Chapter Text
It had been one week since Bill wrote and sent Alec a letter telling him he was coming to Broadchurch. One week and he still hadn’t received a reply back. However, Bill was determined to not let the lack of response stop him so he boarded his flight to Broadchurch and sat nervously on the plane. He'd just have to deal with Alec in person.
During the flight he replayed their last conversation together in his mind. He remembered the hurt and confusion on Alec's tired face. He could hear the pain in his own voice as he told Alec he had to leave, that he couldn’t do this anymore. To walk away was one of the hardest things he had to force himself to do.
He wasn’t sure when he'd fallen asleep but a flight attended woke him up and informed him that the plane would be landing soon. He prepared himself, buckled his seatbelt and stared out the window as the pilot announced their landing.
Still a little groggy, he got up from his seat and grabbed his bag from the overhead bin before following the other passengers and flight attendant to the exit.
“Enjoy your stay.” She said to him with a smile.
He nodded his head and gave her a small smile before leaving.
In the airport he went to the luggage carousel and grabbed the rest of his things before heading over to the rental car desk to pick up the keys to the car he had book.
He'd lived in the UK long enough before to learn how to drive on their streets and he hoped he hadn't forgotten.
As he drove, he wondered if coming back, seeing Alec would all be for nothing. He started second guessing himself, telling himself how if Alec had wanted anything to do with him that he would have tried to reach out to him in the last year.
“You didn’t reach out either.” He said out loud to himself.
Perfect. He was talking to himself now.
Bill tried quieting his loud mind by turning on the radio. He cringed at whatever Top 40 song he didn’t care to catch the name of, was playing. He immediately switched the station and it landed on talk radio.
By the time he got into town he had changed the station 8 times before finally turning off the radio and letting his over-analytical mind take over with thoughts of doubt and worry.
He wasn’t sure why he’d expected the town to change in some way but he wasn’t disappointed that it hadn’t. He parked just outside the Traders Hotel. He grabbed his bags from the trunk and went inside.
Becca Foster, the proprietor of the hotel greeted him with a smile, “Wow, this sure is a surprise, Dr. Masters!”
“Hello again.” He said to her as he put his luggage down, “Forgive me for not calling and booking a room in advance but I wanted my presence back in town to remain low-key.”
“Understandable.” She said to him as she moved to her booking area and checked her log book. “It seems we have a few rooms still available. Any preferences?”
“No.” He told her.
She handed him a key, “Room 6. It’s just up the stairs and to your left.”
He took the key from her, “Thank you.” He said then picked up his bags before proceeding up the stairs, he turned to her once again, “I’d appreciate your discretion regarding my visit.”
“Of course.” She told him with a smile.
In his room he dropped his luggage at the foot of the queen size bed then looked around before he began to undress to take a shower. After his shower and getting dressed in fresh clothes he headed back downstairs and walked down the street to a small bakery that he frequented when he was here last.
He stopped in his tracks when he came face to face with Ellie Miller inside the bakery. They stared at each other for a minute before Bill pointed out, “You don’t seem surprised to see me.”
“He told me you were coming, just not when.” Ellie told him.
“Look…” He started to say but she cut him off with a wave of her hand.
“We don’t have time for this.” She told him, “He’s in the hospital.”
Bill’s heart dropped; his face went white as a sheet. “Wha-? Why?”
“He made me swear not to tell you anything even if you showed up begging for information but…” She hesitated, “He’s in the hospital because of you. His heart misfired or whatever it does when he got your letter and thank God I was on my way to his place or he would have just…”
She shook her head not wanting to think about what could have happened. “He’s been in the hospital for 2 days now and refuses to let them do the operation.”
Bill didn’t say anything, he just turned on heels and left the bakery. Ellie followed him, rushing to keep up with his long strides, “What are you doing?” She asked him.
He got to his car and looked at her as he opened his door, “Get in if you want or don’t. I don’t care.” He said as he got in. Ellie barely got herself in the passenger seat and the door shut before he pulled away from the curb.
“You’re speeding.” Ellie said to him as she braced herself.
“Write me a ticket.” He said to her as he raced to the hospital.
