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You and Minato Arisato are inseparable. For as long as you can remember, Minato has been there for you, willing to listen to all of your ideas, your rants, and your problems, no matter how petty they might seem. Whenever you need to vent, whenever you need someone to confide in, or when you simply want someone to comfort you, you know you can turn to him, because he has your back through thick and thin. He has never left your side throughout the year you’ve known each other, not for a single second. Even though he has a lot of friends, homework, and responsibilities, he always manages to put everything aside whenever you need a shoulder to lean on, without any compromises. He’s seen the best and the worst of you and, yet, he’s still there for you. He trusts you and you trust him in return.
You met almost one year ago, when the two of you started attending Gekkoukan High as sophomores, but, looking back, it seems like you have known him all your life. You don’t remember when he first talked to you, how you managed to make him open up to you, or when did you start considering him your best friend. It simply happened, as if destiny was drawing you to him and vice versa. The only thing you know for sure is that you’ll be forever thankful about having met him in the first place.
Minato is the friend you’ve dreamed of all your life. He’s the kind of friend that you once thought only existed in fiction, the one that you can call up at midnight after having a nightmare because you know that he’ll pick up. He helps you when, at the last minute, you realize you had to turn in an assignment that day at school, he does everything he can to calm you down right before an important test, and he calls you whenever you miss a day of school to make sure everything is okay. He’s the sort of guy that will accompany you on shopping trips to stores he isn’t even interested in because all he wants is to lend a hand. He’s the type of friend with whom you can joke around and be yourself without having to worry about messing up, revealing an embarrassing secret, or stepping out of line. After all, you know that you can be completely straightforward with him and he’ll do the same in return. He has proven that, even if you do something stupid, he won’t get mad or laugh at you. He puts you above all else, because he cares about your feelings. He doesn’t judge you when you’re having a bad time, because he genuinely tries to understand what you’re going through, even if he has been through much worse himself. He’s almost too kind.
It’s honestly pretty hard to believe. Nobody is that selfless, especially not without a reason, or so you would’ve initially thought. But Minato proved you wrong. He doesn’t expect anything in return for his kindness, he never does. It could be because he feels like he has nothing to lose or because he wants others to have that comfort he desperately needed through most of his childhood. It could be because he wants to feel like he’s helping someone, like he’s making himself useful. It could be because simply he wants a place to belong. Regardless of his motivation, though, he is kind just because he can. He wouldn’t back down from a fight or walk away if someone calls out to him for help, all while he’s dealing with his own inner demons and sorting out his own feelings. He’s by far the strongest person you’ve ever met. And he’s your friend. Your best friend.
A lot of people don’t understand that, though. “Why do you hang out so much with Minato-kun?”, they ask. “Don’t you think he’s too apathetic?” Those questions don’t fail to annoy you every time you hear them, but you can see where those comments are coming from. On the outside, Minato seems uninterested. Careless, even. But you believe that, if everyone around him got past their prejudices and got to know him for who he truly is, they’d realize what a wonderful guy he is. They’d notice the countless things he does for his friends. From the big gestures to the small details, he undertakes his responsibilities without complaining, as if they weren’t a burden to him. If everyone saw past his distant, withdrawn, and almost cold exterior, they’d see how much he cares about those who are important to him. They’d finally notice the warmth that he offers his closest friends and that strange sense of humor that only you can get at times. He seems emotionless at first glance, yes. But that only makes his discreet smiles and his soft laughs much, much more valuable.
If there’s one friend that you desperately want to keep for the years to come, even after you graduate and your lives go separate ways, it’s Minato. Nothing can come in between the two of you. He was there during both your failures and your successes, he was at your side through painful times and joyful times alike, the two of you went out to eat together at restaurants or at a mere stands on the street just to enjoy each other’s presence, and he kept you company when you had to run errands like going to the grocery store. You have too many fond memories with Minato to count. Yet, it’s not enough. There’s still a lot of things to do together. Both of you have your whole lives ahead of yourselves, so the future is full of endless possibilities, full of food to share, games to play, and places to explore, and you want to go through it with Minato standing by you all the while. Thinking about sharing an uncertain but promising future with your best friend makes you feel a rush of youthful excitement well up inside you. You feel like you can do anything as long as he believes in you.
