Chapter Text
Alone on Thanksgiving? Mad at your dad?
I am a 22-year-old felon with no high school degree, and a dirty old van three years older than me painted like Eddie Van Halen’s guitar. I can pass for as young as 18 and as old as 28, depending on how I dress. I’m a line cook and work late nights at a bar. If you’d like me to be your strictly platonic date for Thanksgiving, but have me pretend to be in a very long or serious relationship with you, to torment your family, I’m game.
I can do any of these things, at your request:
-Openly hit on other female guests while you act like you don’t notice.
-Start instigative discussions about politics and/or religion.
-Propose to you in front of everyone.
-Pretend to be really drunk as the evening goes on. (I don’t drink much, but I know the drill.)
-Start an actual, physical fight with a family member, either inside or on the front lawn for all the neighbors to see.
I require no pay other than the free meal I will receive as a guest.
“Where in the hell do you find this crap, Hoseok?” Yoongi chuckled, handing him back his cellphone.
“Craigslist, obviously. So, you gonna message him?”
“Why the hell would I message some random guy online? Especially a self-proclaimed felon?” he scoffed. “Anyways, I’m pretty sure this offer is vaginas only.”
“It’s platonic and you’re cute. I’m sure you could convince him. Anyways, you were just talking bout getting yourself banned from family gatherings.”
“Tell you what. Why don’t you message him if you’re so interested in 22-year-old felons?”
“I’ll message him for you.”
Yoongi rolled his eyes as Hoseok typed away on his phone. He didn’t bother to stop him. Once Hoseok had one of his ‘brilliant ideas’, there was no convincing him otherwise. Thankfully, Hoseok wasn’t a complete idiot. He was smart enough to ask the guy if he was willing to work with guys… and to meet beforehand. Yoongi was more surprised when Hoseok later shoved the response in his face, a simple ‘Sounds good. You pick where?’
So, Yoongi picked where. He picked a café near his office and waited, not really expecting much. What he was expecting was some young-looking white dude with a sleeve of tasteless tattoos wearing a wife-beater and muddy jeans, probably with a face-full of acne and a bad haircut. Either that or a muscular black guy who knew how to play on racist stereotypes, still with shitty tattoos. Given the mention of the painted van in the post, he was leaning more towards white, maybe Hispanic.
What he wasn’t expecting was an attractive Asian man wearing a tidy button-up and slacks sitting across from him after driving up in a new-looking Mazda. If his smirk was any indication, he knew exactly what expectations he was defying, confidently taking Yoongi’s mug and taking a sip of his coffee.
“Surprised?” he grinned, placing the mug back in front of Yoongi.
“ You’re the Craigslist felon?” Yoongi asked in disbelief.
“Sorry to disappoint. I promise I can look a lot worse, but I figured I’d look nice for today.”
“Right… the post said you drive a van. That ,” Yoongi started, pointing out the window at the man’s car, “is not a van.”
“It said I own a van. I don’t usually drive it. It was my dad’s,” he shrugged. “Look, almost everything I said in the post is true… if not possibly a little misleading.”
“Why would you want to sound worse than you are?”
“Because that’s the appeal of pretending to be someone’s lowlife date, yeah? I have to be a lowlife.”
“Speaking of… If I were legitimately considering this…” he mused, sitting back and crossing his arms. “What were you arrested for?”
He paused, his grin flickering for a moment. He scratched the back of his head and let out a sigh. He’d obviously been expecting this question but was still reluctant to share the answer. Still, his cocky facade didn’t waver as he explained.
“Ah, that. Assault with a deadly weapon. A tire iron specifically. I tried to kill my step-dad. Long story, but he deserved it.”
“Uh huh. Okay… Fine. What’s up with your post anyways? Why do you want to be a low-life boyfriend?”
“Because it’s fun… Also, I don’t have anyone to spend Thanksgiving with and I miss the food.”
Yoongi narrowed his eyes, giving the man another once over. It almost seemed too good an offer. A not-actually low-life pretending to be a low-life for a free meal and nothing else. Yoongi continued to glare, waiting for true intentions to become obvious. Yet, despite his doubts, he believed him.
