Chapter Text
You were friends with Gavin Reed.
The asshole of the DCPD.
And from many angles, no one could really see why you two were friends.
You two insulted each other constantly, shared self-deprecation jokes, roasted each other daily, and one time even fought physically.
But anyone could see the both of you were as thick as thieves when they saw past that.
You two were best friends.
And you hated it.
Because it was all you two would ever be.
You don't know when it happened, exactly.
But one morning you just woke up, got dressed, went to the station, flipped off Gavin, and realized,
Wow. Gavin has a really cute smile.
Wait.
This-
This wasn't supposed to happen.
You weren't supposed to fall in love with someone like him.
It was supposed to be happy. A quick realization. A warm feeling.
Not a biting, tearing stab that burned the very essence of your soul.
You and Gavin were the best undercover duo for many situations, and that prompted the use of many motels to be stayed in when you weren't on your missions.
You always had two rooms next to each other, separated by a wall but accessible by a door.
When you guys were off duty, Gavin would go down to the nearest bar, pick up a chick or a fuckboy, and bang them. In the morning he would ditch them and do the same thing the next day.
But after you fell in love, every moan, every bump of the bed lurching during their love-making pierced your heart and slowly tore it into tiny pieces.
You loved this feeling of being in love, but at the same time being in love with Gavin was slowly killing you.
Not like you needed love to stay alive.
You were pathetic.
You never thought you would be one of those people.
The ones who cried on the internet about how their crush didn't love them and they are reaching for something that wasn't there.
You always thought they were weak.
You never realized that love did that to people.
reaching, reaching -
but nothing is there -
It had been six months.
9 missions where he went to dip and ditch in the native men and ladies.
9 times you felt your heart beg for release.
9 times you felt your heart wither until nothing but ashes were left.
And exactly zero times you went out with anyone.
It was surprising, really. You were a beautiful person and it's not like you didn't go out.
They just didn't know the true reason why you went to the bars.
Why you had massive hangovers but no lovers.
Or what you even did. Because what you really did was drown your feelings in the strongest vodka you could find.
But everything changed.
One day, you and another man were drowning your sorrows next to each other. He looked over, picked up his glass, and clinked it with yours.
From then on, you were unspoken drinking buddies.
reaching, still...
nothing is there...
Leo lamented about his father, an esteemed painter, and how he totally screwed up their relationship again.
You lamented about a funny, rat bastard who just never took his eyes off of the men and women he banged to see the one who loved him unconditionally.
And you just looked at each other.
And you saw something in each other's eyes.
Whatever it was, you decided one day to exchange numbers, maybe go somewhere instead of drinking together.
The two of you set up a little date together, a little getaway from all this guilt and sadness.
At a coffee shop, to avoid the constant booze and vodka you toasted together on many nights.
It was amazing.
In the beginning, he was a little late, prompting baristas to look at you sympathetically as you sat there in your DCPD hoodie, cradling a cup of coffee in your cold hands.
You were up at the counter buying another coffee for an excuse to stay when Leo finally stumbled into the door, his hair gelled back and his shirt tucked in. Smiling apologetically, he slid into the booth you were walking towards and greeted you.
After a few minutes of banter about you being 'angry' that he was late (although secretly you were relieved he didn't ghost you), you and Leo settled into easy conversation.
It was interesting, though.
You were so distracted because of Leo's jokes that you never noticed Gavin Reed walking next to the cafe.
He noticed you, though.
Gavin was scared.
Gavin was terrified.
He was the poster boy of the DCPD. He was well known, had many connections, and was certainly experienced in the bed.
He had run straight into gunfire, jumped across rooftops to catch suspects, and lied in the face of danger (and Red Ice dealers).
So why couldn't he just ask you out?
He could have anyone he wanted.
But the only one he wanted was you.
When going into the station the next day after your little date with Leo, everyone noticed you were a little chirpier than usual. Having a bounce in your step, you made your way to the desk with Nines and Gavin and greeted them, like you always did.
