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English
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Published:
2019-11-03
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2,129
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1/1
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Nevermind, Nevermind

Summary:

“I can’t help feeling like I’m going to die alone.”

A self indulgent confession fic

Notes:

I haven't touched this in a while and I can already tell I'm not going to revisit/edit it, so I'm posting it as is. Sorry in advance for any spelling/perspective errors.

Work Text:

It started when Sonia started hanging around Gundham more. Kazuichi was always hanging around, looking like a lost puppy as Miss Sonia and Gundham bonded. He would make attempts to insert himself into the conversation, to make himself relevant, to win her affections, but it never came to fruition. That’s when he started paying more attention to you. At first you didn’t notice the stares; they would come after Sonia would shut him down. His eyes would dart around, searching for something before finally falling on you. You figured he was just zoning out, or maybe the cogs in his head were turning slowly as he processed his own rejection. Either way, you chalked it up to absentmindedness. You had nothing to do with him, and no reason to suspect anything out of the ordinary… but then the stares started lingering. You figured he was checking you out. It was nothing personal; He did that to every girl on the island. He even came up to you from time to time and complimented you… although it was borderline harassment. And yet, over time, he began to grow on you. It felt nice having someone admire you, always agreeing with you and taking your side. But wait… isn’t that how he treated miss Sonia? You looked around, spotting Sonia and Gundham down at the beach, chatting, laughing.... Undisturbed. That mess of pink hair wasn’t standing around them anymore, he was sitting in a booth across from you in the diner. He was sipping down an extra large cola, his focus pointed down towards his straw as it began to make slurping noises. He was poking at the ice with his straw now, tipping his cup in a bid to reach the last of the sugary drink. You stared at him for a moment before standing up, apologizing and excusing yourself.

“H-hey, where’r you going?” Souda asked, eyes wide, brought to attention. He had set his cup down now, no longer playing with it.

“I’m going to go back to my cabin.” You lied.

“I can walk you back!” He moved to stand up, but you motioned for him to stop.

“That… won’t be necessary.” You averted your eyes, not being able to match his.

He paused for a moment, clearly confused. “Are ya sure? It’s no big deal, I’m already done with-”

“It’s fine.” You interrupted him. You had shocked yourself with your own sternness. Souda looked wounded, his mouth still open to form words. “I’m okay. Thank you for your offer…” You hesitated, “I will be taking my leave now.” You turned around, facing the entrance and made your way out.

 

“O-okay. Catch you tomorrow then.” You heard Kazuichi mumble behind you. As you pushed the glass door open, you caught a glimpse of him playing with his ice again.

See you, you thought to yourself, but didn’t find the courage to voice.

~

You thought more about Kazuichi that night. Other than sonia and Gundham, who did he really have? You saw him hang around Hajime from time to time. You even heard him refer to him as his soul friend once. But that was the extent of your knowledge. With Sonia and Gundham no longer in the picture, he led a lonely existence. You started to feel bad for the poor guy. And you started to unbottle the emotions that had been accumulating over time. Your feelings had gotten all knotted up inside when you weren’t looking. You knew that Souda was shallow and perverted, and you knew that the way he treated Sonia wasn’t really okay. But you also knew that there was a big heart buried deep in his chest, surrounded by innocence and a genuine longing for affection. And you knew that he was in the cottage across from you, probably tinkering with an engine or something right about now. And you knew that the curfew announcement had been made already, and that you couldn’t knock on his door and apologize for earlier. And you knew this made you feel trapped.

You felt a lot of feelings, but most of all you just wanted to be with him, and maybe that was enough.

You turned over in bed and had a restless sleep.

~

You stared down at your breakfast, feeling the bags under your eyes pull down at your face.

“You feeling okay, miss (y/n)? Ya look a little sad.” Souda asked, announcing his appearance as he pulled out a chair across from you and set down a plate. Subconsciously you smiled.

“Yeah, I’m feeling better now. I just didn’t get a lot of sleep.” You reached for your spoon.

“Really? Ya don’t look exhausted, not with a pretty face like that.” Another compliment. You felt the embarrassment but at this point you’d gotten pretty used to remarks like this. You began to eat.

“Tell ya what,” he began, “Next time ya can’t fall asleep, just call good ol’ Souda over. I’ll sing you a lullaby and you’ll be zonked out in no time!” He gave you a token smile and a thumbs up before digging into his food. This time you genuinely blushed. Maybe he was just bluffing, but the thought of falling asleep with his face next to yours made you feel a certain way. A small part of you wanted to take him up on his offer. You settled for a giggle and a small “maybe I will”, before returning to your breakfast.

~

The two of you had started taking daily walks together. It happened on accident at first, with you wandering around and him following everywhere you went. And now it was part of your routine. It was nice; you were able to walk off your meal and Souda was more than happy to fill the silence with his rambling. All you had to do to get him going was ask him about car parts and he would take care of the rest. It was pleasant to watch him get so passionate about something. You noticed that he talked with his hands a lot. He probably realized you had no knowledge whatsoever about cars, so he would help you visualize the different parts: the size, shape, how they move, the way they interlocked. It was amusing.

