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People often tell Yohan just how lucky he is to have Seungyoun as his roommate. Which Yohan gets, because Seungyoun is a pretty chill guy. He's easy-going and good-natured and he does the dishes when Yohan asks him.
It's just that a little more that Yohan's comfortable with does he get a text that someone's sleeping over. He has places to stay (his best friend Hangyul is often glad he stays over because his roommate is with his girlfriend most days anyway), it’s just annoying, because often he's forgotten one thing or another at the apartment, because that’s just how he is.
And then he lays on Hangyul’s couch until his phone dies and he has to stare at the ceiling (because of course he always forgets his charger) or until he falls asleep.
It's after one of the nights that his phone dies and he stares at the ceiling on a hard ass couch that he can't hold his tongue anymore. No matter how non-confrontational he may be.
He goes home that morning and passes a dishevelled looking girl in the hallway.
Despite being pissed as all heck he still manages a small smile her way. She reddens and all but runs out of the corridor.
When he opens the door Seungyoun's laying on the couch with a dopey grin on his face.
"Aww Yohan, you're home! You just missed Hyunji! Listen man, I'm sorry I kicked you out again last night-"
Yohan smiles stiffly. "Yeah, that's actually what I've been meaning to talk to you about. You have got to stop bringing people over so much, dude. Seriously. I can’t afford to miss my laptop that much anymore.”
Seungyoun’s face falls and Yohan immediately feels a stab of guilt. He knows from experience that Seungyoun is a sensitive person. He’s nicknamed Seungyoun ‘crybaby’ for a reason. His lip juts out and Yohan's got to stay strong, he tells himself as he represses the urge to ruffle the older boy’s hair. This can’t go on like this.
“Oh God, I’ve really been the worst roommate ever, I’m so sorry, Yohan”, Seungyoun says sadly and Yohan…has to be strong.
“I won’t ever do it again, okay?”, Seungyoun says meekly as he looks up at Yohan with big eyes. He grabs Yohan’s hand, small fingers squeezing softly. “Do you forgive me?”
And the resolve Yohan has left crumbles as he squeezes back and nods, putting his hand on Seungyoun’s cheek, because he literally looks like a kicked puppy. “Yeah. I forgive you. Just…stop bringing so many people over, okay?”
And Seungyoun relaxes, leans into his touch and nods with a strange look into his eyes. “Alright, I’ll stop bringing people over.”
And Yohan assumes that’s the last of it.
He’s incredibly wrong.
Seungyoun, to his credit, does stop bringing people over. It’s just that he starts acting…weird. Yohan can’t put his finger on it. Seungyoun’s always been affectionate. It’s just that after their agreement he’s like ten times more clingy, if that’s even possible.
At first he assumes it’s because he feels sorry, but then a week’s passed and Seungyoun’s still at it.
“Okay, what is going on with you?”, Yohan asks when Seungyoun’s lounging on Yohan’s bed for no apparent reason other than to be in Yohan’s close proximity.
“Isn’t it obvious?”, Seungyoun asks, not looking up from his phone.
“No, it really really isn’t”, Yohan deadpans as he types in another sentence into an assignment. He’s been bullshitting for the past half our and he’s running out of ways to say the same things just worded differently.
“I want you to kiss me”, Seungyoun says and for a second Yohan’s sure he’s talking to someone else. That he’s actually been facetiming someone the entire time, but his perplexed gaze finds that nope, Seungyoun is just scrolling through twitter.
“What?”, he strangles out and Seungyoun finally looks up. There’s no sign of amusement in his gaze.
“I”, he points to himself with his phone and nearly drops it onto his face. Yohan would have laughed if he wasn’t so busy panicking. “want you”, he points at Yohan. “to make out with me.”
He says it as if it’s nothing.
Suddenly Yohan’s way too hot. He kinda wants to take off his sweater, but he can’t seem to make himself move a muscle. Too busy staring at Seungyoun like a deer caught in headlights. The older boy sits up when Yohan hasn’t said anything after ten seconds, a worried frown now marring his face.
“You okay?”, he asks.