Nines nodded to you silently, but with a hidden layer of respect, as he always did.
You then looked over and smiled at Connor and Hank, who grinned back before turning back to their work, as you guys always did.
But while turning to Gavin to give him a loving middle finger, as you always did, you suddenly bumped into said person.
To be honest, you weren't that much shorter than Gavin.
But somehow, at that moment, it had appeared you had bumped into his chest.
He was standing right in front of you, fuming.
You backed off and flashed a beautiful middle finger, trying to bury the feelings of love. "Hey Gav, so-"
He walked straight into you, purposely bumping into your shoulder. You winced as he had angled his body in such a way that caused maximum damage.
Rubbing your shoulder, you looked to Nines with a questioning glance. He shrugged.
You pushed the memory into the back of your head and continued on with your day. But whenever you tried to talk to or even interact with Gavin, he would either give one-word answers or just flat out ignore you.
It kept happening, too.
The day after that, you had met up with Leo again at the park this time. Both of you had laughed and talked wildly, with more intensity this time.
Neither of you felt the need to go to the bars anymore.
Gavin was cursed.
Wherever he went, it seemed like he saw you and that man.
You were always laughing so hard whenever he saw you.
You were always laughing so hard because of his jokes.
So because of his insecurity, his overall lack of understanding and validating his feelings, and the fact that this was the first time he was actually in love, he became blinded by his jealousy.
He started pushing you away.
What a shame. What he didn't realize was by doing this, he made you run that much faster away from him.
why am i retracting my hand?
"What if drugs made us see the real world and that's why they're illegal?"
"Leo no."
"Leo yes."
You snorted as Leo chortled, almost falling off of the swing.
Both of you had known each other now for about three months.
Three blissful, amazing, truly great months.
For you, that is.
For Gavin...?
When you went into the station nowadays, you and Gavin barely ever looked at each other now.
When he had to talk to you, it was in short, incomplete sentences.
Everyone watched from a distance. The once robust, energetic relationship was now gone.
Neither of you ever bantered with each other anymore.
Neither of you went near each other voluntarily anymore.
It was all the better for you, though.
Gavin always thought you would be there.
He thought you would wait for him.
The problem is that you did.
And you gave everything to him until you had nothing else left to give.
Until you no longer had the strength nor the will to continue reaching for him any longer.
"Would you give me the greatest pleasure of becoming your boyfriend?"
You gasped. A smile bloomed on your face.
You never thought things would end this way.
Neither did Gavin.
The look on your face...
Was a look he had only seen once.
Back a long, long time ago when the only thing he loved about you was your beautiful middle finger.
When one day, you both went stargazing.
During one of those undercover missions, a long, long way from Detroit, you were tired of chasing leads and pretending to be a clingy, innocent trap. Gavin was tired of watching you pretend to be all cutesy and clumsy when he knew how strong your punches were.
So he brought you somewhere. Far away from all of the lights and the drama and the crime.
To an open field.
You laid down and gasped as the beauty of the stars shone through the thin clouds.
The whole time you guys were under the stars, you were smiling like that.
That was the only time he got you to grin as widely as you were grinning right now.
And for as long as he could remember, whenever you were with Leo, you've been smiling like that for every second you were with him.
He holds his head in his hands.
What...
What happened?
he turns around and reaches out
never going to find what he's looking for
because
there is nothing there anymore...
「⫷▲⭕▲⫸」
annndddd back to angst.
did you think I was going to willingly write two whole chapters of fluff?
not a chance.
anyways this is about m'boy Gavin Reed the rat bastard himself and you.
the next chapter might be a songfic of I Hate U, I Love U.
even more angst!!! aren't you excited?
please please please PLEASE send in some prompts im dying over here lmao
as always, prompts, ships, angst baths, and head canons are allowed!
Yeet!