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Jiang Cheng watches the moon, a thin silver scythe trying to cut the night sky apart and yet failing to offer the light which could fight the darkness surrounding it. He smiles, bitterly, as the very similar emotion plays inside his chest, tickling his heart as if it was faintly beating. It's difficult when you want to be the bright light dissolving the night set deep in the bones of someone you strongly care for, yet you cannot even face the sun to steal a bit of power from it.
Being a vampire, sometimes, sucks.
He's never really thought about it before . Being born as a vampire, his eyes used to the dark, his skin cold and pale, and his teeth sharp, Jiang Cheng has never imagined a different kind of life. The bright blue sky atop his head, the mysterious warmth on his skin from the sunlight, the badump-badump in his chest, and so on, and so on. These are all the things he's heard of in murmurs of Lan Huan, his voice soft, a pleasant melody by Jiang Cheng's ear on most of the nights; his voice strained, full of agony hidden underneath a gentle curl of his lips on the others, when his glass of emotions gets filled to the very brim and spills out.
"It feels similar to how…" Lan Huan hums, trying to think of a good comparison as once again he is trying to explain what bathing in the sunlight feels like, "if we stay in front of the fire for a long time and our skin sort of softens with the warmth absorbed deep into it, not like when you dip a finger in the hot water, or when you drink blood and warm up from inside. It's in-between those things, and it comes from nothing, and it's fainter, more, well, pleasant than what the fire can give."
Jiang Cheng tries to understand, wonders if it's similar to the peculiar sense of what he would also call warmth settling somewhere deep inside him when he watches Lan Huan smile at him for a moment too long. He likes this feeling, while he doesn't like the odd awareness of the heat of the fire, threatening to burn too fiercely. Besides, when Lan Huan talks about sunlight, his eyes brighten up in the same way like when he whispers his confessions, dragging his lips along Jiang Cheng's fingers, and his wrist, and all the way to his neck. Thus Jiang Cheng nods, imagining that he might understand just why exactly Lan Huan misses the sun so much.
He offers his blood to Lan Huan afterwards, trying to chase the mysterious warmth, trying to make his love's eyes shine even brighter, fooling himself that his blood can replace everything Lan Huan misses from the human world.
Sometimes, it can. Sometimes Lan Huan presses his mouth to Jiang Cheng's neck, his hands getting lost in Jiang Cheng's hair as he pulls him closer, closer, closer, satisfied hums coming up his throat and joining the melody of Jiang Cheng's soft moans filling the air. His lips are painted in dark red when he pulls back, and his eyes are shining, and Jiang Cheng feels warm inside as he leans forward, catching those red lips between his, tumbling down on the bed and drowning is Lan Huan's sweet laughter. It’s wondrous, and it fills Jiang Cheng with happiness he didn’t know existed before meeting Lan Huan.
Other times, Lan Huan doesn't want it.
He closes up in the room facing the east to watch the sky lighten in the horizon, making Jiang Cheng go crazy waiting for the worst to happen. He'd broken the door the first time Lan Huan did it, striding in and drawing the heavy curtains close before the first rays of sunlight could creep into the room. He'd shouted, his voice getting hoarse from all the screaming, his hands shaking from the fear , and Lan Huan had cried, whispering in small voice stripped off any aliveness that's been bubbling in him ever since he's been turned into a vampire and found by Jiang Cheng, that he's tired of it, that he wants to watch the sun one last time and be over with it.
He's done that numerous times afterwards as well, but it has never been that bad again, even if the fear has never fully left Jiang Cheng.
"I crave it as much as I crave your blood," Lan Huan explains, getting the last glimpse of the faint grey sky with whisks of blue and hues of yellow dancing on the clouds far away. He covers the window right away and faces Jiang Cheng. "But now I know when it gets too dangerous, I know when to stop. I'm not going to leave you."
"I trust you," Jiang Cheng says. He takes a step forward, reaches out to take Lan Huan's hand, lacing their fingers together.
Lan Huan embraces him, burying his face into Jiang Cheng's hair, freshly brushed and falling down his left shoulder, smelling of lotus flowers and lake water.
He knows that Jiang Cheng wishes to be like the sun Lan Huan misses so much, he gives Lan Huan everything he can, yet still feels like he's doing too little. What he refuses to understand, though, is that he's not the sun– he's the moon in Lan Huan's life, and that it is everything Lan Huan needs.
Jiang Cheng is the moon that shows the way in the night Lan Huan was pulled into, he's the moon caressing Lan Huan's skin and softening his heart which sometimes still feels like it's beating fast, being pumped with ever-flowing blood. The full moon, bright and alluring in the night sky, one thing Lan Huan has searched for, ever since his heart has stopped beating.
"I'm sorry," Jiang Cheng says as if it's his fault Lan Huan can no longer watch the sun. His hands are clutching the robe at Lan Huan's back. Lan Huan wraps his arms tighter around him. He never wants to let go.
"There's one thing I am glad about having my heart stopped beating," he whispers. "And it is meeting you. So do not apologize for anything, Jiang Cheng. For I would choose you over the sun at any moment." He brushes his lips against Jiang Cheng's neck as he slowly pulls away until their eyes meet.
"The sun would kill me," Lan Huan says, taking Jiang Cheng's face between his hands, watching the mysterious brightness shine in his eyes and cut through the darkness surrounding them both. "And you," he continues, his voice full of love he feels for the man in front of him, “ you make me feel alive."
Jiang Cheng's eyes widen.
They look like twin moons in the night sky, mirroring the sunlight Lan Huan still feels lingering in himself. He smiles, and he is sure, they'll lead his way.