“But we’re not gay”, Yohan finally manages. He’s never seen a guy leave Seungyoun’s room and Yohan himself has also only ever been with girls.
“There’s other things than being gay and being straight, Yohan. You can’t tell me you’ve never thought about being with a guy?”, Seungyoun asks gently. And Yohan…can’t say anything to that. Of course he’s thought about it. But thinking about it is one thing. Actually acting on it is something completely else. Something Yohan never even dared to entertain the thought of.
“I’ve been thinking about it for a while and I mean…I really want to try…and if I’m doing it I want it to be with someone I trust completely”, for a second Yohan forgets to be nervous as he hears the sincerity in Seungyoun’s voice. “And who trusts me completely. You do, don’t you?”
Yohan does trust Seungyoun. He can be a little loud …who’s he kidding, he’s loud as hell and can be obnoxious at times, but he’s also sensitive and he listens well to Yohan. He’s the one the younger goes to when he’s got troubles. Yohan realizes with a starts that somewhere along these two years they’ve lived together Seungyoun went from loud roommate to good friend without him even realizing it.
“Yohan?”, Seungyoun asks and Yohan realizes he’s been quiet for too long. He suddenly notices that Seungyoun’s hands are trembling and that he’s pressing his lips so tightly together they’re turning white.
“Y’know what, forget it. I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable. I thought…but clearly I was wrong”, Seungyoun starts, sounding mildly hysterical as he gets up. Yohan grabs his wrist to stop him without thinking.
“No, wait! Just…I’m gathering my thoughts”, Yohan says and Seungyoun sits back down
“You’re right, I have been thinking about it. But if you”, he corrects himself. “If we want to do this, we’ve got to set some things straight first.”
Seungyoun looks at him expectantly and Yohan feels ridiculous for even saying what he’s about to say next, but he needs to be sure.
“Are you in love with me?”, he asks and Seungyoun immediately groans, all his previous panic gone and there’s the Seungyoun Yohan knows and loves. Platonically, of course.
“I should’ve known you were going to ask that”, he complains, flopping back down onto the bed and Yohan reddens.
“I need to be sure!”, he protest and Seungyoun sighs, rolls his eyes for good measure before looking into his eyes and slowly saying.
“No Yohan, I am not in love with you”, then he grins. “So what’s your second condition, sir?”
“We don’t go beyond second base”, he says seriously.
Seungyoun nods. “Done.”
That was…surprisingly easy. He’s almost offended.
“Is that all?”, Seungyoun asks and Yohan nods numbly. Seungyoun smiles, sitting up and beckoning Yohan closer. “You want to kiss me now?”
Yohan swallows dryly. His first kiss with a dude and it’s gonna be with Cho Seungyoun. He supposes there could be worse things. Seungyoun is objectively a very attractive guy. He’s tall and lean. He’s got good features. He guesses.
That’s all going through his head as he saves his document and puts his laptop aside. Then they’re facing each other and someone has to lean in.
Seungyoun is the first to move, cupping Yohan’s face and slowly leaning forward. Yohan's heart is beating in his throat.
"Are you sure you're okay with this?", Seungyoun asks and Yohan answers by closing the distance between them.
The kiss almost reminds Yohan of his own first one. Slow and careful. Seungyoun isn't insistent, doesn’t take and take until Yohan’s breathless. He lets Yohan take the lead. Lets him pace their kiss. It's...really fucking good.
Seungyoun isn't soft beneath him, but Yohan finds that his harder edges are just as pleasant to touch.
Eventually it's Yohan who pokes his tongue against Seungyoun's mouth. The older boy happily obliges. The explore each other’s mouth slowly, but purposefully. It riles Yohan up. That's for sure.
It's only when Seungyoun lets out a whimper and grabs his inner thigh and Yohan is about to do something stupid like pull Seungyoun into his lap to get some friction that he pulls away.
Seungyoun's lips are swollen and spit-slick and he looks dazed. Yohan's sure that he must look about the same.
"I am so not straight, wow", Seungyoun giggles and Yohan can only nod. Seungyoun beams and he's about the prettiest thing Yohan's ever seen in his life. "Thanks Yohan."
