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The full moon shone brightly amidst the calm, night sky. With the students and faculty asleep in their quarters, Byleth decided it would be perfect to spend the evening walking around the empty grounds of the monastery reflecting on the events that unfolded in the last few months: the conspiracies lurking underneath campus grounds, the chaos that unfolded in Remire Village…
The death of Jeralt.
The murder of his father and mentor.
It was a moment Byleth was still reeling from after his failed attempt to avert the tragedy that had befallen the old mercenary. Though Jeralt was mostly reserved about his past, Byleth had the utmost respect for him as a teacher and a parent. He remembered his old life fighting alongside him. Most of their life saw them hopping in between villages, taking jobs to help those in need in exchange for money. It wasn’t an easy life for the both of them, but their time as mercenaries have admittedly brought them closer together. Even their discrete occupations under the Church of Seiros wouldn’t be enough to divorce them, as both still found the time to bond and fight together.
Byleth was rarely the type to show emotions, but his time as a professor had changed him. Thanks to his time bonding with the students, he was able to learn and value true empathy, sorrow, and happiness from their past traumas. At some point, he wanted to openly show his gratitude to Jeralt for everything he had done for him. Surely it would cause Leonie to finally acknowledge her professor’s respect for her mentor, though he couldn’t care less. He owed it to himself to let Jeralt know how grateful he is.
But that day never came.
The young professor has mourned for weeks after his passing, and his grief has noticeably affected his abilities as a professor. Hanneman offered to take over Byleth's lessons, while Manuela offered to give Byleth a “specialized rehabilitation program” much to his chagrin and a keen eye for her ostensible promiscuity. Even some of his students have suggested for him to take a day off, though knowing Hilda’s indolence and the importance of their studies he continued to press on.
Today, however, was simply too taxing. Byleth had finished grading exams and preparing homework material and tended the workers in the greenhouse and the stables. It was an astonishing miracle that he finished everything on time, but tonight was a much-needed respite from the chaos. Tonight, he yearned for the cold night breeze of the Guardian Moon and the calming ambiance of the empty monastery. It was enough for him to let go of his responsibilities and contemplate.
Byleth quietly makes his way into the Cathedral grounds and sees the Goddess Tower shining brightly under the milky sky. He never considers himself a devout follower to the Church’s teachings, often supplanting his time with studies and various activities around the monastery over prayer. In light of recent events, however, the young professor figured a prayer alone in the tower is warranted. After all, there’s no harm communing with the Goddess for guidance once in a while. Perhaps he may find the answers he needs atop the steps.
As he makes his way towards the tower, Byleth notices the front door left opened. Suspicious, he turns around to see if there were any guards around the area before turning back towards the door. Perhaps a guard decided to climb up top to admire the view of the moonlit monastery and had forgotten to shut the door. Perhaps it was a student or a fellow faculty member taking in the scenery. He slowly opened the door and sneaked inside with his guard up.
With every step, Byleth begins to hear a familiar feminine voice. It was meek, sorrowful, and reserved. The words that were uttered were faint, but he could easily discern the tones as being soft and gentle.
Could it be? Byleth thought to himself.
As he silently reached the top of the stairs, he peeked from the corner to spot a familiar face quietly praying under the luminescence of the moon: a young woman in school uniform with messy cerulean bangs and closed baggy eyes trickling tears onto her fair skin. Her hands were clamped closely to her chest in prayer, head bowed down, as she softly uttered in despair for the Goddess.
“Goddess… I beg thee.” Marianne trembled softly. “I cannot bear to be the bringer of misfortune no longer. If my life is a burden, then I ask to please take me with you.”
It was something Byleth would have never thought to see with his own eyes. He knew the young girl was a quiet recluse who constantly thought lowly of herself, so he took it upon himself to help her slowly and surely open up to her peers. Although progress had been made, she still preferred to spend time praying in the Cathedral alone or locked in her room. Byleth knew times have been tough for the Golden Deer class, especially for Marianne. But to see this side of her brought pain his heart.
He cannot abide to see her suffer like this. Not anymore.
“Goddess, please… I ask for your help.” Marianne sniffled, desperate for a sign or an answer from above.
“Marianne?”
“EEP!” Marianne yelped as she turned around to see Byleth standing by the corner of the stairwell. “P- p-professor!? W- what are you doing here!?”
“Sorry for startling you.” Byleth replied as he stepped forward. “I, um… how did you manage to get here?”
