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It’s hard at first, readjusting to the people they are now as opposed to the people they were before Takashi left. They’re still right, but not quite insync. Sort of like when the video on a show is just a little behind the audio. They’re still a great team, and play off each other well, but they’re not a unit anymore.
Years apart, especially with one doing time in an alien torture facility will do that to you.
So its fine, really its totally and completely fine.
Except that it isn’t really.
The shine always wears off eventually, and in this case it was the shine of seeing each other again, seeing them alive and here and still loving them. But that can only go so far when there are still so many hurt feelings. And it can only be worse when you’re in the middle of fighting a thousand year long outer space war in which you have to risk your lives regularly.
This is one such time.
“No, absolutely not. This is absolutely ridiculous. This mission might as well have ‘suicide mission’ written all over it.”
“Adam.” Shiro says tiredly.
Adam ignores him. “Maybe some notes in the margin ‘ only attempt if either totally deranged, completely suicidal, or galra ’ you know, because we could always get rid of another galra. Gives us at least one less to fight in this ridiculous- whatever the hell this is.” And ok, maybe that’s not fair, because he understands the importance of this war and all, but he absolutely refuses to accept losing Takashi to it a second time.
“Adam.” He says, a little louder this time.
“But then, I’m guessing the galra have gotten this far because they don’t choose missions that can literally only go wrong and kill them rather than accomplish anything.”
“Adam!” Shiro shouts, making Allura and Coran flinch, both of whom have remained silent, not willing to get in the middle of this argument just yet.
“Shiro is in no way obligated to accept, the information we could get from this mission would be invaluable but it is a high risk, and it may be best to simply wait. Especially until voltron is stronger and we have more allies to work with.” Allura says diplomatically, a small and nervous smile on her lips.
“Thank you Princess, for having some semblance of sanity.”
“Princess, if you would excuse me, I would like to speak to Adam in private.” He says pointedly.
“Thats code for, I don’t want to have an argument in front of everyone, so we’re gonna go somewhere no one can hear to yell at each other instead.” Adam snips hardly sparing anyone a glance as he walks to a part of the ship no one frequents. Their own room is too close to the others, it’s too risky to be heard, especially by Keith who has a habit of entering their room virtually whenever he wants.
Finally he finds a storage closet that looks like it hasn’t been touched probably since Allura and Coran took their thousand year nap and steps inside, watching Takashi carefully as he joins him and closes the door.
And good god, this is Kerberos all over again.
Adam aches, he can feel it deep in his chest. He ignores it and focuses on the anger instead. He thinks if he didn’t he might just stop breathing.
“Adam-”
“No.”
“Adam come on, this mission is important, you know it as well as I do.”
He knows its a low blow, but the words come out before he can stop them. “Takashi, how important am I to you?” He ignores the ache in his chest that travels into his stomach at the way Takashi’s face crumbles, focusing again on his anger.
“That’s not fair. This isn’t Kerberos-”
“To hell it isn’t! An important mission to gain information that you are unlikely to come back from, and you want to tell me this isn’t the same? God, can’t you stop having a death wish for five goddamn minutes and realize this is affecting more than yourself!”
“That’s not fair.” Takashi says lowly, a hint of anger and more than a dash of hurt in his voice.
“None of this is fair.” Adam says vehemently. “I thought we promised to do this together this time. I thought that meant you’d actually stick around longer than five goddamn minutes.”
“You’re the one that left!” He shouts. “You walked away, you chose not to wait.”
“You left first! You left the second you said you’d go with Sam.” He scoffs as he pulls at his hair. “What was I going to wait for exactly, Takashi? A body bag? Cause we both know that’s all that was likely to come back.”
“I would have held on to see you again.” And although its said with frustration and spite, there’s an undertone of tenderness there too.
“You don’t get it do you? You don’t get to decide that! You don’t decide if you come home or not. You couldn’t then and you can’t now! You could however, choose to stay. I asked you before, and you made the decision that a suicide mission was more important than I was.” The ache in his chest becomes too much, and his voice breaks on the last few words.
“You made your choice first. You left first.” And this time the anger is gone, replaced only with the hurt of these last several years, and tears in his eyes.
“Adam,” Takashi whispers brokenly. “I wasn’t-” What he wasn’t, Adam doesn’t find out as Takashi pulls him into an embrace so tight its almost hard to breath, but Adam doesn’t care.
“Sometimes I can be as bullheaded as Keith.” And they both give a teary laugh. “It was my dream, Adam. And you tried to tell me no. I was hurt and angry, and maybe I should have left things better than I did, but just because I chose Kerberos does not mean I loved you less.”
“I know.” And a part of him does, now at least. But his heart still can’t help but stutter every time he thinks about it. He can’t help when he goes to sleep and wonders if Takashi will even be there in the morning
(he is, every time.)
“But do you love me enough to stay? Do you love me enough to actually do this together, or are you gonna just keep on giving me heart attacks?”
“Adam when I was- when I was sick I was so scared to let anything pass me by. I knew I didn’t have time, and I needed to make the most of it. You and Keith were my home, but Kerberos was my dream. I didn’t want to give up either.” He looks at Adam for a long moment. “Ask me again.”
It takes a moment to understand, but once he does he smiles hesitantly. “Takashi, how important am I to you?”
“More important than a stupid suicide mission that should have notes in the margins.”
Adam beams at first, before pausing. “I really said that in front of Allura and Coran didn’t I.”
“Yup.” Takashi grins, leaning in to kiss him.
“Whoops?” He says, his smile returning as he returned the kiss.
After a moment they pull apart, resting their foreheads on each other. “I should probably tell Allura no to the mission.”
“I think she already knows.”
“Still.”
With a sigh Adam stands, pulling Takashi up with him. “I guess I should apologize. I could have been a little less passive aggressive about everything.”
“There was nothing passive about it.” Takashi replies with a laugh.
“Still.”
----------------------------
As they entered the room they had left Allura and Coran in, they heard more voices.
“Back from the scouting mission already?” Takashi says, walking just a little faster, though he would not admit it if asked later.
Rather than respond Keith eyes the both of them. “Are you two breaking up again?”
“Keith! That’s rude.” Lance chides.
“What, its a valid question.”
Takashi rolled his eyes. “No, we aren’t.”
Keith’s lips twitched, as though he might just smile. “Good. You’re not as stupid as you look.”
“Excuse you, I look nothing but fabulous at all times every day.” Adam says, mock offended.
“Sure.”
“Ok listen you little gremlin-”
Before he could continue, Allura clears her throat, commanding the attention of the room. “Shiro, I assume this means that you have made your decision?”
Takashi stands straighter. “Princess, I’ve decided I cannot undertake the mission at this time.”
“I thought that might be your answer. Worry not, there will be plenty of other missions, just as vital and less as Adam put it ‘suicidal’ Adam was right, it was far too risky.”
“I’m always right.”
“Humble too.” Keith mumbles, though there’s something resembling a smile on his face.
“I don’t have to be humble if I’m always right. I’m too fabulous for such a concept.”
Keith looks like he’s going to say something, but Lance speaks up, squinting at Adam as though studying him as he does.
“You. I think I like you.”
“Thanks I like me too.”
Keith and Takashi groaned.
And as Adam looks at the group, and thinks about the two other teenagers who are probably off repairing something or another, he realizes one word has pushed its way to the front of his mind.
It might be too early, but he thinks that word might be family.