Chapter Text
When he woke up everything felt hot. His skin felt like it was burning, and his whole body ached.
But his arm.
His arm was in so much pain.
What happened?
It took all his strength to open his eyes. This wasn’t his house. He didn’t know where he was.
He glanced around the unfamiliar room, his eyes settling on a girl who looked to be around his age with pigtails and butterflies in her hair stood to the left of the bed he was in. She looked like she was concentrating on something, and she had an annoyed expression on her face.
“You’re awake.”
He didn’t respond.
Who was she?
He noticed bandages in her hands. That must be what she was concentrating on. She was unravelling bandages that were wrapped around his arm. He figured he must have hurt him arm somehow. That’s why it was hurting. But how? He couldn’t remember.
He glanced down to his arm.
And then he saw.
It was gone.
He felt sick.
The girl must have been able to tell because the next thing he knew she was yanking him up by his shoulders and leaning him over the edge of the bed.
He threw up.
The girl pushed him back up and left him in a sitting position while she grabbed a glass of water from a nearby table. She held the glass to his lips and made him drink. Once he’d drank as much as he could, she put the glass back down and gently laid him back down on the bed.
She pressed her hand to his forehead. He wanted to push it away, but he had no strength. What was she doing?
“This is just great,” she muttered under her breath as she moved her hand from his head started wrapping new bandages on his arm.
No.
What was left of his arm.
He couldn't breathe.
“You’re just giving me more work to do. Now I have to clean this up. You threw up on my feet .”
He was so tired, he hardly paid her any attention as she continued to scold him.
He fell back asleep before she left.
***
The next time he woke up he was more alert. He was able to think better and try to figure out exactly what had happened and where he was.
The girl wasn’t there this time which he was thankful for. He didn’t need to be scolded again for doing nothing wrong.
On the small table to the left of his bed sat a fresh glass of water. When he saw it, he realized just how dry his mouth was. He started to reach for it before he remembered. His arm was gone. Cut off just above the elbow.
He couldn’t breathe.
He tried to remember what happened. He was attacked while he was asleep. Had a wild animal broken into the house? No. That didn’t seem right.
A demon. It had been a demon. It was probably that woman’s fault. If she hadn’t kept showing up at his house, this probably wouldn’t have happened. He wished she had just stayed away.
The demon had attacked him while he slept and had taken his arm, and then his brother had…
His brother.
Muichiro.
Where was he?
Despite every muscle in his body telling him not to, he shot straight up in bed, and looked frantically around the room until his eyes landed on a familiar figure in the bed next to his.
It was him.
Muichiro.
His little brother was alive. But how badly hurt had he been?
He slowly swung his legs over the side of the bed. He needed to go check on his brother. He had to make sure he was okay. Just as he was about to stand up, he was interrupted.
“Don’t you dare.”
He turned his head to where the voice was coming from and saw the girl from earlier standing in the doorway hands on her hips and the same annoyed look on her face as before. He chose to ignore her warning, and using his right arm he pushed himself to his feet.
He immediately regretted that decision.
His legs gave out from under him. He instinctively reached back with both arms to catch him on the bed and stop his fall. Pain shot through his arm as his stump collided with the matress. He cried out in pain and dropped to his knees on the floor.
His eyes filled with tears.
It hurt.
It hurt so bad.
Muichiro.
He still needed to check on him.
His legs wouldn’t work.
His arm hurt.
His mind went blank.
The next thing he knew he was back in bed. The girl pulled the covers over him being more aggressive than he believed was necessary. She then practically shoved some medicine down his throat with a sip of water. He almost choked.
“That should help with the pain,” she said. “Now you are going to stay in bed, and you will not get up until I say you’re ready.”
It hurt.
It still hurt.
“I don’t have to listen to you,” he responded. His voice was weak, and he hated how pitiful it made him sound. “You’re just a little kid.”
“I’m Kanzaki Aoi, and I’m the one who’s going to be taking care of you and your brother until you’re better, so you will listen to me unless you’d rather die.”
He stayed silent. He glanced over to where his brother was sleeping.
Muichiro.
He opened his mouth to ask if his brother was okay, but she answered before he got the chance to ask.
“He’s fine. He’s in much better shape than you are. He was awake for most of the day, but it’s late, so he’s gone to bed. I was coming to check in on you before going to sleep myself. And you’re lucky I did.”
After promising she would be back in the morning to check on him, she left the room.
He fell back asleep within minutes, the pain finally starting to fade.
***
Just as she’d promised Aoi showed up the next morning to check on both Yuichiro and Muichiro. She’d given him some more medicine and changed the bandages on his arm. This time he made sure not to look. Once she finished looking the two of them over, she left the room.