“And you’re okay with pretending to be gay?”
“I’m bi. Just didn’t expect a guy to hit me up on the offer.”
“How do I know you’re not a serial killer?”
“How do I know you aren’t?” he countered.
Yoongi laughed finally, sitting forward and sipping his coffee. “Fine. Fair enough. Sounds fun, I guess.”
The man’s smile widened as he let out a relieved huff. He grabbed a sugar packet from the holder on the table and started to idly flip it between his fingers, holding his head up with his other hand. They both took a moment to quietly regard each other, but finally the stranger broke the silence.
“Alright, cool. So, do you want to meet me there or meet up before?”
“Before. You can drive in that van of yours, I assume?”
“Obviously. My name’s Jungkook by the way. Yours?”
“Yoongi… You’re Korean?”
“As are you, apparently,” he smiled, amused. “Funny coincidence.”
“Either that or Hoseok is playing a very elaborate prank on me,” Yoongi sighed, glancing around the café. “Can we meet here at… let’s call it five?”
“Sure. How should I dress?”
“I’ll leave that up to you. Bringing a man home is insult enough. Everything else is just flavor,” he shrugged. “See you then.”
Yoongi stood and started to leave, more satisfied than he thought he’d be. Jungkook stopped him with a gentle hand on his wrist as he walked by. He stopped, confused and maybe a little worried.
“Are you not out?” he asked, concerned.
“I’ve tried coming out. They ignored me. Don’t worry about it.”
When they met again at the café on Thanksgiving, Jungkook was driving his van and looked almost like Yoongi had expected the first time. He was still attractive, of course. Yoongi was sure no matter how horrible his clothing choices, that would be true. His hair was ruffled and messy, his clothes filthy and torn. He had one shoe held together with duct tape and tarnished earrings in his ears. The van itself was painted as he said, and one of the rear wheels was nearly flat.
“I’m not sure if I should be impressed or… depressed,” Yoongi muttered in amazement.
“Is that an insult or a compliment?” Jungkook chuckled in response.
“Yes.”
“Right… So, before we go, maybe we should clarify a few things?”
“It’s a bit of a long drive. We can talk on the way.” Yoongi suggested, already climbing into the torn passenger’s seat. “Do you have a GPS? I’m terrible at directions.”
“Here,” he offered up his phone, pulling up a map before handing it over. “Just type in the address.”
The van rumbled as it drove and Yoongi fought away a fit of laughter. Hoseok had given him a ride to the café in his smooth-driving Hyundai and now he was riding to his parents' house in the tactual equivalent of a wooden roller coaster, squealing brakes and all. Despite his attempt to hide it, Jungkook seemed to notice his amusement. He snickered himself before speaking.
“So, how did we meet?”
“Ah, I have to decide that?” Yoongi whined.
“It’s your game, darling. I’m just playing it.”
“Fine, fine. Well… let’s just make it easy. We met online… Let’s say three months ago.”
“Only three months?”
“If I say any longer than that, we’ll be figured out pretty quickly,” he sighed. “My brother… He’s very well aware I was single four months ago. Freshly single.”
“Alright. Three months ago, online. How long ago did we meet in person?”
“Same day. Why not? I don’t fuck on the first date, but they don’t know that.”
“I- Well- Okay. Cool… So… what website? Like a dating site, or…”
“Craigslist. Let’s just keep everything as close to the truth as possible. I’ll just say I was selling something,” he sighed, considering anything he could have conceivably sold three months ago.
Jungkook nodded. He glanced over at Yoongi, who was staring morosely out the window. Even as a stranger, he could tell he wasn’t really looking forward to this dinner. Then again, he supposed that was the whole reason he’d messaged him in the first place.
“Makes sense,” he hummed. “Is there anything you want me to do while we’re there? Either from my post or otherwise?”
“Yeah… about that…”
Whether it was nerves or dread or whatever it was, Yoongi had read through that post a few times. He’d all but memorized the stupid thing. He glanced over at Jungkook, and the torn and stretched t-shirt he was wearing and what seemed to be a muscular body underneath. He could probably handle himself in a fight, especially if he’d offer it, but...
