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"Is he going to be ok Professor?" asked Rogue as she, Kitty, Storm and he watched from the medlab observation room as Jean and Hank tended to their fallen teammate.
Charles knew she wasnt talking about Logan's physical state, they could all see that with the inhibitor collar off that his healing factor seemed to be working as usual. She was asking about his mental state. He didnt want to discourage anyone but he wasnt going to mislead them either "I'm not sure my dear. Whatever they did to him was severe, that's why his mind shut down, to protect itself."
"Can you sense him now Charles?" inquired Storm, still very worried for her friend.
"Yes Storm but his thoughts are chaotic right now, I cant really make any sense of them" Charles said in response to her question "I'm hopeful he'll make a full recovery, with time."
"What can we do to help to him" Kitty asked softly, still feeling sick from finding him in the state that he was. It pained her greatly to see the man she considered her father in that condition.
"Until he wakes I can't say for certain Katherine. For now just be there for him, let him know he's safe and cared for" Charles himself was very troubled by this situation. In all his life he'd never seen a mind shut down in the manner that Logan's had.
"So how long are we going to have to baby him this time" Scott said as he entered the observation room.
Rogue ignored his question "Why are you here Cyclops?" It was taking her a great deal of restraint not to go off on him again.
"Im here to make sure he doesnt hurt anyone" Scott replied. Why cant these women seem to understand how dangerous Logan is he wondered. He knew it was only a matter of time until the animal hurt one of them or worse.
Storm spoke before anyone else could "After everything he just went through and that's what you're worried about Scott? What is wrong with you? Logan would never intentionally hurt any of us" she was sick and tired of him constantly thinking and saying the worst about Logan.
"If you say so Storm but since he's more animal than human he may do it, unaware of his actions until its too late" Scott answered smugly, knowing that even they couldn't dispute what he was saying this time.
Charles pinched the bridge of his nose, frustrated with his student's attitude. "Scott, please stop that. That isnt helping anything" he said quickly to head off any reply from the women, fighting amongst themselves wouldn't help anything.
"Yes sir" Scott told the Professor, annoyed that even his mentor seemed to be taking the women's side. "I am glad to see Jean and Hank at least are taking some precautions" nodding to the restraints on Logan's body, he was strapped down securely, he was thankful for that.
At his nod at the table Rogue seemed to notice the restraints for the first time "Why is he strapped down like that Professor? He would never hurt any of us."
Storm answered for him "We all know that Rogue, but with the state of mind he may be in after his treatment by those people he may wake up in his feral state." Rogue began to speak but Storm continued, wanting to calm the young woman "as soon as he's awake we'll know more and of course those restraints will be removed." That seemed to ease Rogues discomfort a little.
"I know Storm, thank you. I just hate to see him like this." Rogue and Logan had been in countless battles, she'd seen him injured so badly before but had never seen him like he was when they found him in that lab. It was like he was dead and no one had closed his eyes for him.
"Its just temporary my dear, I'm sure of that" Charles said to reassure her and the others.
*****
Logan was slowly coming to, feeling very disoriented and unsure of where he was. He tried to sit up and couldn't, something was holding his arms and legs down. He opened his eyes and looked around. He saw he was in the medlab and that Jean was sitting next to him. He just looked at her confused.
"Its ok Logan. Dont panic, you're safe" Jean spoke to him softly and reassuringly, gently running a hand through his hair, hoping to keep him calm. She noticed his eyes weren't the deep pools of black like they were when he was in his feral state, they were their usual, beautiful light blue, eyes she could lose herself in "You're home, with your family" She noticed he wasnt struggling one bit against his restraints or asking for them to be removed which was very odd. No matter what state of mind he was in he hated to be tied down, unable to move.
Logan nodded at her, showing her he understood her. "How long have I been out" he asked.
"Just a little over three days. The damage done to you was extensive so your body kept you unconscious so it could heal" Jean told him, laying a hand softly to his cheek, hoping her words and touch were easing his mind.
"That makes sense. They did work me over pretty good." He responded softly. His memories of this most recent time in a lab were coming back to him.
"I'm sorry for the restraints. We werent sure of your state of mind" she said, feeling ashamed they had him strapped down. "I'll remove them now" she reached to undo them.
"No! Don't!" Logan practically yelled, fear and panic clear in his voice.
Jean stopped, looking at him curiously "its ok Logan, you're safe now." She started to reach for them again but the fear was clear in his eyes. Why was he acting this way she thought, a feeling of dread coming over her.
"Please! Please don't. Its not safe" Logan cried out, begging her to not release him.
