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"So, first mission today." Gavin offered. Ryan grunted noncommittally. "Well, at least, first for me, not for you, of course, you've been on loads. Well, not first for me, I've done a bunch of remote hacks for the Agency already, but you know that. And we did those simulation runs together… but you know that too. Obviously. I mean… first proper mission we're doing as a team, is more like it. Yeah."
Ryan barely held back a long-suffering sigh. It was painfully obvious that Gavin's nervousness gave the Brit motor-mouth, and it had gotten progressively worse as the day of the mission approached. Now that it was here, Ryan was mildly surprised Gavin hadn't already passed out, seeing as he didn't seem to take a breath at any point in his babbled sentences. Whatever the case, the constant stream of sound coming from the younger agent's mouth was grating on Ryan's nerves.
"…But it'll go fine, right? I know it's meant to be all simple because it's my first on-field mission, but that just means it's low risk, right? I mean, the guys we're going up against will have guns and all that, won't they? And I know that you're gonna take care of that side things and I'm just supposed to focus on getting the hack done, but what if something goes wrong? I don't know if I can-"
Even though Ryan was capable of being in highly uncomfortable, and sometimes incredibly painful situations - he'd been tortured on more than one occasion, and he knew it was all but a certainty that it would happen again before his days with the Agency were up - but he simply didn't have the patience to deal with Gavin in this state any longer. "Gavin!" Ryan cut across the Brit's torrent of words, his irritation sharpening the word more than he'd intended. More softly, but still very firmly, he continued, "In this line of work, there will always be some level of danger. There's no such thing as a no-risk mission. I can't promise you that, somewhere down the line, our work together won't get you hurt in some capacity. In fact, I can pretty much guarantee that it will. You knew going into this that you could get injured or even killed doing work for the Agency, but you still chose it. Granted, it was a choice between this and prison, but you did still choose this. And the Agency wouldn't have offered you the job in the first place if they didn't think you could do it."
"…But what if I can't, though?" Gavin asked quietly, suddenly subdued. "What if they're wrong, and I completely bugger this up?"
The senior agent looked him dead in the eyes. "Gavin, you went through rigorous testing to be able to work for the Agency. So did I, so did everyone else here. Still, it's normal to be concerned about transitioning from training to real life. I know I was worried about how I'd do on the first mission I went out on." A wry smile twisted his lips at Gavin's incredulous expression. "I was terrified, in all honesty. The agent I was working with at the time was so much more confident and experienced than I was, I couldn't see how I'd ever be able to get anywhere near that level of expertise. It was daunting, and intimidating, but I stuck through it anyway, and now look." He grinned. "Trust me, if you weren't cut out for this, the Agency would have figured that out by now, and you'd be back in the UK in a jail cell."
Gavin gulped, then nodded, thankfully and finally shutting up.
Ryan cleared his throat a little, not used to talking so much in one go. He wondered what it was about the Brit that had made him open up to the younger man so much - he was generally very recalcitrant with any level of personal information; yet, there he'd gone, rambling on about his first mission like a complete sap in order to put Gavin at ease. It concerned him that he hadn't even thought twice about divulging personal information to Gavin, though he wasn't entirely sure why.
Even though the younger man had been nothing short of irritating the past few days, Ryan was aware of how well they clicked. Not for the first time, Ryan could see why Geoff had paired them up so eagerly, despite Gavin's youth and inexperience. Often, a good team dynamic and the ability to effectively communicate with one another on the field was worth far more than their individual level of skill. Ryan had been on missions with previous partners, some with over a decade of field work and accumulated know-how under their belts, where things had gone so poorly due to strained relations that the missions in question had almost resulted in failure. If the practice missions he'd already run with Gavin were any indication, this wouldn't be an issue.
No, what Ryan was really worried was that in the event that something did go wrong, Gavin might freeze up.
Ryan had never had a partner die on a mission with him before, and he definitely didn't want to start with Gavin.
~* * *~
"Good, you guys're here already. Sorry to keep you waiting."