“No, uh... No physical fights. My dad is… anyways I just… I don’t want to get you in trouble or hurt or anything. So…” He picked at the frayed knees of his jeans. “The rest of it though, sure. Flirting with other people is fine. Either girls or guys. Maybe not guys… No, no… that’s fine.”
He ruffled his hair, indecisive. Jungkook glanced over, silently amused. He’d meant to go over all of this the first time they’d met, but Yoongi hadn’t given him much of a chance. His fingers tapped on the steering wheel, patiently waiting for him to continue.
“Whatever. Whichever, I mean. Pretty much anything from your post is good besides… y’know… physically fighting someone.”
“Alright. You don’t really need to worry about me, on that front, but if you don’t want that it’s fine. Anything else?”
“I don’t know. Just do whatever seems appropriate. Or… not appropriate, I guess?”
“Sounds good. So, uh… how about proposing, cause if so, I have to have a ring.”
“Well, I guess it’s a bit late for that.”
“Nah,” he smirked. “I have one in the backpack in the back. Just gotta dig it out, preferably before we get there?”
“Right… I’ll think about it.”
He glanced at Jungkook’s phone, sitting on the dashboard and telling him to turn right in two miles. They were about twenty minutes away. He had twenty minutes. He honestly wished he could just go home, but it was either get banned tonight or force himself to come and play nice for every family gathering until he died.
“Uh… I did want to ask if you’re okay with… Like… PDA or…”
“I expected it, actually. Unless you’re not okay with it?” Jungkook questioned, eyeing him.
“No, I’m okay. I doubt they’d believe we’re dating if we didn’t… y’know. That’s all.”
“Are you wondering if I’d be okay with kissing you?” he chuckled.
“No, no,” he denied with a sniff. Two seconds later, he shrugged. “Maybe.”
“I won’t do anything you’re not okay with. If you don’t mind though, I don’t mind.”
“Okay. Okay… Yeah, it’s fine. It’s probably… going to be necessary, so…”
He trailed off, not knowing how to finish the thought. He let out a deep breath, dreading this dinner more and more the closer they got. He was struggling to cope with the idea that having this whole thing go horrendously meant it was going well , and vice versa. His idea of it going perfectly was being turned away at the door as soon as they say Jungkook next to him, but he doubted that would happen. They weren’t that bad… usually.
“I should probably warn you- I don’t know if you’ve done this before- My family is- They’re pretty awful. Like… I guess you already know they’re homophobic but they’re just- I mean… No, they’re fine, I guess. They’re not like… I don’t know. Abusive, or anything. I wasn’t- I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. I wasn’t mistreated… I don’t think. Just…” he stammered, struggling to get his thoughts out coherently. “Not the point, but I just- I don’t want you to think… what I mean is, they’re kind of assholes. All of them. Almost all of them? My brother is alright… usually. Doesn’t really get the gay thing but doesn’t- Not like everyone else. It’s not just the gay thing. My career and- I once- never mind.”
“Don’t worry. I’ve dealt with homophobes before. I’m obviously not straight.”
“I know. I know. Sorry… I just… wanted to warn you I guess. They… They can be really judgy. I guess that’s the whole point of… your van and felony and all that though… so. Sorry. I’m being dumb,” he huffed. “That’s literally the whole reason Hoseok messaged you, so…”
“Who?” Jungkook asked.
It was the second time Yoongi had mentioned someone named Hoseok. He was under the impression that Yoongi had messaged him himself, but it made more sense if he hadn’t. The person who’d messaged him seemed far more excited about the affair than Yoongi did currently. When he looked over, he was picking at his bangs like they were the most interesting thing in the world.
“Um... Hoseok. He’s a friend. He messaged you for me because I assumed you’d be some internet creep. I guess I could still be right, but I’m not dead yet, so… yeah.”
“You know you ramble a lot when you’re nervous?” Jungkook grinned.