You hear your name being called, pulling you back to reality. You see Minato staring at you intently with one eye covered by his long bangs and the other blinking at you calmly. His eyes are as blue and as tranquil as the sea seen from afar, which matches both his equally blue hair and his detached personality. His expression is unreadable, but it somehow makes you feel relaxed, since you know that you don’t have to worry about him snapping or having a knee jerk reaction to pretty much anything.
You wait for him to talk, but he instead holds out his clenched hand with his fingers facing upwards. He seems amused when you glance down with curiosity, and he slowly opens his hand, revealing seven or eight silver coins you can use to play games at the arcade. Huh. You thought you had already used up all of the coins for today, but apparently Minato had bought extras and was saving them in his pocket for later. It’s a nice surprise.
One of your favorite activities to do with Minato is going to the arcade, since both of you love playing games. Located in the mall, Game Panic has a huge variety of games to choose from, from quiz games, rhythm games, and crane machines to fighting games, shooting games, and whack-a-mole. Plus, it’s open until late, so, sometimes, you and Minato like to head to the arcade after a long day of school and stay there until it’s dark outside, simply playing around and pausing for snacks. When it’s just the two of you, it tends to get competitive, but it’s all in good fun. On the other hand, when you both invite a couple of friends along for a group get-together, you and Minato take the chance to team up. That’s when you become unstoppable as the game enthusiasts that you are. Cooperating with him and destroying the competition feels great. Some of his friends have even remarked that you have wonderful chemistry.
“What next?” Minato asks.
You briefly examine the coins in his hand, but what really catches your attention is his face. All color has been drained away from his cheeks and it seems like he can’t keep his eyes open, as he consistently has to jolt himself awake, even though he’s standing. His expression is somehow calmer than usual, showing that his guards are down. Aside from his face, however, it’s even easier to tell how he feels. His movements seem sluggish, despite him being a capable athlete, and he’s taking more time than usual to think about what he’s going to say or what he’s going to do. He looks extremely exhausted. It’s not hard to figure it out, especially not for someone who knows him as well as you do.
You’re feeling up to a few more rounds, but you don’t want to push him too hard. Sure, he was the one who invited you to come to the arcade today, ignoring his symptoms, and you eventually had to comply because he seemed very eager to come. Still, he doesn’t look good. At all. No matter how much he insists that he wants to be here, he should be resting in his room. He’s your friend, after all. If you want him to get any better, you need to put his well-being above everything else.
It doesn’t take long to make up your mind. You turn towards Minato and say that, even though you had lots of fun and you wish you could play with him longer, you should leave it at this, go home, and go to bed early. It’s not late yet, but he looks tired, he needs to rest, and he can’t deny it. He needs to take care of himself. You tell him to keep the coins for later, reassuring him that the two of you can and will come back some other day. For now, though, it’d be better to stop and wait until he recovers. From the embarrassment in Minato’s eyes, you notice that he knows you’re right. He looks around him as if avoiding your gaze, then he looks back at you, and you see him opening his mouth to say something, but he closes it again almost immediately. He doesn’t have the energy to argue. So he only nods. He slips the coins into his pocket and follows you out of the arcade.
Usually, Minato walks you home. But today, to make sure that he’ll actually get the rest he needs, you decide to walk him to his dorm instead. You exit the mall and the freezing air outside instantly sends chills down your spine. It might be March, but the weather is still pretty cold. Minato doesn’t seem to react, though, so you brush it off and continue walking. As you stroll down the streets of Iwatodai with your friend, side-by-side, none of you make conversation, but the silence isn’t uncomfortable. You understand that it might be best for him to save his energy. And, in any case, you don’t feel the need to talk. In the time you’ve been together, you have learned to simply enjoy Minato’s quiet company. Normally, if you get bored of walking in silence, you can manage to entertain yourself by looking around the city or daydreaming. Today, however, you’re so worried about him that you catch yourself sneaking glances in his direction every once in a while.