Currently he was sitting up in his bed with Muichiro sitting by his feet because he was allowed to get up and walk around. He was upset by this fact, but he was happy his brother was doing well. While the two of them had been awake for a while, they had both been pretty quiet. Yuichiro wasn’t sure what he should say, and he assumed that Muichiro was in the same boat. Yuichiro was just happy to see him alive.
Earlier a group of small girls had rushed in with breakfast and fresh water for the two of them and then left as quickly as they had appeared. Muichiro had helped feed him, not that he had been able to eat much, which Yuichiro was not pleased with. He was so tired though and still so weak, he knew he needed the assistance. So he gave in and didn’t bother to argue.
“I was so worried,” Muichiro said breaking the silence. Yuichiro noticed tears forming in his brother’s eyes as he spoke. He looked down at his lap not wanting to see his brother cry. “You lost so much blood, and you had a bad fever. You were asleep for days, and Aoi was worried that you might not ever wake up. I can’t imagine what would have happened if Miss Amane hadn’t showed up.”
“What?” His head snapped up. “She was there?”
Why had she been there? Why couldn’t she have just left them alone? They were fine by themselves. She didn’t need to act like she actually cared about them. The only thing she cared about them was their ancestors who had been important or something. He didn’t care enough to remember what she had told them. It was nothing he needed to worry about.
“She was coming by to check up on us again,” Muichiro responded. “We’re very lucky she was there.”
“Don’t you realize this was probably all her fault in the first place?”
“That’s not true. She saved us.”
“Wait where are we?” If that woman had been the one to save them, where would she have brought them?
“This is the Butterfly Estate. They said it’s where they take care of injured Demon Slayers, but Miss Amane had them take care of us here.”
No.
No. They couldn’t be here. He wanted nothing to do with the Demon Slayers.
They would just try to recruit him and his brother again. Muichiro had already showed interest in wanting to join. The longer they stayed the more likely it was he would accept their offer. They needed to leave immediately.
“We’re going home.”
He couldn’t let them take his little brother away. He was all that he had.
Muichiro gave him a worried look. “We can’t. Aoi said you aren’t allowed out of bed yet.”
“Please,” he begged. “I don’t want to be here.” They’ll try to take you away. I need to protect you.
It was then that the door opened, and she walked in.
Go away.
Leave us alone.
She walked over to the bed where the two were sitting, and pulled up a seat for herself. She smiled at them. She was too nice. There was no way it was a real smile. No way she really cared.
“I’m so glad to see that you two are doing better. You both had us so worried.” She looked to Yuichiro. “Especially you.”
He just sat there silently offering no response. She didn’t deserve one.
This was all her fault.
For a while nobody spoke.
“I was hoping to talk with your brother if that’s okay with you.”
“No.”
She frowned. He didn’t care.
Muichiro hopped off the end of the bed and turned to face him with a smile. “Don’t worry Yui. It’ll be fine. I wanted to talk with her anyways. I’ll be back soon.”
And with that, he watched as the women took his brother away, and there was nothing he could do about it.
***
As the two of them left to talk about who knows what, another woman walked in the room. Or maybe a girl. She looked young, but something about her felt older. Her hair was up, and like all the other girls he’d seen, she wore a butterfly in it. She smiled at him as she made her way over to his bed. Like with that woman’s smile, hers felt fake.
“I came to check up on you,” she announced.
He stared blankly at her. If she was here that meant she worked with the Demon Slayers, and he wanted nothing to do with them. Maybe if he ignored her she would go away more quickly.
“Aoi was going to come by, but I told her to get some rest. She’s lost a lot of sleep over the past few days taking care of you and your brother.”
Silence.
“The two of you are the first long term patients that she’s taken entirely under her care.”
She placed a hand on his forehead which he immediately swatted away. She placed her hand back more forcefully this time. She grabbed his wrist with her other hand before he had the chance to push it away again.
He tried to yank his arm away, but he had no strength. It didn’t matter much because she let go of his wrist and took her hand on his forehead after a few seconds. He glared at her.
“Your fever’s gone down,” she announced obviously ignoring the look he was giving her.
Now go away.
“I think you especially worried her,” she continued. “For a while it didn’t seem like you were going to make it. We lost somebody close to us recently.”
He watched the smile vanish from her face for a split second before reappearing. It was a sad smile he realized.
“I think it would have been hard on her if she lost her first patient after all of that.”
Her smile turned into something more terrifying which made him freeze up.
“So I would appreciate it if you would stop giving her a hard time. Is that alright?”
Was she threatening him?
He nodded, suddenly worried about what she might do to him if he didn’t agree.
“Good. You seem to be doing well. Aoi will be here to check on you again later.”
And then she left.
Yuichiro wasn’t sure how he was supposed to feel.
***
“I’m joining the Demon Slayers.”
These were the first words out of Muichiro’s mouth when he came back into the room after his talk with that woman. He was standing by the side of Yuichiro’s bed with a slight smile on his face.