“Um… I managed to sneak past the guards and I noticed the door was left open. H-Hilda and Leonie were holding a slumber party with the other girls and I needed time alone without the noise.” Marianne timidly answered, her face slightly tilted away from Byleth’s out of embarrassment. “I know this is troublesome, so if you’re here to catch me then I swear I won’t do it again. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, Marianne. You won’t get in trouble with me.” Byleth responded assuredly. Marianne slowly turned back to see her professor comforting her with a calming warm smile, which shattered any anxiety she had developed upon seeing him. “I wanted to come here to pray as well.”
“Oh, um… do you need me to leave?”
“No, you don't have to.” Byleth chuckled, but the small levity that had developed between the two quickly dissipated as he passed along a sympathetic glance. “I know this is rude of me, but… I heard some of your prayers. Do you care to talk about it?”
Marianne quickly glanced away and bowed her head, showing glimpses of hesitance. “Professor, I-I’m not quite sure. I don’t think my prayers are your business. E- even if I choose to talk, I’d surely waste your time.”
Byleth frowned in disappointment, mostly to himself. Perhaps he had stepped over the line for offering to talk. After all, she still has growing pains with opening up others, even if he still couldn’t help but extend a helping hand. “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk. I understand. Besides, it isn’t always my business to meddle with everyone’s problems. But if you do decide to talk about it, know that I won’t hold any judgment on anything you have to say.”
Awkward silence quickly fills the cold space. Marianne lingered in anxiety as she grasped her right arm with her free hand and glanced away from the young professor. She knew he was the only person she could ever confide to, but would he be understanding of her predicament? Would he still be accepting of her if he knew the truth?
Byleth remains anxious for a response as he bludgeoned himself mentally for stepping out of line. After all, a professor must ensure the well-being of his students both in and out of class and on the battlefield. Though perhaps right now is not the best time.
“Very well.” Byleth concedes and turns to head down for the stairs. Until…
“Wait, Professor.” Marianne interrupted. Byleth immediately stopped and turned back to the young girl. He saw her hand reaching out to him as he was about to make his exit, a mix of desperation and guilt welling up inside her. The young girl lowered her arm and fretfully approached the professor. “N- no judgment, right?”
“You have my word.” Byleth nodded, calmly assuring Marianne with a warm smile.
“Okay… um…” Silence fills the room once more as Marianne does her best to compose herself properly. She remains unsure if the professor would fully grasp her situation, though she accepts that keeping her inner thoughts to herself would bring more pain than simply imploring for the Goddess. At least she has to try.
“I… feel that I am a burden to everyone I cross pass with.” Marianne replied. “I always feel that I cause misfortune wherever I go, which is why I try to get away from others even if it means they risk their safety for mine. If it weren’t for me or my Crest, then things would be better for everyone. Especially for you. That is why I ask the Goddess every night if my life is worth living even if I carry this burden.”
Marianne clenches her fist tightly, holding it close to her chest. Though it felt like a small cursory relief to finally open up, she still wasn’t sure if she did the right thing. A rush of melancholy begins to surge onto her body once more.
“I’m sorry, Professor. I feel like I told you too much. I must be going now-”
Before she could proceed to the stairs, Byleth managed to stop her in the act. Although he was relieved to hear her open up, he could never get used to her always running away. Releasing his arm, he exchanges sympathetic glances that immediately caught Marianne’s eye.
“Marianne?” Byleth offered. “Before you go, I have some things to say and I’d appreciate it if you stay with me and listen for a bit.”
“O… okay.” Marianne capitulated. After all, it’s only fair that the professor had the courtesy to let her open up without any fear of reprimand.
“Marianne.” Byleth spoke softly with restrained sorrow in his tone. “Ever since Jeralt died, things haven’t been the same. I feel that I could barely hold on my own as a teacher and as a leader on the battlefield. It doesn’t feel right… knowing you did your best to save someone, only for them to die regardless.”
Byleth bowed his head in disgrace while Marianne stood shocked, absorbing what has unfolded before her. She had never expected to see this side from someone she secretly revered, let alone anyone of her teachers. At the same time, she could not help but feel relieved by his emotional release. It’s as if she finally found someone like her.
“Sometimes I wonder if it should have been me instead of him.” Byleth ascribed and folded his arms in guilt. “Perhaps you feel the same too for others.”