He doesn’t seem any better than before. He isn’t visibly worse, either, but it’s clear that every step he takes is taxing to his health. Carefully staring at the path in front of him to avoid tripping on anything and pausing every five minutes to collect himself, he isn’t being too successful in hiding how sick he feels. You suspect he has felt like this all day, maybe all week, but he has done nothing about it, even if it looks like he’s rapidly wearing himself out. He hasn’t been taking basic care of himself as of late, has he? His hair looks a bit more unkempt than usual and, when the wind brushes some strands away, he doesn’t bother to fix them. His eyes, normally confident and stoic, are now in a daze, softly trembling from one place to another, as if fighting some sort of inner turmoil only he knows about. As if he was looking for something to hold onto. Up close, he looks kind of… helpless. Is he dealing with something he has never dealt with before? Maybe you’re just imagining things because he looks sick, but you can’t help but wondering if there’s something else going on.
When you look around, you’re already at the dorms’ doorstep. It’s time to part, time for Minato to say goodbye and walk in, but he is merely standing there next to you. He emptily stares at the entrance, hesitating, seemingly not wanting to leave just yet. Something tells you that he’s struggling with himself, like if he was repressing something on the tip of his tongue. Almost unnoticeably, he bites his lip. You’re about to ask him what’s wrong when you feel a cold sensation on your left hand, taking you off-guard, and you look down to find that Minato has taken your hand in his. He glances at you with a coy glint in his eyes, as if asking for permission, but you’re too stunned to speak. He takes your silence as a sign that you’re okay with this, so he proceeds to gently intertwine his fingers with yours and pull your hand towards him.
You focus all of your attention on Minato, who’s finding his way through your palm. His skin is freezing, but his touch is rather pleasant. It’s secure, like a lifeline. It’s unshakeable, like a timeless bond. It’s relaxing, like a reassurance that you will always be there for each other. While Minato caresses your skin with his thumb, your free hand instinctively reaches out to him, craving his comfort. You don’t even register it when your feet start moving closer to him on their own. Minato takes his other hand out of his pocket too and softly squeezes yours, as if he was afraid that you’d let him go. He closes his eyes momentarily and pulls your hands even closer to his face, before placing a kiss on your hand. The gentle touch of his lips shoots a thrill of joy running across your body. It makes you feel like the luckiest person alive. That’s when you know you two can’t go back to being just friends anymore, you can’t even if you try. But you don’t mind. This feels… right. It feels like home.
Minato continues holding your hands. You can feel your whole body tingling and a silly smile creeping into your face, with a tinge of embarrassment and an urge to get closer to him bottling up inside your chest. It suddenly seems like he’s very far away and all you want is to reach out to him. You want to wrap your arms around him and cuddle up against him, maybe share more kisses, or run your hand through his smooth hair and bury your face in his neck. You feel the need to protect him, to look after him, or, at the very least, to just comfort him. Have you always liked him? Is this… love? You’re beginning to think it might’ve been love all along. You definitely care for him more than for any other friend you’ve had, you’d do anything for him, and you know he’d do anything for you in return. You want him more than anything in the world. And so you try not to overthink this, because all you want is to enjoy his affection.
You look at your hands clasped together and reaffirm your grasp around Minato’s. Though you’re holding yourself back from getting any closer, you want this feeling to last, so you attempt to memorize how beautiful this simple gesture is. Before you know it, Minato lets go of your left hand, loosens his grip around your right, and reaches for something in his pocket. His eyes scream happiness, but he has a sad smile on his face. Is he… Is he just tired or does he know something you don’t?