Once at the hospital he asked Ellie for the room number, brushing passed the nurses station and the odd glances he was getting from people as he tried to rush without running down the hall. Ellie did her best to keep up with him and was out of breath by the time they got to Alec’s room.
“I tried to stop him.” Ellie blurted out to Alec who turned to see them both standing in his doorway.
“Liar.” Alec croaked out to her.
“Leave us.” Bill said to her without looking at her.
She didn’t budge.
He turned to her, “Please.”
She looked to Alec who nodded at her that it was okay before she glared at Bill then left.
Bill was too busy looking Alec over to notice that she’d shot him a look. He looked bad, worse than he’d ever seen him. He had dark circles under his eyes, he was skinnier, if that was even possible and he looked tired and weak.
“Who the hell writes letters anymore?” Alec asked and finally Bill made eye contact with him.
“What?”
“You say you have important things to tell me. You could have called or texted and yet you write a letter?” Alec asked, “A letter that took nearly a week to get here. I could have died by the time I got it.”
“Don’t say that.” Bill said to him then shook his head, “Don’t joke about it.”
Alec’s face softened, “Still worrying about me?”
Bill scoffed, “I don’t have cause to be? You’re in the god damn hospital Alec!”
“No, you don’t get to be worried about me! Not anymore, not since you walked out!” Alec shouted at him. His heart monitor started beeping faster, “You think you can just bloody waltz back in here and act as if nothing's happened? Who the hell do you think you are!?”
Bells started going off and a nurse rushed in followed closely by Ellie.
“Sir, you’re going to have to leave.” The nurse told Bill.
“What did you do?” Ellie asked him as she watched the nurse put an oxygen mask on Alec and push a few buttons on the machines.
Bill stood motionless as he watched Alec struggling to breathe and fighting with the nurse. He kept trying to tear the mask off his face while staring at Bill. He could see that Alec was trying to say something but he couldn’t hear him.
“Get him out of here!” the nurse shouted at Ellie, who grabbed Bill by the arm and practically dragged him out of the room.
Once out and down the hall Bill pulled out of Ellie’s grip and tried to get back to Alec but Ellie shouted after him, “I swear I will shoot you where you stand if you take one more step!”
Bill froze then turned to face her slowly. “I can’t just leave him like that!”
“You can and you will.” Ellie told him. She closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose to calm herself down. She took a breath then opened her eyes and looked at Bill, “What the hell are you doing here? Why now after all this time?”
“That’s no concern of yours.” He told her as he looked past her and down the hall to see a doctor going into Alec’s room.
“No concern?” Ellie huffed, “Well excuse me if I disagree with you because after you left, I was here. I was left to help him, as much as he would let me.”
He looked at her, “I’m sorry, Ellie. I know how good of a friend you are and how much you mean to him.” He sighed, “I truly didn’t think anything like this would happen.”
He looked down the hall towards Alec’s room again and watched as the doctor and nurse both left. Ellie turned to look as well then looked back at Bill, “I’ll go see what happened.” She told him, “You stay right here and don’t move.”
Bill nodded and watched as she went down to Alec’s room.
He paced for almost 20 minutes in the hall waiting for her before she finally came back. “He wants to see you.” She then pointed a finger at him, “But so help me God, if you get him worked up again like that, I will haul you off to jail for attempted murder and no one will question my actions.”
“I understand.” He told her with a nod then headed down the hall.
He slowly and cautiously went into Alec’s room and just stared at him. His eyes were closed, his face turned towards the window across the room. He looked as if he was sleeping.
“Can you possibly breathe any louder?” Alec asked as he opened his eyes and turned to look at him.
Bill pulled a chair up to the side of the bed and sat down. He fought the automatic urge to take Alec’s hand in his.
“Trying to kill me eh?” Alec asked with a smirk. He saw the look on Bill’s face, the one that said, ‘I’m not in the mood for jokes.’. The small smirk from his face faded, “Don’t look so worried, I’m fine.”
“You’re not fine. You haven’t been fine in a while.” Bill said to him, “Why can’t you see that? Why don’t you understand how serious this is?”
Bill sighed, “You could die. Do you want that?”
