Chapter Text
"Hey, um, this is me, Luke Hemmings. I want to tell you guys something." The boy's blue eyes were filled with tears, some already falling down his cheeks. His bottom lip was quivering, he was on the verge of just bursting out crying. He stared straight to the camera on his laptop, sniffling a little. He gulped slightly, before taking a deep breath and speaking:
"I, um, I'm depressed a-and I cut. I also h-have an eating disorder, anorexia. I never told any of you this because I didn't think it would ever get to this point, that it would get this bad. I didn't even tell Ash, or Mikey. Not even Calum knows. No one knows what I go through every day, no one knows about all the hate I get, even from fans. It hurts, to be honest, that t-the people that support this band would just, send me hate. But it doesn't matter anymore. It's all over and done with, it just happens, it's not like anyone can stop it from happening. What does it matter anyways? I'm fucking worthless, a waste of space, a pathetic fag-" Luke tugged on the sleeves of his black Nirvana hoodie, trying to get the sleeves a little bit lower so they'd cover the countless scars on his wrists. A few tears slipped down his pale cheeks and he let out a quiet whimper, he sounded so broken.
"I mean, I deserve the hate to be honest. Like some of you guys have said I'm the least talented member of the band. I'm fat. I'm ugly. I'm worthless. And tell you what, I agree with you guys, I'm all those things and even more. I should die, like you've told me so many times. Hell, I-I deserve to die. I don't deserve to live on this earth, I'm a pathetic waste of space. I'm nothing, I'm not important to anyone. No one cares for me, I doubt anyone would even notice if I died." He paused for a while, pushing his blonde locks out of his face and sniffling quietly, wiping some of the tears that were streaming down his cheeks. Luke Hemmings was broken and nobody had seen it, not even those closest to him. Luke felt his wrists sting, a warm liquid slowly dripping down his arm. He mentally cursed, instantly realizing some of his cuts had opened and were now bleeding. He didn't do anything about it though, he just sighed heavily, trying to collect his thoughts so he could continue.
"I-I just don't see a reason in trying or living. I don't see why I should wake up every morning to this miserable realty, to see all the hateful comments, to see my goddamn fat self staring at me in the mirror... To always have to compare myself to the boys, and to always be the fat and ugly one. The unwanted one. I'm tired of it, guys, I really am. A-Ash, Mikey a-and Calum, I'm really sorry I've been such a burden on you. None of this is your fault, it's mine. Don't worry about me, I'll be in a better place in no time. I love you guys, you're honestly like brothers to me. B-But I have to do this, I just can't keep on trying anymore. I'm sorry." Tears were now endlessly falling down the eighteen-year-old's cheeks, quiet sobs escaping his mouth.
"I'm sorry. Goodbye." Then he shut the camera, and uploaded the video on Youtube, shutting his laptop off. Luke Hemmings was done for good and there was nothing that could change his mind. He was tired of life, tired of being Luke. He was tired of being the fat kid, tired of being the least important one. He slowly stood up, stumbling a little and made his way to his drawer, opening it slowly and grabbing a small wooden box from inside of it. Then Luke made his way to the bathroom, locking the door behind him. He sat down on the cold, white tile floor, resting his back against the bathroom wall. He opened the box, his eyes immediately lighting up slightly at the piece of metal inside. He pulled it out, running his thumb across the sharp edge. Luke pushed the sleeves of his hoodie up, revealing his wrists, every inch of them covered in scars. Old and new, big and small. He brought the cold piece of metal to his skin and slid it across his wrist. Blood immediately started oozing out of the wound, running down his arm. He just kept cutting and cutting, his wrists soon covered in blood. Luke just smiled slightly. He knew this was going to kill him but he didn't even care.
Soon both of Luke's wrists were covered in deep cuts, deeper than ever before, as well as his thighs. is eyes were starting to droop close due to the blood loss. But Luke didn't care, he would finally get away from all the negativity. All the haters, all the mean comments. He couldn't be happier. And then, just like he had wished, his eyes closed completely and everything went black, his heart only beating slowly and his breathing faint. And then, just like that, he stopped breathing.
--
The three boys sitting in the hospital's waiting area were quiet, not one of them had uttered a word in a very, very long time. They all had dried tear stains on their cheeks and red, puffy eyes. They couldn't believe what had happened, they couldn't wrap their minds around the fact that a member of their band, practically their little brother, was out there in a hospital room on life-support and could die any second. It was all so surreal and unexpected. None of them had seen it coming.
It was Calum who found Luke, after seeing the video on Youtube. It was just luck that he had found Luke soon enough to still revive him and get him to the hospital. Though the chances of Luke surviving weren't exactly that great. It was a fifty-fifty chance of surviving. It was, obviously, horrifying for him to find his best friend in the bathroom, his wrists and thighs all cut and covered in blood, his eyes closed. He wasn't even breathing when Calum found him, he was practically dead. Calum remembered how he shook Luke, trying to wake him up, but he had no luck. Luke wouldn't wake up, no matter how hard he tried or what he did. Then, he had just dialed 911 and they had sent and ambulance and taken him to the hospital.
The doctors were still working on Luke, cleaning his wounds and wrapping him up, giving him medication and connecting him to many machines. They hadn't informed the three boys nothing about his condition, all they knew, was that he was alive. But that's all. The fans were going crazy on twitter, as the news had quickly spread.
"W-What if he won't make it?" Ashton whispered hoarsely, tears falling down his slightly crimson colored cheeks, his hair in every direction possible from all the tugging he had done to it. The two boys stared at him sadly, shaking their heads. Their eyes shared the same worried and sad look, they all were complete wrecks.
"Don't think like that Ash, Luke will wake up. He has to." Calum whispered, his voice quivering with each word he spoke. He was trying to convince not only Michael and Ashton but himself too that Luke would indeed wake up. He felt so guilty he hadn't noticed that he didn't notice how depressed Luke was. That he never noticed the cuts or him not eating. He never saw it, and now it was too late.
All they could do was pray, that Luke would be alright and wake up.