Gavin sat up, back ramrod straight, as Geoff entered the room five minutes after the final briefing was supposed to have commenced. The Brit had yet to get over his awed reverence of their boss, eyes following the older man anxiously, like a nervous schoolboy in the principal's office.
In direct contrast, Ryan was slouched easily in his chair, a calm and almost uninterested expression on his face. "No problem, Geoff," he all but drawled. "Gavin and I had a lovely heart-to-heart while we waited for your lazy ass to show up."
Geoff raised an eyebrow. "That so?" he muttered to himself.
Gavin didn't quite catch on to the fact that the question had been rhetorical. "I was just a little nervous about today's mission, Mr. Ramsey, sir. Agent Haywood was reassuring me."
Ryan cast his eyes to the ceiling. "Gavin, we've talked about you calling people 'sir' already," he murmured.
For his part, Geoff gave Gavin a bewildered look. "You sure you're thinking of the right person here? Ryan is probably the least reassuring of anyone I know."
"I take offence to that," Ryan said mildly.
"And what's with the last names all of a sudden? I've told you, calling us by our first names is fine."
Gavin looked bombarded, hunching slightly into his chair. Ryan directed an aggravated sound in their boss' direction. "Dammit, Geoff, I just got him calmed down."
The moustachioed man suddenly became sheepish, aware that he had come across as a little intense to the Brit. "Sorry, Gavin. But, yeah, you don't have to be so formal. Just because I'm your boss doesn't mean we can't be on friendly terms. Now," he said, pulling out his data pad and tapping the screen to sync it with the monitor on the wall opposite them, "why don't we get started?"
~* * *~
Gavin's leg tapped restlessly against the floor of the van as they headed towards their objective, but the action was just as much a result of sitting idle as it was the product of nervousness. The Brit actually felt a lot more at ease than he'd thought he would, as if some of his keyed-up energy had fed into a sense of calm. He commented on this to Ryan, who told him it was a normal reaction.
"Just means you're ready for this," Ryan said.
Gavin started to hum the theme from Space Jam in response, startling a chuckle from the older agent. The Brit smiled, relaxing further.
"Hey, can you two hear me? This is Operative Michael Jones, establishing connection."
"Michael!" Gavin beamed sunnily. "I didn't know you'd be working with us today!"
"Yeah, well, that's what happens when bossman hears that the new guy's gotten all buddy-buddy with you. Yay me."
"Oh, come off it! I know you're happy about it."
"Whatever, asshole. Besides, I'm more worried about Haywood than I am about you. Dude's fucking terrifying."
Gavin laughed, glancing over at Ryan, who just lifted one eyebrow and stayed silent. "Nah, Ryan's great!" he replied, casting a grin in the older agent's direction.
"So, I'm figuring something's gone wrong with his earpiece since he hasn't checked in. Can you ask him to take it out and have a look at it?"
"My earpiece is working fine, Jones."
Michael made a small, surprised noise, followed by a clatter. The two on-field agents figured that he'd accidentally dropped something. "…That wasn't very professional," he said weakly.
Gavin couldn't help the short snort of laughter that escaped him. "Bloody funny though." He held up a hand in front of Ryan, eager smile dimming and arm drooping down as, after several seconds, the expected high five didn't come.
Ryan let out an exasperated sigh at Gavin's wounded expression, lightly slapping his hand against the younger man's palm. "There. Will you stop looking at me like I kicked a puppy?"
The Brit perked up at the action, nodding. Ryan rolled his eyes, despite being glad that Gavin had apparently mastered his nervousness.
Instead, he muttered, "I didn't think the Agency was allowed to hire children."
~* * *~
"Just remember, stay calm," Ryan murmured into his earpiece, noticing the tension creeping back in Gavin's shoulders as he plugged a USB into a computer terminal and began the hack. Both agents had their guns out - Ryan's in hand, Gavin's set on the desk next to the keyboard that the Brit was tapping away at - though, of course, Gavin's was out more as a precautionary measure. If anyone approached the room, Michael would notify them so that they had time to take cover, and Ryan would take care of things if one of them ended up getting spotted.
