Work Text:
Damian: "I want a hippopotamus for Christmas!"
Bruce: "Damian we've discussed th-"
Damian: "ONLY A HIPPOPOTAMUS WILL DO!"
Bruce: *sigh*
Jason: "He's gonna keep singing until you give in old man..."
Damian: "Don't want a car, no dinkey tinker toy!"
Dick: "B, I think Jason's right,..."
Damian: "I only want a hippopotamus to play with and ENJOY!"
Bruce: "Grayson,... You do not expect me to give in, and actually buy Damian a hippo... DO YOU?!?"
Dick: "I-"
Damian: "I WANT HIPPOPOTAMUS FOR CHRISTMAS!"
Jason: "I tell you what old man, if you don't shut that kid up, I WILL... Alllllfieee, where's your sedation that you like to use on us so... frequently..."
Tim: "Hey,... don't forget me! My ear's are about to burn off from the brat's singing..."
Alfred: "Don't worry Master Timothy,... I think everyone's noticing the affect of Master Damian's most barmy attitude... Fiddlestick's, I do hope that that boy shut's his mush very soon. His wobbler is becoming a very yonks episode of time. He also unfortunately didn't seem to take after his Father's vocals in the slightest..."
Damian: "I DON'T THINK BATMAN WILL MIND, DO YOU?"
Jason: "The Old Man can sing?"
Bruce: "Alfred that was supposed to be a SECRET!!!"
Alfred: "Sorry Sir. In certain predicaments One let's thing's slip..."
Bruce: *Batman glare*
Alfred: "That shirty act doesn't work on me Master Bruce, and you know it..."
Damian: "HE WON'T HAVE TO USE A BURLY DIRTY BAT-PLANE!"
Tim: *ahem*
Tim: "...Am I blue.... you'd be too... if each plan that you'd had, done fell throu- "
Bruce: "YOU HEARD ME SING THAT TIM??"
Dick: "Little Timie,... please tell me you got that on video..."
Tim: "Not that I would send it to you Grayson... It's MY blackmail... and you missed the best part... Wonder Woman turned into a pig!"
Alfred: "Master Timothy! I'm gobsmacked at you... I believe you owe the jar a quid. You shouldn't say rubbish li-"
Damian: "JUST BRING HIM THROUGH THE BAT CAVE!"
Damian: "THAT'S THE EASY THING TO DO!"
Dick: "Arghhh,.. Al you have any ear plugs!"
Alfred: "I'm afraid Master Grayson that even if we did, in such a plight we find ourselves to be in... It would be daft to try and look..."
Bruce: "DAMIAN! It's November... Can we have this conversation when-"
Damian: "I CAN SEE ME NOW ON CHRISTMAS MORNING..."
Bruce: "Dam-"
Damian: "CREEPING DOWN THE STAIRS!"
Tim: "Bruce, It's not going to work..."
Dick: "Yea,...Timie's righ-"
Damian: "OH WHAT JOY, WHAT SURPRISE!
Damian: WHEN I OPEN UP MY EYES!
Damian: TO SEE A HIPPO HERO STANDING THERE!"
Tim: "YOU don't even know what JOY IS you BRAT!"
Dick: "Oi,... Timmer's... Calm Down,... and,.. can you pass the tissues?"
Damian: "I WaNt A hIpPoPoTaMuS fOr ChRiStMaS!"
Dick: "Now, Timmy,... NOW!"
*BANG*
Damian: "ONLY A HiPpOpOtAmUs WILL DO!"
Dick: "HEY! I meant PASSS the tissue box don't yeet it at meh face!"
Tim: "Sorry, Grayson,... thought I was doing you a favor... It's kinda hard to kick something over to somebody accurately..."
Damian: "NO KILLER CROC'S! NO LOOK ALIKE MOCKS!"
Jason: "You know he's just making the word's up now Old Man,..."
Alfred: "We have dubiously noticed Master Todd... We have dubiously noticed the bonker attitude of the impervious child... "
Alfred: "..."
Alfred: "I'm to old for this..."
Dick: "HUHHHHHHHHHHHHH?"
Damian: "I ONLY LIKES HiPpoPoTaMuSeS!"
Damian: "AND HiPpoPoTaMuSeS LIKE ME, TOO!"
Tim: "Richard..." *sigh* " Don't shove tissue's in your ears with your elbows..."
