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Yosuke was embarrassed by the turmoil building in the pit of his stomach.
He felt absolutely lame, acting like a nervous schoolgirl on a first date as he stood at the foot of the stairway leading up to Yu’s room. He gripped his arms tightly across his chest, his hands digging in and pinching his skin. It wasn’t even after a hot date; it was just up to Yu’s room. His leader’s room. His partner’s room. Yosuke himself had initiated the whole trip over, curiosity temporarily overtaking his bravery, yet with every step he took closer to Yu’s door, the more he could feel his own pulse pounding in his temples.
“Hm, I guess Dojima isn’t home,” Yu interrupted the silence, briefly glancing around his surroundings.
“O-Oh, cool, I guess.” Yosuke couldn’t help but breathe out a sigh of relief. At least he could live up to the name of being a total embarrassment without the iron stare of Dojima glaring down at him. He didn’t hear any signs of Nanako either, making his ever-increasing heart rate even more apparent, as it beat faster within his chest.
Yu stared at Yosuke for a brief second, no doubt able to detect every small sigh of anxiety that leapt out of his mouth but shrugged and turned the doorknob.
“Well, here it is. In all its four-walled glory,” Yu nonchalantly introduced, gesturing inside with his free hand as the other pushed the door further aside.
Yosuke wasn’t sure what to expect. Maybe the latest technology hailed all the way from Tokyo? Considering just how much of a genius he is, and with his fighting prowess, a room filled with awards and black belts would’ve made sense. Instead, he was met with barren, bleak walls with a single non-digital clock hung above a pathetically small TV. Empty metal shelves stood to the side, while the far end of the room was filled with unpacked boxes stacked as tall as Yu himself, and lastly, Yosuke noticed a small study area that had been cobbled together occupied by a few textbooks.
For someone who was the leader of a small band of teens fighting inside a TV to solve a murder case, someone who possessed natural, silver hair, Yu’s room sure was...plain. It was like his room was a testament to everything Inaba condensed into an equally small space.
“W-Wow, it’s…” Yosuke rummaged his brain for a quick and easy compliment. “Cozy.”
Yu chuckled and shook his head. “Told you it wasn’t all that interesting.”
“Well, sure, but who can blame you?” Yosuke scratched the back of his head uneasily as his sight drifted to the pile of unpacked boxes. “I mean, with everything that’s been going on, I can understand the boxes being there. You probably haven't had any time to unpack yet and all that.”
“Yeah, I guess trying to catch a serial murderer has hindered my progress quite a bit,” Yu replied thoughtfully with a smirk.
“Still, not a bad setup though, partner,” Yosuke complimented while sitting himself down on the worn-out couch. “Nice and roomy.”
Yu hummed in agreement, scrounging through a loose box. An unnerving silence crept its way through the room as Yosuke tried fighting through it, threading his fingers through the cushion’s material.
Unable to bear the awkward moment any longer, Yosuke, in typical Yosuke-fashion, spurted out the first thing that came to his mind. No matter how stupid or silly it was.
“So…” Yosuke blurted, drumming his fingers against the hems of the couch. “You keep the goods under your futon?”
Yep. Great way to make the awkward even worse.
Yu turned around, tilting his head slightly to the right with a wide expression. “Huh?”
“You know… the goods,” Yosuke repeated with extra emphasis, maybe not as casual as he’d hoped to be. Yu’s continued blank stare concluded it was a lost cause. With a dejected sigh, he muttered, “Never mind…”
Yu just stared back at him for a moment before letting out a small laugh. “Okay then.”
“So, you ever invited a girl in here?” Yosuke asked, almost instinctively. He couldn’t exactly imagine stacks of boxes being a total chick magnet, but then again, he was talking to the only person to have spoken more than two words to the mistress of the infamous Amagi Challenge.
Yu simply shook his head. “I haven’t.”
“Ah, I see,” Yosuke nodded, rubbing his chin diligently and disregarding the strange relief he felt from his answer. “Well, don’t worry, partner! Once you spruce up this place a bit, the babes will be lining up here in no time!”
Yu softly chuckled. “I guess so.” He glanced to his side at all the boxes. “By the time I unpack though, I might have to pack everything up again.”
Yu laughed and Yosuke mirrored him shortly, but, just for a second, he felt an instance of sadness behind his response.
“No worries, dude! I’ll help you unpack if you need me to!” Yosuke volunteered, additionally offering a wide grin and a small wink.
Yu dismissed the proposal though, with a tiny shake of his head. “It’s okay. I got everything I need taken out already.” He glanced at the center placed table. “My clothes and schoolbooks are all I need.”
Despite Yu’s reassurement, Yosuke took a once more over his room.
Empty, isolated, and… sad.
====
When Yosuke acquired his Persona, the suppressed wildness in his heart unleashed. Junes had become an afterthought to him; it seemed so distant compared to what he and his team were struggling with and doing every day that, by his logic, his time had to be worth more than his coworkers. Spending his youthful high school days either risking his life to solve a crime that was seemingly impossible to the police or slaving away for a store at a town he couldn’t care less for, he hoped his life would eventually reap some sort of award.
The weight of disappointment crushed his reality after his monthly struggle, when his supervisor placed a discount voucher in his hands in lieu of a bonus check for his overtime. Yosuke sadly realized his optimistic outlook would only lead him to disappointment.
“Oh, don’t look that way, Hanamura-kun!” The manager laughed as he slapped Yosuke on the back roughly, each pound drawing him closer to complete frustration. “All your hard work finally paid off, huh?”
“This voucher is only good for 20% off a single used electronic!” Yosuke grumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose as an attempt to alleviate his anger. “What can I get with this!?”
“Off a display unit, actually,” he added quickly. “And only on the older model sections.”
“How does that make it better!?”
“Oh, don’t get too worked up over frivolous details, Hanamura-kun!” The manager’s laugh echoed harder; Yosuke’s complaints clearly fallen on deaf ears. “There’s this nice stereo that still works, and all the cool kids have stereos! I think…”
“I already have a stereo…” Yosuke mumbled under his breath, trying his earnest to swallow down his disappointment.
