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Their first fight happened sooner than expected. Less a month after they got together, Xi Gu started acting cold towards Hao Ting, just like he used to be when Hao Ting was first pursuing him.
They would usually go home together, Hao Ting waiting as Xi Gu finished studying in his empty classroom before accompanying him to his very small studio and separating for the night.
But that day, when Hao Ting arrived to the usual classroom, Xi Gu was missing. This didn’t feel good. Even before Xi Gu even admitted he liked him back he hadn’t changed his routine to avoid Hao Ting. Now, though, it was clear he had a bone to pick with him.
In the already pitch black night, Hao Ting ran to Xi Gu’s studio, praying he’d be there and he wouldn’t have to chase him through the whole city. Luckily, the lights were on through his window, which already reassured Hao Ting, who still rushed to the stairs.
Two by two, he climbed them before arriving in front of Xi Gu’s door. He knocked on it, hard, as if he wanted to break it with his fist. He was ready to destroy the door if Xi Gu didn’t open it, no matter how worse it would make the situation.
But, at last, Xi Gu appeared. He stared at Hao Ting’s chin for a while, incapable of meeting his gaze.
“Why aren’t you a school?” Hao Ting asked, barging into the small room and putting his shoes in his usual corner of the room.
Xi Gu closed the door behind him, looking down at the ground.
“I wanted to switch it up, that’s it,” he shrugged, walking back to his bed where his notebooks were laid out, getting back to his studying.
“I brought you dinner,” Hao Ting said, trying not to let his voice show the distress he was feeling.
“I’ll eat later,” Xi Gu replied, not even looking back at him.
Hao Ting sighed. This wasn’t Xi Gu. The Xi Gu who gave him the most heart-warming smiles, the Xi Gu who held his hand to make it warm again, the Xi Gu who kissed him like there was no tomorrow. This was a stranger. And it hurt Hao Ting. So damn much.
But Hao Ting wasn’t one to get discouraged easily. Instead, he sat next to the bed, his back resting on it, and started unpacking the food he’d bought, opening it so the delicious smell would spread throughout the whole place.
Xi Gu’s stomach chose that moment to gargle, which made Hao Ting smile. He let his head fall back onto the bed, right next to his boyfriend’s thigh.
“Come on, let’s eat. You only work in an hour. You still have plenty of time,” he practically begged.
Xi Gu sighed and finally looked into Hao Ting’s eyes, losing himself in them for a while and saying nothing.
“What’s going on?” Hao Ting asked, brows furrowed and legitimately scared.
Xi Gu sighed again, this time looking up to his ceiling for a few seconds before grabbing his school bag and getting a paper out of it which ended up in Hao Ting’s hands.
He stared at it for a while before discovering what was wrong: it was a school report, full of A’s as usual, but tinted with one small B at the end of the list.
“That’s it?” he said.
Xi Gu snatched the paper from his hands in annoyance. “Do you realize what that means? It’s compromising my scholarship.”
Hao Ting got up to sit on the bed, facing Xi Gu. “I’m sorry about it, I know you work very hard. But why are you taking it out on me? I’m on your side, you know.”
Xi Gu sighed once again. “But I’ve never had a B before I started dating you, Hao Ting,” he declared, staring at him with sad eyes.
Hao Ting just couldn’t bring himself to reply anything. He was stunned, but also not that surprised. Lu Zhi Gang had told him how different he was from Xi Gu, which Hao Ting knew. But difference was good, a lot of couples were the total opposite of each other.
“Xi Gu,” he begged, grabbing his hands in between his. “I’m sorry about it. If you want us to spend less time together for a little while so you can study, we can do that. I’ll just bring you your lunch and dinner in school and then you’ll get back to your notebooks.”
Xi Gu shook his head. “I just… I don’t know what to do, Hao Ting,” he admitted, looking at him with incredibly sad eyes.
“Do you like me?” Hao Ting asked. He needed to hear it once again.
Xi Gu nodded, “I do.”
Hao Ting’s hand caressed his cheek softly, a small smile appearing on his lips. “Then it’s all that matters, isn’t it?”
Xi Gu looked away, looking hesitant. “But it isn’t, though,” he mostly whispered. “I… I’ve been working on my future for years. And I work so hard, so damn hard that each one of my waking hour is spent either studying or working to support myself.”
“I know that,” Hao Ting interjected. “And I’m so proud of you.”
“I can’t give all these years of effort up for a relationship, though,” Xi Gu declared, looking back at him with a sad smile.
“You don’t have to do that, Xi Gu,” Hao Ting cried out, grabbing his hands. He was so damn scared of what Xi Gu would say next. “We can just hang out less often together, I’m okay with that.”
Xi Gu shook his head, tears started to roll on his cheeks. “But you deserve someone who can give you the time you want from them. I can’t do that.”
“Yes you can!” he exclaimed, still squeezing his hands, feeling his eyes get wet as well.
Xi Gu’s hands moved out of his reach as he shook his head. “I think… we’re just not a right fit for each other. We should… break up.”
Hao Ting heard himself sob, fat tears falling onto Xi Gu’s bed. “No. I can’t do that. We’ve just started. It can’t stop now.”
“I don’t want it to end,” Xi Gu’s voice was choked up. “But it’s our last year of high school. I can’t possibly mess it up now.”
“Then,” Hao Ting uttered, grabbing his face in between his palms and getting closer. “Let’s just take a break, okay? We don’t see each other for a week, and after that you can make you decision.”
It hurt just to think about going on a break, but it felt like the only option Xi Gu could accept besides breaking up, and that wasn’t fathomable in Hao Ting’s mind.
Xi Gu hesitated, losing himself in his eyes, before nodding.
“Okay.”
Hao Ting exhaled with relief, leaving a brief peck on Xi Gu’s lips. “Please, don’t give up on us.”
And with that, he got up and left, the pitch darkness engulfing him. He felt like laying in a pool of his own tears, like giving up on living for a week until he’d see Xi Gu again.
It was torture, not going to see Xi Gu at lunch, or after school. Not holding his hand, listening to his voice, kissing him, seeing his smile, touching him… It was cliche, but Hao Ting felt like he couldn’t live without him.
On the third day, though, he wasn’t able to help himself and went to Xi Gu’s classroom in the hopes of watching him study from afar. But the classroom was empty. This made his stomach turn. Either Xi Gu was avoiding him or something was wrong.
Hao Ting started running without thinking about it, reaching for his phone as he arrived at the school’s entrance, ready to call Xi Gu… when he saw him right in front of him.
He had seemed to be waiting in front of the doors, and smiled shyly when he saw Hao Ting.
“I didn’t find you in your classroom,” he said. “Where were you?”
Hao Ting chuckled. “In yours.”
They stared at each other in silence, standing less than a meter away from each other.
Slowly, Xi Gu got closer, hands falling on Hao Ting’s waist, pouting in the most adorable manner.
“I couldn’t do it. I needed to see you,” he admitted.
Hao Ting’s smile hurt his face because of its enormous size. He put a hand under Xi Gu’s chin.
“Me too.”
They lost themselves in each other’s eyes, smirking like the dumb idiots in love they were.
“I was wrong,” Xi Gu, finally said. “Breaking up isn’t the solution. I can’t wait a week before telling you. Three days were long enough.”
Hao Ting laughed as Xi Gu put his arms around the sides of his head, bringing him down to his height so they could kiss. It was soft, like it always was, but without a dose of hesitation. Xi Gu was sure.
And it felt damn good to have been missed.