Work Text:
(Percy is Thomas, Annabeth is Logan/logic, Frank is Patton/ morality, Will is Roman/ Creativity, Nico is Virgil/ Anxiety, Octavian is Remus/ Intrusive thoughts, Ethan is Deceit (The characterisation will be a mix of the pjo characters and the sanders sides characters so things will be ooc) (mentions of drowning and fires, innuendos from Octavian, Octavian getting hit with a ukulele, anxiety, intrusive thoughts, deceit.))
Percy had a headache and the primary cause of it was the sides arguing at 3am about what he should do about the upcoming swimming competition.
“It’s obvious he should just quit,” Nico argued, “because what if he drowns?”
“He’s not going to drown, he’s a great swimmer!” Frank argued.
“I mean statistically speaking-”
“See, Annabeth agrees with me, he’s going to die!” Nico interrupted.
“Actually, I was going to say that-”
“You agree with me, shut up.”
“Actually, I do not-” Nico interrupted Annabeth by hissing like a cat. “Did you just hiss at me?”
“Well duh.”
“Guys, I don’t think the arguing is helping Percy to sleep,” Frank said quietly, and of course, Octavian appeared.
“Maybe that’s because of the juicy thoughts he’s having right now,” he said with a demented grin.
Nico groaned, pulling his hood up. “What are you doing here, Octavian, what have you done?”
“Oh, nothing,” Octavian grinned, “I’ve just given him the rather funny image of his friends burning in a car he set on fire!”
“That’s horrible!” Frank exclaimed, and Nico death glared at Octavian.
“Then make him un-think it,” Nico demanded.
“Whatever you say!” Octavian grinned, filling everyone’s minds with the image of Percy drowning everybody.
“WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?” Nico yelled, the anxiety distorting his voice and making it echo round the headspace. “And where’s Will?”
“I killed him!” Octavian announced with a shrug and an unsettling chuckle.
That’s when Will began to sink in, holding a ukulele. “CAIN INSTINCT!” He yelled, whacking Octavian round the head and standing proudly as he crumpled to the floor.
“Thank you,” Nico said with a sigh, his anxiety easing a little.
“You’re welcome, my chemically imbalanced romance!” Nico pulled a sarcastic face at Will, who just smiled.
“Hi, Princey,” Annabeth greeted, and Will grinned.
“Whaddup, nerdy Wolverine?”
“If you are referring to what is up, I would say that when a lever-”
“It’s nice to see you too,” Will interrupted.
“Hey Princey, can you tell Nico that Percy won’t drown tomorrow?” Frank requested, and Will nodded.
“Nico, Percy probably won’t drown tomorrow.”
“Ah- see, he said probably, he agrees with me, Percy’s going to drown because he’s a failure!” Nico replied.
“No, you are twisting my words-”
“As I was trying to say, statistically speaking, whilst unlikely, there is always a chance that Percy could drown,” Annabeth explained, “the odds of which are-”
“Okay, we get the picture, he’s going to drown,” Nico interrupted, and Percy entered the headspace.
“Guys, what is going on?”
“You’re going to drown tomorrow because you’re a failure who has a weak backstroke and you’re going to die because you’re such a failure and you’ve been terrible at swimming all this time and you’re lying to yourself.”
“DECEIT!” Frank yelled, pointing at Nico, who just glared.
“I’m not Deceit, you idiot,” he replied.
“What the hell, Nico,” Percy groaned, rubbing his eyes.
“I’m sorry about Joyless Division over here,” Will began, and Nico mimicked his tone of voice sarcastically. “I mean you already know the risks of drowning, but you haven’t drowned yet, so that must count for something right? You’ve got to be brave, you go to that competition, and you show those swimmers who the real son of Poseidon is!”
“Thank you, Princey,” Percy smiled, and Nico mimicked that too.
“Wow, you’re really being a pain in the butt today,” Will announced, and Nico gave a thumbs up.
“Maybe that’s exaggerating a little,” Frank intervened, and Annabeth rubbed her temples.
“None of you are thinking about this logically.”
“Yeah, no shit, that’s your job,” Nico retorted, and Annabeth glared.
“That does not mean that you are all incapable of higher order thinking, but at this point, I’m beginning to wonder if replacing you all with baboons would in fact raise the IQ of this room.”
“You’re a baboon,” Nico bit, sulking.
“FALSEHOOD!” Annabeth screeched.
“I mean… you could always… lie, and skip the contest?” Frank said, and Nico squinted at him.
“If he lies it’s proof he’s a terrible person, Percy, tell him how lying makes you feel like a terrible person!” Nico prodded.
“What the hell, Anxiety, what is wrong with you today?” Percy sat down, exasperated and exhausted.
“The Duke, that’s what, he’s poisoning the mindspace with his disgusting drivel and you’re one moment away from being Jeffrey Dahmer.”
“Woah, now that’s an exaggeration,” Will countered, and Nico hissed at him. “Hiss at me all you want, it just makes you look like a spoiled brat throwing a tantrum.”
“I’ll bite you!”
“Do you promise?” Octavian grinned from the floor. Will hit him with the ukulele again.
“So you’re just an overgrown kitty, which sucks, because kitties are adorable.”
“I’m not a kitty- wait did you just call me-”
“I PLEAD THE FIFTH!” Will yelled.
“Guys, stop!” Percy interrupted, “It’s just a swimming competition, like all the others, why are you all being like this?”
“I’m sorry,” Annabeth interrupted, did any of you miss the part where Morality told us to li-” Annabeth suddenly cut off speaking.
“I said no such thing,” Frank defended.
“Wait a minute…” Will realised. “DECEIT! SHOW YOURSELF!”
Frank laughed, before revealing himself as Deceit. “How very smart of you, Will,” he grinned.
“Thank you!”
“I don’t think he was telling the truth,” Annabeth corrected, and Will looked mortally offended.
“What are you doing here, you slippery snake?” Nico spat angrily.
“I’m here to remind Percy that he could simply tell a white lie and get out of the competition, that way, he won’t drown, he’s still unbeaten, it’s a win-win!” Deceit grinned.
“Absolutely not! Percy, you simply cannot listen to these buffoons! You are an excellent swimmer, and you must swim tomorrow! You simply cannot listen to Anxiety and Deceit! I mean he’s emo and he’s literally a nameless snake!”
“I do have a name,” Deceit gasped, before smiling, “it’s Luke.”
“No. No it’s not,” Nico interrupted, “that’s a lie.”
“Evidently,” Annabeth replied.
“You’re right, it’s Kronos,” Deceit lied.
“Okay, I’m going to tell you to shut the hell up, my Machiavellian nightmare, before I whip your butt!” Will interrupted.
“Kinky!” Octavian butted in. Will hit him with the ukulele again.
“Okay okay- you guys are being ridiculous, I’m bored, I’m done, I’m out,” Nico intervened, sinking out.
“Nico you can’t just-”
“Watch me!”
“Well, I’m not disappointed he’s gone,” Will shrugged.
“Falsehood, but…” Annabeth looked through her vocab cards, “go off I guess.”
“Please never try to use words again,” Will retorted.
“Guys, I’m going to bed, that’s it, you’re giving me a headache, and I have a competition tomorrow. Goodnight!” Percy looked around the sides. Annabeth nodded in agreement, sinking out next. Deceit rolled his eyes and also left. Octavian was out cold, and Frank was probably still asleep somewhere. Will prepared to sink out. “Before you go,” Percy began, and Will stayed where he was, “thank you.” Will smiled, sinking out proudly.