“All the more reason to look around and find something! Maybe for a cute girlfriend!”
Yosuke could barely process the embarrassment over the increasing anger bubbling inside of him.
Deciding further conversation would just be met with more laughter, Yosuke dejectedly nodded and took the coupon with a small, artificial smile. He stuffed the coupon inside his apron pocket and decided to head up to the third floor and use up all of Junes’ “appreciation”. It felt a bit foreign, going up to the electronics section without any of the team or without the purpose of stock checking, so he decided to try and make the process as quick and painless as possible.
In front and center was the stereo his manager described, an older model that has outlived its trend but heavily promoted on sale as Junes tried to make room for the newer models with new functions and specifications that were probably too complicated for their shabby town. The stereo wasn’t even in bad condition, all the wires and buttons still attached, and any scratches were miniscule. Yosuke would’ve probably taken it for himself if he didn’t already own one, and didn’t see the need for two…
In that moment, a flash of inspiration appeared before him.
In record speed, Yosuke bundled the stereo components in his arms and made way to the checkout counter, a new liveliness to his step.
.
Yosuke knocked rapidly on Yu’s door. “Open, open” he insisted every time his knuckles met with wood. An unexpected giddiness overtook him from head to toe, the excitement wiring his body like he was plugged into mains. It was a crappy, old-modeled stereo he was gifting to Yu, sure, but who doesn’t like surprise gifts, right? Maybe Yu would appreciate the thought and be thankful for the fact he would have something unrelated to school decorating his asylum of a room. If anything, Yu could sell it for parts and make some profit? The more he stood around, bag in hand, the more he began to regret this idea… He quickly contemplated how fast could he make a U-turn back home before Yu noticed the knocking at the door.
“I’m coming, I’m coming,” Yosuke heard from the other side, his voice gluing his feet to the ground. When the door opened and Yu’s gaze settled on him, he smiled amiably at him. “You’re here faster than I thought.”
“When there aren’t any hazards, my bike’s a lot more reliable than you’d think!” Yosuke quipped with his usual grin, feeling his courage renewing with vigor.
Yu laughed quietly, stepping to the side as a gesture for Yosuke to enter. After Yosuke set the extraordinarily large plastic Junes bag on top of the center table, he asked, “Is this the thing that you wanted to so eagerly show me?”
“Yeah, you guessed it!” Yosuke responded with a toothy grin. Playing up his theatrics for dramatic effect, he unveiled the stereo from its huge plastic bag, as anxiety drummed in his chest.
“A… stereo?” Yu read along the huge font of the box.
“Yep!” Yosuke’s grin grew instinctively wider. “Surprise!”
“You got a stereo… for me?” Yu altered his blinking stare between the stereo and Yosuke.
“W-Well, technically, I sort of… won it?” Yosuke weakly explained, rubbing the back of his head as a nervous tic. With Yu’s lack of facial reactions and Yosuke’s inability to read his partner, he felt his insides grow warm in a nauseating way and his stomach writhed. “They gave this to me at work for all my ‘oh so hard effort’, and I kinda figured that, maybe, it would look good here, yeah?”
When Yu didn’t respond and kept his blank stare locked on the stereo, Yosuke quickly added, “B-But, if you don’t like it, we can just sell it or something! Daidara would buy crap like this, right? Maybe you can use the money to buy something for Nanako-chan or finally buy Chie those kicking boots she’s had her eye on! Or, maybe just buy her food. I’m sure she’ll be happy either way, am I right?”
Yosuke nervously laughed as Yu remained focused on his gift. The silence permeating the room was agonizing.
“You’ll give me some recommendations, right?” Yu suddenly asked him, bending down and fidgeting with the turns and buttons like a child playing with a new toy.
“Huh?”
“Recommendations… for music,” Yu clarified, looking up at him with a perched eyebrow. “Can’t have a stereo without music, right? I don’t exactly have a lot to choose from.”
“O-Oh. Oh! Yeah, right, I mean, I guess I have some?” Yosuke replied, the relief in his voice palpable as he let out a sigh. “I don’t exactly know what kind of music you like though…”
“I’m sure I’ll like it,” Yu said as he stared back down at the stereo with renewed fascination. “Maybe some music that’ll help me stay awake and study while I wait for midnight.”
“You study on those nights we have to wait?” Yosuke all but barked with laughter in response. “That sounds just like you, you nerd.”
“Hey, it’s a useful way to pass the time.” Yu defended himself with a feigned hurt expression, a small smirk whispering on his lips.
“No worries partner, I got you covered! I think I actually have some albums that you might like!” Yosuke felt a broad grin pulling at his cheeks from his self-deemed successful mission.
Yu chuckled softly. “Thank you, Yosuke,” he said, then looked back up to him and added, “I love it.”
Then, it happened.
A serene smile graced Yu’s face, full of pure joy and gratitude. It was warm like diluted mid-morning sunlight, peeking in through the blinds; his glee enough to fill him with a humbling energy that sparked in his toes. The way the color of Yu’s blush burned a pink hue across the ridge of his nose was unlike anything he’d ever seen on his pale-skinned face. Time seemed to slow as Yosuke basked in that moment of joy they shared together.
“Y-You’re welcome,” Yosuke then remembered to reply.
===
Curiosity is what fueled Yosuke for the next several weeks.
Yu’s reaction to the hand me down stereo opened a myriad of possibilities before him. What other hidden quirks could he unearth? Yu’s exact interests were always a bit of a mystery. What kind of music was he into? Does he even enjoy music? What other kind of stuff did he like to do for fun? What about comics? Was Yu just the uptight bookworm he appeared to be? Yu’s barren room didn’t exactly leave him much of an impression; quiet and suppressed, much like its resident.
But that smile…
How Yu smiled at Yosuke when he gave him that stereo. That smile. Yu was adept at concealing his emotions, but obviously struggled to suppress his happiness. Despite his attempts to hide it, that moment felt colossal, enough to shift and stir something within Yosuke.
That brilliant smile etched a mark into his memory as he shuffled through his old comics buried in his shelves, wondering if they were good enough for his partner. What started as a search for music recommendations quickly turned into a full-on scavenging mission throughout his room.
