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Nico was rather very content at the mortal summer camp. As much as he missed sword training, he loved to watch Will. Will was a natural with the younger kids and had made friends with the majority of the older kids. Currently, Nico was sat on a grass mound resting his chin on his hand, deliriously and dreamily smiling to himself as he watched a shirtless Will firing arrow after arrow at the archery target and hitting the bullseye every time. Godsdammit, Nico thought, why does he have to be so hot? And more importantly, why did he have to catch feelings for his only friend? Nico sighed, ripping out a patch of grass and angrily throwing it, scowling. He was aware that the grass had started dying around him, but he didn’t particularly care. He was in love with his only friend, and his friend was painfully straight, and now they were on a demigod recruitment mission together.
Nico tore his gaze away from Will as the instructor made her way over, holding out a bow and arrow. “Come on, don’t you wanna join in?”
“No,” Nico grumbled, picking up a handful of brittle dead grass and throwing it at his feet.
“Why not,” she asked, sitting besides him. Nico huffed, hugging his knees.
“Don’t feel like it,” Nico shrugged.
“Your friend seems to enjoy it,” she said, and Nico froze for a second, before returning to picking at the grass.
“He’s a stupid show-off,” Nico grumbled, accidentally sumoning a crow skull. He picked it up, hiding it in his pocket.
“So what I’m hearing is you don’t want to participate because of the other boy, am I right?”
“No!” Nico protested defensively, aware of the darkening shadows.
“Then help me understand what’s wrong, so I can help.”
“I don’t need help,” Nico sulked, “and it’s nothing to do with him, my sister-”
“HEY!” Will was running full pelt towards them, bow and quiver slung over his shoulder. He was sweaty, glowing softly, and Nico found himself blushing puce.
“What do you want, Solace?”
“Did you see me? I hit the bullseye with every arrow!”
“Very good,” Nico replied awkwardly, and Will beamed, giggling.
“Aren’t you gonna have a turn, death boy?”
“No,” Nico frowned, “it’s stupid.”
“Okay,” Will shrugged, sitting down, “we’re going rock climbing next! And then there’s an obstacle course! I should be good at that!”
“Yay,” Nico said unenthusiastically, and Will sat besides him, leaning back on his hands. Nico couldn’t help but admire the way his muscles rippled, before forcing himself to look away out of respect.
“Why don’t you wanna take part in anything,” the instructor asked, and Nico huffed in annoyance.
“I just… I just don’t want to! This is boring for me!”
“Boring? All of this?” The instructor regarded him curiously, and Nico shrugged. “Maybe if you give it a try it won’t be so boring.”
“Leave me alone!” Nico huffed, storming off. He didn’t have anywhere in particular in mind, partly because he had no idea where he was going, so he just wandered back to the cabins.
He just needed to think, or at least, he thought he did. But thinking soon turned into overthinking, which soon turned into irrational thinking. By the time Nico had realised that he was panicking, he was already convinced that Will was a homophobe and Nico was destined to be alone forever. He had to stop himself and try to rationalise- which inevitably backfired because logic isn’t at its strongest when you’re distressed. So Nico tried to distract himself, but distracting himself only made him associate his distractions with his negative thoughts.
So he just let himself feel instead. He let himself wallow for a while in self pity, thinking about how lonely he was and how he wished he could be loved and stay true to himself. He allowed himself to think about how the years of self hatred had affected his ability to form healthy friendships, and how he’d skewed his perception of himself. He allowed himself to grieve for missed teenage years of stolen kisses and fast food dates that he’d never had like the others his age, like people whose love was never taboo, never came with a bounty of death should you be in the wrong place at the wrong time. He allowed himself to hurt, and he allowed himself to process how much of his pain was caused by himself. He allowed himself to slowly realise that it didn’t have to be so painful, that he didn’t have to hate himself or hide. It was okay to be gay. It was normal to have crushes. It wasn’t wrong or predatory to simply find somebody attractive. He kept telling himself that it was okay, that who he was was okay, that maybe he’d never get his teenage years back, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t experience the cheesy immature dates and awkward first kisses. He could talk to his friends about his crush, and he could joke around with them. He realised how much his past traumas had contributed to the way he viewed himself, and he realised that he couldn’t keep pushing on like nothing had happened. He allowed himself to admit that he was traumatised, struggling, that he needed help, needed to pause life and rest. He felt calm and apathetic with the exhaustion of it all.
