Chapter Text
He steps into the apartment with his head turned to the floor, tsk -ing like an upset housewife.
"You didn't wipe your feet," He starts, placing his bag on the hook by the door, making sure it's hanging completely straight before turning and looking accusingly at the floor once more. "You haven't even-" He looks up. "You haven't even removed your shoes! Eddy! What kind of begrimed, unkempt house are you trying to present?"
Eddy, from his place on the couch, barely looks up from his magazine.
"Missed you too," He says teasingly.
"Eddy, this is a matter of utmost importance! We have guests coming over tonight, you know what sort of impact any kind of mess could cause in a presently strained relationship!"
Edd stares fretfully at the floor before going to the closet and pulling out the mop. Eddy rolls his eyes and puts the magazine down.
"Yeah, and they can think what they want. They're already gonna."
"'Going to,' Eddy. And I'd rather not give them more opportunity to decide that this kind of, of," Edd casts his eyes downward. "Of lifestyle is any more slovenly than they already think it is."
He says lifestyle like it's a bad word, something he doesn't want to admit to. Eddy can see his face twist up and he keeps staring at the floor, something he's focusing on just because he doesn't want to focus on particular other things.
Eddy gets up from the couch and strides toward Edd.
"Hey, hey. Calm down, it's okay." He puts his arms out for a hug and Edd all but collapses into them, quietly beginning to cry. The mop falls from Edd's hand to the floor.
"They don't know what they're talking about," Eddy says, patting Edd's back consolingly. "They don't know a dang thing about you anymore. They can't get to ya if you don't let 'em."
"They don't know anything because they never try to visit, because of how I am now, because of what they think I've become-"
"Yeah, and that's on them. It ain't like you haven't made the effort."
Edd cries into his shirt.
"'Cause you have. You've tried to send 'em cards, and reach out to 'em, and they're the ones at fault here." Eddy holds him a little tighter, trying to give him someone he can lean on. Edd, in turn, buries his face deeper and cries louder.
"Shh, shh. It's okay. It's okay." Eddy makes his voice sound soft and quiet. Consoling and soothing. The only two people I have left in this world. Eddy sort of lowers them both to the floor, propping himself up against the back of the couch and allowing Edd to stay in his arms.
"They're coming to visit, and they're making an effort now. So we give em- we give em what we are, and they can take it or leave it."
"I don't want them to leave it," Edd's voice is very small, a pitiful child doing everything his parents ask him and waiting diligently for them to arrive home from their busy schedules. Just a kid, waiting for his superiors, his mentors, his family, to even give him the time of day.
Eddy holds him close.
"Whatever they pick," He says gruffly, and God help him if Edd's parents are as condescending and annoying as he remembers them, "It's not your fault. You haven't done anything wrong."
Edd's tears are subsiding, and he pulls back and stands, offering a hand to Eddy. Eddy gives him a small smile and Edd doesn't return it, but Eddy knows he's had some impact from the way Edd's shoulders are no longer as tensed and he's not trying to go straight back to mopping like a crazy person until his parents get here.
Edd instead heads into the kitchen and shrieks.
Eddy rolls his eyes again.
"I'm makin' dinner, don't worry about it!" He calls.
"Don't worry about it !" he hears Edd shout. "You've destroyed half the kitchen! What did you do while I was gone?"
=========================
Eddy stares out the window at the Christmas lights below. They glow up and down the street and give the impression that the town is much more jovial and jolly than it actually is. Eddy knows that this year, very few people he's met are actually happy.
Eddy's never liked Christmas, when he was a kid it was more about the presents for him (and he always got clothes) and as he got older Christmas became just another day in the month, a time other people were celebrating and he wasn't. His family wasn't super religious or anything, so he could get away with sending gifts and not much else this time of year. Edd, on the other hand, adores Christmas. The 'holiday spirit' and the 'joy in the air' and all that bullshit.
So he puts up with it, for Edd. Only for Edd.