“I’ll get to help people.”
“You...You can’t,” Yuichiro stammered pulling himself up into a sitting position. “I’ve told you already that you can’t. You’ll get hurt again. You’ve seen what the demons can do.”
“I know. That’s why I have to do this.”
“No you don’t. You don’t have to do anything. Once we’re better we can just go home, and everything will be normal. They don’t actually care about us. They just want more people to fight for them. If you die, you’ll just be another body to them. They won’t even remember you.”
Muichiro shook his head and frowned. “Not it won’t. Nothing will be normal again after what happened. And what if something happens again? I want to be able to protect you this time.”
No.
Why would he say that?
That wasn’t how this was supposed to work.
He stopped breathing.
“Don’t say that,” he snapped causing Muichiro to wince. He was hurting his little brother. He was a horrible person. “I’m your older brother. I’m the one who’s supposed to be protecting you .”
“But you can’t,” said Muichiro. “You lost your arm . I just want to be able to keep you safe so you don’t get hurt any worse. I don't know what I would do if I lost you.”
It was the first time either of them had brought up Yuichiro’s arm. Yuichiro had been too scared to say anything. He felt that if it ever came up in conversation it would suddenly feel real. And he had been right. For the first time it was finally sinking in.
It was gone.
It wasn’t coming back.
What was he going to do?
He couldn’t breathe.
He knew it all along.
But it just hadn’t yet sunk in.
It wasn’t fair.
He lost his arm, and now he was going to lose his brother. They were going to steal him away.
He’s mine.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath and tried to calm himself down. His hand was shaking.
His hand.
He only had one.
“Fine,” he finally replied once he’d calmed down enough. “Do whatever you want. Go ahead and get yourself killed. I don’t care anymore!”
He watched as tears began to fall down Muichiro’s cheeks. It hurt to see him like this. Muichiro rubbed at his eyes with the back of his hand before turning and walking out of the room leaving Yuichiro by himself.
He made his brother cry.
Why did he always do this?
Why couldn’t he be a better brother?
Muichiro deserved somebody better than him.
He should get to be happy.
He was angry and frustrated. With the Demon Slayers who were taking his brother away. With his brother for leaving him. And with himself for scaring him away.
He flopped down onto his back and let the tears begin to fall.
***
Muichiro didn’t smile anymore.
His face always looked so blank and expressionless now. He didn’t look like his little brother anymore.
This is all my fault.
Within a week of their argument, Aoi announced that Muichiro had fully recovered, and he’d started going out training during the days, usually coming back to the Butterfly Estate at night. As time went on he sometimes would be away for a couple days at a time. Yuichiro didn’t know where he went everyday or what exactly he did. Neither of them spoke about it. It was an unspoken rule between them that this topic was off limits.
They did still talk with each other, but it wasn’t the same as before. It was as if their argument had completely changed Muichiro.
Yuichiro just wanted his brother back.
While his brother spent his days training, Aoi began helping Yuichiro get his strength back. His arm was hurting less, and soon he’d no longer have to wear bandages. When he was finally allowed out of bed, it took him a while to be able to walk on his own. After so long without using his legs, they were hardly able to carry his weight.
There were a lot of falls, and Aoi scolded him every time. The two of them would, but he never went too far because he remembered the threat, and he would admit he was a bit scared of her. He did not feal like dealing with that.
Once the girl who had threatened him had walked by while the two were arguing, and he stopped out of fear. He was more careful after that.
Aoi was also helping him to get used to doing various tasks with just the one arm. This was what he always got the most frustrated with. But Aoi was always more patient with him at this than anything else.
One day she brought him into the kitchen to practice with cooking. He’d gotten so frustrated with how difficult it was. He hated how useless he was. He felt like he couldn’t do anything anymore. He just kept messing everything up, and he ended up flipping a tray of food out of anger.
Instead of scolding him like he had expected her to, Aoi told him he was done for the day if he wished to be. He decided he was. He was too annoyed with himself to do anything more. As he left he watched as she began cleaning up the mess he had made with no complaints.
At other times his eyes would start to tear up out of frustration, but she would always look away. He knew she noticed, but she never once brought it up.
Once he had fully recovered and was able to get by well without his arm, since he had nowhere to go while Muichiro was always away training, he had been allowed to stay at the Butterfly Estate as long as he helped out. Aoi was alway dragging him along to help with some of the other patients that would drop in. This also helped him get more practice in using just his right arm.
And then it was their birthday.
They were twelve.
It wasn’t the best birthday the twins had ever had, but that didn’t make it the worst. Last year had been the worst. It was the first time they had a birthday without their parents, and Yuichiro had spent most of the day trying to comfort a crying Muichiro.