Jean was shocked. What had they done to him? "Shhh, its alright now. We wont let anyone hurt you." It broke her heart to see him this way.
"Its not safe for you. I could hurt you" Logan was terrified. He couldn't be released, he was a danger to them.
"Dont worry my friend" Hank said as he approached the bed Logan was in. He was confused by Logan's reaction. "We know you'd never hurt us."
Logan took a deep breath, trying to get ahold of himself. Now more than ever he had to be in control of himself, his emotions. He couldn't risk hurting any of them.
"I'm going to remove them now, ok?" Jean asked, worried by his reaction to being set free.
Logan just nodded, clearly not happy about being released.
Jean removed the straps and looked to him "See? You're ok. Doesnt that feel better?"
"Yes, thank you" Logan replied meekly, not liking that he was free but he wasnt going to argue. He couldn't tell them why he was afraid. If he did they would hate him.
"How are you feeling Logan?" Asked Hank, a little disturbed by his reaction to being free of the restraints.
"Just a little sore and cramped up" Logan sat up slowly and placed his feet on the ground. He went to stand and was a little unsteady on his feet. Jean reached for him to assist him but he recoiled from her, almost falling down "Dont touch me" he said in a near whisper, shrinking away from her and Hank.
"Logan....I....we would never hurt you" Jean was surprised and hurt by his reaction to her trying to help him. What was going on in his mind.
Logan straightened up, looking down at his feet feeling ashamed that he made her think he was afraid of them, her. He was scared of what he may do to them but he couldnt say that "I know Jean. I'm sorry. Guess I'm still a little shook up" he said.
"Would you like to get something to eat" Hank asked him "we were only able to give you sustenance through the i.v."
"Sure. That sounds good to me" Logan wasnt really hungry, after what he had found out while being captive he wasnt sure his appetite would ever return but he wanted to get out of the lab.
"Is it ok if I help you walk until you are a little more steady on your feet" Jean didnt want to upset him anymore. She was perplexed by his behavior, he had never shied away from her touch before. It hurt more than she imagined, especially since all she wanted to do was hug and hold him right now.
"Ummmm, yeah darling. Sorry for my reaction" He couldnt say no, it would raise questions he didnt want to answer.
Jean could see he wasnt thrilled about it but she didn't press him, she was just glad to be able to touch and assist him. She reached for his arm and placed it over her shoulder "we'll walk as slowly as necessary, there's no rush, the food isnt going anywhere" she gave him a smile, desperately hoping to ease his pain.
*****
As Logan and Jean entered the kitchen he noticed Rogue, Kitty and Storm in there. Apparently they knew he was up and had decided to cook a big meal. Seeing that Logan teared up, he didnt deserve their kindness.
Rogue noticed him first "Logan! Thank god you're ok" she exclaimed, running to him and wrapping him in a huge hug. "We were so worried about you sugar. I'm so sorry we didnt find you sooner."
Logan stiffened, feeling panicked as her arms went around him. His fear was keeping him from speaking.
Rogue noticed this immediately and felt horrible. Of course he reacted that way after the condition they found him in. Slowly she began withdrawing her arms "I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking."
Logan got ahold of himself, he couldn't afford to make them suspicious and he did like the feeling of being held by her so he stopped her and hugged her back "it's ok kid. Thank you for coming to get me, thank you all" he looked at all of them. He couldnt say the truth though, that he wished they'd left him there.
"What? You think we'd leave you there?" Kitty said, hugging him next, nearly squeezing the life out of him. "Of course we came." She smiled brightly at him hoping to ease a little of the pain that was so obvious in his eyes.
Storm was the next to greet him "Welcome home Logan" she embraced him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "We figured you'd be hungry so we went ahead and made some dinner for you."
Logan scratched the back of his neck "Thank you Ro. I appreciate it" he sat down at his customary place, not feeling hungry but decided to eat some so he wouldnt worry them.
Jean watched all of this, hovering close to Logan in case he needed any assistance. His behavior was beginning to worry her. He seemed so defeated. She watched as the others took their seats and started eating, she sat next to Logan. Logan was basically picking at his food, not really eating much at all.
Storm also noticed he wasn't really eating either "Logan?" He looked to her and then quickly looked away "would you like something else?" She too had noticed his behavior, the way his shoulders were slumped, how he wouldn't maintain eye contact with anyone. Was he feeling ashamed? Her heart ached for him.
Logan looked down at her question "everything is great" he tried to reassure her. "I'm just not really hungry right now."
"That's understandable after what you went through. Could you try to eat a little though, you really do need some solid food" Storm said softly.