.
“I hope you don’t mind the sudden intrusion,” Yosuke greeted in front of Yu’s door, beaming. “But I bare gifts!”
“Hm?” Yu tilted his head as his brows furrowed, eyeing between Yosuke and the stuffed bag. “More gifts? I don’t recall it being my birthday or anything… You sure you’re not losing it, Yosuke?”
Yosuke rolled his eyes, hauling the bag closer to his face. “It’s just some CDs and my old comics, ass.”
“Are you sure we should be reading comics? Shouldn’t you study for exams soon?” Yu advised, with a mischievous quirk to his grin.
“Oh, come on!” Yosuke pouted, extending his lower lip for emphasis. “I’m sure one or two comics wouldn’t hurt!”
Yu stared intently at him; an eyebrow quirked in that uncanny way of his.
After two seconds, Yosuke sighed, raising both hands in surrender. “Alright, alright, fine! I’ll study! But,” Yosuke brought the bag back up and waved it in front of his face. “If I study, you have to at least read one issue.”
Yu’s gaze flickered between the bag and Yosuke before giving in with a sigh and grabbing the bag. “Alright, but if I’m reading this, we’re studying both English and Math.”
Despite the impending study boredom bomb, Yosuke’s grin widened further as he followed Yu into his room, settling down in front of his work desk. Yu dropped down to sit on the couch, leaning back into the cushions to adjust himself comfortably. Picking an issue out of the bag at random, his eyes were instantly glued to the page, so intensely that Yosuke could only find it amusing that of course Yu could be that focused on a comic page, rivaling his presence inside the TV world.
“Oh, that one’s good! It’s about a warrior from the future going back in time to save all of humanity and-” Yosuke started, but stopped when he realized that Yu’s gaze and awareness remained firmly attached to the book.
Yu continually flipped through the pages, not uttering a single word or inciting a reaction whenever Yosuke would cry out in frustration over a math problem. Yosuke even tested his attentiveness, throwing a rolled-up paper ball on top of his head, and got nothing short of a single grunt.
Yu picked up and opened the next issue with fascinating speed, eyes already glued to the pages with a newfound sparkle in his eye.
A breathy laugh escaped from Yosuke as he shook his head and returned to the problems at hand, settling into a newfound comfort of silence.
===
Yosuke quickly learned Yu could read at an alarming pace.
He finished Yosuke’s first set of recommendations in only two study sessions, Yu having already memorized each character’s story arc better than Yosuke could even attempt calculus equations. Yu didn’t exactly plead to him for the next issue, but each impatient tap of his pencil against the wooden table told a different story. Not that Yosuke minded; each new smile Yu returned after a comic was of happiness growing, like a flower in spring blooming.
Yosuke’s arms, however, began to suffer. Hauling a load of books from his house to the Dojima’s a few times a week had become a struggle.
His muscles cried in relief after slamming down the bags filled with books on the dining table, rubbing his upper arm in a pathetic display. He’d figured he could catch his breath and seem less pitiful before meeting Yu up in his room, grateful neither Dojima nor Nanako were in the house today to witness his labored gasps.
Before Yosuke picked the bags back up again, his eye caught the cover of a rather thick book on the table. Curiosity piqued, he read the sticky note attached.
Page 24, Row 7, Fourth person to the right. That’s your nephew. It should be easier to spot him when he gets off the train station.
This isn’t my house, this is Dojima’s property, Yosuke told himself as he opened the book to the exact page as the note followed. Row 7....Fourth person….
Yosuke could feel his breath hitch in his throat. It was Yu and, judging by the uniform, it was him during middle school.
Even in his younger years, Yu still wore that same hairstyle, a bit more straightened than side swept like it is now, fashioned more like a bowl cut. The most glaring feature to Yosuke though was his face, Yu having all the emotion of wet concrete. There was no smile, no traces of anger or boredom, nothing. He just stared straight at the camera, perfectly straightened like a model student.
Yosuke flipped through the other pages, looking for any traces of Yu in sports clubs, music clubs, fine arts, anything. To his own surprise, he came up with none. The same Yu, who managed to balance basketball, band, and the student health committee while investigating the murders, was involved with nothing?
Yosuke bit his lower lip, and, after mere deliberate thought, stuffed the yearbook in the same bag and headed up to Yu’s room.
.
“Yo, partner!” Yosuke greeted with a little too much pep.
“Hey,” Yu greeted back, unaware of Yosuke’s change of tone. “You brought more comics over?”
“Oh, something better than that…” Yosuke’s grin splashed across his face as he dug for the yearbook, waving it excitedly back and forth once he grabbed it. “I have this too.”
“What’s that?” Yu slowly asked, approaching Yosuke with great caution.
“Why, it’s you!” Yosuke flipped to the page and held out the yearbook in display, pointing to the familiar figure.
“Wh-Where did you get that?” Yu asked, the color draining from his face as he swiftly snatched the book from Yosuke’s grasp.
“It was on the dining room table, I guess Dojima forgot to put it away!” Yosuke trying and failing to keep his laugh from pouring out like a faucet.
“Th-This is so embarrassing…” Yu groaned, shrinking and slumping into himself.
“I’m more amazed than anything, honestly,” Yosuke breathed out between laughs. “Years later -- a whole school later --, you still have that same hairstyle!”
Yu ducked his head and brushed one hand through his bangs, Yosuke certain he saw a faint blush rising to his cheeks. “My parents only let me keep this hairstyle; it’s more professional and easier to upkeep…”
Yosuke stopped laughing, wiping an imaginary tear of glee from his eye. “S-Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. Years later, and you still have that serious look in your eyes.”
“Hm, I guess you’re right…” Yu distantly responded, staring at his own photo with an expression Yosuke couldn’t quite pin down. Yosuke wanted to mention Yu’s lack of presence in the after-school club section or to upkeep the friendly banter, but an instinct inside grinded him to a halt. A small voice always warned him when to pay attention inside the TV, to be more aware of his surroundings; now, it was screaming at him to focus on Yu.