He was trying to keep his eyes on the road, but he caught himself glancing over once again. He had to admit, Yoongi really was cute. It wasn’t just his appearance. His mildly panicked stumbling over words and the way he kept tugging at his clothes, his hair, his ears... It was all cute. He seriously needed to focus. He hadn’t actually considered staying platonic might be a problem… but he also hadn’t expected someone cute to message him. He’d barely expected any messages at all.
It was five minutes before they were supposed to arrive that Yoongi unbuckled his seatbelt and crawled into the back of the van. He ignored Jungkook’s questions and scolding, simply holding on as he slammed on the brakes. He found the backpack he was searching for and shuffled through it. Considering all that was in the bag were some old clothes, it didn’t take him long to find the tarnished ring, a thin rusted chain necklace looped through it. Satisfied, he got back in his seat and held it up for Jungkook to see. He got an exasperated sigh in return as he grumbled something and started driving again.
“Warn me first. Jesus.”
“Sorry.”
They pulled up to the house and Jungkook parked on the street. Judging by the number of cars in the driveway, Yoongi figured they were the last to arrive They were only about ten minutes late. His family valued punctuality. So did he, usually, but he opted to make an exception for this occasion. He took a deep breath before getting out of the van. It was too late to leave.
Jungkook quickly took the necklace, making sure the ring itself was hidden under his collar. He offered Yoongi his hand and he swallowed hard as he took it. It felt a bit awkward at first. He’d never claimed to be a good actor, himself. They walked up to the door and he knocked, leaning into Jungkook just enough to make it slightly more convincing. Quickly, before the door opened, he had another thought.
“Your name’s Josh and you’re Japanese, okay?” he hurriedly ordered.
“I don’t speak-”
“You’re American, but if they ask-”
“I got it, I got it,” Jungkook assured, watching Yoongi nervously shifting from foot to foot.
His father answered the door, eyes immediately going from Yoongi to the stranger, down to their held hands. Yoongi held his breath, waiting for him to say something and fighting the urge to immediately break away from Jungkook. His dad looked past them, to the van parked in front of the house. His mouth opened with a grumble, his voice as gravelly and strained as a chain smoker with strep.
“Who’s this?”
“This is Josh. He’s my boyfriend,” Yoongi announced, sounding far more confident than he‘d looked mere seconds ago. “Sorry I didn’t tell you I’d be bringing him. We thought he’d be working. Is everyone else here already?”
“Is that Yoongi?” he heard in the background, the shrill, chirpy tones of his least favorite aunt.
“Come on in,” his dad huffed, moving aside so they could enter.
Jungkook gave the man a lopsided, sleazy grin and a quick two-finger salute as they strolled in past him. The dining table was in view of the entrance and he could see a few people setting down dishes, preparing to eat. There weren’t any young kids around, he noted, just adults and one teenager.
A thin, spindly looking woman was fussing with the teen boy’s hair while a stout woman walked nearer, breaking Yoongi and Jungkook apart like it was nothing and crushing the shorter in a forceful hug. He groaned, arms out in an almost refusal to return the hug until she released him.
“Oh, and who’s your friend?” she trilled, only just now seeming to acknowledge the person she’d shoved aside.
“This is Josh. We’re dating,” he stated matter of factly. “Babe, this is my aunt Maeri.”
Her face fell into a grimace as she regarded Jungkook, giving him a once over. He put on his best scowl in return, not saying anything as she stared at him. Instead, he wrapped an arm around Yoongi’s shoulders, jerking him closer while smirking and winking at the woman. She turned with a huff, suddenly too busy to continue talking.
As he was introduced a few more times, he noticed the only one nonplussed by his title of ‘boyfriend’ was the slightly older man he assumed was Yoongi’s brother. His mother wasn’t obvious about her distaste, though she was clearly disappointed. The aunts and uncles and even the teenage cousin all turned their noses up at the new gay couple, barely remaining deniably polite.
Yoongi got him a drink as they sat down for dinner, a beer bottle that he’d apparently drained and filled with apple juice while no one was watching. He’d told him such with a quick whisper disguised as a kiss on the cheek. He hadn’t had time to rinse out the bottle, so there was a faint trace of beer taste on the bottleneck before the juice washed it away.
