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“Have you ever been in love?
- Yep. Nancy Wheeler. First semester, senior year. Boom! Steve finished, imitating the sound of a gunshot, while miming with one of his hand, the weapon, pointing the whole thing to his heart.
- Oh, my God. She's such a priss.” Robin answered, sighing lightly at Steve's answer.
The young man shook his head, adding a throaty sound at all, to show that his friend was not quite wrong. The two seasonal workers were in the toilets of the Starcourt shopping center, each in a cabin. They had escaped from the movie theater where they had been taken by Dustin and Erica. The teenager had asked them to stay in the room, but the thirst had quickly tugged and despite their poor condition, still quite influenced by the drugs they had been administered, they had managed to escape the custody of the young girl. After all, they had managed to escape from an underground base filled with Russian soldiers, so they could manage to disappear under the eyes of Erica (who was, more than she would admit, absorbed by the film that was available in the room).
“Turns out, not really.
- Are you still in love with Nancy? Dare to ask Robin to her colleague.
- No.
- Why not?
- I think it's because I found someone who's a little bit better for me.” Steve said, letting out a kind of chuckle, as if he had had trouble realizing what he had just said.
A silence settled between the two young people, leaving both to digest the information that had just been given.
“It's crazy. Ever since Dustin got home, he's been saying: "You know, you gotta find your Suzie. You gotta find your Suzie.".
- Wait, who's Suzie?
- It's some girl from camp, I guess his girlfriend. To be honest with you, I'm not 100% sure she's even real. But that's not that's not really the point. That doesn't matter. The point is, this person, you know, the one that I like, it's somebody with whom I was not especially close to school. And I know why, but it seems stupid now. Maybe 'cause they would have pushed me away, Tommy H. and the others would've made fun of me or that I would have been the laughingstock of the prom. It's stupid. I mean, Dustin's right, it's all just a bunch of bullshit anyways. Because, when I think about it, I should've been hanging out with this person the whole time. First of all, they're hilarious. They’re so funny. I feel like, this last few weeks, I have laughed harder than I have laughed in a really long time. And they're smart. Way smarter than me. You know, they’re deciphering stuff that I still cannot understand and you know? They're honestly unlike anyone I've ever even met before.”
A new silence settled between the two seasonal an ice cream vendors. It was longer and heavier, becoming awkward as seconds passed and Steve waited for an answer from his colleague.
“Robin?” Steve dared, before knocking against the toilet wall which where was the one the young woman.
Silence continued to dominate the room. Only the heart of the brunet, who was beating like a drum in his chest, seemed to grow and resonate in the bathroom of the mall.
“Robin, did you just OD in there? Steve tried again, to restart the conversation.
- No. I am still alive.” The high school girl murmured, before breathing a big gulp of air and expelling it just as quickly, letting hear a long sigh from her.
Steve, feeling lost in the face of this answer, was even more when he heard Robin sigh. With a gesture a little awkward and ungraceful, he grabbed the wall of the cabin where he was, allowing him to slide on the tiled floor of the toilet. He passed under the wall, joining Robin in the bathroom where she was. This one observing the whole thing, dubiously.
“The floor's disgusting, she whispered to her neighbor who had just joined her.
- Yeah, well, I already got a bunch of blood and puke on my shirt, so...”
Robin laughed silently, followed closely by Steve, who imitated her.
“What do you think?
- About?
- This person.
- They sound awesome, Robin honestly admitted, looking her interlocutor in the eye, wanting to show the truth of her words.
- They are awesome. And what about the guy?
- I think he's on drugs, and he's not thinking straight.
- Really? 'Cause I think he's thinking a lot more clearly than usual.
- And if it's the case?
- He's stupid. And he probably missed his chance, because he managed to have a special connection with that person, but he ruined everything.
- So, there is no more hope?
- I don't know. I did a stupid thing and he resents me. And I do not know if he will ever forgive me...”
Robin smiled slightly, not noticing to Steve that the pronoun, which he had been using until now, had just changed and revealed the sex of the person who lived in his heart. Facing the last sentence of her new friend, the young woman decided to dare to raise a truth that would allow him to free herself from a weight, but also, perhaps allow the brunet to free himself from his own. Taking her courage in both hands, she spoke, recalling words she had mentioned a few hours ago when they were still imprisoned in the Russian base.
“Do you remember what I said about Click's class? About me being jealous and, like, obsessed?
- Yeah.
- It isn't because I had a crush on you. It's because…”
Robin paused a few seconds, letting her lips tremble, move, without any sound coming out. Then, in a burst of courage, she let her mouth articulate again and express the words she kept stuck in her throat.
“...she wouldn't stop staring at you.”
Steve's face broke down slightly, trying to understand what his friend had just said. Misunderstanding and stupor mixed with his features. Letting his eyes grow bigger, his mouth parting and his head shaking slightly, the shock and surprise eventually took place on his face.
“Mrs. Click? He whispered hesitantly.
- Tammy Thompson.” Robin revealed, having let out a chuckle, following the stupid question of her interlocutor.
Again, misunderstanding and stupefaction resumed their place on Steve's face, who began to look to the right and left, seeking to assimilate and understand the response of the young woman.
“I wanted her to look at me. But she couldn't pull her eyes away from you and your stupid hair. And I didn't understand, because you would get bagel crumbs all over the floor. And you asked dumb questions. And you were a douchebag. And... And you didn't even like her and I would go home and just scream into my pillow.
- But Tammy Thompson's a girl, said the seasonal ice cream vendor stupidly, as if what Robin had told him seemed to make no sense.
- Steve, her colleague whispered, showing that what she had just said was not hard to understand.
- Yeah?” He answered with a stupid smile.