Dick: "HUH???!?"
*smack* *Tissues fall onto the floor*
Tim: "TIMMY that was my highly-efficient noise canceling device!!!"
Jason: *ugh *
Damian: "FATHER SAYS A HIPPO, WOULD EAT ME UP BUT THEN,"
Jason: "Moment's like these... I wished I stayed dead..."
Tim: "I wish I'd die..."
Jason: "Don't worry Replacement,... Maybe DC will let you join the Dead-Robin Club soon-"
DRAKE SAYS A HIPPO IS A VEGETARIAN!"
Jason: "-er than you thought..."
Tim: "..."
Bruce: "Tell me you didn't encourage this Tim...."
Tim: "No! All I did was..."
Bruce: *gravelly Batman voice* "Tell me... That.... YOU... YOU... THE MOST SENSIBLE ONE OF A-L-L MY CHILDREN!" *offended gasps* ... "Did... NOT ENCOURAGE MY SON TO WANT A 3,000 POUND ANIMAL!!"
Tim: *cough* "I just umm,... Well, you see it's very simple..."
Jason: "Very simple replacement...? THIS IS YOUR FAULT THAT WE ARE TIED UP IN CHAIRS AROUND THE DINING ROOM TABLE WATCHING DICK STUFF TISSUES IN HIS EAR'S WITH HIS ELBOWS!!"
Dick: "That seems like that's your problem,... not mine..." *stuff's more tissue's in ears*
Tim: *Glup* "heaskedmewhatkindofanimalswerevegetarianbesidesbatcowwhileeatingbreakfasttheotherday..." *slumps in seat* "Imighthave..." *squeaks* "said a ... hippo...IONLYTHOUGHTTHEKIDWASSTARTINGTOBONDWITHME!"
*Collective groans*
Damian: "THERE'S LOTS OF ROOM FOR HIM IN OUR THIRTY-CAR GARAGE!
Damian: I'D FEED HIM THERE AND WASH HIM THERE AND MAKE DRAKE GIVE HIM A MASSAGE!"
Tim: *choking noise*
Everyone: "..."
Alfred: *Snort*
Alfred: *Laughing*
Jason: "Oh HAVE MERCY GRAYSON... LOOK!"
Tim: "WHa-"
Dick: "He's gone delusional... Man Down JayJay... man down..."
Jason: "Don't Call me JayJ-"
Damian: "I CAN SEE ME NOW ON CHRISTMAS MORNING,
Jason: -ay"
Damian: CREEPING DOWN THE STAIRS!
Dick: "B,... Damian's broken Al.. AL YOU OK OVER THERE?"
Alfred: "Quite alright Master Richard,... I just recalled... Master Bruce do you remember one year on Young Richard's birthday being asked for an elephant?"
Bruce: "..."
Bruce: "Yes,..." *laughs*
Damian: TO SEE A BAT-HIPPO HERO STANDING THERE!
Dick: "What?...I would neve- Well, wait... actually... that seems like something I would do..."
Tim: "Yea,... circus-boy..."
Dick: "Hey,... TIMMER'S DAT'S NOT NICE!"
Jason: "Is nobody concerned that the kid has named the hippo??? He's getting attached..."
Dick & Tim: *Both Dick and Tim* "NOT NOW JASON!"
*Ongoing bickering in the background*
Bruce: "Ok,...Ok,... That gives me an idea Alfred..."
Damian: "I WANT HIPPOPOTAMUS FOR CHRISTMAS!"
Bruce: "Damian!"
Damian: "ONLY A HIPPOPOTAMUS WILL DO!"
Bruce: "Dam-"
Damian: "NO KILLER CROC'S! NO LOOK ALIKE MOCKS!"
Bruce: "Da-"
Damian: "I ONLY LIKE'S HIPPOPOTAMUSES"
Bruce: "YOU CAN HAVE YOUR HIPPO!!"
Damian: "AND HIPPOPOTAMUSES LIKE ME- WHAT? REALLY!"
Bruce: "Can you,... untie us now Damian,... and... keep your voice lowered... I think you've damaged all of our eardrums..."
*Collective Groaning & Bickering*
And If on Christmas Morning Damian received a stuffed-toy hippo and was happy with it... No one said anything about the charade that happened just a month before... The kid got his hippo, and was never allowed to drink Hot chocolate again... that's all that matters... 🦛