Work Text:
Too had never been the best at public displays of affections. Or private displays of affection, for that matter.
But he wasn’t the worse either, and never hesitated to use some – though sparingly – on the many girlfriends he’d had.
Now, though, things weren’t the same anymore: he wasn’t dating a girl, but P’Un instead.
And that did actually make a big difference for Too, even when he didn’t want it to.
With Un, Too was incapable of initiating as much as an arm around the shoulder. The most he could do was hitting him playfully or knocking their shoulder together, but for the rest he let Un take the lead.
But even the n , he managed to look awkward or make it seem like it somehow. Sometimes he couldn’t help but duck away from a kiss on the cheek or hand holding, even though he really didn’t mind it.
The worst of it all was that he did like Un. He liked him a whole lot. He haunted his thoughts and dreams all day and night, and Too couldn’t spend a day without wanting to see Un.
Physically, he was attracted to him as well. Too had eyes, he could see how gorgeous Un was, from all angles and lights, and did think of him in a sexual way, though he’d never dare to act on it.
Too knew he was being weird and probably freaking Un out. He freaked himself out, too, in all honesty. He was slowly driving away the one he could see himself falling in love with.
A month after that confession on the shore and whatever they h ad become – they still hadn’t put a word on it, though Bone insisted on calling them boyfriends as often as he could – it appeared like Too had dri ven Un away.
Un had come to pick him from the studio he was working in that afternoon, begging him to help him out for a shoot the next day.
“Come on, Too. Please help me out,” he said, passing an arm around his shoulders.
“No,” he pouted, getting rid of his arm. “Find somebody else to be your photographer.”
“No, it has to be you,” Un insisted. “Are you doing it or not?”
“What if I’m not?” he replied with a smug grin. “You can’t blackmail me with Lynn anymore.”
Of course he couldn’t, Too thought to himself. That was dumb of him to even say that.
“I’m not gonna blackmail you with Lynn,” Un declared. “I’m gonna blackmail you with this.”
“What?”
“If you’re not doing it, I’m gonna kiss you.”
He had said that while looking straight into his eyes with that poker face of his, getting really close to Too who got sort of scared and got away from him.
Un followed him. “Please, Too.”
He put an arm in between them, trying to keep him from coming closer.
“Let me kiss you!” P’Un teased with a smile while trying to push their faces together.
“No, P’Un! Don’t! I’m sorry!” he yelled, still trying to push him away.
He felt a laugh start to bubble up in his chest as P’Un made the most ridiculous kissing face and tried to come closer to him.
He was now sitting on a stool, P’Un half laid on top of him, though his arms still worked as a barrier between them.
“Let me kiss you!” P’Un laughed.
Too’s only point of gravity was now half of his butt on the stool, helped by P’Un strong hands holding the back of his neck.
The situation was comical. Too felt the irresistible urge to stop resisting and let himself be kissed but his stubbornness kept him from facing defeat.
He was now laughing, unable to contain it anymore. His laugh echoed in the empty room, which made him realize that Un wasn’t laughing alongside him.
He stopped and stared at him, who helped him get back onto his feet without a word. After a while, he did give him a small smile.
“So you’ll do it?”
“Hm,” he nodded. “You’re so untamed,” he teased.
Un huffed. “Sure. At least I got what I wanted.”
Too didn’t notice it right away, the way Un changed.
It took him three days to catch up with the fact that Un wasn’t touching him anymore. Like, ever.
Usually, his senior couldn’t help but pass an arm around his shoulders or waist, hold his hand and caress or kiss his cheek. They had kissed a few times, too, though Too hadn’t really let it go further.
But now, Un didn’t do any of that at all. He was still acting the same though, using his usual charming smile and flirty tone with Too, saying the cheesiest things and taking him in the best restaurants of the city.
It was almost as if nothing had changed at all. But Too knew the truth: he felt empty now. Sure, they weren’t having a fight or breaking up, but he hadn’t realized how much he craved Un’s touch u ntil it was gone .
Once he noticed what Un was up to, Too became incapable of focusing on anything else: it became an obsession. He went as far as imagining Un reaching out for him in moments he usually would.
After a week of that torture, Too decided to take the matter into his own hands: he would be the one, despite his difficulty, to initiate displays of affection.
