure if he ever would. Doubt gnawed at the corners of his mind as he annoyingly overthought the pros and cons of doing something so drastic to change their relationship. Worst yet, there was a sinking fear that he could lose Dan that settled deep within his heart.
Now he was just tired. Phil stumbled out of the bathroom, bleary, and desperate to turn out all the obnoxiously bright lights and fall into bed. He had two glasses of water, as he could feel the waning of his drunkenness, and he really didn’t want a hangover in the morning and knew Dan wouldn’t either.
But Phil wasn’t quite sure how sober Dan was feeling. He was sprawled on his knees in front of the sofa, where one cushion was tossed to the side and the other only half off, revealing the folded-up bed beneath. It seemed like Dan was attempting to pull it out, but not doing a very good job of it.
“Uh, do you need help?”
Dan groaned. “Phil, this is impossible.”
Phil set their glasses down and went over to help. He bent approached the bed’s handle at the appropriate angle, unlike Dan, who was literally on the floor, but severely misjudged his strength and soberness. The mattress lifted a little, but not until Phil lost his balance and stumbled back into the bed.
Dan whined tiredly, and Phil sighed. The flimsy mattress wouldn’t even have sheets on it, and Phil had no idea where the extra sheets were.
“Just sleep with me.” He offered impulsively.
Dan turned and looked up at Phil with wide eyes, mouth opening and closing like a fish.
“Not like- shit. I just meant to share the bed. It’s big enough.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah. We’ve got a lot of time in the car tomorrow. We were on a plane forever. We’re tired. The sofa bed isn’t worth it.” Phil rationalized.
“Um, okay.” Dan seemed unsure, but he unplugged his phone from beside the sofa and moved over to the other side of the bed.
Phil offered him his glass of water, and they settled in. They pulled the duvet back and crawled under it together, the normal acts of going to sleep suddenly heightened. It had been a long time since they’ve shared a bed. Not with their own nice, individual bedrooms in their London flat. It was common when they first met, when they ached to be beside each other with every moment they had, when their touches were riskier, reckless with the excitement of younger years and an unnamed budding relationship.
How did they ever end up here?
Phil turned off his bedside lamp first, and Dan followed after he set the alarm for only slightly later than Martyn instructed.
It was dark, the only light filtering in from the moon and the glow of their charging electronics. They were close enough that Phil could still make out the facial features of Dan, who was facing him.
The silence between them wasn’t awkward, but it wasn’t comfortable either. It was dangerous. So much potential hung in the air, but also so much risk and fear.
There was a question eating away at him and now felt like the only time he could say it.
“Did you want me to kiss you in the pool?”
“Yes,” Dan breathed softly in response.
Phil’s heart jerked. He knew the answer was obvious, but hearing it confirmed was different.
“Why?”
“Why?” Dan copied, incredulous. “Oh my god, it’s all I’ve ever wanted you to do.”
Every emotion possible jumbled up in Phil. His heart was beating faster, breaths shallow, stomach clenched. It was all he ever wanted to do too. Phil wanted to kiss Dan when they would spend hours on skype, and when they first saw each other on that busy train platform. Phil wanted to kiss Dan when they were at the top of the Manchester Eye, when they sat in the snow outside the abandoned hospital, and when Dan showed up at his house with a suitcase of laundry. Phil wanted to kiss Dan on the balcony of their first flat, when they moved to London with no furniture, when they bickered over random socks and open cabinets, and when Dan looked at him like he was now.
But he didn’t. He was afraid. Always toeing the line between wanting more and staying safe, and never letting in, because it was too scary.
Instead, Dan leaned forward and made the leap for him.
The feeling of their lips together was a shock to his system. Phil didn’t move much at first, as he adjusted to the pressure and give of Dan’s lips against his, but it was incredible. His stomach flipped with the recognition that he was kissing Dan.
Quickly they grabbed at each other, closing the gap between their bodies, deepening the kiss. Dan held Phil’s face and tilted his angle to something that suited them both better. Phil grasped at the fabric of Dan’s shirt, anxious to feel how his skin jumped when he ran a hand over somewhere Dan liked.
When Phil’s fingers tickled at the nape of Dan’s neck, he gasped, and they separated, panting for air.
Their eyes met, and wide, happy smiles spread across both their faces. This was right.
***
When they woke up in the morning, limbs entangled, new adventures on the sunrise’s horizon, they felt more complete than they had in four years. It was warm, familiar, and a whole new definition of home. They wondered why they hadn’t been doing this since 2009.
They were exactly where they wanted to be. Together and happy.