Chapter Text
Steve was always the rock in the tiny family of his. Even though it was just him, Bucky and Harley the dog; Bucky was always feeding off his energy. So Steve tried to keep himself in check. But even with control on his emotions, he got overwhelmed and had to take time away from Bucky when he napped to let himself relax.
He learned a few breathing techniques from Bruce and it helped a lot. Maybe Bucky could learning mediating instead of trantrums. No, a two year old's attention span was little to none. He would try one thing then play with his toys.
"Daddy?"
"Yes?" Bucky pointed outside. It was a windy day, his plants were dancing in the wind.
"You want to go outside?" Bucky nodded.
"You can't. Not in this windy weather, you're still got a little pneumonia. All you be doing is making it worse." Bucky coughed a little. It's been a week since Bucky's had pneumonia. The terrible coughing was reduced to a few tiny coughs, the nebulizer had worked and was mainly used for oxygen if the coughing became too much.
"Bored." Steve will admit it hasn't been much fun being in the apartment all week and only going out to let Harley use the bathroom. And frankly, all the stuff animals the others gave him were starting to make him feel uncomfortable.
"Alright, we can go to the tower." Bucky smiled, Steve changed him and got him dressed. Steve could tell Bucky was excited to go, but if Nat and Rumlow weren't there, it wasn't going to be much fun.
"Toy?" Asked Bucky.
"Bring two." Bucky picked up Lamby and Star. They always seemed to be his main stuffed friends, while he did always play with other toys he just never brought them outside of the apartment or to sleep in bed.
"Where's your left boot?" Bucky shrugged then looked at Harley. Steve searched around her bed, no boot. This was weird, the boot was there last night. Now it was gone. Bucky got up and went in the bedroom. He sat on the bed and chewed on his necklace.
"Buck, did you take the boot?" He shook his head then slid off the bed. He went under the bed and laughed. Steve lifted the bed skirt and saw Bucky holding the boot.
"Now, how did it get under there?" Bucky laughed and came out from under the bed. Steve got the dust from his hair and tied on his boot.
"Alright, troublemaker one and two, let's go." Steve put the harness on Bucky and Harley, Steve brought them to the car.
"Daddy, that?" He pointed to an airplane.
"That is an airplane. It is like a bird, expect it is much bigger and it carries people around."
"Birdplane." Steve hoped Bucky wouldn't call Sam a plane, it would be funny. But Bucky was calling Sam every other name, expect his real name. It made him wonder what their relationship would be like if Bucky was stable. They would be best friends, probably calling each other names, but good friends.
Once they got to the tower and to the main floor, Tony, Sam, Nat and Rumlow were here.
"Papa."
"Hello, you sound a lot better." Rumlow picked him up and hugged him.
"How is he doing?" Asked Nat.
"A lot better. He still has a little cough every now and then. And sometimes he'll have a little trouble breathing, but he's as energetic as ever." Said Steve, sitting on the couch.
"We're happy that he is okay, now that you guys are here, we have to leave." Said Tony.
"For what?" Said Steve.
"Tony got a hit on something and he wants us to go with him." Said Nat.
"And this is what, exactly?"
"Well we don't know. He won't tell us, he keeps saying something precious." Said Sam. Steve blinked once and sighed.
"Okay, we'll be here by the time you get back."
"May be a while, get comfortable. See you soon, baby." Said Rumlow putting Bucky on his feet. Bucky watched them leave, he looked at Steve. He wasn't going to cry, but now things felt weird. Everyone was just here, now they were just gone.
"Go?"
"They'll be back, let's find a movie." Bucky climbed on the couch and laid down on Steve. He found an old Disney movie about dogs. A mutt in love with a purebred. Cute and a little sad, the cats freaked him out though. Soon a commercial came on, Steve got up to get a glass of water when he looked at the TV, he saw a guy on the side of the train. He felt himself shaking, trembling at that. Suddenly, he wasn't in the tower. It got cold, the Alps. The train. Bucky.
Then he fell. Bucky fell.
"BUCKY!" Steve dropped the glass of water and crouched on the floor. Bucky got startled by all the sudden noise, Harley quickly got up and made Steve sit on the ground.
"Daddy?" Steve couldn't see Bucky, he could only hear him screaming. That scream telling him he wasn't quick enough. Then he felt a finger poke his shoulder, without thinking he smacked the hand away. Bucky yelped and stepped back. Steve looked up for a second, then grabbed his hair.
"Bucky, are you here?"
"Daddy?"
"Bucky, can you go find daddy's phone?" Steve felt his chest become unbearably tight. Bucky tilted his head, his eyes became scared and glazed with tears.
"It's okay." Bucky got up and looked around the main area. He didn't know where the thing was, but seeing daddy shaking was making him terrified.
"Mr. Rogers, my sensor shows you are having a PTSD attack, would you like for me to contact someone?"
"Nat, please." Steve covered his head and cried, he could hear Bucky crying. He knew he was scared, he couldn't do anything about it like he couldn't do anything about Bucky's fall.
"Steve, what's wrong?"
"He fell, I let him fall." His breaths came in quick, too quick for even a super soldier to handle.
"Steve, deep breaths. Okay, is Bucky with you?"
"I don't know, I couldn't grab him."
"Bucky, honey, are you there?"
"Mommy?"
"Okay, daddy isn't feeling well. I know you're scared, but I need you to be a big boy and help him. Okay?"
"Okay."
"Go grab-" She was cut off.
"Mommy?"
"I am sorry, Ms. Romanoff must be in a dead zone with bad reception." Now Bucky was alone. He didn't know what to do or what was even going on. He never seen daddy scared and crying. Harley was sitting on his lap and licking his hand, she was doing the right thing. Bucky rubbed his head and got up.