“You should keep this.” He mutters.
He places the remaining arcade coins on your hand, along with a couple of photo booth strips you got today. You glance at the pictures, featuring you and Minato, and a sense of pride washes over you. You even got him to grin a couple of times, which is a complete achievement. He looks really cute when he smiles. Actually, you two look pretty cute together. If you think about it, these pictures are a great reminder of the wonderful moments you’ve shared both in and out of the arcade, because you almost can see how close you two are from the pictures alone. You smile fondly and make a mental note to take care of these beautiful mementos and put them in a safe spot. Minato, for his part, lets go of your other hand, gazing at you lovingly, and he slowly leans in towards you until his face is so close you can feel his warm breath on your skin. His nose softly touches your cheek, making your skin tickle and forcing a chuckle out of you. You can practically feel Minato’s satisfaction, as if he intended to make you laugh.
His head tilts to one side slightly and he lets out a soundless sigh. “... You’re making this harder than it should be. You know that, right?” He whispers in your ear. Without any warning, he backs off, he steps away from you, and his eyes, filled with regret, dart towards the floor. “But I need to leave. Sorry. I hope you understand.”
You feel something greasy dripping down your forehead. Are you sweating? Your heart is beating rapidly, your limbs are paralyzed, your head has been invaded by brain fog, and you have no idea of how to react to what’s happening around you. What should you do? Where do you go now? Even if you try to figure out what in the world is going on, you simply can’t make any sense of it right now. Way too many things are happening at the same time. If you’re not mistaken, your best friend who has never shown to be anything more than that just tried to make a move on you, and a part of you thinks you should say you aren’t interested, but the other part of you is screaming at you, because when he kissed your hand, it was like something inside you exploded, and it was then when you realized you have always had feelings for him too, and maybe you’re not ready to take in all of this, but, oh god, you’re in too deep already. You’re confused, you’re excited, you’re dumbfounded, and you’re in love. You wish you could just throw yourself into Minato’s arms, discarding all worries, all drama, and all social conventions, and that you could hug him and kiss him and tell him how much he means to you. But you can’t. You can’t and you need to control yourself. You still need to figure this all out. You aren’t even sure if you can tell him that you have a crush on him yet. You need to think about it. You have to take your time. So you tell yourself that, if you take things slow, everything you’re longing for will eventually arrive, and it’ll be lovely. You and Minato… The two of you can take over the world if you want to. But you can’t just jump right in. You can’t be that reckless.
You breathe in deeply and wipe the sweat off your face. Please, calm down… Calm down… It’s hard to think clearly with all these feelings inside of you. Flustered, you clear your throat and manage to mumble out a reply, trying but failing to sound even remotely casual or composed. You tell him that it’s okay. You understand that he needs to rest and you don’t mind. It’s alright. Since you want him to get better soon, you can understand that he needs to take it easy for a while. In fact, if he feels that bad, he should consider skipping school tomorrow all together. Otherwise, he won’t get the rest he so urgently needs.
Minato’s head is now hanging and his eyes are shut. Slowly, so much that you almost can’t notice it, he makes an effort to open his eyes and look at you. Did he accidentally nod off while standing? His body is practically begging for rest, but it’s obvious that he’s fighting back against it. He seems… hurt. He seems way more tired than anyone his age should be. You wonder what could have happened for him to exhaust all of his energy, so you decide to ask him about him later, when he recovers. For now, you insist that he needs to go. You remind him that he should worry about himself before worrying about you. You’re fine, really. It’s not like he’ll be gone forever, either, so there’s no need to apologize, right?
