Chapter Text
(The Red Keep after the destruction of King’s Landing and the death of The Dragon Queen)
Brienne walked the dark winding halls and courtyards of the Red Keep after a long and difficult day. She had arrived in the capital just this morning alongside Sansa, Arya, Bran and a handful of Northern Lords. They had immediately gathered in the Dragon’s Pit with the other lords of Westeros from the remaining six kingdoms. Everyone there wore a look of shock and dismay. They had believed in Daenerys and in what they thought she would do to bring Westeros together again under a generous and kind ruler. Instead, she had laid waste to King’s Landing and the day before thier departure, the Starks had learned of her murder by the hand of her most loyal subject and lover...Jon Snow himself.
That was, before they were told of his true identity.
She didn’t know what was more shocking, that news or the sight of the city itself. From a distance, it had looked like there was nothing left but a pile of smoking rubble. As they entered what was left of the gates, they had seen a city ruined, cobbling together what was left of their homes and lives. One street had been cleared to allow for passage to the Red Keep and along the way, people would run out of their homes, hoping that the visitors who arrived were here to aid them in some way. Their faces fell as they realized that wasn’t their purpose. They now had to step into the void that Cersei and Daenerys had left.
The implications of Jon’s lineage had been stunning. He would have had rights to the throne had he not been imprisoned by the Unsullied and Dothraki, still loyal to their slain queen. In the end, and after long discussion, concessions had been made. Jon would not be king, but a new monarch needed to be chosen, and they now had one. Brandon Stark. King Bran. She wasn’t sure what to make of it, but after the Lannisters, choosing a Stark king seemed like a fair solution.
Lannisters ...her footsteps echoed on the cold stone floors. Much of the dust and rubble had been cleared away but large sections of intricate stone carvings that had once graced the ceilings and pillars now lay in pieces at her feet. She couldn't imagine the force it had taken to topple so much of the Red Keep. She stopped beside a lion’s head, it’s fierce scowl softened by it’s missing fangs. She paused for only a moment, and turned her face away. Lannisters ...
The raven that had arrived before leaving Winterfell had also confirmed the death of Cersei Lannister. She had been found crushed in the rubble, trying to escape through the tunnels below the keep. Tyrion had kindly included the news of Jaime’s fate, although that news wasn’t needed by the Stark’s, it was meant for her alone. Brienne had held her breath, her body stiffening and preparing for the blow, far worse than any foe could deliver...his death alongside his beloved sister.
But fate had been kind and he had been captured trying to slip through the gates by Daenerys’ forces and had been held by them throughout the battle. All Brienne knew was that he was alive and in King’s Landing. But that’s all she wanted to know. She shut herself off from all other news of Jaime.
She walked the darkened hallways, lost in thought but soon realized that she didn’t know which way led to her room. Sighing, she stood illuminated in torchlight looking down one direction and then another. They all looked the same to her exhausted mind.
“Are you lost?”
Brienne jumped, he hand immediately on Oathkeeper, but then froze on the spot. She knew that voice. She turned and saw a figure standing in the shadows opposite her. He stepped into the light and all the air escaped her lungs.
Jaime was not the man who had left Winterfell. Over the short amount of time that had passed, he had lost a considerable amount of weight. Dark circled his large and luminous eyes. His hair was tangled and his clothes looked wrinkled and dirty. Were they the same clothes he had worn when he had left her and ridden south? All this considered, it was the haunted look in his eyes that caught Brienne’s pity and the way his shoulders sagged, as if he carried the weight of Westeros. He was mourning her , that was clear, yet her heart broke for his suffering. She would not let him see that, though. Never again.
“No. I’m fine. I’ll find my way. Thank you.”, she said stiffly. Yet she lingered long enough to take him in, to remember how it was between them in Winterfell. She felt herself blush and her heart thumped under her armour so loudly she thought he might hear it. She finally tore her eyes away from his and turned to go.
“Brienne...I don’t know what you must think of me, but...”
Think of him? Did he honestly not know what she thought of him? After all the times they saved each other from certain death, after fighting side by side against the dead? She had slept in his bed, and begged him to stay with her, and he still doubted how she felt! This needed to end.