Silence hung in the air, suspended like a gaping void needed to be filled with sound or words or anything. Yu gripped on the edges of the book even harder, staring right at the center, mirroring the joyless stare of the middle-school boy.
Without thinking, Yosuke reached inside his pocket to fish out his wallet, opening the folds to do a quick scan until he found what he wanted.
“You think you look bad? Here, dude.” Yosuke slid a photo in front of Yu, blocking his view from his old yearbook photo.
Yosuke waited for the inevitable laughter, timed perfectly as soon as Yu’s voice echoed through the room.
“Is this… you?” Yu asked, holding the photo up for both to see, studying it intensely.
Yosuke’s face burned red as soon as his eyes laid on the photo again. His embarrassment overtook his expression as he was forced to reflect on his younger middle school self. His old uniform, buttoned-up blazer left completely open, revealed an old international band shirt with faded, unknown English on it. It was also just after his first botched hair dye attempt, and his dark roots peeked through the top of his shaggy head. After a few seconds of saddened contemplation, even he agreed his photo looked way worse than Yu’s. Regret washed over him instantly. It was during his peak rebellious years, and definitely peak humiliation.
“Y-Yeah, that’s me…” Yosuke fiddled with the wires of his headphones, avoiding eye contact. “Dorky, huh?”
“No, not at all,” Yu reassured, gazing fondly at the photo. “The dark brown compliments the bright orange hair dye. Real… Yosuke-like.”
Yu laughed again, quieter than before but the sound rang through Yosuke’s ears. He rolled his eyes, the blush hadn’t subsided at all, but the smile that replaced Yu’s earlier distant look made the temporary laughingstock worth it.
“Can I keep this?” Yu asked.
Yosuke jolted back in surprise. “What!?”
“Can I keep this?” Yu repeated, waving the photo around in his hand.
Yosuke stared for a moment, trying to comprehend. “Uh… I don’t know what you would want to do with my old photo, but, um, sure…”
“I would keep it right…” Yu pondered, looking around his room. His eyes lit up at his study desk. “Here.”
Yosuke raised a brow, perplexed as Yu sauntered over to the desk. He grabbed a piece of scotch tape, and firmly it and the photo to the back center of the board.
“There, that should do.” Yu nodded to himself, his lips stretching into a proud smile. “Fashionable middle-school Yosuke should remind myself why I never dye my hair.”
“Oh, ha-ha,” Yosuke responded sarcastically, his own smirk betraying his tone.
“Here, I’ll keep things fair,” Yu said, reaching over for his old yearbook and flipping to the page with his photo. He grabbed a pair of scissors from his desk and began cutting the page, both surprising and confusing Yosuke. Once he cut his own photo out, he similarly taped the photo to the backboard, right next to Yosuke’s.
Yosuke stared at the board in wonderment. Seeing the odd duo taped side by side, his own wide smile accompanied by Yu’s puzzling blank stare, his laughter couldn’t be contained. He bellowed throughout the quiet room, and despite Yu originally giving Yosuke a dubious gaze, he found himself joining in with Yosuke’s hysterical choir.
When they began to simmer down, shoulders still shaking in glee, Yosuke took another look at the photos. He held his chin up in his hand, taking a long, observant study around Yu’s room.
“You should try decorating yourself more,” Yosuke commented, nodding diligently.
Yu smiled softly, his eyes resting fondly on he and his partner’s photos once more, agreeing in silence.
===
Yosuke leaned in, staring down the poorly painted golden Teddie-shaped trophy planted dead center on Yu’s dresser. He hadn’t really given it much thought before, but as he contemplated his surroundings, the realization began to sink in.
Yosuke’s partner was very… weird. His entire room was now so obviously a reflection of his bizarre taste.
The passed-down stereo still bore its place on the bottom shelf with Yosuke’s recommended albums stacked neatly beside it, but the remaining shelves were littered with a multitude of multi-colored robot action figures, as well as rare toys he’d won from the crane games in Okina, all arranged proudly like trophies. He never took his partner as a collector, but each of the figures was so clean and well-put together that maybe he had to reevaluate his assumptions.
His study desk still had their yearbook photos placed on the back board that Yu had put there a while back, now accompanied by a picture of himself with Nanako and Dojima and a signed picture of Rise. The desk was stacked, not just with textbooks, but with all the comics that Yosuke brought over previously, organized to Yu’s specific taste and personal rating of each. Holding the comics like a book end were hand-knitted stuffed toys he was sure that Kanji had made; a pink bunny, as well as an orange tabby that looked suspiciously like one that wandered the river they occasionally visited.
His entertainment center had become another victim of Yu’s strange nick-nacks. On top of the TV laid a handmade detective badge alongside a brooch. On the shelf below was a pair of wristbands that he swore he’d seen Chie wore before, followed by a familiar shrine charm, and a.. bandage.. of all things. Yosuke’s eyes stopped there, as the memory began to come back to him. It was the same as when he’d given it to Yu after they exchanged black eyes and bloody noses in their scuff. He kept it, of all things… the sight made Yosuke feel the soft warm creep of a blush blossom across his face.
Despite all of that, the Teddie trophy was really the straw that broke this absurd camel’s back.
“Partner…” Yosuke sighed. “Why do you have that here?”
“Hm? What?” Yu’s eyebrows were drawn together, looking genuinely perplexed. “The textbooks?”
“No, not that. That!” Yosuke pointed to the trophy, growing concerned when Yu’s expression stayed the same. “Why would you want to keep that nightmare as a decorative memoir?!”
“I won it,” Yu answered pragmatically, tilting his head slightly. “Why wouldn’t I keep it?”
Annoyance aside, Yosuke couldn’t fathom why Yu would want to keep any remnants of Teddie’s TV world quiz show. Forcibly dragging them in alongside Chie and Yukiko, with trivia questions that put their personal details on full display, not to mention the especially questionable audience that Teddie remained vague about… Yosuke liked to remember his loss simply as a bad dream, if at all. Yu’s victory flaunted out on display did the complete opposite.
“I mean… is it really a trophy worth keeping?” Yosuke asked, settling on the couch next to Yu.