Yoongi learned really quickly that Jungkook was great at acting slimy. With his arm still around his shoulders, he turned up the charm on anyone who wasn’t Yoongi. He flirted openly and obviously with both of his aunts and his cousin Jaehwan. He barely acknowledged Yoongi at all except to demand another beer with a slap on his ass as he went to refill the bottle with juice. He had to chuckle to himself once he was alone in the kitchen. It was damn convincing.
Worse than that, it was far more amusing than he’d expected. He thought he’d be bothered by the asshole boyfriend treating him like garbage, but he looked at Jungkook and saw the subtle look in his eyes and couldn’t take it seriously. He caught himself chewing on his lower lip to hold back his chuckles. Especially when his aunt Minyoung shamelessly flirted back.
Three ‘beers’ in and far from the end of the night, he was already slurring his words as he asked the table where they sat on ‘the rotting jack-o-lantern’ called the president. Yoongi fought not to choke on his potatoes. Most of the family had been politely ignoring his shenanigans up to that point but the table became tensely silent. How Jungkook had begged them all as conservative republicans in mere minutes was beyond him, though he could guess their homophobia was part of it.
“I don’t think it’s appropriate to slander the leader of the country you’re living in,” Yoongi’s mother calmly chided after a moment.
“I didn’t choose to live here. I wasn’t even born yet when my parents made that dumbass decision,” he huffed. “They even gave me such a whitey name like Josh. What a joke. I mean, y’all are Chinese and gave your son a Chinese name, even though you’re living here. You’re even celebrating a dumbass ‘American’ holiday. What excuse did my parents have to name me ‘Josh’?”
“We’re not Chinese,” Yoongi not-so-subtly whispered. “I told you. We’re Korean.”
“You are?” Jungkook turned with a flabbergasted look. Yoongi swallowed down a laugh, his lips trembling with the effort. It almost made him break character and laugh as well, but he cleared his throat and continued with his rant. “Whatever. Doesn’t change the fact that the wrinkly turnip is a waste of office space. I mean, how can y’all support a man who doesn’t want people like your own son to exist? You know he hates gays, right?”
“Babe, maybe now isn’t a great time to talk about politics,” Yoongi hummed, playing the moderator.
“Babe, maybe now is a great time for you to get me another beer while the adults talk,” Jungkook countered condescendingly.
Yoongi balked, but stood. He snatched Jungkook’s bottle and marched into the kitchen, listening to the arguments erupt as he poured juice carefully. He stayed in the kitchen a little longer than planned, giggling to himself to get it out of his system. The topic of debate had changed from politics to science, where Jungkook was now accusing his family of believing the earth was flat.
He peeked out for a moment, knowing no one would notice him in the doorway. Jungkook was surprisingly good at this, at making him feel comfortable even while he was pretending to be a jerk. He smiled to himself, impressed with how well this was going.
He let out a deep breath, composing himself before walking out and setting Jungkook’s ‘beer’ in front of him. Jungkook’s arm fit around him automatically and he pulled him in for a sloppy kiss before taking a swig. Whether or not it was intended, the action had effectively cut his uncle’s ranting short.
His brother, Yonghwan, forever the only level-headed member of his family, took the opportunity to change the topic, scrambling for something non-controversial. “Enough about politics. What about you two? How did you guys meet?”
“Oh, we met online. Craigslist. I was selling my old couch.” He left his couch by a dumpster actually, but they didn’t know that. The time frame was right. His ex bought that couch. “It’s been… a little over three months, I think?”
“Yeah, we ended up enjoying that couch very thoroughly,” Jungkook snickered. Yoongi elbowed him.
“And, uh… What do you do, Josh? Like, for work?”
“I’m a line cook right now. I was a personal trainer before I got arrested, but the gym wouldn’t hire me back. Anyways, I work at this club called Teasers . I’m sure you’re familiar with it, eh, big guy?” He winked at Yoongi’s father with a smirk and even though he’d never heard of it, he could guess what kind of club Teasers probably was. “I keep telling Yoongi they’d love him there. He’s got a nice body, even if he’s not technically a girl.”