Too had secretly hoped Un would have gone back to his old ways when they would see each other that day, but he didn’t.
They went shopping in an outdoor market, and Too spent the whole time trying to come up with a way of touching Un without seeming out of character.
For Un, it seemed easy, touching him, making him feel special. He did it so naturally.
Too didn’t think he’d able to do it. He liked being on the receiving end of all that romantic stuff, but initiating it was a whole other thing.
As they were leaving, Too thought it was now or never: he passed an arm around Un’s shoulders, the way he used to do it all the time.
He hadn’t really thought about the fact that he was significantly shorter than Un, which made the pose incredibly awkward. He found himself a shoulder extended up around Un’s shoulder while the other one was down, his body looking like the sinking Titanic.
Un looked happy, which made Too smile. That was the goal. To show him that he liked physical contact.
He kept the pose for a while, though it made it hard to walk, body all extended like that. After a while, he felt Un’s arm pass behind his back so his hand could hold his waist.
That was new. It made Too feel good. It was intimate, and people around them probably knew they were an item now. Too didn’t mind it at all.
Too considered operation pda a success: Un would surely go back to touching him the next day now that he knew that Too did like it.
Too’s positive attitude quickly faded away the next day when he realized that nothing had changed: Un still acted as if he was radioactive.
H e almost considered giving up and being in a touch-less relationship from now on. That thought itself hurt so damn much, though, and it convinced him to step out of his comfort zone and continue his mission.
Un and him went to the movies pretty often on top of watching movies at their apartments. It had bec o me a habit for them to see at least one movie in theaters per week, and that week wasn’t the exception.
U sually, movies were sort of a sacred things and Un wouldn’t even try to touch him while they watch ed them, especially in the theater.
But this seemed to be a golden opportunity for Too: they were in public but the dark made it a more intimate setting, and their hands were already so close anyways.
So, after having spent the first half of the movie staring at Un’s face and hand, he finally decided to take it in his.
Slowly, he approached the hand with his and let a finger touch it first, to prepare Un for what was coming. Too was looking out for any emotion to show on Un’s face, but he kept watching the movie religiously.
A nnoyed, Too simply grabbed his hand and laced their fingers together without any second thought . Un turned to look at him, a small smile displayed across his lips, before going right to his initial position.
Too was pretty happy with that reaction. At least they held hands until the end of the movie, when they sadly had to detach them in order to get out of the room.
But, like the first experiment, it didn’t seem to change anything in Un’s behavior.
Too was starting to despair. Before, he had never understood the need for displays of affection in a relationship, probably because he was always on the receiving hand.
But now, he got it: without it, he barely felt like Un was dating him anymore. It felt like things were over before they even got to really start.
O ne more try , he thought, one more.
He invited Un to sleep over, which was a first. Usually U n would be the one to ask him if he could stay, but not this time.
They showed each other their recent photographs and watched an award winning short film on YouTube before it was time for dinner.
T he both of them were really not the best cooks, but they managed to make it work. Un had become slightly better because of the many videos he watched daily, but Too was sort of a lost case.
“Shit!” he exclaimed as he felt his finger throb violently. He had burned himself on the pan he was using.
“Are you okay?” Un asked, stopping in his tracks to look at his fingers.
Too felt himself relax when he realized Un was holding his hand, guiding his finger under cold water.
It was the first time he initiated c ontact in weeks, but it made him sort of sad that he had to hurt himself in order to be touched by him.
O nce his finger felt slightly better, Un just stared at it, still holding it tightly in his palm. Too almost asked him wh at he was doing when Un kissed it.
Too felt his mouth fall agape. Un had just kissed his freaking burnt finger. He couldn’t believe it.
He felt himself laugh. Un looked sheepish, and completely adorable.
“I had to kiss it better,” he whispered, cheeks tinted pink.
“God, you’re just...”
Too marked a pause, turning back to the food that was still cooking on the heat, and cut it off completely.
“Dinner will have to wait,” he announced.
He didn’t know what went through with him at that moment. He had never done it before, but he had never wanted it as much as that moment.
His hands went to cup Un’s face, pulling him in the direction of his own, until their lips were t ouching .
They had kissed a few times, always slow and tender, but this time wasn’t like that. From the beginning that kiss was rough, and wanting. It felt exhilarating.
Too could finally show Un how much he wanted him, how much he liked him.