So now they've kissed. It's chill.
Except it's really not, because now all Yohan wants to do is do it again, he just doesn't want to make it awkward by bringing it up. He had no idea he was this sexually frustrated. Hearing the little noises Seungyoun made seemed to have been the trigger.
(“No further than second base…” He wishes he could throttle his past self.)
They don’t kiss again for a while. Even though they seem to grow closer everyday, walking to campus together (even when one of them only has a lecture half an hour later) eating lunch together, cooking together in the evenings. They’re almost grossly domestic, Yohan thinks as Seungyoun hands him the fork Yohan asked him for, before going back to cutting the meat while humming.
"You want to watch a movie with me?", Seungyoun ask that same night.
"Yeah sure", Yohan says and Seungyoun pats the space next to him on the couch. When Yohan joins him he throws the blanket that's covering him over Yohan as well.
He puts his head on Yohan's shoulder and snuggles closer, letting out a satisfied sigh. Yohan's used to this. He's used to this, he certainly doesn't want to put his arm around Seungyoun and pull him even closer.
"What movie did you pick?", Yohan asks as he watched two young brothers talk on the screen.
"It", Seungyoun says.
"Isn't that that horror movie about that clown?", Yohan asks loudly.
"What? You scared?", Seungyoun immediately taunts.
"You know I can't handle horror movies", Yohan scowls.
"Don't worry, if a killer clown ever comes to get you I'll protect you", Seungyoun says.
"Yeah, maybe he'll think you're one of his kind and then I'll run as you distract him", Yohan says, but he has to resist the urge to put his hands in front of his face as the youngest brother descends into the dark basement.
"Wow, you are so mean to me, nevermind. If a killer clown ever comes to eat you I'll tell him to enjoy his meal", Seungyoun mutters petulantly.
"I'm sure I taste good, though", Yohan says.
"Like spicy pork, I'm sure", Seungyoun says.
"You calling me a pig?", Yohan retaliates.
"You have to admit, your thighs are pretty thicc", Seungyoun says, squeezing them. Yohan snorts.
"Thanks, big ass."
They bicker like that for a while and it helps Yohan through some of the more gory scenes, but then the movie sucks them both in and they stay quiet. Somewhere along the way Seungyoun moves away from his shoulder.
Until the point where the loser's club start fighting and breaking up and Seungyoun sniffles.
Yohan's been expecting it. His arm's been resting behind Seungyoun on the couch, so he doesn’t have to awkwardly manoeuvre it behind the older boy and can instead just move it down.
"I cat believe this is happening", Seungyoun says thickly, wet eyes glued to the screen. "They have to stick together to defeat It!"
Yohan smiles softly and pulls the emotional older boy a little closer. "I'm sure they'll get back together, hyung."
"They better!", Seungyoun says, moving back to his original spot on Yohan’s shoulder. He's actually so endearing, it's unreal how Yohan never noticed before.
In the end they do end up defeating It and Seungyoun looks at him expectantly.
"So? What'd you think?"
"I liked it. It wasn't that scary", Yohan says, finally pulling his arm off of Seungyoun's shoulder.
"Nice! So you wanna go see the second movie with me this weekend?", Seungyoun asks.
"The second movie? Isn't Pennywise dead? What more can they show?", Yohan asks amusedly.
Seungyoun waggles his eyebrows. "I’m not telling…so you wanna go?"
"Yeah, sure. It's a date", Yohan says without thinking and Seungyoun's expression shifts. He's not smiling anymore.
"Like...a friend date...is what I meant to say, obviously. I mean, of course. What else could I have meant? Did you think I meant something else?", Yohan babbles.
"Yohan", Seungyoun murmurs. Yohan's mouth goes slack. "Shut up."
And then he's pounced on Yohan, capturing his lips in a hungry kiss.
Yohan imagines he can still taste the salt of his tears, it's gone quick, though. With how Seungyoun's licking into his mouth. His hand is on Yohan's hip, pulling his closer, until they're completely presses together.
"I do like your thighs", Seungyoun breathes against his lips and Yohan lets out a breathy whine when Seungyoun moves and squeezes his inner thigh, entirely too close to his dick.
