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Harry stared wistfully at Luna as she fed the thestrals, completely lost in his own train of thought. It seemed like worries just continued to pile on him day by day as they got further and further into this horrid war. It seemed like everything that had happened to him and continued to happen to him were like these dark tendrils trying desperately to pull him away from his emotions. Especially during this summer he’d felt that desperate pull that always seemed to tug at his conscience, tempting him so with the notion of cutting himself from everything. Of shutting himself away because it seemed that’s what everything wanted him to do.
Then Luna turned and smiled at him. It was always such an interesting thing to see, it filled him with so much warmth, like a lumos had been casted right where his heart was. Her smile always amazed him, just her facial expressions in general really, and the way he always seemed to understand the underlying message in them. Like now, she was curious on what had him so silent.
He smiled, “I’m just thinking.” He replied, gladly answering her silent question.
“What are you thinking about?” She asked, staring intently at him as she stroked the mane of one of the thestrals.
“Love,” he says matter of factly. At one point, maybe he would have hesitated at saying such things, but Luna had taught him a lot of things as of lately. His openness in his emotions being one of them. “And how being loved by you is something I never really expected nor thought would ever really be possible.”
A snort came from Luna at this, a sort of sardonic tone with it. Not something one would ever really expect from Luna Lovegood of all people, but then not many truly took the time to know the girl. All they chose to see was an air headed girl who seemed perpetually unbothered. “That’s strangely high paise don’t you think?”
Harry’s smile softened at this. “I didn’t necessarily mean it like that, of course being loved by you is an honor though.” The indian boy let out a deep sigh before speaking again, throwing himself back onto the grassy ground of the forest. “It’s just that all my life I never really saw myself as someone who was capable of being loved. I was brought up being taught that love was something I didn’t deserve in any of its forms, and I believed that very much. Then, when I got to the wizarding world I felt that even more. I saw this ugly broken world hiding things behind this idea of perfection just like the Dursley’s did, and so I thought it was the same thing. It felt like the same thing a lot of the time. For a long time it made me lock away a part of myself that I hadn’t realized I’d been denying. I’d starved myself of affection because I felt I was still unworthy of it.” He paused for a moment, feeling his throat become sore as he tried to hold back tears. The stars above him, twinkling and shining began to look blurry, yet he knew he had his glasses on still.
There was a long moment of silence as he tried to recollect himself, try and push himself through finishing this little spiel. Of truly and wholly opening up his heart to the girl. He felt stupid, weak, for having this much trouble trying to express himself to the other.
He looked in mild surprise as Luna settled herself next to him on the grass, taking hold of his hand as she smiled gently up at the stars. “It’s okay to take as long as you need Harry.” She said gently, her voice feeling like the light tinkling of wind chimes. “You don’t have to rush for me. I’m sure we have forever and a lifetime.”
That same warm feeling from before nestled itself into his chest at her words. This clear affirmation of the future ahead of them, the future that’s just for them. It was these soft words, spoken under star light amongst skeletal horses that made him turn fully on his side to face her, prompting Luna to do the same.
Harry held her gaze as he finally began to continue, “To be honest I still feel like I’m not deserving of it. Of your love and affection, because everything has always told me that I simply hurt those close to me. That I shouldn’t be allowed to love in the midst of all this horridness that surrounds us. It’s this mixture of guilt and shame that seems to just constantly pull and tug at me. Like it’s trying to drag me further and further into this pool of despair that’s made itself a permanent fixture of my psyche. Yet here you are, this lovely wonderful person that it feels like I was made to love.” He gave her a soft smile as she gently caressed his cheek, a silent gesture telling him that she felt the same. “It’s strange, because as I got to know you it was like I was slowly surfacing from that pool of despair that I’d been sinking deeper and deeper into. It’s not as though you saved me so to speak. But getting to know you, getting to know Luna Lovegood, this wonderful spectre that made me think in ways that I didn’t think was possible, began to make me want to save myself. It was like without knowing it I was giving you my heart piece by piece. Even if I feel like I shouldn’t, like I don’t deserve it, you make me want to love even in this world that seems to keep trying to tell me that I shouldn’t.”
Luna’s eyes were twinkling as brightly as the stars above their heads as she gazed at him, a smile so gentle and full of love directed at him. She wondered how she got so lucky to be in love with a boy like this. So much so that she even dared to say it out loud. “How was I so fortunate to have Lady Magic bless me with such a wonder like you? For such a long time I didn’t think anyone but my father could love me. No one ever truly accepted me, I was too strange, just Loony Lovegood, but you accepted me. You didn’t simply accept me in spite of what others consider oddities like my interest in nargles and crumple horned snorkacks. You actually listened to what I had to say, you believed me and took me seriously. That’s honestly all I’ve ever wanted from someone, and you managed to give me that and even more. You stood up to bullying that it seemed everyone ignored, you chose to fully understand me and what I had to say instead of writing me off.” She laughed slightly, “I had no other choice but to love you Harry, because even from the start without realizing it you granted my biggest wish.”
“And what was that?” He asked, unconsciously leaning closer, lost in her wonderfully silvery eyes.
“To simply be understood. To be accepted and treated as an equal.”
There was a long pause of silence as they both simply stared at each other. The two teens felt nothing but contentedness as they lay there, happy to have exposed their hearts to the fullest in that moment. It was like there was a dream like quality to the air as they just simply existed in this thing they’d created for each other. This small little world where they could so quietly love and be happy and resist the harshness that the rest of the world demanded of them.
After a long while Harry finally spoke up again, “I’m happy Lady Magic sent me to you. I’m happy I was able to make your wish come true. Most of all, I’m happy that I’m able to love you.”
“And I’m happy that I inspire you to save yourself. I’m happy that I was able to allow you understand that you deserve love. Most of all, I’m happy I was given the opportunity to love you as well.”
“I guess we’re a perfect pair then don’t you think?” He said, leaning in even more, slowly closing the gap between them more and more.
“As perfect as thestrals and death.” She said dreamily before kissing him herself.
It was under the starry lit sky, surrounded by thestrals, sharing a kiss with this girl he knew he’d love for many lifetimes over, that Harry Potter knew he deserved to be loved.