He didn’t react when the door knocked softly and Will walked in. Nico was lying flat on the floor, staring up at the ceiling. Will sat beside him, then lowered himself to lay on his side besides Nico. “I don’t think you’re okay,” he said gently, brushing a strand of Nico’s hair away from his eyes, “you’ve been crying.”
“Yeah,” Nico admitted quietly, and Will smiled sadly.
“I feel like something’s really eating away at you, Nico,” he said softly, and Nico took a deep breath, turning his head to face Will.
“Maybe,” he admitted, and Will smiled sadly again.
“I know you have issues with opening up, and I’m guessing this is something really big, so would it help if I told you something really personal?”
“If this is about the mole, I swear to the gods-”
“It’s not, I promise.” Will huffed a laugh, and Nico managed a small smile.
“You can tell me,” Nico said quietly.
“I’m gay,” Will admitted quietly, and Nico breathed out in relief.
“Me too,” he admitted, because finally- finally, he didn’t feel like the only one who knew what it felt like to be gay. He could talk to Will and Will would understand. As supportive as Jason was, it was difficult for him to understand exactly how Nico’s experiences had affected his sense of identity and his self views. Will would understand.
“Is that what’s been bothering you,” Will asked quietly, and Nico nodded. “You’re not broken or unloveable, Nico. We’re not broken.”
“It’s hard to remember that sometimes,” Nico replied quietly, and Will reached out for his hand, rubbing his thumb in soothing circles across Nico’s knuckles. Nico fought down a blush.
“I might be misreading and overstepping here,” Will began softly, “and feel free to put all your boundaries back up, but…” Will closed his eyes, his lips moving like he was trying to say something, rehearsing it. Nico tried not to think about kissing those lips. “I don’t think we’ve just been friends for a while now, have we?”
“We haven’t,” Nico admitted nervously, fighting back a blush as Will turned pink to the tips of his ears.
“I think we’re something more than friends, Nico,” Will uttered softly.
“Me too,” Nico whispered back gently.
“I think I’m in love with you, Nico,” Will admitted, and Nico almost started crying. Love. He was loved. He wasn’t a worthless unlovable nobody. He was loved, and loved by Will.
“I think I’m in love with you too,” he replied, and Will slowly reached out to cup Nico’s cheek in his hand. Nico leaned into the touch and rolled onto his side to face Will. He was so close, and he was looking at Nico’s lips like he wanted to kiss them, looking into Nico’s eyes like he was gazing into Elysium.
“Can I kiss you,” Will asked, quietly and respectfully.
“Yeah,” Nico whispered hoarsely, blushing puce. Will leaned forwards slowly, his breath barely ghosting Nico’s lips as they met with the faintest of touches. Will’s breath hitched, and Nico felt like his face was on fire. Will tentatively applied pressure to the kiss, and Nico gasped. He wanted this, wanted the affection, the tenderness, revelling in the sensation of another man’s lips. There was something so intimate about this, so gentle, so tender. Something so thrilling about the taste of rebellion, the taste of what was once illegal, the taste of a love so pure and innocent that Nico felt right. He was still scared of pink triangles and hateful words, but love? No, he couldn’t fear love anymore, not when it felt like this, not when he took Will’s bottom lip between his own and lightly sucked, not when Will tangled his fingers in Nico’s hair in the most intoxicating way. Not when Will’s calloused palm brushed over the stubble on Nico’s jaw and certainly not when he kissed Will a little deeper, grazing his lip with his tongue. They were rough and chapped and Nico was drowning in all things masculine, all things Will. He let himself tangle his fingers in Will’s blonde curls, let himself trace his fingertips over Will’s faint stubble, let himself pay attention to the strong muscles Will had so tenderly holding him closer to his body. Nico sighed in bliss, because finally, love felt right.
So maybe, as they pulled apart, it hadn’t been fireworks and butterflies. But it was tender and loving and domestic. The sound of rain outside soothed Nico’s anxiety, the sound of blood rushing through his ears, the sound of Will’s soft breathing, all of it, made it feel like it was just the two of them. Nico moved gently to rest his head on Will’s chest, and Will wrapped a strong arm around Nico’s shoulder. He inhaled slowly, breathing in the scent of his lover, revelling in the way the masculine musk of sweat made his heart rate pick up. It was okay to be attracted to boys.