An immaculate white BMW pulls up into the apartment parking lot from the snowy street. Eddy sighs. There they are. Just in time to make Edd miserable for the holidays. Eddy walks over to the couch and picks up his magazines and moves the coasters and fixes it up some. He's not doing it for Edd's parents, no, he's doing it purely for Edd's mental health.
There's a knock on the door. From across the apartment, he can feel Edd tense.
"I'll get it," Eddy calls, knowing how much that will tick Edd off.
"No, no, I think it might be preferable if I'm the first person they see, Eddy-"
"Too late, I'm already opening the door~"
He switches from teasing to polite almost immediately upon the door opening, Edd's parents leering down at him like he's some kind of specimen they want to dissect. Edd's mom is just how he remembers her, barely aged at all. He finds that a little creepy, but it's all in the dyed hair and frown lines that haven't changed since he last saw her. Edd's father looks older, at least. They're both wearing grey suits, Edd's mom in heels that make her tower over him.
"Hey," Eddy says easily, trying a smile on them. "Nice of you to swing by. We got dinner going. Come on in."
"It's 'we have dinner going,'" Edd's mother speaks, giving him a cold stare. It's cuter when Edd corrects him. Eddy stares at her for a second.
"Right. Come on in."
They step into the apartment like it's infested with rats. Edd's father looks around with barely masked disgust. Edd comes round the corner in suppressed panic.
"Mother, Father! You're early! Welcome to our humble abode!"
"Eddward," His father says, scanning him. "This is your home?"
What a rude question, Eddy thinks. It's in the way he says it, like it would be an awful tragedy if it turned out to be true. Eddy turns to Edd, who is practically melting under their firm gaze.
"Ah- y-yes, it is. Our home." Edd looks to Eddy and Eddy nods at him.
"Hm." Edd's father says, stepping past Eddy and into the apartment.
They don't sit, and they don't remove their shoes. Edd looks about as uncomfortable as Eddy feels.
"So!" Eddy starts, trying to begin a conversation. "How have you guys been? It's been a while."
"Lovely, thank you." Edd's mother turns her attention to Edd. "What are you making for dinner? Might I lend a hand?" She doesn't smile.
Edd brightens immediately.
"Certainly, Mother! Right this way."
And so Eddy is left alone with Edd's father. He can hear Edd's excited chatter from the kitchen, and he swears if they take this and throw it back in his face he's going to end up doing something rash.
Edd's dad looks to the kitchen and then to the couch and Eddy feels uncomfortable standing but he doesn't want to sit down before the guest. That would just give them exactly the impression they want from him. That he's a rude, uncultured, unmannered, ruffian. (In Edd's words.)
"What do you do for work?" Edd's father asks him abruptly.
"I work at the hardware store around the block," Eddy replies, gesturing vaguely towards the window. He can see the disdain creep into Edd's dad's face.
"Ah. And what does Eddward do these days?"
Eddy, not of his own volition, begins to smile.
"He's a lab tech over at the hospital. He really likes it."
"Hm." He can see Edd's father trying to work it out. "So if he makes money off of that..."
"Why do we live here?" Eddy offers him. "We live here because we don't need anything bigger. This works."
"But wouldn't you want Eddward to have someone that shares the responsibilities equally? It hardly seems fair he's supporting both himself and you."
Eddy blinks. Who does he think he is, asking a question like that?
"Doesn't really matter what I want him to have, does it?" Eddy asks, sort of snarkily. "He gets to pick where he wants to be."
Edd's father tries again.
"But, well, a man in his position could have the pick of so many upper-class ladies in this town,"
"Yeah," Eddy says, now thoroughly pissed off, "and he wants me. Funny thing, isn't it?"
"We are all responsible for our shortcomings," Edd's father says wearily, turning to look at the mantle. They don't have a fire, but they do have a shelf and a TV and Edd's laid out a bunch of holiday decorations around them.
There are pictures on that mantle, ones that Edd has dusted with care and treasured with his entire being.