He notoced her and the others watching him. "Ok" Logan answered her, taking a few small bites to appease her.
The others began to converse among themselves but Jean kept her eyes on him. Concerned by his interactions with everyone. He wasn't himself, which wasn't exactly unexpected considering what he went through but she had a nagging feeling that something was wrong.
Logan took a few more bites but he just couldn't eat anymore. He looked up at them "Is it ok if I'm done?"
They all stopped talking and looked at him, shocked.
Jean was the first to recover "of course Logan. You don't have to eat right now if you dont want to." What was going on in his mind. He seemed broken.
Logan kept his eyes on his plate, unable to meet any of their questioning looks. "Ok. Thank you for the meal." He just sat there, staring down.
Storm was starting to get a real bad feeling. He was not acting like himself, not at all. "You're welcome Logan. I hope you know if you need anything that we are here for you."
"Yeah Logan. Anything you need, all you have to do is ask" Rogue chimed in. "We all want to help you in any way we can sugar" she smiled at him, hoping he knew the truth of her statement.
Logan nodded his head, still looking down "I know. Thank you all." He sighed and looked up at them and then back down quickly "can I....would it be ok if I went outside?"
They were all stunned, mouths wide open. Logan did not ask permission, not for anything. He did as he pleased, everyone knew that.
Kitty spoke first "You don't have to ask that Logan. You can do whatever you want" where was this coming from? Him asking for permission? This was not right.
"Oh, ok" Logan shook his head. He just needed to get outside for a bit. He stood up.
Scott walked in, noticing the awkward silence, wondering what Logan had done now and saw he was heading toward the door "where do you think you're going" he demanded, arms crossed.
Logan stopped in his tracks, frozen in place "I was going outside."
"No you're not, not after all the trouble they went to to get you back here" Scott told him.
"Ok" Logan said in a small voice as he turned away from the door. He just kept staring at his feet, unable to meet Scotts eyes, scratching the itch in between his knuckles. Damn blades always irritated him.
Jean glared at Scott "Quit talking to him like that. He can go outside if he wants to." She couldn't believe she had ever dated this man. "Logan" she spoke to him
Logan looked at her when she spoke his name, then back down at his feet.
Jean continued on "If you want to go outside you can. You're free to do as you please. You know that right?" She had never, ever seen Logan act this way.
Logan didn't answer, he wasn't sure what the right answer was so he just nodded his head. After what he had been shown while being a captive he didnt trust himself to make any decisions.
Storm had watched the exchanges going on, focused on Logan. Her despair was increasing every second. She didnt think he should be alone right now "one of us should go with you, with you being in a weakened state."
Logan didn't argue or even look up "ok Storm."
Jean and Storm exchanged a look and then Jean spoke "I'll come with you Logan."
"Whatever you want" he said, without a trace of defiance or even annoyance.
Scott started to speak "I dont think that's a good idea. What if he flips out?"
Storm spoke before the others could, wanting to put an end to this situation, not wanting Logan to be upset anymore than he already was "we dont care what you think Scott. Logan is not a prisoner here. He can do as he pleases."
"Fine, whatever" Scott gave Logan a dangerous look "if you hurt her or anyone here it'll be the last thing you'll do."
Everyone held their breath. You did not threaten the wolverine, period.
Logan glanced up at Scott then away quickly. "I understand" he replied, voice flat and emotionless, fighting to keep the tears from spilling forth from his eyes.
To say the four women were astounded by Logan's reply to Scotts threat was an understatement. Scott himself even appeared surprised by Logans reaction.
Jean put her arm through Logan's "come on, lets go outside like you wanted to" she glared daggers at Scott as she and Logan walked out the door.
Scott sighed and exited the kitchen.
"Im really, really worried about him. Its like he's a completely different person" Rogue said out loud to no one in particular.
"So am I child, so am I." Storm replied to her, the worry she felt for Logan was growing worse. He definitely was not acting like himself.
"When has Logan ever asked for permission? And him just taking Scott's threat like that, not even a smart ass reply?" Kitty was truly scared for Logan, something was seriously off about him.
"I know Kitty, I know. It must be because of the damage he suffered. We will all be here for him, to help him past this. I'm sure eventually he will return to his gruff self" she tried to assure the girls and prayed her words would prove to be true.
*****
"I'm sorry for Scott" Jean said to Logan, wishing Scott would just stay away from him. There was clearly something going on with Logan and he didnt need Scott to pile on.
"Its ok. He's just trying to protect you all" Logan couldn't blame the guy, especially after what he had learned while being held in the lab.
Jean just looked at him, speechless for a moment. Logan never took any of Scott's crap and here he was, basically making excuses for him. She finally found her voice "it doesnt matter his intentions, he should leave you alone."