“But you do know. Because you told me what to think of you.” Her body trembled as she turned back to him, filled with such hurt and disappointment and love for the man who stood in front of her. The man who had wanted to die in the arms of his sister. “Hateful.”
Jaime visibly blanched. His eyes grew wide as if she had literally driven Oathkeeper right through his heart.
Brienne, too weary and overcome and fearing she would start to weep in front of him, again, turned and swept down the hallway, whichever way it lead, as long as it lead away from him.
Jaime stood as stone, alone in the darkened hall as Brienne walked away from him, and then faltered as he reached out for the wall to keep himself from falling.
………
Despite her fatigue, she lay wide awake in bed, her heart aching and her mind racing, hating herself for the words she had spoken to him, when there was a quick and determined knock on the door. She rose quickly to answer and was surprised to find Samwell Tarly, his eyes large and round, looking fearful.
“I’m so sorry to disturb you at this late hour, Ser Brienne, but I’ve...I’ve had a … queer visit from … ummm, well, Ser Jaime. And I thought you...well, someone who’s a...friend, should know.”, he said nervously.
“What is it?”, she asked, her heart starting to race again.
“Well, he came to my chambers asking for … Essence of Nightshade. I asked him what he wanted it for but he wouldn’t say. I said that I wasn’t … comfortable giving it to him and he, well, he pulled out his sword and said he would cut my throat if I didn’t give it to him. S...so I did. I’m so sorry, but I ran straight here, just in case of...well, he doesn’t look well and I was worried that…”
Brienne didn’t let him finish his sentence.
“Where are his rooms? Do you know?”
“I believe he’s been staying in Queen Cersei’s old rooms.”
“Thank you, Samwell!”, she yelled back at him as she bolted for Maegor’s Keep. She took two steps at a time as up and up she went, dodging the piles of rubble along the way, nearly out of breath before she reached his door. She slammed her body against it once, again, and once more before the door gave way and she saw Jaime, sitting alone on a chair, facing away from her. An empty vial and a cup sat beside him on the table where his arm lay. He didn’t move as she burst into the room.
“ What in the seven hells do you think you’re doing? ”
She ran to him and knelt in front of him, his eyes glassy and staring straight ahead, unseeing. She looked into the cup and to her relief saw that it was still partially full of wine.
“Did you drink?”, she asked him. He neither responded or moved.
“ Look at me, Jaime Lannister! Did you drink? ”, she nearly screamed.
Finally his dead eyes moved towards her, and he shook his head, but barely. Relief flooded her but so did her anger.
“This is beneath you!”, she growled as she took the cup and empty vial, strode to the balcony and threw them both over the railing.
“ How could you do this? ”, she turned on him but he neither moved nor looked up to her. She started pacing the room, thrusting her hands through her hair. “ Gods, Jaime!! ”
Jaime’s voice was flat.
“Tyrion was right. I always knew what Cersei was and I loved her anyway. What does that make me?” He finally looked up at her, grief and misery twisting his beautiful face. “I wasn’t there when she needed me most. And now she’s gone.”
“Which means what? That you need to die as well? Waste your life?” Brienne’s anger was fiery, fuelled by her fear. She had just about lost him again.
“I hurt you too.”
She stopped her pacing and looked back at him, angry and confused.
“You do honestly think my tears were for myself?”
Confusion clouded his eyes.
“Bloody hells, I promised myself I wouldn’t say this again.” She pulled a chair over to him to face him and sat down. She stared at him for a moment to make sure that his eyes were trained on her. He was listening.
“My tears that night were not for myself. They were for you.”
His brows pulled together, still looking confused.
“When you lost your hand, you thought your life was over then too, do you remember?” Jaime only blinked. “But it wasn’t, was it? What did you go on to do? You learned to fight with your left. You again, saved thousands of people at Riverrun. You led your men like you always have. You took on a bloody dragon to try to save them! You did what was right, defied your sister, and you rode north and fought for every man, woman and child in Westeros. With one bloody hand, you did all that!”
“Brienne, I have also done things…”
“Yes. You have. As have so many others who were blinded by well intentioned loyalty.” She leaned forward and put her hand on his chest, above his heart. “Give yourself a little grace, Jaime. Your heart is good . Since the day I met you, everything you did out of Cersei’s grasp was good . She wrapped your good heart with bad intentions and it was your stupid, blind loyalty that told you it was the right thing to do. When you made your own decisions, you made good and kind and brave ones. Never thinking of yourself, always thinking of others. Now that she is gone, you are free to see that for yourself. Once and for all, put all those things you regret behind you and see the good that you have done!” She put her hand on his shoulder. “Be brave, Ser Jaime Lannister. Be just. Defend the innocent.”