"Got it," Gavin replied, eyes not leaving the screen as his fingers flew over the screen.
"Next patrol should be coming through in about forty-five seconds," Michael warned them.
A small smile curled the corner of Gavin's lips. "Only need twenty."
Ryan scanned the room out of habit more than anything, knowing that Michael would alert them to any changes. His hands remained loose around his gun, ready to raise it and fire at a moment's notice.
Both agents jumped as a shrill alarm suddenly pealed out, pulsing and deafening. They barely heard Michael swear and shout to them that the patrol was inbound, that they needed to abandon the hack.
"No, I'm almost done!" Gavin yelled back, fingers practically a blur as he urged himself to faster speeds. "Got it!" he cried out triumphantly, pulling the small device from the USB port, the alarms petering out just as several armed men poured into the room through the two main doorways.
"Gavin, cover!" Ryan roared, already firing at the larger cluster of guards, catching them by surprise as they'd only seen Gavin hunched over at the terminal. Bullets flew by Ryan's head and he dove out of the way, the bullets pounding uselessly into the blinking machine that Ryan had darted behind.
Gavin snatched up his gun and kept low, rolling away from the terminal and coming up into a crouch. Without thinking, he levelled his sight against the nearest enemy and pulled on the trigger. The bullet tore through the man's neck, and he let out a quiet gurgle before collapsing. Gavin whipped behind cover, hands shaking and heart slamming into his throat.
He'd just shot someone. He hadn't even thought about it, he'd just squeezed the trigger and ended someone's life.
He started a little when he heard another few gunshots ring out, followed by silence. He sucked some air into his uncooperative lungs, then dared to peek out from around his hiding place, gun at the ready even though his hands were still trembling.
Ryan was lowering his weapon, five men lying dead on the floor around him.
I'm responsible for one of those bodies, Gavin thought, shrinking in on himself even as Ryan gave him a surprised and impressed look.
"You didn't even hesitate," he murmured approvingly.
"You're saying that like it's a good thing!" Gavin's voice was high and strained, his face white and pinched.
Ryan tucked his gun away, stepping closer. "It is. You acted on instinct. If you'd hesitated, he would've shot you instead." He took a few more slow paces, then plucked the firearm from Gavin's still-shaking fingers, flicking on the safety and sliding it into its holster. "Killing people isn't pleasant, but sometimes it's necessary. You did well."
Gavin's face crumpled suddenly, pitching forward as his legs gave out. He collapsed against Ryan's chest, gripping tightly at the dark fabric of the older man's stealth suit. "I killed him," he whispered.
"I, uh." Ryan hesitated, then awkwardly placed his arms around the younger man, gently patting him on the back. "You had to, Gavin," he said, holding the Brit as his whole body shuddered. "It was self-defence."
"But he wasn't evil or anything - 'least, I don't think so, I didn't know him. He was just doing his job."
"A job that he took knowing he could be killed. He accepted that risk, same as you did when joining the Agency," Ryan assured him, waiting for a few minutes as Gavin's tremors slowly subsided.
Embarrassed, Gavin pulled away, straightening out his stealth suit. "Sorry. I… thanks." He straightened up, and Ryan noted with mild interest that though Gavin's eyes were a little red, he hadn't shed a single tear. The way the younger man had been shuddering and shaking, Ryan had been sure he was crying. Not that it mattered, of course. Ryan himself had actually thrown up the first time he'd killed someone - granted, that had been hand-to-hand combat, so the death had been a little… messier.
"I'm taking it you guys're in one piece?"
Gavin was a little startled by the sudden voice. He'd forgotten Michael was listening in. Blushing a little with the knowledge that the curly-haired man would probably tease him relentlessly for getting so sappy once they got back to HQ, he replied, "Yeah, Michael, we're good."
"Great. Van's waiting where you left it."
"Got it," Ryan confirmed. "Heading home, Jones."