“Josh, they don’t-”
“I mean, put a wig and some lingerie on him, you’d never be able to tell.”
Yoongi hid his face in the collar of his shirt, disguising an escaped wheeze as a squeak of embarrassment. His face was hot, though it was more from holding back his cackling than from being flustered. Everyone else at the table was gawking, unable to fathom Jungkook’s brazenness. One of them started to question him about his arrest and Yoongi curled in, hiding further and acting ashamed.
He had to force himself to take deep breaths and not ruin Jungkook’s divine acting. He was unabashedly recalling his account of assault (though he seemed to leave out the ‘stepdad who deserved it’ parts). At some point, Yoongi had stopped paying attention to what was being said, peeking out from behind his hands to admire Jungkook’s cocky expressions. Jungkook turned to look at him, surprising him. Suddenly he was being turned in his chair.
Jungkook had moved him easily, swinging him around to face him while he stood unsteadily, holding Yoongi’s shoulder for balance. If he hadn’t been the one filling his drinks, he’d definitely think Jungkook was plastered. He gave an uneven grin as he looked down at Yoongi. He reached into his pocket, then frowned and searched his other pocket. He took a moment to pat himself down with furrowed brows but eventually found what he was looking for.
“Hey. Marry me.” It was more of an order than a question. He slipped the discolored ring from around his neck before grabbing Yoongi’s hand and putting it on his. It didn’t really fit, so loose that he could have worn it on his thumb.
“Josh… I-” He looked around the room with a stunned expression. Their audience ranged from astonished (his brother and cousin) to disgusted (everyone else). Perfect. He hopped up, wrapping his arms around Jungkook’s neck with a squeal. “Of course!”
“We can leave as soon as you’re ready,” he whispered in Jungkook’s ear.
He figured they’d done enough damage. If his family invited him to Christmas, he’d be surprised. Jungkook kisses his neck, silent laughter vibrating and tickling his skin. He lightly nipped at his earlobe, whispering back.
“Hold tight. This might hurt.”
He pulled at Yoongi’s thighs and he caught the hint. He hopped up, wrapping his legs around his waist as hands cupped his ass. Jungkook began to twirl them around but lost his balance, too ‘drunk’ to hold them both. They tumbled, though Jungkook graciously made sure he took the brunt of the fall. Yoongi didn’t mind. Bruised knees were more than worth it. He kissed him gently while they were on the floor, smiling against Jungkook’s lips.
He was about to pull away when Jungkook’s hand slid to the back of his head, holding him there. He kissed back harder, tilting his head and prodding Yoongi’s lower lip with his tongue. A loud cough from behind broke them apart. This time Yoongi’s blush was genuine. He forgot for a moment that this was an act. He quickly got up, turning to see his father angrily looming over them. Jungkook stayed on the floor, propping himself up on his elbows and glaring at the man for interrupting. It wasn’t an act.
“Get out. Don’t come back.”
“What? Dad, I-”
A crack cut through the thick air as he slapped Yoongi, silencing his plea. The house was silent as everyone stared on. Yoongi froze. Jungkook stood up hurriedly, shoving him unapologetically and standing between them.
“What the fuck, dude?”
“Both of you get out of my house,” he barked.
Jungkook almost swung at him, but before he got the chance Yoongi had grabbed his wrist and was dragging them towards the door. He let himself be pulled until they were outside in the freezing air. He stopped them and turned Yoongi around, inspecting the mark on his face.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured, his lips pulled into a frown. “If I knew he’d react like that, I never would have-”
“It’s fine,” Yoongi said, cutting him off. “It’s more or less what I wanted.”
“What?”
“I… I wanted to get kicked out. I was tired of being invited to family gatherings and being obligated to come. That’s the whole reason Hoseok messaged you for me,” he explained. “I… didn’t think he’d slap me… but I’m fine.”
Jungkook’s frown deepened. He hadn’t put much thought into why someone might respond to his ad. Maybe as a weird prank or to make the night more exciting. Some people just enjoyed causing drama. Jungkook made the post out of boredom and figured whoever responded would do so for the same reason. Yoongi had managed to be a lot of different surprises… and this was another.
