Chapter Text
DAY ONE
A frustrated witch ducked her head to look yet again at the door of the Academy. “That’s it,” Madison pushed out from between her teeth. “I will put my fucking Choos up their…”
Cordelia’s hand landed on Madison’s shoulder. She slid forward in her seat and spoke calmly to the agitated younger witch. “What happened to you embracing your non-retail hell self? Kinder, gentler Madison?” She sat back amused in the very comfortable swivel seat she had chosen behind her hot tempered young friend and buckled her seat belt before slipping the map book into the seat pocket. The Supreme turned to look at Queenie in the rear seat.
“Don’t look at me,” Queenie said not even raising her head from the magazine she was flipping through. “I only agreed to this so I could be there for the moment when Madison’s head pops off and tiny villagers run from the lava.” She sighed. “Should I hurry them up?” she asked not really interested in heading into the Academy for the last two of the road trip crew.
“Fuck yeah,” Madison howled from the front. She hit the steering wheel repeatedly with the palms of her hands. She was ready to tear up some witches.
Zoe and Misty ran for the van, each with a bag over their shoulder, Misty hopping as she ran, trying to adjust her boot while moving. Zoe was digging through a messenger bag as she threw herself into the front seat, beside the furious starlet. She hit the dash hard as Madison sent the van flying down the driveway in reverse. “Fuck, you hurt my mouth you psycho!” She tumbled down further as Madison went over the sidewalk with a thump thump.
Misty laughed as she tumbled into Cordelia on the turn at the street. “This is gonna be a kick in the pants,” she said as Delia helped her get back to her own seat and most importantly, the seat belt.
“Ain’t whistling Dixie, Flower Child,” Queenie opined from the back looking for her iPod in her backpack. Giving up, she pulled the magazine out again.
Zoe finally peeled herself from under the passenger side of the dash and got into her seat. She put a GPS on the console. “I did some research and planned this trip for maximum fun.” She turned and looked at Cordelia. “Did you know we are going past the world's biggest rubber band ball?” She barely turned back in time to see the GPS fly out of the window and hit a businessman looking at his phone sending him to the sidewalk in a heap.
Madison held up her index finger, forestalling argument. “Don’t say it Zo or swear to God I will kill you and leave you for vultures or fucking Jehovah’s Witnesses or whatever fucking eats dead people around here.” She zoomed around a bus and threw up a middle finger as someone laid on a horn. “Rude fucker!”
“Mostly gators and rats,” Misty supplied helpfully.
“Fuck your help. We got five days to get to Wacky World and I will be fucking Wacky-fucked if I let you freaking hippies and wimps take me off mission.” Madison growled.
Queenie looked up with raised brow. “No more caffeine for Clark W. Griswold up there.” She shook her head and wondered if this was what Delia had planned when she took over Queen Bitch’s trip to Wacky World and turned it into some touchy feely girls’ trip from hell.
Zoe chewed her lip and hooked up her IPod to the stereo system. The first song out was Holiday Road with Lindsey Buckingham. She slammed Madison’s hand down as it reached out intent on finding out if IPods made great frisbees. “Touch my road trip mix and I will end you,” she said in a deadly calm voice. While she had more patience for Madison’s shit these days, she was not about to let the bitch queen fuck with her groove after killing Tomtom the Mighty GPS.
Misty wiped the tears from her laughter. She swiveled her chair toward the Supreme as she buckled. “I thought this was a team building thing,” she said chuckling.
“I’m thinking more homicide.” Queenie looked through the windshield. “If you are going to run us into the back of semis, I would be more than happy to drive.”
Madison drove aggressively through the traffic. “We need to make Wacky World in five days. That is over three hundred miles a day. With peanut bladder over there,”
“Hey!” Zoe protested.
“With Miss Steak ‘n’ Shake in the back,” Madison continued jerking a thumb back.
“Hey!” came from Queenie.
“And the love and light bitches in the middle wanting to stop for Kumbayas every rest stop, we need to make tracks while we can.” Madison cut across two lanes of traffic to fly onto the interchange.
She threw up a hand in frustration. Madison rolled down the window and offered the finger to an old woman in a Cadillac. “Move it fuckface! Why are we not fucking flying right now? Is it ‘cause fatass in the back needs two seats? I will fucking pay for her seat if we can fucking fly.”
Cordelia shook her head. “We have not been working together the way we should.” She sighed as Madison screamed. She swiveled to Queenie. “No stabbing the driver while the vehicle is in motion Queenie. We talked about this.”
“Fine. I can wait til the Steak ‘n’ Shake to end her,” Queenie picked up her magazine and started reading again.
Cordelia rubbed her forehead. This promised to be the longest road trip in human existence.