A chord struck inside Marianne. Again, something she wouldn’t have expected from someone like her professor, but it was a feeling she knew all too well. “I… I do. I often ask the Goddess if me being alive instead of someone else meant something. Surely, there’s nothing I could offer other than bad luck. There are so many others who are more deserving of life.”
“I feel the same.” Byleth replied and turned his attention towards the shining light of the full moon. “It’s why I wanted to come here tonight. What could I have done differently to avoid a terrible fate?”
The two stood quiet once more. While Marianne did not have an answer to his question, she knew she had to do something to help. After all, she knew how accepting the professor was in spite of herself, her Crest, and her failures. And despite her ongoing struggles, she also wouldn’t have been able to bond with her other classmates without his help. Surely, her life would have turned for the worse if Byleth hadn’t joined the academy. She owed it to him to try and shine a light through his darkened skies.
“Professor…” Marianne spoke softly. “I don’t know if this will help, but I don’t think you’re as bad as you think you are, even after Jeralt’s passing. I know this grief has caused pain, but I admire your perseverance in spite of everything that happened. It’s painful to press on even if others had to fall, but I wish I had dedication like you. I don’t think I could ever be as strong as you are.”
“Marianne…” Byleth uttered.
“I… don’t know much about Jeralt as you do, but I think he would want you to keep moving forward.” Marianne guided her free hand onto Byleth’s cheek, turning his face towards her comforting eyes. “As would I.”
Byleth was at a loss for words. Who would have thought the young self-doubting recluse of the Golden Deer class would be the one to give him words of encouragement. Despite her constant self-doubt, he couldn’t help but be astounded by her kind, gentle soul. It’s as if her words were from the Goddess herself.
“I… I see.” Byleth responded. Suddenly, all feelings of guilt and self-doubt withered as a warm, placid smile begins to form like the gentle waves of the eastern sea. “Thank you, Marianne.”
“R- really? I… I don’t know what I did to deserve thanks.” Marianne opened her eyes in surprise, taken aback by how her words managed to weave through his anguish.
“You reminded me that my work as a professor isn’t finished yet.” Byleth offered, still smiling. “I still have my students to look out for and my friends to count on. Even if life continues to be painful, even if we continue to find misfortune and contempt in our lives, our lives are too precious to throw away.” He took his hands and gently placed them onto Marianne’s huddled fists. “Especially yours.”
Marianne glanced at her covered hands. “Y… you think my life is worth living?”
“I do.” Byleth affirmed, feeling her calming warmth through his touch. “It may not look like it, but I would never forgive myself if you were to die.”
Marianne smiled softly and felt warm all over. If only for his support, she felt that she could confidently trust his words. “Well… you are quite difficult to read.”
“I’ve been told that many times. I guess it’s why Manuela hates me sometimes.” The young professor chuckled, which to his surprise milked an equally satisfying laugh from the young girl. Though it was something that was least expected from someone like her, it was pleasant nonetheless. He couldn’t help but feel her laugh was a blessing from the cosmos.
Byleth eventually regained his composure and continued. “I know life feel can feel cruel and burdensome at times, especially when you are the only one standing amongst the fallen. But as long as the Goddess exists, as long as I continue to fight, and as long there are people in our lives that hold us dear, your life will always mean something.”
“You… think my life has a purpose?” Marianne asked innocently.
“I do.” Byleth nodded. “I don’t know what that purpose is, but I’ll do my best to help you find it. At least I know my life will mean something so long as you continue to exist.”
“Professor…” Marianne had no words. For most of her life, she was convinced that there was no purpose in her life other than to bear the curse that plagued her Crest. Not even anyone would dare to waste their time on someone who was destined for calamity. But for someone like the professor to come into her life and fight for her existence feels like a miracle in itself, despite her circumstances. She can’t help but ask herself what she has done to deserve someone like him.
“Promise me, Marianne. Promise me you’ll keep on living even if life is difficult.” Byleth said, slowly inching closer to her with unwavering eyes.
She nodded, stepping closer to meet his eyes with hers. “I will… so long as you promise to stay by my side and continue to live.”
“I promise.” Byleth affirmed. “You have my word.”
Touched by his kindness, Marianne suddenly felt a single tear lightly stroking her cheek as her lips gently crested into the warmest smile. The young professor stood in awe as if the genuineness of her expression were more than enough to shine brighter than all of the celestial bodies in the night sky combined. Before Byleth could react, Marianne immediately threw herself into Byleth’s arms, burying her face into his chest to feel his warmth. The young professor returned the embrace, resting his hand onto her head and lightly stroking her hair. He could feel more of her tears trickling down her face and cascading into his clothes, though he knew those tears were not of sorrow.