“Come home with me,” he sighed, his thumb gently running over a reddened cheek.
“Agreeing to that is just asking to be murdered,” Yoongi scoffed, avoiding eye contact. He started to walk towards the van as he spoke up again. “Yeah, sure. Whatever. At least if I die, they’ll feel guilty.”
“That’s dark.”
“Get used to it.”
Yoongi stared out the window as Jungkook drove, not really paying attention to their surroundings. When the car slowed and turned into the driveway, he blinked away his daze and looked at the house, eyes widening as a garage door opened and the van was parked next to a vaguely familiar Mazda.
“No. This is your house?”
“Yep.”
“You’re a line cook!” Yoongi sputtered.
“Ah, slight correction… I was a line cook… five years ago,” he murmured, letting out a nervous chuckle. “I told you the post was mostly correct, right?”
“Why would you say you’re a line cook if you’re not?”
“It’s a shitty job I have experience with that people would look down on. If I said I was a plumber or something, they’d be able to figure out I know nothing about plumbing. I had to pick something I knew… Like you said before… it’s easy to lie when it’s close to the truth.”
“What is the truth?” Yoongi huffed, astounded.
“Well… I’m… I’m actually a CEO,” he whistled quietly. “I know, 22 is pretty young for that, but it was my mom’s business and she signed it over to me when she got sick and I’m apparently really good at it, even if some of the board members aren’t exactly happy with me, being young and a high school dropout but the only reason I didn’t finish high school is because I got arrested for beating up my step-dad. So… yeah.”
“You… have got to be fucking kidding me. You cannot be serious! You’re rich. You’re a CE-fucking-O, and you put out a craigslist ad to be someone’s deadbeat boyfriend?!”
“Surprise?” he exclaimed weakly. Yoongi rolled his eyes, getting out of the van and slamming the door behind him. He started towards the garage door and Jungkook hurried after him, stopping him before he got there. “Hey, hey. Where are you going?”
“Somewhere I’m not going to embarrass myself.”
“What? Wait. Hang on,” Jungkook urged, spinning Yoongi around. “Why are you mad?”
“It’s one thing to involve some bored nobody in my family drama, but you’re not nobody.”
“I literally signed up for it.”
“That’s not the point! This was supposed to be a one-time thing. I’d get banned from family gatherings and go home and cry and never have to see you again… You’re not supposed to kiss me like that and then take me to your house and show off how cool you actually are. That’s not fair.”
“Okay… You’re right. Didn’t really plan on any of that… but…”
“I don’t fuck on the first date,” Yoongi scoffed, surprising him.
“That’s really not my intention here. And technically I think this would be our second date.”
“What exactly is your intention?”
“At first it was just to get free turkey,” he stated defensively.
“And now?”
“I don’t know. Maybe comfort the cute guy who got slapped and kicked out of his family because of me? Then, you know, if he’s willing, maybe we could plan a way to really piss off his family.”
“What?”
“Can we go inside now? Please?” Jungkook asked, desperately trying to gloss over the suggestion. “Please?”
Yoongi debated for a second, glaring the entire time, but ultimately gave in. He gave a long, drawn-out sigh and let his head fall back. Jungkook could easily tell what that sigh meant, and his face lit up. He took a couple of steps back, gently trying to guide Yoongi inside.
“Are you going to give me a tour?” he muttered.
“Only if you want one.”
“How, exactly, do you plan to really piss my parents off?” Yoongi questioned instead, not content with his non-answer.
“Well… that might be a bit of a long con… but it involves a much nicer ring than that,” Jungkook grinned, pointing to the rusty piece still on Yoongi’s hand, “and an invitation to my company’s annual Christmas party.”
“What, you’re gonna propose to me again as a CEO this time?”
“That was the implication, yeah. Maybe next year though, after we’ve dated for a while.”
“Huh?”
“I’m asking you out, Yoongi,” he stated, blunt as ever.
“Oh… Well…” Yoongi blinked up at him. “Okay.”