Once Un got over his initial shock, he started kissing back, hands falling on his waist and pulling him closer. Too smiled into the kiss. At least he knew Un was still into him.
It went on for a while, until their gurgling stomachs made them stop and go back to cooking. They stole side-glances and shy smiles over the stove, and Too felt happy and sated.
H e tried to ignore the rising feelings inside of him, that told him to worry. Usually, whenever they kissed, Un’s hands would travel under Too’s shirt, trying to go further.
Too always stopped him though. “Let’s take it slow. Another time, P’,” he always said. Un nodded and resumed the kissing for a little while longer.
That night, Un had been the first to pull away and he hadn’t tried anything. Maybe he liked Too less than before, maybe he didn’t even like him anymore. That terrifying feeling made Too’s blood curdle.
H e barely talked after that during that night.
When they went to bed after having watched a movie, Too laid on his back, trying to evaluate the situation: maybe it was in his head, maybe Un had realized he didn’t like pda all that much and stopped, maybe he was just in a bad mood… maybe he didn’t love Too anymore.
That thought couldn’t seem to leave his mind. He doesn’t love you anymore, you let him down, dating you was such a bore he lost his feelings for you. He hates you. You’re annoying. He doesn’t love you.
After a while, he r otated his body to gaze at Un’s turned figure. He was facing the opposite direction, only his back and hair available for Too to stare at.
It was also new, that position. Usually he was always turned in Too’s direction, looking at him longingly.
Too felt his eyes burn. Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop. I want to go back in time.
“P’…” he finally whispered. “Do you not love me anymore?”
He still remembered that confession on the shore, the way he had been so scared of losing Un until he announced he wasn’t going on the internship anymore.
I n retrospect , this fear seemed so ridiculous in comparison to the one he was feeling at the moment . At the time, he didn’t really know what he was losing.
Now, he knew very well. He didn’t think he could get over that heartbreak.
Un turned so fast to face him the bed creaked. He looked scared and sad too. It was like looking at a mirror.
“Of course I love you!” he cried out, voice clear and honest, getting closer to Too who couldn’t look at him anymore. “What makes you say that?”
T oo closed his eyes, feeling Un’s hand on his arm. He should relax now, Un still loved him, but he couldn’t. Somehow he still couldn’t believe it.
“Hey, hey, hey,” Un said, thumb wiping a tear staining his cheek.
Great, he was crying now. He hadn’t even realized it.
“What’s going on, Too?”
“You… don’t ever touch me anymore,” he finally let out, voice almost sobbing.
Un looked ashamed now. “You don’t hold my hand, you don’t kiss me… you don’t even want to get in my pants anymore,” he said, half-laughing, half-crying because he knew how ridiculous it sounded.
Un smiled back at him, before kissing his lips softly.
“I’m sorry,” he finally declared. “You were just… always so awkward about it, I thought you hated it.”
T oo closed his eyes again. Of course he had thought that. Too had made it easy for him.
“I know, I’m sorry,” he replied. “I know I look weird all the time because I don’t really know how to be in a relationship with a boy, and with you especially, and I’m not the best at pda… but if I didn’t like it, I would’ve told you.”
Un grinned, still holding his face in his palms.
“But you could’ve told me you had doubts instead of becoming so distant! I thought you hated me now,” he pouted.
“I’m really sorry, Too. That wasn’t my intention. I just… wanted to leave you the time and space for you to figure out what you liked.”
Too examined his face. He did look truly sorry and repentant.
“Well what I like is you,” he responded. “Everything that makes you, you, including the fact that you can’t spend one minute without touching me.”
Un’s face now looked too small to contain the smile he was wearing. He kissed him again, less chaste this time.
“I love you for you too. Even if you look awkward as hell when I try to touch you. But I also liked you initiating more things in the past week...”
T oo smiled, kissing him again. “I know, I think I like it too. It’s a first.”
“Hm, I like the sound of that,” Un said.
“P’,” Too said in between kisses, feeling breathless and happy with the turn the evening had taken, “I promise I’ll try to initiate more things if you go back to your old ways.”
“Deal,” Un promised, wiggling his eyebrows and going back to their make out session.
And as Too felt his hands go up his shirt, he didn’t ask him to stop. They had taken it slow enough, now it was time to jump on the fast train.