Yu shrugged, maintaining his attention on his origami handiwork. “To me it is. It was a close victory.”
Yosuke kept his stare on Yu for a few moments before sighing and leaning back on the couch. This was the same room he first visited months ago; vacant walls and stacked cardboard boxes lined neatly against the wall. The room was still tidy, preserving that trademark Yu quality, but marked all over was proof of life. Unmistakably, it was everything Yu. His weird, indistinguishable traits manifested into one small room.
Yosuke looked back at Yu and smiled. “It’s okay”, he thought. He liked weird.
===
Yosuke slid open the door, greeted by the smell of coffee and cigarettes.
“You’re here again, Hanamura?” Dojima lowered his paper, raising a questioning brow.
Yosuke’s back sprung straight, almost automatically as soon as he heard Dojima. His reply came out in a single breath, “Oh, u-um, yes, sir! We’re going to study!”
Dojima put out his cigarette in the ashtray on the table. “Studying huh? Well, I know how tough high school exams can be.”
“Y-Yes sir,” Yosuke stammered out, his posture still tense and rigid. He’d been up those stairs so many times that it’d become routine, yet he could count on one hand how many times he’d been alone with the officer who arrested him.
“Well, good luck to you.” Dojima nodded and waved him off, Yosuke taking it as a sign to release his breath.
As Yosuke turned towards the stairs, he heard Dojima call out, “Oh and by the way, Hanamura…”
Yosuke turned back, dread already making its way back up his spine. “Y-Yes, sir?
Dojima dug up another cigarette from his front pocket, a mysterious smile on his lips. “When are you going to start paying your share of the rent?”
Yosuke blinked. “P-Paying rent, sir?”
“Rent? You know, what tenants pay for living here,” Dojima explained, his smile broadening. “It’s only fair since you’re here all the time. Don’t worry, it won’t be so much since you’re sharing a space with my nephew.”
Yosuke was left speechless, his brain short-circuited as he felt the heat rising in his cheeks. He must have looked like a complete idiot since Dojima broke his composure with a boisterous full-bodied laugh.
“I’m kidding, I’m kidding, Hanamura,” Dojima managed to say between laughs, waving his hand around as a reassurement. “You’re welcome here as many times as you want, rent or no.”
Yosuke couldn’t even register Dojima’s softening words, as the mixture of nerves, embarrassment, and terror ran through his head. A rush of relief calmed him a bit when he saw Nanako running in from her room with pleading eyes.
“Daddy! Daddy! Can we get sushi from Junes? It’s the last day before the sale ends!” Nanako asked, bouncing on her dad’s leg.
Dojima laughed, patting her gently on the head. “Sure thing, Nanako. We can get your favorite, too.”
“Yay!” Nanako cheered. She turned around, her smile brightening when she spotted Yosuke. “Hi, Yosuke! Are you here to see Big Bro again?”
“O-Oh, yes, I am, Nanako-chan!” Yosuke snapped out of his previous demure state, mirroring back a smile to her. “Excited to go to Junes?”
“Yeah! We’re going to get sushi!” Nanako clapped, bouncing in place. “Are you going to stay for dinner?”
“Oh, I don’t want to get in the way of your family time,” Yosuke laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his head as a nervous habit.
Nanako stopped in place as her smile faltered. “Oh, but I like it when you stay for dinner… You always make me laugh and you and Big Bro look so happy eating together…” Her shoulders slumped, and her eyes fell to the floor as she twiddled her thumbs.
“N-No, I meant, I would be happy to accompany you to dinner, Nanako-chan!” Yosuke quickly reassured, kneeling to her level so she can see his smile. “If the young lady would allow me the honor?”
“Yay! Of course!” Nanako’s smile returned tenfold as she did a small cheerful dance. Even though it was just for a moment, he felt a fraction of Nanako’s unrelenting grip on Yu and already he became another victim, pulled in by her contagious cheerfulness.
“Come on, Nanako,” Dojima called as he gathered both of their coats. “Let’s go get enough sushi for four.” He peered down at Yosuke, mirth in his voice.
“Bye, Yosuke! We’ll be back with sushi!” Nanako waved at him, walking out with Dojima hand in hand.
Yosuke waved back and when the door slid closed and a rush of relief washed over the room, his knees finally caved, as he melted into a mushy goop.
.
“You were downstairs for a while, everything okay?” Yu asked once Yosuke closed the bedroom door behind him.
“Yeah, it’s all good, your uncle just, um, had a small talk with me,” Yosuke replied, settling his schoolbag on the floor and plopping himself down on the couch.
“Small talk?” Yu’s brow was furrowed with concern, his eyes focused on Yosuke. “What about?”
“Well, uh, we’re having sushi for dinner, so that’s good…” Yosuke toyed with the cords of his headphones trying to not seem unsettled behind Yu’s intense gaze.
“That’s it?” Yu asked, surprised.
“Yeah, that’s it…” Yosuke nodded, averting his gaze to the ceiling. “Hey, um, partner…”
“Yes?”
“Am I… here too often? Is that… normal?” Yosuke asked, feeling the words stick in his throat for just a moment. He looked around Yu’s room and saw the stereo. His CD’s, his comics, his DVD’s, his video games, the jacket he forgot one night, all his. Yu’s unguarded smile was his driving force, but did Yu think it was all… too much? Too many visits, too many distractions, too much of him?
“I don’t think it’s weird,” Yu answered softly. “If you didn’t come over, I wouldn’t know what to listen to and your grades would suffer.”
Yosuke rolled his eyes, his lips twitching into a smile. “True! You’d be stuck staring at those old cardboard boxes all day with none of my tunes to keep you occupied.”
“And besides…” Yu turned his gaze to the used stereo, a bright pink spiraling on his nervous features. “I… like it when you come over. It feels warmer when you’re here.”
Yosuke turned to him, regaining his smile, his cheeks blushed even brighter than before. “How can you say stuff like that with a serious face, partner?”
“Sorry, can’t break that habit,” Yu laughed, shrugging.
