Chapter Text
The sound of something breaking.
Breaching the surface of unconsciousness, it’s something that was complete just to stop being it in less than a second, a moment, something that already happened, the present that turned past in the blink of an eye, and there was no going back, not anymore.
The tears in kais eyes formed themselves before Soobin could breath again after the words left his lips, he was amazed for a second by how fast it all seemed to end, one second your were whole, the next one you just weren’t.
For a moment they were together, united in something that words couldn’t explain, in something that feelings held and formed, and the next one, they weren’t anymore. Separated by words he was sure weren’t as true as he might have wished they were.
Soobin knew that it was his fault, he felt it, like a monster eating at his chest from the inside, yet he did nothing to stop the impending storm, he kept his face indifferent, cold, detached. he looked down at the younger with hollow eyes, he couldn’t afford himself to show something more than what he already did.
It felt like the last nail in the coffin, kai breaking down in front of him, his legs shaking while sobs left him, he was hyperventilating, his normally pale skin turning red, puffy with tears and snot running down his face, it wasn’t pretty, not anymore, and Soobin had to burry a part of himself so he wouldn’t move, it was for the best after all, it was for the best.
The younger begged, voice dragging with shed tears and moved by sobs, like a song before an ending, and when his shaky limbs tried to carry him close enough to Soobin so he could touch him the older stepped back, out of the way of the lost touch, he wouldn’t allow it, that skin would not touch him again if everything went right, that skin would be forgotten in less than a week if he was strong enough.
Rejection, it seemed, had a strange effect on people, that little shine he used to see on kais eyes shimmered for a moment before banishing, a plea left the youngers lips and Soobin smirked grasping the cruelness he knew he possessed while his true self begged not so differently from the person in front of him.
Kai left not long after that, and when the slam of the front door reached his ears Soobin froze, his body stopping all together, as if he forgot how to breath, it was stillness then, quiet and fragile, a moment before time started to function again, an then his senses seemed to acknowledge that the younger was gone, air seemed unreachable for an instant and Soobin gasped for it.
Shivers started to run up and down his spine while his limbs started to loose force, he didn’t feel anything, not for a second but the next time he blinked he was on the floor the cool surface biting at his uncovered skin, unforgiven were the things he just did by his conscience, at last his tears started to run.
Regret was something he knew well as well as loneliness and hollowness, but nothing compared to that moment. He loved him, he loved kai, but loving him meant having a weakness, being vulnerable, he was a fuck up, a rich and selfish asshole who would eventually do something to tear apart their relationship, and then he would get hurt worse, and he wasn’t about to let that happen.
So he lied, he told the younger boy he didn’t love him, told him he was just an experiment, something to demonstrate how people with different backgrounds couldn’t be together, how the younger wasn’t worth his time, because he was low scum that Soobin stepped on to get what he wanted.
He lied, and there was no taking it back, no amends that he could make, no redemption.
-
Yeonjun came barreling down in him two days later, to his surprise it hadn’t been sooner, still the furious look on the older made Soobin take a step back, his eyes who normally looked at him with hate were now burning. Soobin could see Beomgyu running after his boyfriend, the normally happy and soft look of the younger was tainted with something akin to rage and hurt, it made Soobin wince before his world was turned around.
The clean punch to his cheek sent the taller boy to the ground pain flared and spread trough his face when he regained control of his body” what the hell did you do to him?!” Yeonjun grabbed him by the neck of his shirt pulling aggressively and almost lifting him off the ground with the force “hyung wait” Beomgyu called getting closer to them.
Soobin looked up at the older glaring “get your filthy hands off me” Soobin sneered but Yeonjun only looked angrier, and that’s what Soobin wanted, the next punch was much more anticipated and Soobin only closed his eyes before the impact.
“Yeonjun!” Soobins head almost slammed against the floor if it wasn’t for the grip Yeonjun had on the neck of his shirt, a few buttons popping from the force, Beomgyu was just a few meters away from them now “tell me why the fuck was Huening kai crying his heart out for hours, what did you do to him you bastard” Yeonjun shook him pulling at his torn shirt while Soobin was grasping at his self control.
Beomgyu stopped far enough to not get in the way, “hyung” he called but neither of the older boys listened to him. Soobin could see the rage inside Yeonjun eyes the fire tinted with sadness, and Soobin tried to tell himself he felt satisfaction at hurting him, so he smirked feigning that it dint hurt in more ways than just physical “oh him? Well you see, I got bored of playing with him”
The next couples of punches were expected, and while they hurt like he’ll because Yeonjun was an athlete, Soobins pride didn’t let him scream, instead laugh was what left his lips, Beomgyu yells were muffled with every hit and Soobin relished on the pain he knew he deserved.
It was sometime after when the other two left that Soobin walked towards the back of the building, crying for a moment, letting huenings name scape his lips while he asked for forgiveness, his arms longing to hold the younger knowing he was hurting too.
It didn’t happen, and Soobin was left alone with his sins while he tried to convince himself the other didn’t meant anything more than a game to him.
-
It wasn’t long after that day when Soobins phone started to vibrate.
From the two of them kai was the one that would always let his pride suffer the most when he really wanted something, at least for important stuff, the younger was fierce with words if he wanted, but his rage never quite reached Soobins coldness or indifference in leves of damage.
So when calls and midnight texts started to flood his phone Soobin didn’t look twice before blocking the number and deleting the texts, he didn’t even read one of them, it felt like regret was pushing itself trough his lungs and making him exhale pain, Soobin didn’t care.
He closed his eyes and ignored how destroyed he felt.
The next time he woke up that night he should have guessed his previous actions would have consequences.
Soobin read Beomgyu on his screen, his heart stopped for a second while the normal pain started to settle again, he had half a mind to ignore what used to be his best friend, but when the call stopped he saw the younger had already called four times, and to his surprise Yeonjun had also called him.
It made panic come and slam with him like thunder, when his phone started to ring again he answered without a hitch.
“beomgyu”
“Soobin, Soobin hyung” a sob cut trough the younger voice, the sound os different people talking could be heard in the background, White noise making Soobin cringe and worry deepen, what was happening?
“Beomgyu, gyu? What happened are you Al right?”
Soobin felt himself move before he actually processed his train of thought, “hyung its kai-“ another sob and Soobin just felt like his heart was a ou to explode “he-he was so drunk” Soobin grabbed a jacket before going for his keys, something akin to pain started to blossom inside his chest “gyu please tell me what happened where are you?”
“he didn’t want to listen to us-“ more crying and Soobin was sure he would be crying too in less than a minute “he- he went out of the bar and- he didn’t care I tried to- I tried to stop him” now the noise from the other side was getting louder, that’s when he heart it, a siren, an ambulance siren, Soobin almost fell to the ground in that moment.
“a car came out of nowhere—and I was so close but he- he didn’t care”
After that Beomgyu was just crying again and the voice that came next was Yeonjun, Soobin didn’t care enough to feel the normal irritation the older would bring him with his presence “were going at saint Mary’s hospital right now, the ambulance just left”