Then, all of a sudden, as if the wheels in his brain had come to work again, Steve understood. How could he be so stupid? It was so obvious, limpid as water and what seemed impossible to conceive, was only an easily understandable truth. After all, he himself was in a sort of similar position. Sure, he liked girls, but now it was a boy who made his heart beat. And he was perhaps one of the few people who could understand Robin and her feelings.
“Oh, he whispered, to show that he had finally understood.
- Oh, Robin replied, to underline slightly his stupidity.
- Holy shit.
Yeah. Holy shit.”
Again, a heavy, heavy silence settled between the two young persons. A few seconds passed before Robin, this time, decided to break the ice.
“Steve did you OD over there?
- No, I just, uh just thinking, said the brunet, who began to look at his feet.
- Okay, Robin murmured, before starting to twist her fingers around a lock of hair, to give her friend some time to think.
- I mean, yeah. Tammy Thompson, you know, she's cute and all, but I mean, she's a total dud.
- She is not.
Yes, she is. She wants to be, like, a singer. She wants to move to, like, Nashville and shit.
- She has dreams, Robin retorted, slightly exasperated by her friend's words.
- She can't even hold a tune. She's practically tone-deaf. Have you heard her? Steve asked, before he began to sing in an acute and wrong voice.
- Shut up, said his interlocutor, lamentably holding back the laughter that was taking hold of her.
- At least, the person I love is more interesting.
- Really? Prove it.”
Steve, who was giggling a few seconds ago, started to laugh, but nervously this time. Fear, panic invaded him, too. He was trying to be brave like Robin, to say what would surely upset his friend, but essentially, himself. For Steve, who was nineteen years old, had never been able to confess to himself, much less to the person who was dear to his heart, what he was about to say.
“Alright, well... Already they are super smart and they want to go to the University, California I think, to study literature. They don't really know what they want to do later, but I know that no matter what they decide, they will succeed.
- Ok, but still? What you're telling me is not so incredible.
- They are also super funny and really beautiful.
- That, you already told me, dingus.
- And when I'm with them, I feel good... No, I mean... Not good in the sense of... How to say? Began to stammer the former high school student, not finding the words to describe what he felt.
- Steve.
- Yeah?
- I understood. With them you feel good, in the sense that everything is normal, natural at their side. What you do together, the moments you spend, share, everything looks good, because with them, you feel good. You feel good in your head, in your body...
- Yeah, that's it. He makes me feel smart while I'm stupid. He makes me feel beautiful and sexy, while he is the one who is. He makes me think that I am capable of things, which I never thought I could do. He sees me as I am, with my good and bad sides. He is there for me when I need it. He supports me when I have doubts. He makes me feel really alive. And I think that...”
Steve felt his cheeks turn pink as he thought about Billy and what he was about to say at last, aloud, and for the very first time.
“And I think I love him for that...”
Billy Fucking Hargrove. Steve Harrington had fallen in love with him, without realizing it, as the weeks they had spent together. At first enemies, they had finally got to know each other little by little, after the blond had discovered the secret hobby of Steve*, namely, the drawing. Then, by force, they had become friends and one thing causing another, without really knowing when or how, they had crossed a new line. And although the two had never revealed their feelings, they knew.
But now everything was over. Steve had, once again, ruined everything and that relationship that was so new, but terribly powerful, was already a thing of the past. And he knew that he would probably never find such a strong and special connection with anyone. Billy would probably be the only man in his life and also the only one who would make him feel so much emotion for sometimes so little.
When the blond-haired young man took his hand, caressed or kissed him, it was like fireworks, but of immeasurable power, all over Steve's body. He had never felt so alive, so happy and so incredible. And all that was the fault of Billy Fucking Hargrove. But all of this, again, it was over and Steve was the only one who could blame himself for that.
“It seems to be an incredible person, Robin murmured.
- He is…
- He's lucky, Billy Hargrove, to have someone who loves him so much.
- No, not real... Wait... How do you... Steve asked quickly, his eyes wide and his mouth open, facing what he had just heard.
- How do I know? Pff, easy. Seeing the looks he was giving you when he came to the shop, and the looks you gave him or his jeans, by the way, it was not hard to understand. You were not really discreet, replied the young woman, chuckling.
- Holy shit.
- Yeah. Again. Holy shit.”
The brunet continued to stare the high school girl, his face still flabbergasted by the conversation. Robin was really amazing. She was beautiful, smart (after all, she had managed to crack a Russian code in a few hours) and terribly insightful. And if Steve had not been in love with Billy, he would probably have succumbed to his colleague's charm. But they were friends, only friends. And just for that, the young man was incredibly happy and proud to have developed such a friendship with such an extraordinary person.
“We're such losers, huh? Steve whispered.
- What do you mean? Robin asked.
- I'm in love with a guy who's an asshole. And you are in love with a girl who can't even hold a tune.
- Shut up. She does not sound like that, the seasonal worker said, all the while laughing again.
- She sounds exactly.
- She does not. You sound like a Muppet.
- She sounds like a Muppet. She sounds like a Muppet giving birth.”
On this last sentence, the two friends burst out laughing. They laughed at this last discussion they knew silly, but most of all, they laughed to forget, for a moment, all that had happened. The Russian soldiers and the secret base discovered, the interrogation that they had undergone after being captured, the drugs that were still lightly present in their bodies... All these last hours was a madness without name. And yet, many things had been revealed and finally accepted.
And the biggest truth of all was that Steve Harrington was madly in love with Billy Hargrove. Just for that, and most of all, after all that he had just lived, the young man swore to himself that he would do anything to get the Californian guy forgives him and perhaps, with luck, take back where their relationship at ended.
After all, it was July 4, 1985. What could happen and be worse?