"I'm so sorry, Bucky. I let them have you." Steve cried. Bucky sat down and got Steve's hand. Steve was shaking really bad, Bucky hugged Steve and tried to calm down. Steve was stunned for a minute, then hugged him and cried.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
"I'm okay, Stevie, I'm not mad." Steve hugged Bucky a little tighter and slowly calmed down. "I'm okay, you punk." Steve smiled and said
"I know, jerk." Slowly, Steve's breathing went back to normal. Bucky was grounding him, whether he knew he was or not. He was comforting him. He was always there for Bucky when he had a meltdown, but now Bucky was here for him during his breakdown. Bucky tapped on his shoulder and held up Lamby.
"You want me to hold her?" Bucky nodded. Steve took the lamb and held her. Not as much as help as it does for Bucky, but it was enough. Then the elevator dinged opened.
"Steve, you alright?" Asked Sam crouching in front of him.
"A little shaken up and got a little headache, but I'm getting there."
"What happened? Actually, just try not to go into detail." Said Tony.
"A commercial for a game came on TV, I turned around and all I see is a guy falling from a train." Steve didn't realize that his breathing had picked back up until Bucky poked his face. Everyone pieced it together and nodded.
"Everything is alright, you know he is okay." Said Sam.
"I know. I didn't realize it was happening until I remembered it actually seeing it. Hearing him."
"PTSD attacks can be triggered by anything, man; sight, sound, smell. Seeing that one clip was your trigger, you felt like you were reliving that awful moment?" Said Sam. Steve nodded.
"I blame myself for it even happening."
"Damn it, Stevie, it's not your fault." Said Bucky. Everyone looked at him, he was rubbing his head a lot. Adult Bucky was probably trying to take control for this one moment and it was probably very painful. "Just please stop blaming yourself, I'm okay."
"Okay." Steve hugged him. Bucky shook his head and hit himself. Rumlow held his arm to stop him.
"Daddy, okay?"
"I'm okay, bud. Thank you."
"Steve, why don't you go clean yourself up and we will take care of Bucky?" Said Nat. Steve nodded. A hot shower sounded nice.
"And you are staying the night, no buts allowed. Pepper was kind enough to make a room for you three. Full of clothes for you both and diapers. Thank me later." Said Tony.
"Okay."
"Bucky, can daddy go clean up while you have dinner?" Asked Nat. Bucky somewhat nodded, but when Steve got up to go he started to whine.
"Hurt." He said,
"I'll make sure he doesn't hurt himself on the way there." Said Sam going with Steve.
"Okay, I'll walk the dog and you feed him." Said Nat. Rumlow nodded and walked Bucky to the kitchen. He fixed a bowl of eggs and rice and a bottle of milk. Bucky was still shaken up by the whole event, daddy was never like this. Was it his fault?
"Papa?"
"Yes, kid?"
"Daddy, mad?"
"No, you and him have something called PTSD, post traumatic stress disorder. You both went through something really bad in your lives and it still affects you. Steve saw something that reminded him of a bad event and it scared him."
"Me?"
"It does have something to do with you, but he is in no way mad at you. He's just a bit shaken up. He'll be okay with some rest." Rumlow kissed his head, Bucky looked down the hall to where daddy disappeared to. He could faintly hear the shower still going, but daddy never did things without him. Then Sam came.
"He's in the shower. Poor guy is exhausted. I mean I work with vets all the time, but I guess this was bound to happen."
"You think so?"
"We'll when you think about it, Steve hasn't been taking care of himself properly. He's limited to what he can do because of Bucky. So he's basically mentally tired, no matter how many times he smiles that 'I'm fine' smile, he's not."
"So what can we do?" Asked Rumlow. Sam shrugged, there wasn't much Steve was willing to do anymore because of Bucky. Just like an actual parent, they put their lives on hold to raise their children. Steve put his personal life on hold and he didn't seem bothered by it. Nat came back with Harley and fed her a few pieces of chicken.
"Daddy, please?" Said Bucky. He didn't like being away from him for this long.
"Let's get you in a bath and we'll go see if he's okay." Said Rumlow picking him up and bringing him to the bathroom.
"So what do we do about Steve, he's not good for Bucky if he keeps breaking down like that?" Said Nat.
"Rumlow and I were talking about that. Steve isn't taking caring of himself. I hate to say it, but he needs a break from Bucky." Saud Sam.
"And you know how that is going to turn out, right?"
"I do. But he needs to decompress, I just don't know what to do."
"I got an idea, Stark gave us those cards for a free massage for Halloween. He could use that and I'm pretty sure Stark can upgrade the services."
"Already on it." Said Tony coming in.
"What do you mean?" Asked Sam.
"Well I was already contacting my messuse about giving him a deep tissue massage, but if you guys want him to spend the whole day there, I can also do that."
"I doubt he'll want to, but at this point he needs it. Go ahead and book it for tomorrow. Steve has a relaxing day and we have a fun day with Bucky." Said Nat. Sounded like a plan, now they just had to make it happen. Then Rumlow came back.
"He's in the bedroom with Steve, who was already asleep. I didn't want to stick around to make sure he went to sleep."
"Jarvis, let us know if Bucky hasn't fallen asleep in twenty minutes." Said Nat.
"Of course." While the others filled Rumlow in on the plan, Tony asked that Jarvis alert them if Steve's heart rate was spiking during the night and that a code be set into Steve's phone that Bucky could learn to use in case they we're in their apartment.
"Ms. Romanoff, Mr. Barnes has fallen asleep." Said Jarvis. Everyone sighed in relief, that's one weight off their shoulders.
"Alright, lets see what happens tomorrow." Said Nat. Everyone left. Hopefully, Steve would be a bit better and be on board with their plan. And if he wasn't, they would still force him to go whether he liked it or not.