This year had been better. Muichiro had the day off from training, so he spent the day at the Butterfly Estate with Yuichiro. In the morning the three younger girls who often delivered his meals, Naho, Sumi, and Kiyo, stopped by with sweets for the two of them. The girls, however, ended up eating most of the sweets themselves.
The older girl who had threatened him, Shinobu, had stopped by as well with one of the other girls he often saw around, Kanao, who he never once heard speak. Shinobu seemed genuinely nice today, which Yuichiro believed was entirely due to the fact Muichiro was there as well. She seemed to like him more.
Aoi had also come by to wish them a happy birthday, but she just had the same annoyed look on her face as always. He didn’t think she knew how to be happy. She told Yuichiro he didn’t need to help with any patients for the day, and then she just left.
Muichiro hadn’t smiled all day.
While last year he had cried for most of their birthday, at least he had been showing some emotion. Ever since their argument weeks ago, it seemed like he had just locked all his emotions away.
Yuichiro hated it.
He hated himself for doing that to his brother.
When the day had ended, and it was just the two of them left in the room, Muichiro made his way over to Yuichiro’s bed. Yuichiro slid over to one side, so the two of them would fit. Muichiro rested his head on Yuichiro’s shoulder.
“I have to tell you something.”
Yuichiro remained silent, not sure how to respond.
Muichiro continued, “I’m leaving tomorrow for the Final Selection.”
Yuichiro turned his head to look at Muichiro without disturbing him. His heart was racing. He’d been around the Demon Slayers enough over the past several weeks to know what the Final Selection was and how often people didn’t come back from it.
“You can’t. You’ve only been training for a few weeks,” he replied. “And you’re only twelve. There’s no way you’re ready.”
Don’t leave me.
“My teacher said I should be fine.”
No, no, no.
This was going to be their last birthday together.
Muichiro was going to die.
It wasn’t fair.
“I’ll be back Yui. I promise.”
He didn’t respond.
He couldn’t.
He wanted to cry.
Please stay.
They sat like that for a while before eventually going to bed. The two of them slept together in Yuichiro’s bed, Yuichiro’s hand clasping his brother’s, afraid to let go in case this was the last time they’d see each other alive.
***
Muichiro had left the next morning leaving Yuichiro alone.
The next few days he felt off. He felt sick. He didn’t know how his little brother was doing or if he was even alive. It hurt him to think about it, but he couldn’t get his mind off of it.
One day he’d been distracted while helping put bandages on one of the patients. He had completely spaced out, and the next thing he knew, Aoi was pulling the bandages out of him hand telling him that if he wasn’t going to be helpful to just leave.
So he did. For most of the week he sat out from helping with the patients. He just couldn’t focus enough to be of any help.
His worry was also causing nightmares.
Since the first night after Muichiro had left, he kept having dreams where Muichiro ended up dying. In some of them he was killed the night that they had been attacked at their home. Others had him dying during the Final Selection. What they all had in common was that he died and left Yuichiro alone.
Yuichiro was scared.
He didn’t want to be left alone.
One night when he woke up from one of the dreams, he saw Aoi standing over him looking worried instead of annoyed for once.
“I get nightmares sometimes too,” she said softly once she noticed he was awake.
“What are you doing here?”
He didn’t need anybody knowing about the nightmares. He could deal with them himself. He especially didn’t need Aoi’s help.
“I heard you scream when I was walking by,” she replied. “So I came to check in on you and make sure you were alright.”
“Well I don’t need you here. Go away.”
She threw her arms up. “Fine! See if I ever try to be nice to you again!” she yelled as she stormed out of the room slamming the door behind her.
He wasn’t able to fall back asleep that night.
***
For once Yuichiro was the one standing by Muichiro’s bed. He had come back a short while ago much to Yuichiro’s relief. He had been worrying all morning, and being unable to keep still, Aoi had at one point kicked him outside.
Muichiro had been fine apart from a few cuts and bruises which had been patched up quickly upon his arrival to the Butterfly Estate.
“Were you worried?” Muichiro asked him.
Yes.
“No. I told you I didn’t care if you went and got yourself killed, didn’t I?”
Stop it. Stop lying.
Why did he always have to be so awful to his brother?
“Well I was worried about you. But you had a lot of people to keep you company, so you must have been fine.”
He was so nice to him. Why couldn’t he be nice back?
“I want to go home now.”
Maybe if he and Muichiro went home now he could convince him to stay there with him. Maybe he could get him to quit the Demon Slayers.
“Tomorrow,” Muichiro responded. “I just want to rest tonight. But first thing in the morning we can leave. Is that alright?”
Yuichiro nodded. “I’m going to bed.”
He turned away with a slight smile forming on his lips as he walked to his bed. For the first time in months it would be just the two of them again. And they’d be home.
I won’t let them take you from me.