Two can play that game. With a confidence he's sure he only posses in this electronic atmosphere he grabs Seungyoun and pulls him half on top of him. Seungyoun looks like he's into it, though. His mouth's opened in both shock and pleasure when Yohan grabs his ass, squeezing harshly.
"I like your ass, too", he says and the older boy’s ears redden.
"I thought you only wanted to go to second base", Seungyoun gasps and Yohan wonders why he's saying that, but then he realizes that the older boy is currently practically sitting in Yohan's lap while Yohan's literally squeezing his butt.
Had someone told Yohan two weeks ago that this was how their relationship would progress he'd have laughed in their face.
He wants to just say fuck it and just go for it, but somehow the thought of actually having sex with Seungyoun makes it all seem too real. Like, if they do they won’t be able to go back. His hands move to Seungyoun's hips.
"I meant it", he says and Seungyoun pouts, but doesn’t protest. "You still want to make out, though?"
Seungyoun grins. "You realize who you're talking to, right?"
Their friend date is fun, though Yohan spends the entire second half of the movie comforting Seungyoun, whilst secretly also wiping a couple of tears away himself.
"They could've been happy", Seungyoun sniffles as they're leaving the theater. Yohan nods in agreement for the third time.
"I love how we went to watch a movie about a killer clown and you just cried because of an ill-fated romance the entire time", Yohan snorts, grabbing Seungyoun's hand without much thought.
"R+E forever", the older boy says wetly, squeezing Yohan's hand.
"You are such a dork. Remind me how you got so much game again?", Yohan asks amusedly
“Because I'm beautiful?", Seungyoun offers, cupping his face in his other hand. Their joined hands sway between them and it feels like the most natural thing he’s ever done. Yohan's always has trouble with physical affection. Couldn’t even hug a friend without feeling uncomfortable with the closeness.
It was like that at first with Seungyoun, too. His clinginess was a constant source of discomfort for Yohan. But then he grew used to it. Knew Seungyoun was as harmless as a fly.
Yohan looks at Seungyoun. Actually looks at him. His eyes are red and swollen, but despite that they’re still slanted just right. He's got long lashes. A pointy nose and lips that aren’t too thick and not too thin either. He’s not handsome in that typical masculine way. He's prettier than that.
"You are", Yohan utters and Seungyoun’s grip on his hand tightens.
More obvious than that he truly could not have been. Yohan kinda wants to die.
"I haven't been hooking up with anyone lately, though", Seungyoun says quietly and Yohan is fully aware of that. The older boy looks back at him with a sweet smile. "I wonder why?"
And Yohan's heart skips a beat and he feels his cheeks heat up. Giddiness runs through him before realisation hits him.
He pulls his hand out of Seungyoun’s.
The older boy’s face falls and Yohan has to repress the urge to pull him close, tell him he fucking likes him so much.
Because he does. He likes Seungyoun so much. Of fucking course he does.
He’s so stupid. This is supposed to be just a small thing. An explore your sexuality thing. With a friend you trust.
Seungyoun told him he trusts Yohan. And Yohan just up and threw it all back in his face by making it more than it was ever supposed to be.
"Oh God", he mutters.
Seungyoun's gone kinda pale. The hand he held Yohan's with is fisted into a first. "I mean...it's not...its' s not what you think. I thought...I mean, let's just talk about something else? Yohan, please?"
Something else. Yeah, Yohan can do that, it'd just that his voice doesn't seem to want to come out. The panic and hurt is apparent on Seungyoun’s face and for a second Yohan wonders if he might feel the same.
But then he abandons that thought. There's no way. He said himself that he wasn’t in love with Yohan. Was very adamant about it too. He remembers the eyeroll and his annoyed expression.
In the end they both stay silent on their way home.
The next couple of days are tense to say the least. Seungyoun seems to be walking around with a permanent frown and he looks he hasn’t slept for days.
Not that Yohan sees him a lot, he throws himself into school work and taekwondo practice, spending more time at the practice room the next five days than he has the past half year.
