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“You keep asking!”
Vanjie smiles. She’s in a brow wig, soft curls cascading down her shoulders. She is in a leopard top with long sleeves, her nails red claws.
“We keep answering! So buckle up kiddo, cause you watching another episode of Dear Vanjie!”
The screen fills with gold writing as “Dear Vanjie” written in cursive on a red backdrop fills the screen.
“Dear Vanjie -“ Vanjie is sitting in an armchair, a card in her hand, reading aloud. The background is a green screen study, with a roaring fireplace.
“How can you be so crazy and extra- why you typing that like it a bad thing Mama.” Vanjie chuckles and fans herself with the card. “and still keep your good chill man? Other crazy hos wanna know how to lock one down.” Vanjie smirks, clearly loving the question.
“Unless your ass wanna go on a reality competition? Chil’- Yes I’mma crazy, yes I’m loud, but girl-“ Vanjie looks into the camera.
”I ain’t Miss Vanjing down the streets every second of the goddamn day, to get that chill man, you gotta chill yourself once in a while. Do what they tell those kids to, indoor/outdoor voice.” Vanjie laughs. “My mama never managed to teach me, but I promise that good dick did!”
The camera man laughs so hard the camera shakes, and Vanjie smiles too, clearly proud.
“Sides-“ Vanjie combs her hair with her fingers. “You wanna get one that seems chill, but who also got the crazy.” Vanjie smiles. “Love ain’t about changing who you are, unless you a real bitch-“ Vanjie shrugs.
“If you are, you gotta work on that. I haven’t thrown no shoes in four months, and for me, that a real big acompliato.” Vanjie laughs, clearly a little embarrassed but also happy.
“It about finding the one who loves your craze, and who got their own shit that you can still live with.” Vanjie smirks. “You got it bitch, so go find him.”
///
“Hey, V!!- we off to a good start.” Vanjie smiles. “So I met this girl in a GC- What the fuck is a GC? Grand Central? General Cunt?” Vanjie looks past the camera.
“Oh!” Vanjie blushes. “It a group chat? Fuck.” Vanjie giggles and takes a sip of her red bull.
“Okay, so-“ Vanjie clears her throat. “where we talk about you and B mostly, I'm sorry lol- oh! So you one of those?” Vanjie wiggles her brow.
“Y’all are way into our shit. I swear Alaska warned me, but I didn’t ever imaging you guys would be this intense.” Vanjie continues to read.
“I'm so into her. She's amazing, I swear. But I can't bring myself to tell her how I feel. What I should do?” Vanjie groaned.
“- Ain’t that the age old question? I really don't wanna ruin or friendship but I don't wanna keep this for me for the rest of my life lmao. Is that…” Vanjie looks at the card.
“Laughing muc- What the fuck-“ Vanjie looks at the cameras. “Child, I ain’t on the internet speak, cut a bitch some slack. Just write lol.”
Camera cuts, and Vanjie is now sitting without the card, her legs crossed, her hands around her knees.
“I’mma give you one piece of advice, and it a sucky piece, but you ask, and therefor, I’mma deliver.” Vanjie combs her hair with her fingers.
“Now I know you a lesbian, but if it online, you can’t just drink too much and grind on her, so you gotta ask sis. Use your vocabulary and rip the bandage off.” Vanjie smiles, her eyes soft.
“It a real tough titty, and embarrassing as shit if she don’t like you back. I know bitches be talking about ruining friendship, but if she the one, she the one, and there ain’t no pain greater than being in one of those pining situations.” Vanjie bits her lip, and it’s clear she has tried it a million times.
“You got it Mama. I promise.”
///
“Oh shit.” Vanjie chuckles. “This a long fucking paragraph. Okay, so-“ Vanjie shuffles a little, and gets comfortable in her chair.
“Dear Vanjie. I am getting to know a guy- Good for you honey.” Vanjie points the cards to the camera. “Y’all some lucky hoes, finding dick to grind left and right.”
“He’s shorter than me, but he so fine.” Vanjie raises an eyebrow. “I am 6’2, uh so you a tall snack.” Vanjie smiles. “And he’s 5’3, sometimes, it’s really awkward when we interact because of the height differ-“ Vanjie pulls her head back, clearly surprised at what she’s read.
“The chemistry is there, but I do get tired of looking down at him. What the fuck-“ Vanjie looks at the camera, her eyes filled with disbelief. “We haven’t had sex ye- Child who you, no, wait, I’mma finish reading the question- I’m vers, and like to bottom sometimes. How the hell does that work?”
Vanjie looks into the camera, throws the card over her shoulder. Stands up, and walks away.
The camera cuts to the green screen, and Vanjie comes back.
“How the fuck does that work?! Bitch I don’t know? Why the fuck you care so much what other people think, who gives two shit if he shorter, that ain’t ever meant he don’t give good dick.”
Vanjie has grabbed the backrest of her chair.
“What kind of bullcrap is that? Ho I’m sorry if you think, what the fu- Wait, I’mma call Brooke.”
The camera cuts, and Vanjie is sitting in her chair again, her phone in hand on speaker.
“Is it important?” Brooke’s voice crackles out, a lot of white noise in the background, white subtitles on the screen writing out what he’s saying. “I’m kinda busy.”
Vanjie looks at the camera, one eyebrow raised. “And they say romance is dead.” Vanjie smiles, before she speaks into the phone.
“Where you at?”
“I’m driving.”
“I just need you to answer a question.” Vanjie doesn’t give Broone time to reply. “You ever wanna ride my dick less just cause you tallest?”
“What the actual-“ Brooke laughs, disbelief clear in his voice. “I’m assuming you’re filming Dear Vanjie?”
Vanjie smirks and shrugs. “Maybe.”
“The idea of strict tops and bottoms in committed relationships is an antiquated patriarchal practice, and you’re not any less masculine or able to satisfy your partner just because of heights. If you’re having genuine problems, you need to examine your inner hetronormativite, and quite frankly, somewhat homophobic understanding of relationships.”
Vanjie smiles, beaming with pride.
“So to answer your question, no, I don’t wanna ride your dick less-“
Vanjie blushes. Her face clearly telling that she did not think it through.
“Even if you’re two shits tall.”
“Bitch!” Vanjie laughs. “I grew to the fun size, ain’t my fault you a mega pack.”
“Love you too.”
The camera cuts, and Vanjie is sitting in her chair again. “To answer your question. If you like him, it don’t matter if he shorter, you just bend that back a little more when you fuck, or you get the good squads in. A good ass body is important, but none of that shit matters if he an asshole, so girl-“ Vanjie looks into the camera. “Build a bridge, and get over it.”