Ed, Edd, and Eddy on the first day of kindergarten. Edd and Eddy holding hands as they eat ice cream in the Cul-De-Sac. Eddy grinning ear to ear as he wins a free jawbreaker coupon at the candy store. Edd and Eddy in the doorway of their new apartment, before it's been decorated, Edd smiling with such fondness at Eddy, and Eddy looking cluelessly towards the camera, (and Ed's behind that camera, talking about something weird, probably). Edd and Eddy standing at the bottom of a cliff, a candid shot of them simply talking. Ed, Edd, and Eddy posing for a photo, and written in pen at the bottom, Family.
Eddy watches Edd's dad as he observes the photos.
"He might be better off in a larger home," Edd's dad offers. "He'd have more room to settle down, and perhaps the issue is that he can't invite ladies over to this..." He looks around. "Place."
Eddy chokes on laughter and covers it with a cough.
"Sir, I don't think that's the issue." he catches himself. "I mean... there isn't really an issue. It's not a problem if you don't make it be one."
Edd's dad reaches up to touch the picture frame of Edd and Eddy holding hands, but stops just short and brushes his hand off on his coat as if he had just touched something foul.
Eddy really doesn't think that's the germaphobic tendencies speaking there. It annoys him.
Edd's father finally takes a seat on the couch, and Eddy feels he can sit as well. The analog clock on the far wall ticks louder than necessary and makes the waiting even more uncomfortable. Eddy doesn't even know what to discuss. Edd's dad had wanted to talk about Edd settling down with a girl, but either he's so far in denial he doesn't want to admit that his son is never ever going to have that kind of life, or he's just completely ignorant and thinks Eddy's just a really good friend or something. Eddy almost laughs to himself at that one.
"There are plenty of women Eddward refuses to meet," Edd's dad offers after a spell of silence. "Perhaps, you, being one of his peers, could talk to him about it."
Eddy raises an eyebrow at him.
"Eddward could stand to get less lost in his work. There are other things to life than jobs," Edd's dad gives him what Eddy thinks might be a smile. Does he realize how ironic he sounds right now? Eddy isn't sure. "For example, when I met Eddward's mother, I knew she would be exactly the kind of lady I needed in my life. Someone who offered the same drive and ambition as I, could help me exceed and prosper both financially and socially."
Does he seriously think Eddy wants to talk about what kind of chick Edd could start dating?
"Ha, right," Eddy says instead, looking elsewhere in the room.
"Don't you think Eddward needs someone like that in his life?" Edd's dad asks.
No, sir, I don't think so. Eddy wants to say. I think what "Eddward" needs is someone like me, to ground him and let him breathe when he gets erratic and obsessed over things, not someone who will push him and push him until there's nothing human left in him at all.
"Nah," Eddy says. "I think whatever makes him happy, he should go for it."
"So if he were to join a gang, start dealing drugs, and he told you that was what made him happy, you would say, 'go for it?' is that what you're telling me?" Edd's father leans forward, hands in the classic fingertips together supervillain pose.
"Uh. No." Eddy says, attempting to keep it together, imagining Edd even trying to sell 'drugs'. Eddy's not even allowed to bring alcohol into this house, and Edd's dad thinks he's going to become some kind of drug lord? "He wouldn't do that, though. He's got, uh, morals. And stuff."
"You think so?" Edd's dad asks. What a thing to ask about your own son.
Eddy gives him a clueless stare.
"Yes, sir. He's the most- uh-" and he's trying to find a word for 'uptight' "-Moral guy I know."
Edd's dad nods thoughtfully. What even is this conversation? Can Edd hear them? Eddy really hopes Edd can't hear them.
"Boy, it's really comin' down out there," Eddy says, attempting to change the subject.
"Yes, indeed. The weather station did indicate that we should be expecting a few inches of snow. Let's hope we'll be able to return home safely."
"Yeah," Eddy replies, staring out into the cold. Christmas lights flicker on and off up and down the block, and suddenly their lights flicker as well. He looks worriedly at the ceiling. "Hope we don't lose power."
It's not that he's scared of the dark, he's not a baby, he just really doesn't like not knowing where to step.
"Dinner's ready," Edd calls from the kitchen.