With every laugh, Yosuke felt warmth ripple through him, wondering if it was the same warmth Yu had mentioned. Was it comfort, the way Yosuke felt so at peace being beside him in the small room? Was it happiness, always being next to his best friend, and letting himself relax and be himself?
It almost felt like… home, Yosuke thought with a small smile as he settled next to Yu, opening the textbook and settling into the warm comfort he’d grown accustomed to.
===
The sky that bore black clouds since November still lingered on as December arrived and the frozen air stalked Yosuke inside Yu’s vacant home.
During November, Yosuke became accustomed to a familiar pattern: School, work, Yu’s place, back home, and then sleep. Self-doubt and worry were an afterthought when images of Yu, all alone in his house, flooded his mind. He had no objective or real reason to be there, he just found himself yearning to be with him.
He wanted to be there for his partner, but Nanako’s suffering took its toll on everyone, Yu and Dojima particularly. When he’d come over, sometimes Yu wouldn’t say a word. He struggled with the void inside him left by the silence, and the strain on his heart having to listen to Nanako’s ragged breath in the hospital. The rhythmic humming of the heart monitor began to gnaw at his psyche; he became so frustrated that he was seemingly powerless to help both her and Yu.
A few weeks passed and the air outside began to warm a bit, when Nanako’s heart monitor finally revitalized, lifting the fog that had settled in everyone's hearts. Dojima’s anger and frustration subsided, softening the deep lines that had usually creased his brows. Teddie’s miraculous reappearance was also surely tied to everything as well. Yu was still alone in his home, but the walks after school had become enjoyable again. When Teddie insisted joining in on their “manly bonding time”, neither of them protested. Teddie’s innocence was infectious and Yosuke hoped he would help bring warmth back to the vacant Dojima house.
“Today, as a kickoff celebration for the ‘Teddie’s great return’ and the ‘Teddie-Sensei sleepover extravaganza’, I decree that,” Teddie announced at full volume, rifling through a bag he brought for dramatic effect. “We drink the “manly stuff”!”
To that, Teddie propped up in his hand a very familiar drink brand. He’d seen it in Dojima’s hands enough to recognize it even at a glance.
“The ‘manly stuff’?” Yosuke reiterated, already dreading where Teddie’s erratic mind was heading. “Isn’t that beer?”
“If that’s what you call it, yeah!” Teddie exclaimed with a childlike innocence. Yosuke couldn’t help but sigh, rubbing the bridge of his noise in silent agony. “I heard customers at Junes saying that only true adults are able to drink this! And I’m here to proclaim that Teddie is one-hundred-percent adult!”
“You can’t drink this!” Yosuke berated, grabbing the can away, preventing Teddie from retaliating by keeping him at arm's length. “How did you even buy this?! There’s no way you were able to buy beer!”
“I didn’t!” Teddie pouted, crossing his arms in a tantrum. “I borrowed it from Sensei’s fridge!”
“So, you stole from Dojima-san?!”
“Not stole, borrowed!” Teddie countered in a matter-of-fact tone. A glint in his eye appeared as he then shuffled through his bag again and shouted, “Good thing I borrowed more!”
Before Yosuke could react, Teddie pulled out two more cans, slamming them on the table with a renewed vigor. As he opened one with a sizzling pop, he urged to Yu, “Come on, Sensei! Drink up!”
“Maybe you shouldn’t, Teddie,” Yu interjected before Teddie’s lips touched the aluminum. “It’s not exactly… good for you.”
“Nonsense, Sensei!” Teddie shook his head rigorously. “I need to do this! I’ll prove that I’m just as manly and grizzly as you!”
Despite their warnings, Teddie chugged down the can in determined concentration. He was drinking fast and recklessly, if his spit-take was any indication, yet Yu and Yosuke couldn’t help but stare in awe as he powered through, unable to avert their gazes. And they didn’t. Even after the first can.
And the second.
And the third.
Teddie eventually stood up from his spot with less coordination than usual, hands on his hips in drunken triumph. “I don’t know what you’re talking about Yosuke-chan! I feel fine!” Teddie slurred more than spoke, his cheeks flush with a red hue.
Only twenty staggering seconds passed before Teddie’s alcoholic stupor came to a halt, his legs finally giving out. He collapsed on the couch, drool already staining the cushions as his snores reverberated throughout Yu’s tiny room.
“I’m surprised,” Yu noted as he poked Teddie’s unconscious form. “I thought for sure he would have vomited.”
“That stupid bear,” Yosuke sighed, flicking his nose to garner any sort of reaction. “Now I gotta’ drag his drunk hide home…”
As he pulled Teddie by the legs and staggered back, Yosuke wondered if the beer had magically turned his limbs into lead, as lifting him now seemed like an impossible task. Teddie wouldn’t budge, instead giggling under his breath as Yosuke tried dragging him across the furniture.
“Teddie! Get up!” Yosuke shouted near his ears, poking his cheek repeatedly to no avail.
“I think he’s out cold,” Yu sighed as another snore erupted from Teddie’s throat.
“Ugh, I can’t just leave him here either…” Yosuke scoffed, rubbing the back of his neck uneasily. “I’m sorry, partner. Can Ted crash on your couch tonight?”
“Of course,” Yu answered and smiled. “You don’t have to ask.”
As Yu pulled out a spare blanket from his drawer to drape over Teddie, Yosuke felt a soft panic crawling down his spine.
Yosuke smoothed some ruffled strands of hair behind his ear. “I should, um, crash on the couch downstairs. I’ll wait till Teddie comes to in the morning and drag him home.”
Yu stared at Teddie, silently fiddling with the fabric. His voice dropped to a whisper-like mumble when he asked, “Do you mind, um, staying here for a bit?”
Yosuke paused in front of the door. “Huh?”
“T-Teddie might wake up soon,” Yu quickly added, averting his gaze away from him. “And I’m not tired yet and maybe we can watch something or…”
Yosuke watched as his fingers played with the fabric beneath as his face slowly warmed over his pale features like watercolor. He didn’t need to finish for Yosuke to understand. He’d become somewhat fluent in Yu’s subtleties. He wasn’t one to ever show his vulnerabilities, yet his silent plea called out to him, a desperate attempt at any type of interaction or pulse of life in that empty house. Yu was strong, the strongest person he knew, but even he could detect the waning strength in his partner and just how heavily the whole ordeal had affected him.