Minato glances at you once more, seemingly to let you know that he heard you, and, again, he stares at the dorms blankly, not wanting to go in. He seems trapped in his own thoughts. Locked away in a world of conflict that no one but him knows about. Confined, not being able to open up about whatever is hurting him. None of you say anything, though. You want to give him space, while he’s too distracted to explain what’s going through his mind. It seems like an eternity until he finally starts heading towards the door, but, even then, he pauses with every step, fidgeting, and, when he gets to the door, he stops completely. From where you are, you can see him trembling. What could possibly be making him so nervous? If you didn’t know him so well, you’d think that he’s paralyzed by fear. The silence is killing you and you wish you could simply break it to ask him what’s wrong, but for now, just for now, you need to hold back and respect his privacy.
Minato doesn’t turn around to face you again, but a weak voice calls out your name. You perk up immediately. Does he need anything from you? Medicine, maybe? Or is he going to tell you something? Maybe he’s going to ask if you two can go out again later when he gets well. Or maybe he’s going to ask you for advice on whatever it is that’s troubling him so much.
“Will…” His voice breaks. His body gets stiff. “Will I see you tomorrow?”
Of course. As long as he wants you to be there, you will be there for him. And you don’t promise to make him company whenever he needs it just because you need to return the favor. No. He’s way more than some guy you’re indebted to. Every second you spend by his side, every word he directs at you, and every glance he throws your way is precious, priceless, treasured. Every single thing he does is meaningful in your eyes. His mere presence means the world to you, after all. In fact, you wouldn’t be able to leave him behind even if you wanted to. You can’t imagine how would it be to live in a world without him. You want to keep him by your side, to make his life a little brighter just like how he changed yours for the better. Minato turns around and gazes at you one last time, before opening the door and disappearing into the darkness.
That night, you think about it. You mentally go through everything that happened that afternoon. How much fun you had at the arcade, how happy it made you every time you saw Minato smile, how worried you were about him being sick, how pleasant his skin felt against yours, how flustered but excited you were when he leaned in… So… Is this love…? It tastes so sweet you think you might already be addicted to it. Not for a single moment do you manage to get Minato out of your mind, as tons of memories and feelings constantly flood in. You take the time to ponder about where you want to go with Minato now. Do you want to take the next step in your relationship? Should you confess your newly discovered feelings? But what if you make it awkward? No, it can’t be. Minato must feel the same, right? Friends don’t randomly hold hands while staring at each other’s eyes, nor do they place kisses on your skin for no reason. Much less do they get so close to you that their pleasant smell sticks with you for hours. Spinning around all of those feelings inside your head and getting nowhere, you decide to put the matter to rest. You’ll see Minato tomorrow and talk to him about it.
But when you arrive to the school’s rooftop, it’s too late.
Your stomach drops, you cannot breathe, something strangles your neck. No words reach you, you can’t reason with yourself, everything is blurry, all you can feel is shock. You latch onto Minato’s body and hold him against you, clutching his hands so hard that you might break his bones, crying out, sobbing hopelessly, and begging him to come back. Begging him to fight back. Begging him to open his eyes and say something. Anything. But as soon you saw Aigis’s face covered in tears, it was all clear. You’re pursuing something that can’t be found. You hold onto Minato’s body tighter and scream at him to stay with you, to stay awake, to stay alive. He can’t leave you, not now. Please. Please come back. There’s still so many things you haven’t done, so many things you need to do together, and so much time ahead of you to do everything he has always wanted to do. You had plans, you had dreams. But it’s all being snatched away from you. Just like that. Just like that.
You bury your head in Minato’s clothes. He can’t leave. He can’t. You need him. What about the friends he made, of the goals he has, of the life he’s leaving behind? You still want to see him smile, you want to see him laugh, you want him to be as happy as he deserves to be. Why? Why does he have to leave? There’s so much you have to do, so much you have to say, and he needs to be there at your side, just like he has always been. You wish you could somehow bring him back to life and make everything go back to the way it was. But it’s of no use. No one hears your voice. No one answers your cries. You’re helpless, you’re alone. For the first time in what feels like years, there’s no one there to pick you up or comfort you.
Minato is gone.
Minato is dead.
You promised him he would see you again today. You promised you would be there for him, you told him you two would surely meet again.
You were too late.