The table is set and the food is ready and Eddy walks over to Edd and whispers to him, "alright?" and Edd nods very subtly.
"Eddward has been telling me about his new position at the Cherry Lake hospital across town," Edd's mom gives Edd a look that might be pride. "He seems to be doing very well for himself."
Edd positively beams. Eddy wants to make sure that smile doesn't fall for the rest of the evening, but, inevitably, Edd's dad chimes in,
"Yes, a stable job is the first step to settling down and raising a family, Eddward."
Edd's smile wanes but he keeps it on his face as they all sit down and begin to eat. There's more awkward silence. It's thick and feels like it needs to be broken, but Eddy's definitely not going to say what's on his mind, and Edd's parents don't seem to want to engage in much conversation.
"I've actually- we've actually considered adoption," Edd says quietly, and the whole table goes still. He looks up, realizes what he's said, and backtracks. "I-I- mean, as an option. It's not- we just..." His hands are doing the thing they do when he gets really nervous, and Eddy resists the urge to take Edd's hands in his own.
Edd's mother looks from him to Eddy.
"Adoption?"
Eddy shoots Edd a look as if to say do they not know?
Edd gives him a panicked look back and Eddy has to take a second. He probably hasn't told them yet.
"Yeah," Eddy says, because if there's one thing he can do, it's stick by Edd, "Adoption. All those little kids without families, it would be a nice thing to do."
"Well, yes, but having a child of your own, Eddward. It would be ideal."
"Ideals are not always reality," Edd says in what Eddy thinks might be a little bit of an annoyed tone. "I obviously can't have a child of my own, so adoption is the best thing if we were ever going to have kids. Which- we're young. There's still time to parse it out." He looks at Eddy again and Eddy nods vehemently.
"Yeah. Babies are cool."
Edd gives him a pained look.
"You could have a child of your own if you were willing to ever consider any of those ladies you've met, Eddward. Most of them are very stable, very work-minded girls," Edd's dad just isn't getting it, and Eddy feels a little bit sorry for him.
"I'm not-" Edd bursts, "I'm not going to marry a woman." Edd's parents just look confused. "Not now, not ever. You're just going to have to accept that." His food remains untouched from when they first started talking about children.
"How can you be so sure?" Edd's father asks him. He tilts his head and his huge glasses shift on his face and he looks old all of a sudden, like he's maybe finally getting something he didn't want to have to confront.
"Because I already have a life partner," Edd says, strained. "He's right here." he gestures at Eddy. Eddy gives them a little smile and is met with frozen stares.
"Eddward," Edd's mom starts. "A friend is a different thing than a love. You know that."
"No, it's not. Not when it comes to him," Edd says firmly. "He's my best friend, and I love him."
"Eddward. You can't love a man in the same way you could love a wife and children. It just isn't right."
Eddy has a headache. Edd stands from the table, setting his cutlery down. The lights flicker.
"Who are you to tell me what is and isn't right?" Edd's voice raises an octave, and he's getting upset. "I love him and he loves me and that's really all there is to it, thank you. We are both mature, consenting adults, and what we do is our own business."
"I am your mother," Edd's mom stands as well. "I raised you from a little tiny child. You have done nothing but try and disobey and defy me in the years I kept you safe and helped you grow."
Edd shrinks back. Eddy's going to lose it.
"What the hell?" He says, standing by Edd's side. Edd's father stands too, and now they're all glaring at each other and this dinner is pure chaos and why did Edd have to invite his parents for Christmas eve dinner oh god. "He followed your every order and instruction. He was a goody-two-shoes! He read and cataloged every god-damned sticky note you ever wrote him, and he did the chores for you, and you're choosing to make him feel bad because of who he loves? What the hell," Eddy says again, in disbelief. "What the hell."
"Profanity. Very classy," Edd's father offers. Eddy gives him a scowl.
"You love this ruffian, this delinquent, this man who has been nothing but trouble?"
" Yes, " Edd says, and Eddy can feel him on the verge of tears for the second time tonight. "I do!"
And then the lights go out.