"What's up between you and Seungyoun?", Hangyul asks him on the fifth day when Yohan’s decided he can’t stand the atmosphere at the apartment anymore and is crashing at his.
Yohan's heart swells at the mention of his name. "Nothing", he lies.
"Right, because you're both avoiding each other just for the fun of it", Hangyul says with a small eye roll.
"We are not avoiding each other", Yohan lies as he lays a blanket out over the couch.
"Yohan", Hangyul says and he kinda sounds like a dad like that, talking to his revelling son who probably doesn’t want to go to baseball practice anymore. "Tell me."
When did I become the rebellious son, Yohan wonders. He’s always been such a good kid.
He decides he doesn't like this. Talking about feelings he hasn’t properly accepted himself with Hangyul.
"Y'know what, nevermind. Thanks for offering to let me crash, dude. But I think I'm going home to my roommate, who I have no issues with, by the way", he says, picking up his bag.
"Seriously?", Hangyul deadpans. Yohan smiles sweetly before walking to the door. "At least clean up your mess!"
Yohan waves and is out.
He heads straight to the nearest night club, gets drunk as hell as he gets lost in the music. His head spins and he kinda just wants to go home, but there’s a girl that keeps looking at him and before Yohan knows it they’re outside and he’s pressing her up against the wall of the dodgy alleyway next to the club.
She moans and he can feel her breasts pressing against his chest as they make out and Yohan….thinks about Seungyoun. How he’d felt underneath his hands. The sound of his little exhales.
He stumbles away from the girl.
“So your place or mine?”, she asks with plump, wet lips and Yohan shakes his head, ignoring her offended expression as he leaves.
Seungyoun’s still up when he comes home. He’s wearing onesies he’s probably way too old for but he likes wearing still and watching tv. He looks up to look at Yohan, expression guarded. “I thought you said you were going to sleep at Hangyul’s.”
“Wanted you”, Yohan mutters and Seungyoun stares at him, before standing up and walking over to him. Yohan doesn’t back away. Doesn’t have to, because Seungyoun breezes past him.
“You’ve got a little something on your lips”, he informs him as he passes.
Yohan’s hand wipes at his mouth and he finds lipstick smeared over it. He groans. His head swims.
“Why didn’t you go with her?”, Seungyoun asks stiffly as he hands Yohan a glass of water.
Yohan chugs it down, shaking his head to clear it a little. “I told you. I wanted you.”
Seungyoun leans against the couch and he looks…sad. “You wanted me so badly you made out with someone else the moment you had an opportunity?”
For some reason Yohan’s taken aback. Had kind of expected Seungyoun to just welcome Yohan back with open arms.
“I was confused”, he slurs.
Seungyoun rubs his face and for a second Yohan thinks he's crying again, but then he lets out a deep sigh and when he takes his hands away he sees that his eyes are dry.
"Yeah well, I'm confused too, but you don't see me going out and making out with random people", Seungyoun mutters.
"I'm surprised", Yohan says, because his brain really isn't working with him right now.
Seungyoun lets out a dry laugh. His expression is tight and he kinda looks like he wants to start yelling at Yohan. "Seriously?"
"Sorry. I'm sorry, this isn't going the way I wanted it to at all", Yohan moans. He just wanted to kiss Seungyoun and forget about the fact that he's in love with the older boy. Even in his drunken mind that makes fuck all sense.
Seungyoun's expression softens slightly.
"Let's get you to bed", he says, getting up and guiding Yohan to his room.
He tucks Yohan in with a tenderness he hadn’t experienced since he left home for college. And when despite it all, he gently brushes Yohan's hair away from his sweaty forehead, Yohan closes his eyes and wishes he'd stay.
He doesn't. He leaves and Yohan can still feel the brush of his fingers until he falls asleep.
The next day when he wakes up he's blissfully unaware of what happened the day before for all of ten seconds. Then the events of the night before catch up with him all at once. He remembers the girl, the feeling of her breasts against his chest. Just how wrong it'd felt because it wasn't Seungyoun.
He remembers going home and seeing the hurt on Seungyoun's face as he said the absolute worst things at the worst times.