Yosuke didn’t hesitate as he smiled and nodded with a simple, “Okay.”
Yu said nothing but Yosuke knew he was relieved from his deep, quiet sigh.
“Oh, how about this?” Yosuke recalled, shuffling through his schoolbag as Yu looked at him with a quirked brow. When he found what he was looking for, he waved it in front of him. “I was going to lend you this CD since it sounds like something you would like, but how about we listen to it right now?”
Yu’s lips stretched into a smile. “Sure. But, won’t it disturb Teddie?”
Yosuke snorted and rolled his eyes. “I doubt it. But if it does, then good.”
Yu softly chuckled as Yosuke grinned and headed to the speaker to insert the disc. He pressed play, adjusting it to a comfortable volume as Yu settled in a spot on his futon. Yosuke stayed kneeled in front of the speaker, becoming acutely aware that his usual spot was occupied by one drunk, snoring bear.
“You can sit here,” Yu offered, patting the spot next to him.
Music filled the air and Yosuke found it far more comforting to fall into the acoustics and lyrics than the minuscule distance between them or his rhythmic heartbeat against his ears. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Yu staring straight ahead with the same blank expression from the yearbook photo he’d seen before. It was too intense to be normal, and Yosuke could tell he was drowning in a sea of emotions swirling in his head.
“Are you okay?” Yosuke asked, piercing the veil.
Yu blinked hard, snapping out of it and discarding any previous thoughts. “I’m fine.”
Yosuke sighed. “That answer worked for Teddie and Chie.”
Yu laughed. “Not buying it?”
“Nope!” Yosuke beamed briefly before his expression turned serious. “Now, are you really okay?”
“It’s… hard to say,” Yu answered, concentrating on the patterns on the checkered carpet. “I know Nanako is safe… I know Uncle will recover, and yet,” he swallowed thickly. “My mind can’t seem to rest. One minute she’s alive, the next…” Yu shut his eyes, clenching and unclenching his fist to keep his voice from betraying his demeanor. “What if some god or deity is playing tricks on me again? What if the next time I wake up, I’ll find out that Nanako was never-”
“Nanako-chan is fine, Yu,” Yosuke interjected, gripping to Yu’s arms with enough strength for him to pause, weak enough for him to pull back if he wanted. “We saw her, Dojima held her, and the doctors told us again and again…”
“I know,” Yu whispered, his grip on himself loosening. He didn’t move away from Yosuke’s grasp. “I’m being ridiculous, aren’t I?”
“No… You’re not,” Yosuke reaffirmed. “I- …Sometimes, I can’t even believe it, you know? Nanako, Teddie, Namatame… Adachi. But we’ll tackle it like we’ve always done…” He slid his arm down until his hand touched his. “Together.”
His hands were thick with calluses, weeks and months of gripping a sword with a whole town resting behind that blade, but his grip was weak, his strength shattered behind days of exhaustion and weak sobs. But he clutched hard anyways, letting the warmth and gentleness of his own hands assure him he was there. He was here, with him, in his tiny room. Yu intertwined their fingers as the song played, resting his head against him when the CD repeated.
Yosuke didn’t think his shoulder made the best pillow, but Yu quickly eased into sleep, the rise and fall of his chest almost in tune with the steady beat of the music in the background. His features were much softer in sleep, Yosuke noticed, all his protective layers dropped with Yosuke alone to witness. He wanted to capture that moment and bask in it forever. Before exhaustion claimed him victim as well, he remembered the gentle song and his heart thumping in accordance with Yu’s slow breaths.
===
Yosuke’s eyes lazily rolled open, glazed over with the remnants of his cozy daydream. Slowly and reluctantly, he uncovered his face, forcing himself to begrudgingly adjust to the mid-afternoon sunlight trickling in through the blinds. Shedding himself of the remaining glimpses of drowsiness, he shut his eyes one last time as he soaked in the warmth from the sun’s rays and Yu’s chest.
“Wait, Yu’s chest?”, He thought.
Yosuke turned slightly to the right and sure enough, he found himself waking up from a nap, lying against Yu again. Yu’s eyes were engrossed and absorbed in one of the comics he brought over, and the sunlight seeping through the window highlighted the hint pink dusted across his cheeks. The quiet serenity emanating from him and the slight pattern of movement from his chest accompanied by his barely audible heartbeat was almost enough to lull Yosuke back to sleep. In that moment, Yosuke’s heart felt complete, his own cheeks warming up, as he had never been more at peace.
Yosuke took a deep breath before briefly surveying his surroundings. He’d been there so many times, in Yu’s room, but so much of their own stuff was mixed and scattered throughout, that it became difficult to distinguish which was his and which was Yu’s. He could see his CDs organized neatly next to the older-model stereo. Their schoolbooks lay scattered out on top of the center table, set aside for their next study session. Yu’s earthy, mature scent was imprinted everywhere, and Yosuke couldn’t help but feel himself a little drunk on the refreshing smell alone.
He did his best not to disturb Yu, wanting to continue watching his relaxed, peaceful state, but Yu was too perceptive, and had already noticed Yosuke’s stirred movements.
“Oh?” Yu glanced down at him, a soft smile forming on his lips. “You’re finally awake.”
“How long did I doze off for?” Yosuke asked, stretching his arms above his head with a lazy yawn.
“Hm, I would say for about 30 minutes,” Yu answered after turning toward the wall clock.
“Sheesh, that long?” Yosuke winced a bit, settling his headphones from his ears to around his neck. “I guess we gotta get back to studying, huh?”
“We don’t have to just yet,” Yu replied, unflinching from his position. “I think we can afford a couple more minutes.”
Yosuke couldn’t suppress his own wide grin. “Alright!”
Like a magnet, he fell back onto Yu’s chest, resuming his original placing, fiddling with his mp3 player, shuffling through playlists he could listen to while reading a comic from the stack at Yu’s bedside.