Alec didn’t say anything, he just turned his head to stare out the window again.
“This is why I had to leave.” Bill said to him, “Because I felt like I was fighting for something you didn’t want.”
“When we were together, I found myself watching you all the time, worrying every time your breathing would become irregular. I’d see the spaced out look in your eyes and knew you were getting dizzy. I noticed you taking those tablets more often throughout the day.” Bill told him, “Yet you’d rather suffer through all that than have surgery.”
“You have people who care about you, who love you and you make them suffer right along with you.” Bill told him, “If you don’t care about me then fine, I get that but what about Ellie or Tess?”
He paused, “What about your daughter?”
Alec whipped his head around and glared at him, “Don’t you dare bring her into this!”
“Why not?” Bill asked, “You’re her father. Don’t you want to be around for her? Because let me tell you something right now, you jackass,” Bill stood up fast, knocking the chair back as he did, “You keep refusing the pacemaker and Daisy will have to watch as they throw dirt on your casket.”
He stormed out of the room before Alec could argue with him. Ellie was standing outside the door, arms folded across her chest. He stopped just down the hall and turned back to her, he pointed at the door, “He is absolutely the most infuriating person I have ever dealt with in my life!”
Ellie walked towards him, she put a hand on his arm and lowered it, “Come on let me buy you a cup of coffee.”
They walked silently out of the hospital and she drove his car back to the bakery. Bill sat down at a table by a window and she brought them over their coffees before sitting across from him. She could see how angry and upset he was as he stared out the window. She sat quietly, blowing occasionally on her coffee and waited.
“I really thought that after a year he’d have wised up. I don’t understand.” He said then looked at her, “Why won’t he get the pacemaker put in?”
“The doctor told him the operation is complicated and that he could die on the table.” Ellie told him.
“He has a far greater chance of dying if he doesn’t have the operation.” Bill told her, “The fact that he’s lived this long with his condition is extremely lucky but his luck will run out.”
“You don’t have to tell me that.” Ellie told her, “For a year now I’ve watched him deteriorate. This makes the third time he’s been in the hospital in the last year. The Chief removed him from duty as of a month ago which has not helped him at all.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t know.” Bill said.
“How would you? You left.” Ellie said to him.
“That’s not fair.” Bill said to her, “I –You know, never mind. I don’t have to explain my decisions to you.”
Ellie took a sip of her coffee and Bill went back to staring out the window.
After a few moments of awkward silence Ellie stood up and he turned to look up at her.
“Whatever you came here to say or do, I’d do it sooner rather than later.” Ellie told him before she turned and left the bakery.
Bill sat in the bakery till closing before stepping out onto the quiet street. He went to his car and drove back to the hospital. He charmed the one nurse sitting at the front desk and she allowed him down the hall to Alec’s room.
He stood in the doorway watching Alec, his breathing heavy. Bill realized he was having a bad dream and quickly went to his side. He put his right hand on Alec’s chest just above his heart, and the other on his shoulder, “Alec, it’s okay you’re just having a bad dream, wake up now.”
In his sleep Alec grabbed onto Bill’s right wrist and despite looking weak, the death grip nearly took him out at his knees. Bill rubbed Alec’s chest adding a little pressure as he squeezed his shoulder softly, “Alec, wake up it’s just a dream.” He repeated before shaking him gently.
Alec’s eyes shot open and he pushed Bill away from him as he looked around confused.
“It’s just me, you’re okay. Just breathe, take in some deep breaths.” Bill said to him, “You’re in the hospital and you were having a nightmare.”
Bill approached his side again then took the little pitcher from his night stand and pour a glass of water before handing it to Alec.
He took it and gulped it down in one shot. “What are you doing here?” He asked handing him back the cup.
He refilled it and handed it back to him, “I came to check on you and to talk.”
Alec drank slowly from the cup again before handing it back and resting his head back on his pillow. He put his hand on his chest then looked up at Bill, “You did that hand on my chest thing didn’t you?”
Bill pulled a chair close to his bedside and sat down, “Yes, and you nearly snapped my wrist.”