He groans, not just because of the headache, and buries his face in his hands.
Seungyoun is already eating breakfast when he leaves his room. He carefully positions himself in front of the other boy.
Seungyoun looks up and Yohan is once again reminded of just how tired the older boy looks.
They both speak at the same time.
"I'm sorry I-"
"I shouldn’t have-"
Seungyoun’s face breaks open in a smile and Yohan flashes one back. This he can do.
"You go first", Seungyoun says gently.
"I'm so sorry about my behavior yesterday and...the entire week to be honest", Yohan admits." But especially yesterday. I shouldn’t have said all that stuff to you. You haven't done anything wrong and I...shouldn't have taken my feelings out on you."
Seungyoun nods. "Thanks, Yohan. I really appreciate that. I just wanted to say that I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. You don't owe me anything and you", Seungyoun looks down at his untouched cereal, frowning. "...you can kiss anyone you want."
I don't want to kiss just anyone, Yohan thinks. But he doesn't say that.
Not just yet. He will, though. Seungyoun deserves an answer for the way he's been acting and Yohan is prepared for heartbreak, though he's starting to suspect he might not need to be with the way Seungyoun's acting.
"You still put me to bed, though", Yohan smiles.
"You looked like you were ready to collapse on the spot, anyone would've", Seungyoun says (Yohan greatly doubts that), before shoveling a big bite of cereal into his mouth. The he says, with his mouth full. "Oh by the way, I made you some camomile tea."
Yohan looks down to indeed find a steaming cup in font of him. He hadn’t even noticed with how nervous he was.
"Thanks...uh, not that I'm complaining, but why did you make me tea? I don’t even think we had some laying around", Yohan asks curiously as he takes a small sip.
Seungyoun swallows, hesitates before saying: "I read somewhere it helps against hangovers, so…I got up earlier to buy it."
Yeah, Yohan's ready for heartbreak, but it seems he really shouldn't be.
Yohan wonders how he should go about it. Does he ask Seungyoun out on a date. And if he does, should he be subtle about it or not?
Or does he just sweep him off his feet and kiss him full on the mouth before telling him he's in love with him, a more direct approach that's for sure.
Suddenly an image of him holding Seungyoun bridal style with a disgustingly charming grin as Seungyoun looks up at him with big eyes pops up in his head. The image is ruined when the Seungyoun in his head says "What the fuck" and pushes Yohan's face away as he tries to scramble out of his arms.
He shudders. So option one it is. Something fun like ab amusement park. Seungyoun likes those.
"Hey Youn", Yohan asks
"Hmm?" Seungyoun doesn't look up from his laptop, frowning a little at the screen.
"You want to maybe go to Lotte world with me this week?", Yohan asks and it somehow comes out sounding somewhat normal, not like he's dying with nerves. Which he is.
At this Seungyoun does look up. "Need you even ask? Yes! When do you wanna go?"
"I was thinking this Thursday...?"
He knows Seungyoun’s got a lecture that day, but it's one he regularly skips, because he thinks it’s boring and the lecturer isn’t a good teacher.
To his relief Seungyoun nods. "I'll just ask Seungwoo to send me his notes."
"Alright, awesome. We'll just take the subway at about nine, so we miss the biggest crowd."
Seungyoun smiles brightly. "Sounds like a plan to me!"
The date, as Yohan has dubbed it in his head, starts well. Seungyoun is in a good mood, skipping the entire way there.
Until Yohan pays for the both of them.
"Dude, I don't mind! It's not because it was your idea that you have to pay."
"I insist, seriously."
"But-"
"Shh."
"...Fine, but I'm paying for the snacks."
It's not busy yet, so they get to ride most rides twice the first two hour. Yohan gets kinda scared on the actual fast rides, but thankfully Seungyoun knows this and he doesn't insist when Yohan looks hesitant to ride an rollercoaster. Instead he drags Yohan to another one that's a little closer to what Yohan's stomach can handle.
"Don't you get sick?", Yohan asks when he's starting to see stars after about twelve rides, the park’s slowly filling up and at the last ride they had to wait about half an hour. The charms of amusement parks. Seungyoun just laughs.
