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Magnus stepped out onto the Institute’s roof, easily spotting his husband, hunched over with his arms resting on the ledge and his head bowed. He wondered how many times Alec had sought solace up here instead of coming home.
“Alexander.” He watched as Alec straightened up and ran his hand across his face. And if that wasn’t evidence enough, the ragged “yeah” he got in reply gave away his husband’s emotional state.
Magnus walked up alongside him, keeping a foot or two between them. He didn’t want to make Alec feel pressured or exposed so he mirrored his pose and looked out over the city. “Are you all right?”
“I’m good. Sorry about dinner. I texted.”
“I know. Jace called me.”
“Oh.”
Oh. Magnus waited to see if Alec would say anything else. He didn’t, and Magnus could feel his frustration start to grow. Something was clearly wrong, and they couldn’t resolve it if Alec wouldn’t talk to him.
“Alexander, please talk to me,” he pleaded, turning to face Alec. In the dim moonlight, he could see the moisture on his cheeks.
“What do you want me to say?”
“You can start with why you’re up here instead of coming home. Or maybe why your parabatai was the one who had to call me.” He didn’t mean to sound accusatory, but he was hurting as well. Alec had been pulling away, and he could feel the pain of their rift.
Alec shook his head and still wouldn’t look at him.
“Alexander.”
“I can’t talk to you, not about this,” Alec snapped. “All we do is argue when I come home.”
He could see that Alec was upset, but he hadn’t been expecting that outburst. And yes, they had been arguing quite a bit recently. Magnus had never been a fan of Clave politics, and that wasn’t likely to change even though he now shared the Lightwood name. “Alexander, I have a long history with the Clave that didn’t just disappear when we got married. I’m bound to have differing opinions when you mention work.”
“I know, Magnus, and I’m doing the best I can. The Clave isn’t going to change overnight. It’s hard enough dealing with them. I can’t come home and fight with you, too.” Alec’s voice broke, and he turned so he was facing away from Magnus.
“What are you talking about? Couples fight sometimes, Alec. And truly, ours are just minor disagreements.”
“Sure. Like the fight we had when I didn’t push to retain jurisdiction over the Anston trial.”
“That’s different. I’ve known him for a long time, and I felt he’d have a better chance for a fair trial with you, here in New York. His fate shouldn’t be left up to politics.”
Alec turned to face him, tears streaming down his cheeks. “Is that what you think of me? That I would trade someone’s life for political gain?”
“Of course not. Alexander, we’ve had differences of opinions before. I didn’t agree with your decision about Anston, but I thought we were fine the next day.”
“But it still bothers you,” Alec pressed.
Magnus frowned and took a breath before answering. “Yes. The Clave isn’t always fair, and sending him to another jurisdiction where he doesn’t know anyone felt prejudicial to me.”
“He was guilty, Magnus. I saw the evidence for myself. He was counting on his connection to the Downworld to garner sympathy and support. I changed the venue so this wouldn’t divide our community. Not that it mattered,” Alec scoffed.
“I didn’t know,” Magnus said. How could he have known? “You didn’t tell me.”
“No, I didn’t. After spending all day having to justify myself to the Clave, I didn’t want to do it at home as well. It’s one thing to constantly hear I’m not good enough while at work, but I can’t hear it at home, not from you.”
Magnus was stunned. “Alexander, I promise you, I have never felt that way about you. And I sincerely apologize for making you feel as such.” He reached forward and placed his hands on Alec’s waist, nudging his husband closer to him before reaching up and brushing his thumbs across his cheeks.
Alec nodded, but Magnus needed to make sure Alec really heard him. “I don’t have a good relationship with the Clave, and I don’t see that changing until they change. But I wouldn’t trade my relationship with you for anything. I am truly sorry if my frustrations made you feel as if I didn’t value you in every way possible because I do.”
“I know,” Alec said on a shaky exhale. “And I’m sorry, too. I should have just told you.”
“I wish you had, but I understand why you didn’t. I promise I’ll do a better job of listening. Alexander, we will disagree at times, but there isn’t anything that could ever make me think less of you. I never want to be the cause of your tears.” Looking at Alec and seeing his red-rimmed eyes and tear-stained cheeks made his heart ache. He resolved in that moment to be more aware of Alec’s feelings. He would still voice his opinion, but Alec’s well-being would always come first.