Work Text:
carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]
CG: THAT WAS THE WORST PIECE OF SHIT I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE GOD FORSAKEN LIFE.
CG: I COULD LIVE FOR A MILLION SWEEPS, SCOURING PARADOX SPACE FOR EVERY HORRIFIC PIECE OF ENTERTAINMENT THAT EXISTS, AND STILL NEVER FIND ANYTHING AS UNBELIEVABLY STUPID AS THAT MOVIE.
CG: WHY YOU CHOSE TO TORMENT ME WITH THIS HORROR BEYOND HORRORS I CANNOT FATHOM.
CG: IF YOU ARE ATTEMPTING TO VACILLATE OUR RELATIONSHIP PITCHWARDS, PERHAPS YOU COULD CHOOSE A LESS SEVERE FORM OF VICIOUS TORTURE AS YOUR OPENING MOVE IN THE FLIRTATION PROCESS.
CG: NOT THAT I DON’T APPRECIATE THE SHEER BRUTALITY, BUT TRADITIONALLY CIVILIZED PEOPLE LIKE TO EASE INTO THAT SORT OF THING.
CG: TOSS AROUND A FEW INNOCENT PRANKS TO TEST THE WATERS INSTEAD OF IMMEDIATELY HURLING THE SUBJECT OF THEIR HATRED INTO THE SHARK INFESTED DEEP.
TG: cmon sharknado is hilarious and you know it
CG: I KNOW NO SUCH THING.
CG: IN FACT EVEN ITS NAME IS SO OFFENSIVE TO ME THAT I FORBID YOU FROM SPEAKING IT EVER AGAIN.
CG: EVEN THAT SMALL REMINDER IS UNBEARABLE.
TG: dude you are so exaggerating
TG: you liked it admit it
CG: FUCK YOU.
TG: i mean of course its bad
TG: thats the whole point
TG: but its bad in all the right ways
TG: and it knows its bad so its like youre in on the joke at first
TG: but then a few parts are actually good so they turn it around on you
TG: make you think its all a joke but then make you kinda like a character
TG: but not enough to ruin the original joke
TG: its beautiful in a way
CG: NO, FUCK THAT.
CG: NONE OF YOUR IRONY BULLSHIT.
CG: ONE OF THE CHARACTERS HAD A TAGIC SHARK-RELATED BACKSTORY AND NOTHING CAN EVER BE OKAY AGAIN.
CG: MY ABILITY TO EXPERIENCE JOY HAS BEEN PERMANENTLY DAMPENED BY THE MISTREATMENT OF STORYTELLING, PHYSICS, AND LOGIC THAT WAS DISPLAYED.
CG: MY EMOTIONAL RANGE, WHICH ALREADY TEETERED DANGEROUSLY CLOSE TO THE PRECIPICE OF ETERNAL MISERY HAS NOW TUMBLED HEADLONG INTO THE INKY BLACK ABYSS.
CG: ARE YOU HAPPY, DAVE?
CG: YOU’VE RUINED MY LIFE WITH A SINGLE SHITTY MOVIE.
CG: THIS CAN BE THE CROWNING ACHIEVEMENT IN YOUR WIDE ARRAY OF AWARDS FOR RUINING MY LIFE.
CG: JUST PUT IT RIGHT AT THE TOP OF YOUR DISPLAY CASE WITH THE REST OF THEM.
TG: so do you wanna watch ghost shark tonight or what
CG: WHAT POSSIBLE REASON WOULD YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE I WOULD EVER WATCH ANY MOVIE WITH YOU EVER AGAIN?
TG: okay see you at 8
turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]