"That's how you know it's fun!"
"Really?", Yohan asks skeptically as he envisions himself throwing up into the nearest trashbin. Not exactly his definition of fun.
"It frees the mind", Seungyoun grins and Yohan doesn’t even get to wonder about what that might mean as Seungyoun grabs his hand and pulls him over to the Ferris wheel. The only ride without a long line at this point.
"You know, I needed this", Seungyoun sighs contently as they're finally seated and making their way up. "Thank you, Yohan."
"I was thinking you did. It's been a rough couple of weeks", Yohan agrees. And suddenly he realizes how much he needed this as well. Deadlines were piling up and he…just needed to get away from it all for a little while.
"Yeah, thanks for that", Seungyoun says, but he doesn’t sound mad. He just states it as he looks out over the park.
"Hey!", the younger boy laughs weakly. "You started it."
Seungyoun's small smile takes Yohan's breath away. "I did, didn't I?"
He looks at Yohan then, Yohan realizes he hasn’t looked at the view once. "Despite it all I can’t bring myself to regret it. Isn't that weird?"
"I don't want you to", Yohan says, slightly breathless.
Seungyoun’s eyes are soft, as is his voice when he says: "I don't understand you."
"If we hadn't started this thing, I would never have realized how I really felt about you", he says and Seungyoun's face doesn't betray anything. For a second Yohan thinks he may have totally misinterpreted all the signals Seungyoun's been given him.
But then the older boy reaches out and grabs his hand.
"And how is that?"
Yohan nearly slumps in relief as he smiles broadly.
"I've told you already, haven't I?", he asks and before Seungyoun gets the chance to ask him what he means he surges forward and captures Seungyoun's lips in a kiss. It's the most genuine he's ever felt and he tries to convey all his feeling into it. He gently cradles Seungyoun's face in his hands, deepening the kiss when Seungyoun’s hands grab onto his waist.
When he breaks the kiss he puts his forehead against his. He closes his eyes and listens to Seungyoun's uneven breathing.
"I want you", he confesses, still with his eyes closed. He opens his eyes and leans away when he hears that Seungyoun's breathing's gone all wobbly and finds that the older boy's eyes are wet.
"Why are you-?", he starts worriedly, but he doesn't get the chance to complete his sentence as Seungyoun pulls him forward into a bone crushing hug and buries his face in his shoulder.
"You're such an idiot", he wails, muffled by Yohan’s sweater. "Do you know how bad you made me feel after we went to the cinema. I thought you figured out how I felt about you and hated me or something!"
Yohan pats his back, remembering the hurt and panic on his face when he pulled his hand out of his. Regret floods through him.
"That's when I realized...that I liked you. But then I remembered that you said you weren't in love with me so I thought I didn't stand a chance", he admits.
They're almost back at the bottom now and Yohan leans back and grabs Seungyoun's face between his hands, wiping the last stray tears away.
"So I'm correct when I conclude that you like me back, right?", he asks, just to be sure.
Seungyoun laughs wetly. “Yeah, you dick. That conclusion seems to be correct. What gave it away? The fact that I haven’t slept with anyone for months now or the fact that I’ve been whipped as hell for you?”
Yohan’s grinning his dumb grin, but it’s okay because Seungyoun’s smiling so hard his eyes have disappeared. “A little bit of both, to be honest.”
“And I thought I was being slick”, Seungyoun giggles, before kicking Yohan gently in the shin. Don’t go around making out with random people anymore either, please.”
He reddens. “Why would I when I’ve got a perfectly fine boyfriend right by my side?”
“A boyfriend you’ll go to third base with?”, Seungyoun asks hopefully as they exit the cart.
Yohan is so sexually frustrated it’s unreal. “We are absolutely going to third base. Forget everything I ever said before we kissed, thanks.”
Seungyoun smirks as he puts an arm around his shoulder. “You’re so romantic, Yohan.”
Yohan really isn’t, he’s awkward and doesn’t really deal with feelings well, but judging the smile marring Seungyoun's face right now he doesn’t mind one bit.