Chapter Text
John Bates was quietly talking with Mr. Carson of nothing in particular, just small talks. Both men had finished their duties for the moment, and Carson was sitting in his pantry, checking some books. "Today is really a nice day, isn't it, Mr. Bates?"
"Yes, definitely, Mr. Carson. I'll see if Anna wants to take a short stroll before dinner, when..." Suddenly, Anna burst into the pantry, grabbing the telephone from Carson's desk, without asking for permission. "Anna!" said Mr. Bates, echoed by Carson himself. "Anna, what..." But Anna was already speaking. "Dr. Clarkson, please!" The urgency in her voice stopped the two men from asking more, and Carson and Bates exchanged a puzzled look. "Dr. Clarkson! It's Anna, from the Abbey! You need to come! Please! Thomas... Mr. Barrow cut his wrists! He's dying! Please!" Anna slammed down the telephone, "I'm sorry, Mr. Carson, I didn't have time..." The woman put a hand to her mouth, clearly very upset. "Anna..." said Bates, very quietly, taking her hands. "Come with me, please!" answered Anna, watching her husband and Carson. Then, without waiting, she started walking quickly towards the stairs, almost running. Both men followed her.
Bates was shocked. Was it true? Anna looked terrified. How bad it was? He didn't say anything to Carson while they were following Anna through the hallway, but he could see that the butler was pale and shocked. How could that happen? Barrow was always so confident, so... smug. How could he...? Carson entered first in Thomas' room, and he stopped so abruptly that Bates almost slammed into him. Peeking from behind him, Bates understood why. Thomas was lying on the bed, soaked with water. Bates had never seen anyone so pale: maybe only William, right before he died. He was naked, and was covered from the waist down with a blanket. Mrs. Hughes and Andy were trying to dry and warm him up with some towels. His left hand, usually covered by a glove, was abandoned on his chest, with the white, ugly scars clearly visible. Some blood was oozing from a makeshift bandage, pooling on Barrow's belly. The red of the blood created a sickening contrast with the whiteness of the man's wet skin.
"Where is the doctor?" asked Mrs. Hughes, speaking at the same time as Ms Baxter, who was tying some piece of fabric around Barrow's right wrist. "He's still bleeding! I don't know what to do!"
"Dr. Clarkson is coming now", said Anna, before stifling a sob. Bates regained his confidence. "Anna, go wait for the doctor at the door, so you can bring him right here". It was imperative to give her something to do, something to keep her away from the sight of blood and death.
Then, he followed Carson as he entered the room. Both men got a towel, and started quietly drying Thomas, hoping that it would help him. Nobody spoke for a while. Luckily, after what looked like a year, they heard the noise of people walking in the narrow hallway; and before anyone could speak, Dr. Clarkson entered the room, with his suitcase in one hand, followed by Anna.
"Let's see..." he said, taking both of Thomas' hands and examining his wrists. "Whoever bandaged them did a great job. It contributed to stop the blood loss. Now I'll have to take them off".
The doctor proceeded to cut the bandages with a pair of scissors, while ordering the others to wait outside. "If Ms Baxter could stay, that would be enough. I will call you if I need more help".
All of them, minus Ms. Baxter, left the room closing the door, and remained silent in the hallway, without even exchanging a glance.
Bates looked at his wife. Anna was clearly in pain. She was suffering for Thomas, who probably didn't even deserve her sympathy. Of course, he didn't want him to die, but... he couldn't deny that the under butler didn't really make any effort in order to be loved by the others. And yet, Anna was almost in tears. Bates took her hand, and she laid her head on his shoulder.
After what looked like a month, Dr. Clarkson came out of the room, followed by Ms. Baxter. He was wiping his hands with a towel, and his white scrubs was stained with blood. Everyone looked at him."Well.. our Thomas is lucky, I would say. The fact that you found him probably saved his life".
"Is he going to make it?" Asked Carson.
"I am fairly confident that he will, yes. At the same time, we need to be sure he doesn't get any infections. But he lost a lot of blood, and he is going to be very weak for a while. He needs rest, water and food. I can't be sure of when he will be able to get up, it depends. I will come see him twice a day, the bandages have to be changed often".
"Doctor... do you think... he will try it again?" I was Anna speaking, this time. The doctor stayed silent for a few moments. "I am afraid I can't answer that. It depends on a lot of reasons, that are known probably only to Thomas himself. I saw different... cases like this one, and it happens sometimes that... the patient is so desperate to be very determined to end his or her life. I can't know if this is Mr. Barrow's case. Maybe you know more about it. Do you know if recently something bad happened to him, for example?"
"He was about to lose his job here at the Abbey, Dr. Clarkson", answered Mrs. Hughes.
"I see. Well, this is possibly something that may have prompted him to do such a thing. Especially if we think about his other... problems". Clarkson looked at Ms. Baxter, who lowered her eyes.
"What? What are you talking about?" asked Anna, looking alternatively Ms. Baxter and Dr. Clarkson.
"Thomas had other... predicament, as well", answered Ms. Baxter.
"If you are talking about his... preferences, we already know about that", said Bates.
"No... I know that you know, he told me that..." Ms. Baxter sighed, clearly in conflict. "Well, I don't want to reveal his secrets, but if we need to help him, you all need to know. But please, don't tell anyone".
"Of course not," said Carson, while Mrs. Hughes nodded.
"Well, he... do you remember when he left for London? His father wasn't sick. He went to try some... conversion therapy, I guess they are called".
"What?" said Bates. "But those things..."
"Don't work, I know", finished the sentence Ms. Baxter. "But he tried it anyway. He did the... shock therapy... and some shots that almost killed him".
Anna drew some breath. Everyone was speechless. Even Carson looked almost disgusted. "I... didn't know about this, of course", said the butler at the end. "If I had known, I wouldn't have allowed him to go".
"It's not your fault, Mr. Carson", said quickly Ms Baxter.
"I would say that is clear at this point that Mr. Barrow has some unresolved issues..." said Dr. Clarkson. "And the possibility of losing his job was the final straw for him".
"What can we do to help him?" said Andy, speaking or the first time. He was clearly shocked and very, very pale.
Dr. Clarkson raised his eyebrows. "I certainly don't want to meddle in the Abbey affairs, but... Mr. Carson, do you think it would be possible to preserve Mr. Barrow's job, at least for a while?"
"I am sure it is, Dr. Clarkson," answered promptly the butler. "I will speak to His Lordship myself".
"Thanks, Mr. Carson. I am sure this would do a great deal. At least it can give Mr. Barrow some hope. The hope that now he clearly doesn't feel he has".
Next to Bates, Anna started crying quietly. Bates knew why. She understood how someone could feel like they didn't have a hope in the world, and she wouldn't wish this feeling to anyone."I'm sorry, but now I really need to go see other patients", says Dr. Clarkson. "I will come back tonight, after dinner. Please, try to convince him to eat. Meat, preferably. And telephone me if you think there is something wrong. Thomas will probably sleep for hours".
Mrs. Hughes left to accompany the doctor to the door, while Mr. Carson looked at his pocket watch. "It's almost time to serve the tea. I will give His Lordship the news. It's probably better if someone stays with Barrow for a while... we don't want him to wake up and... try something else".
"I will watch him for a while", answered Ms. Baxter.
"Good. Anna, Andy and Mr. Bates, please, for now let's not tell anyone downstairs. Let's say that Thomas is in bed with the flu. Then we'll see".
Everybody nodded.