After some time had passed, Byleth and Marianne parted their embrace and exchanged warm, comforting glances. For once, she feels she has someone she can empathize with and lean on for support. And now, so does he. Perhaps their circumstances have brought them closer together. The Goddess sure does work in mysterious ways.
“Thank you, Professor.” Marianne sniffled, wiping away the tears from her soft amber eyes.
“It’s getting late. We should head back. I’ll help escort you back to your dorm.” Byleth said, offering a hand to Marianne. She took his hand, and the two began their journey back.
After narrowly the guards, the two made their way back to their respective dorms. The two exchanged lively conversations about the cats in the monastery, rare birds in the forests, and rare books in the library’s collection; Marianne was not much of a talker, but the professor knew her well enough to be fully engaged in such topics. Eventually, they arrived at Marianne’s dorm, where the two exchanged hugs one last time before going their separate ways.
“Professor.” Marianne spoke with a warm smile on her face. “I’m glad we ran into each other again at the tower. I’ll keep your words to heart, and I’ll always keep you in my prayers. Good night.”
“And good night to you, Marianne.” Byleth responded. “Sleep well.”
—
Upon reaching his quarters, Byleth settled himself onto his bed and stared at the ceiling to reminisce about the events that unfolded. As he tilted his resting head, he saw a faint glimmer coming from the desk opposite him. Slowly, he stood up towards the twinkling object to find the ring Jeralt gave to him a long time ago. He picked up the ring and inspected the intricate details on it, only to be reminded of the words Jeralt imparted onto him before his last battle.
“One day, I hope you’ll give this ring to someone you love as well as I love her.”
Byleth slowly clutched the ring with his hand and brought it closer to his chest. There was only one person he could think of who was deserving of it, but he knows right now is not the time. Perhaps someday he would finally muster up the courage to confess his feelings and propose to her. And hopefully, those feelings would be returned.
But all Byleth can do now is keep Marianne’s words to heart and look forward to charting a path for his students and himself. After all, it’s what Jeralt would have wanted.
It’s what Marianne would want.
—
Marianne, finally on her nightgown, gently brushed her long, unbraided hair on the bedside before finally settling down to sleep. Before she could finally rest, however, the young girl glanced at the extra chair hiding within the shadows next to her work desk. She sat upright and briefly stared at it with contempt. She remembered the curse surrounding her Crest, and how terrified she was if the curse finally consumed her one day. The last thing she would ever want to do was to cause harm towards anyone undeserving, including her friends.
She remembered taking the chair in at one point in case she had finally decided to take it upon herself if the Goddess hadn’t answered her prayers. Every night, she sat staring at that chair, contemplating if she was ready to take her own life and end the cycle of her Crest. It caused her sleepless nights. But when the professor came into her life, things began to change. He began spending time with her, taking the effort to get to know her so that she may perform better in her studies. The more he spent time with her, the more she felt accepted in spite of her Crest. Those long restless nights became shorter, if not by much, but the chair remained in that dreaded corner if that day would ever come.
Now, after seeing the professor once more in the Goddess Tower, Marianne no longer held the same look she gave to that chair. She made a promise to keep on living, even if life was difficult. So long as she could rely on people like her friends or her professor, she could hopefully try to press forward one step at a time.
Marianne stood up and snuck out to take the dreaded chair out of her room and place it near the barrels that stood in front of the building. With the chair no longer in hand, she went back to her dorms and collapsed onto her bed and sighed heavily after taking a burden off her shoulder.
As she covered herself with her comforter, Marianne settled and grabbed a pillow in front of her, bringing it close to her chest. The warmth and softness of her pillow reminded her of the one person that did his best to show her the light in her darkness; the one person she cared for the most out of anyone in the academy.
“Professor…” Marianne quietly cooed to herself as she clutched tightly onto her pillow and wanted to feel his warmth once more under the pale moonlight. She briefly mused the idea of being with him, though the notion of a professor and a student together is sure to be taboo in the monastery. Perhaps later on when the two of them have finally left the academy, she may have a chance to open up to him at last. After all, she has owed so much to him after all he had done for her, especially for tonight.
But for now, she must keep moving forward.
For the professor. And also, for herself.
Soon her eyelids drifted away as the young girl finally succumbed to rest. For the first time in what feels like forever, Marianne felt like she can finally get a good night’s sleep.