By this time Jaime’s eyes were shining with tears.
“Do you trust me, Jaime?”
“I trust you more than anyone.”
“Do you believe me a liar?”
“I’ve never known you to utter a lie.”, his voice broke.
“Then believe me when I tell you this.” She took his face in her hands, as she did the night he left and looked deeply into his eyes, hoping to give him all the strength she had to get through the coming days. “I wept for you because you couldn’t see what I see. A good man . An honourable man in his own right! Who could live , and go forward in this world and do more good. Because now, more than ever, that’s what Westeros needs.”
With that, he put his head into her lap, wrapped his arms around her waist and wept.
In the morning, he was gone.
………
Brienne had fallen asleep in his bed, worried to leave him for the night. Although she tried to convince him to sleep, he had sat all night in his chair, staring out over the city. She knew this because she had woken many times during the night with worried dreams of him. She had finally fallen asleep early that morning, only to wake again a short time later to a note placed beside her pillow. The chair was empty.
Brienne,
No one has ever believed in me as you do.
You will always be with me, like Milaj and Phedah.
I’m so truly sorry.
Jaime
Brienne shook the sleep from her head and reread the note. Her eyes grew wide. She threw on a dressing gown and ran to Tyrion’s rooms and knocked until he finally answered. When he saw the look in her eyes, he held up his own note.
“He’s left.”, Tyrion stated solemnly. Her face fell and she held up her own.
“Did he say where…?”
“No, only to say goodbye. I never imagined he could stay. I think it hurts him too much. We have to let him go.”
Brienne nodded, her throat hurt from the tears she held back. “I know.”
………
All that day his words rang in her ear. “ You will always be with me like Milaj and Phedah.”
Milaj and Phedah. She didn’t understand what that meant but something about it was familiar. She had heard those names before but as much as she said them over and over and rolled them around in her mind, she just couldn’t place them.
Late that night, out of desperation, she crept to the library hoping that no one was about. She should have known that Samwell Tarly would be up late, pouring over a dusty, leather-bound book, surprising him as she carefully opened the creaky door.
“Ser Brienne?”
“Samwell, I um, I didn’t expect to find you here.”
“Where else would I be?”, Sam smiled. “It’s an incredible library, well, not as incredible as the Citadel, but…can I help you with anything? Is everything alright? I heard that Ser Jaime…”
“Yes. Ser Jaime has left King’s Landing.” It hung in the air between them but out of kindness, Sam only said. “Ah. I see.” She couldn’t look him in the eyes and see his pity so she pressed on.
“Ummm…, yes Samwell, I was just going to look something up. Something I read and … perhaps you can help me? They are...two names. Milaj and Phedah. Do they sound familiar to you at all?”
“Milaj and Phedah. Well, yes, they are, but why do you ask of such things?”
“Well, I read them somewhere and I just can’t seem to remember where I’ve heard them before. It’s just...simple curiosity I suppose.”
“Huh. Well, I could tell you but it’s probably better I show you.” Confused, he led her outside the library, down a hallway, through some doors to a balcony overlooking the city. He pulled the torches out of their holders and snuffed out the fires and set them back. He then led her to the edge of the balcony and pointed up into the dark night sky.
“See that line of five stars there, the bright blinking ones, right there?” He pointed and she leaned in close.
“Yes, I see them.”
“Now follow those stars to the left. See that one bright spot, it looks like one large star?”
“Yes…”
“That’s Milaj and Phedah. If you look carefully, it’s actually two stars that are quite close together. In fact, they are the closest stars to one another that you can see with the naked eye.”
Brienne’s heart started to pound in her chest.
“What is so special about these stars?”, she asked.
“Well, you see, all stars seem to move and realign themselves to other stars as the seasons change. Milaj and Phedah are companion stars. They always travel the sky together, regardless of the season.”
“I see.” Brienne said softly, thankful of the darkness that hid the tears rolling down her cheeks.