"He's not wrong Jean. I'm a danger to everyone. You should have left me in that lab" he spoke before he thought, now regretting his words."
"Logan, dont you ever say that!" Jean couldnt believe he had said that. Leave him in that lab? Like hell she thought.
At the sound of anger in her voice he flinched away from her, shoulders slumped and fear plain on his face "I'm sorry."
Jeans heart was breaking, he looked as if he was scared she was going to hurt him "Logan....you dont think I'd.....id hurt you do you?" She could barely get the words out "id never do that, you know that right?"
"I know that darling. Guess I'm still a little jumpy" he apologized, feeling bad for making her think that. He knew she'd never hurt him.
"What did they do to you Logan? Im not talking physically either. You are not yourself right now" she hated seeing him like this, broken and devastated.
Logan moaned "please Jean. I'm just not ready to talk about it yet" he didnt think he'd ever be ready, what was revealed to him was horrible enough, but to speak of it aloud? No, that's something he never wanted to do. He wouldnt be able to handle their hate if they knew.
"I'm scared for you" she stopped him and turned him to face her. She pulled him to her slowly, as not to upset him and pulled his head to her shoulder as she caressed his back. "When you're ready im here for you, I always will be."
Suddenly a very familiar scent reached Logan's nose. Quickly he stood in front of Jean in a defensive stance.
"Logan, what is it?" Jean recognized his actions, he sensed danger. She was scanning the woods but couldn't see anything. She reached out with her mind but didn't sense anything.
"Sabretooth. Head back inside and get help. I'll keep him busy till the calvary gets here" Logan answered her, his whole body tense.
Jean took a few steps back to give Logan room to manevuer. She sent her thoughts to those in the house [we need help, Sabretooth is here]. {We are coming!} Storm sent her.
Sabretooth burst out of the trees, tackling Logan to the ground, sinking his claws into his chest. "Miss me runt?" Snarled Sabretooth.
Logans answer to the taunt was a roar and he threw Sabretooth off of him. He looked to Jean "Go! I cant protect you for long" as he finished his sentence Sabretooth lunged again, swiping at Logan's head. He brought up his forearm, blocking the blow, then spun around to place himself between Sabretooth and Jean. Sabretooth swung again at Logan's midsection this time but as Logan went to block the swing suddenly stopped, shooting straight up and landing a solid blow that rocked Logans jaw.
Jean watched the two mutants fighting, fear for Logan making it hard to breath. As she stood there watching them do a deadly dance she noticed that Logan was not throwing any punches or kicks, only blocking what he could. His claws werent even out. "Logan!" She yelled, terrified at what she was seeing, he was holding back for some reason.
Logan turned at the sound of her voice but as he did Sabretooth struck hard and fast, grabbing his throat.
"You're getting soft" Sabretooth told him, grip on the throat tightening. He smiled at Logan "your frails make you weak" and with that he ripped Logan's throat out and dropped him to the ground.
Jean screamed "No!" And took a step towards Logan, all thoughts of Sabretooth from her mind, she was only focused on the man bleeding on the ground.
"Now for your turn girlie" Sabretooth took one step to her before the night sky lit up. He looked up and saw Storm floating above him, fury on her face.
"No, nows its your turn foul beast" and Storm let loose a massive lightning bolt, striking Sabretooth in the chest and sending him flying into the forest.
Jean ran to Logan and dropped to the ground next to him. She gently rolled him over and began to inspect his neck. She saw he was conscious and his healing factor was already fixing his injured throat. "What were you doing Logan?" She couldnt believe what she had seen.
"Trying to protect you from him. I'm sorry I failed" he hung his head in shame. He was useless like this, couldnt even protect the ones he cared about.
Jean stared at him dumbfounded, then she spoke softly so the others wouldn't hear "that's not what I meant sweetie. Why didnt you attack? Why didnt you release your claws?"
Logan couldnt bare to look at Jean "I can't.....i.....just cant risk it"
Storm, Kitty and Rogue reached them after they made sure Sabretooth was gone.
Storm spoke first "are you ok?" Concern evident in her voice and the way she was looking at them, especially Logan.
When Logan didnt speak Jean answered for them both "yes we are, he got in a lucky shot on Logan. His healing factor is taking care of it."
"He just never learns does he sugar" Rogue said to Logan with a shake of her head and a small smile for him. "You'd think he'd realize by now he doesnt stand a chance against you."
Logan just lowered his head, he couldn't look at them "Yeah" he said softly, knowing now for sure that was no longer true.
*****