“Try to stay awake for at least a whole song,” Yu told him, grinning playfully as Yosuke simply rolled his eyes.
Yosuke would have never thought that in the span of a year, it’d feel completely natural for them to be like this. Easy conversation, mutual teasing, and lying down together entangled in each other’s bodies. Being with him was just so comfortable and instinctual. There didn’t even need to be conversation. The only sounds in the room were the soft music echoing through his headphones, the clinking of the ceiling fan, and the rustle of paper whenever Yu turned to the next page.
He liked the comfort. He liked how Yu would occasionally glance down at him, smiling lazily at him, and he liked just being near him.
He liked this.
...
He loved him.
The thought of that should have frightened Yosuke, the newfound adrenaline flooding through his veins, shutting down his ability to move or think. Instead, he found… relief. And peace. He could finally put a word to his feelings and articulate why a simple smile from Yu made him feel whole.
He’d never really felt comfortable in Inaba, but seeing Yu, in some way, made him feel like he was home. He loved how weird he was; his warmth, his smell, just him. Like the sunshine that streamed through the blinds, Yu was a bright light in his life, shining and enveloping his entire being. He wished to spend every day in that light.
Within that state of comfort, falling into a lull of silence with him, unedged all his guard, unbridged the gap between mouth and brain as Yosuke looked up at him and said the first thought that popped in his mind.
“Hey... I love you.”
Yosuke always thought Yu’s calm composure had never failed him. Not in the thick of battle, not being humiliated in front of his peers wearing a cheap wig and ankle-length skirt, not when receiving slander after slander from a former spiteful teacher. Once those words tumbled slowly out, the after effect left him dazed, his blush blooming bright against his pale skin as his grip on his book faltered.
“I-I’m sorry, did you just say that you… love me?”
Yosuke blinked as the gravity of his words finally hit him like a brick, feeling a blush creep up to his ears.
“I... Uh….” Yosuke decided to eloquently respond.
“U-Um…” Yu’s lips pursed back and forth. Yosuke figured he would be in crisis mode, but the sight of an embarrassed, flushed-pink Yu was a sight he wanted to commit to memory as he was pretty sure his face would combust at any moment.
A laugh came from Yosuke like a newly sprung leak; timid and slow at first, and then suddenly from deep inside his chest, he busted out laughing. He couldn’t tell if it was a reflex trying to ease him from further embarrassment, or a natural reaction from him just from the absurdity of it all. Confessing to his best friend, on his bed, laying on top of him…
Yosuke laughed even harder.
Yu stared at him, perplexed with red still staining his face, but even his poker-faced mouth twitched upwards and he joined in the laughter, despite himself.
“Aw, man,” Yosuke managed to say in between laughs, shaking his head. “How smooth am I?”
“I would expect no less from you, Yosuke,” Yu replied, turning to him with that radiant smile he always yearned for, a smile he wanted to unveil for himself. “But I wouldn’t have it any other way. It suits you.”
“I can’t tell if that’s a compliment or not…” Yosuke rolled his eyes, smile still evident as Yu chuckled.
As they both settled in after their laughter, a hint of blush resurfaced on Yu’s cheeks, the weight and heat of their situation grounding him. “D-Did you mean what you said…? Or, was it…?”
“I love you,” Yosuke reaffirmed, letting the words settle on his tongue. It brought electricity, sparking his veins, vibrating every fiber of his being, before settling comfortably, like it belonged there. His smile grew of its own accord, naturally like when he said it the second time. “I love you.”
Yu was silent, letting the moment overtake them, as a new smile full of joy broke through the haze of doubt. “I love you too, Yosuke.”
Yosuke felt his partner’s normally calm, serene heart drum deep in his chest, thundering against his head, able to pick up every beat. He was so overwhelmed with a sense of comfort and closeness that he fumbled on his thoughts before they spilled out.
“Wow, I’m doing this is all backwards, but um,” Yosuke managed to say from his trembling voice, eyes avoiding his. “W-Would you want to go out…? Er, with me?”
Yu’s breath hitched as he cleared his throat. “I would love that.”
Yosuke looked up at him, momentarily basking in his gentle smile. He proclaimed loudly as a nervous habit, “W-Where would you like to go? This town doesn’t particularly have the finest dinery Japan has to offer… And if you say Junes…”
Yu laughed. “We could go to the riverbank. I’ve always wanted a fishing buddy.”
Yosuke snorted. “And have our first date reek of fish? Pass.”
“Right, right,” Yu chuckled, shaking his head. “We don’t have to go anywhere, you know.” The tips of his fingers trace his jaw, trembling but scorching on his skin. “I just want to be with you.”
“We could just stay here,” Yosuke suggested, lifting one of his hands to brush back a stray lock of hair off Yu’s bangs. “Like we’ve always been.”
Yu rested his hands against his. “Yeah, like we’ve always been.”
Yosuke intertwined his fingers against his, warmth so familiar like he’d just finally come home. A moment’s pause passed before Yosuke, in typical Yosuke-fashion, blurted out the first thing his mind screamed for him to do.
“Would it be cheesy if I said I really want to kiss you right now?”
Yu smothered his smile. “Hmmm...” He drew out slowly, like he was pondering his reply. “Seeing as you’re already in my bed and we’ve already slept together…”
“You make it sound like I’m easy, partner!” Yosuke huffed teasingly; eyes widened in an over dramatic fashion.
Yu laughed tenderly; Yosuke able to fondly feel every vibration against his partner’s chest. He responded with rubbing a thumb against the heat of his cheek and with a gentle encouragement from Yosuke by tipping his head back, leaning over him, one cheek cupped in his hand as he kissed him.
They kissed slowly and awkwardly, but in the moment, Yosuke felt lighter than air, as a flux of affection and adoration moved through him. They were both nervous and inexperienced, but it didn’t take anything away from his feelings. More than anything, he hoped that such a small gesture would be able to convey how much he loved Yu, how he wanted Yu to feel relaxed and himself when he’s with him, and just how having him as a friend, and partner, altered his life here forever.
And he stayed together with him like that, in Yu’s room.