Alec reached out and took Bill's hand looking at his wrist that was red from his grip, “Better than that time I elbowed you in the face and bloodied your nose.” He said as he brushed his thumb across Bill’s wrist before letting his hand go.
“Why are you here?” He asked, “Why did you come back to Broadchurch?”
“I came here to talk to you, to tell you why I had to leave.”
“You left because I’m a bastard.” Alec said to him.
“And you’ll get no argument from me on that but it wasn’t all bad.” Bill told him.
Alec smirked at him.
“Why didn’t you respond to my letter?”
“How was I to do that?” Alec asked, “You didn’t put your address down and your phone number went right in the bin the day you left.”
Bill frowned.
“Even if I had told you not to come, I doubt it would have stopped you.”
“Did you want to stop me?” Bill asked.
Alec groaned, and rubbed his eyes, “I don’t know.”
He could see that Bill was hurt by his words but it was the truth.
“I watched you suffer those last few months we were together and it killed me.” Bill said, “I’m a doctor and I couldn’t help you, couldn’t fix you.”
“It wasn’t your job to fix me.”
“Yes, it was.” Bill said, “It was because I loved you.”
Alec looked at Bill who was doing his best to avoid eye contact like he always did when things got too serious.
“You made me feel so helpless and you were determined to just keep pushing yourself and all I saw was you pushing yourself towards death. I couldn’t do that; I couldn’t watch you dig your own grave when you could have done something to save yourself.” Bill said quietly, “So I left.”
“I don’t blame you.” Alec said and Bill looked at him surprised.
“Oh, I did at first and I was angry, very angry. I pushed myself hard at work, closed myself off from everyone, including Miller for a long time till I ended up in the hospital the first time after you left.” He told him, “When I woke in the hospital and Miller was there and not you, I realized you weren’t coming back.”
“According to Ellie you ended up in the hospital once more after that and your Chief took you off of active duty.” Bill said to him, “Haven’t you lost enough now to see that you need to have this surgery?”
Alec looked away from him and Bill knew this was his way of avoiding anything serious.
“I know you’ll never say it, even to me but I understand if you’re scared.” Bill told him, “Because I am too and I have been ever since that day I found you collapsed in the bathroom at your house with your head bleeding.”
Bill reached over and took Alec’s hand in his, “I may have gone back to St. Louis but not all of me left Broadchurch.”
Alec turned to look at him, his face started to crumble. Bill got up, and got on the bed with him. He lay back and pulled Alec into him. Alec buried his face into Bill’s chest and clung to him as he cried. Bill did his best to soothe him, whispering quietly to him over and over that it was going to be okay.
Somehow both he and Alec had fallen asleep. The nurse came in and gently woke Bill up, “I’m sorry, I really am but you have to leave before the new shift starts.”
Bill looked down at Alec, his head still on his chest as he slept peacefully. He nodded to the nurse who then left. Bill took a moment, then kissed the top of Alec’s head and gently nudging him, “Alec, I’m sorry but I have to leave.”
Alec grumbled something in his sleep before moving in even closer and settling in. Bill sighed, God how he missed this, missed Alec like this by his side. He didn’t want to leave but he saw the nurse pass by the window to the room and stop long enough to tap on her watch before moving on. He reluctantly started to shift Alec off of him as gently as he could without disturbing him. He almost had one foot on ground as he gripped the side of the bed to pull himself up.
“Sneaking out just like our first night together huh?”
Bill looked down to see Alec, hair in his eyes looking up at him and he shyly smiled down at him. Alec moved away from him so Bill could finally sit up on the side of the bed. He looked back at him over his shoulder as he slipped his shoes on, “The nurse told me I had to leave.”
“Ah.” Alec said as he ran a hand through his hair.
Bill stood up and Alec reached out, lightly grabbing him by the wrist and he automatically sat back down. Alec looked up at him, staring into his eyes as if he was searching for something. Bill remained silent as he waited for Alec to say something.
“I’ll do it.” He finally said then let go of Bill’s wrist and lay his head back down on his pillow before closing his eyes.
Bill wanted to say something to him but knew that he should just leave it at that so he did. He got up from the bed and headed for the door only stopping once to look back at Alec and smile before finally and reluctantly leaving.