Today was different, though. You had passed by Gundham, who was getting kissed on the cheek by Sonia, and his whole demeanor changed. Though he had spent all this time with you, the residual rejection from Sonia still got to him. Maybe it was selfish of you, but you envied miss Sonia. How she held his heart for this long, how she did it without even trying, how she was able to get what she wanted. She didn’t even know she did anything wrong. Souda had sped his pace up to walk away from the two of them as fast as he could, and your legs struggled to keep up. Then, all at once, he slowed down. His feet dragged through the sand, his back hunched, and his eyes trained downwards as he moped. You were hurt, but you pushed down your feelings to make sure he was okay.

“Souda,” you began, not sure of what to say. “I’m sorry about Sonia… I know how you feel about her.” The mechanic came to a halt, head still turned downwards. You reached your hand out and placed it on his arm, just below his shoulder in an attempt to comfort him. He made no move.

It was only a moment before he spoke, but it felt like a while.

“It’s not about Sonia.”

Confused, you cocked your head. Carefully, a timid mumble came out of your mouth.

“What’s it about, then?”

He turned to look at you, tears streaming down his face. How long had he been crying?

“I want a girlfriend! I want someone to kiss me on the cheek like Gundham, and I want someone to hold, and to cuddle, and to spend all my time with! But miss Sonia doesn’t want me, and neither does anyone else on this island!” He whined. He sobbed once, before blurting out, “I can’t help feeling like I’m going to die alone.” whimpering, he pulled his hat over his eyes.

You hated seeing him like this, so you did the only thing you could think of and pulled him into a kiss.

You had placed your hands on his cheeks, stained with tears, and placed your lips clumsily against his. You felt him stiffen in confusion before feeling all the muscles in his body relax. When you pulled away, he pulled his beanie back, revealing eyes wide from shock.

“You…?” he asked, shakily.

“Yeah.” you smiled, biting your lip, eyes locked on his lips. “Sorry for not telling you earlier.” Your eyes matched his, his pupils dilated as far as they would go. A light blush brushed his cheeks overlaying the red of his puffy eyes. You wiped away his tears with your thumbs tenderly.

He moved his hands to the small of you back to pull you in for another kiss, deeper this time. Your eyes fluttered shut and your heart pounded painfully in your chest.

You could tell he was inexperienced and bad at kissing, but you showed him how to do it properly and he began to pick it up over time. Your lips moved against his in slow, rhythmic motions and he came to match your tempo, his rough and cracked lips softening with your saliva. His lips started out stiff, jutted out, but began to melt and give way as you continued, and you could now feel a small part of the inside of his lip pressing against yours.

Pulling away, you caught your breath as Souda stared at you, starstruck. With lidded eyes, he drank in every detail of your face. His tears had dried now, his face glowing. You could feel his chest heaving under you, his lungs struggling to pull in air. A calloused hand came up to brush the hair out of your face and behind your ear, and he blinked slowly like time itself had slowed, flowing like molasses. His body was tense and rigid, like he was nervous, but his cheeks were flushed and his face was relaxed; this must all be so confusing to him. Even his body couldn’t agree on a single feeling. His head was spinning like mad, but he was addicted to the feeling. This was a thrill he wanted to chase, and a rush you were more than willing to share. You both returned for another kiss; heads tilting this time as you adapted to each other’s presence.

Souda moved his lips against yours a little more naturally this time though he still needed work. Before you could continue your thought you felt him lick the inner part of your lip, asking for permission to go further. Surprised, you opened your eyes a crack but obliged, opening your mouth. You took the initiative to stick your tongue in first, deciding you should show him how this goes rather than trusting him to figure it out himself. You only licked a little bit at first, not going in too far, and not lingering too long. Then you went back for more, licking the tip of his tongue, which tasted faintly of cola. Then you explored the roof of his mouth, and the back of his teeth, and before you knew it he was following in your steps. He was shaky at first; timid, unsure. He lapped at you lightly, quickly, not wanting to be too invasive, but once he got the hang of things that changed. His breath was hot against your mouth, his hand had snaked up into your hair, fingers scrunching up, his kisses becoming increasingly messy and needy. He was getting sloppy with his handy work, his eagerness completely overcoming him. He was trying to pull you in further by pressing against your spine, but you were already as close to him as you could be. You tried to pull away for breath, but he followed, not wanting to separate. Perhaps you weren’t thinking straight because of the lack of oxygen, but this made your heart pound in your chest. After a light, suggestive push against his chest, he understood your message and pulled off. He didn’t stray too far away, however, huffing your breath like it’s the first time he could breath. He rested his forehead against yours as your shared breaths mingled, closing his eyes.

A moment of silence, and then he mumbled.

“So does this mean we’re dating now?”

A small smile crept across your features as you pulled away to look into his eyes.

You giggled. “Yes.”

He brought you into a voracious hug.