Chapter Text
Peter appeared in the doorframe like an apology that didn’t need to be spoken. His frame, swathed in Tony’s old MIT sweatshirt - the one with the cuffs so tattered it had holes for each of his fingers to get caught through - was as unassuming as he could make it. His skin was buzzing as he stepped in from the hallway and he hoped those in the kitchen couldn’t hear the broadcast of his nerves.
“Good morning, Peter.”
“Morning, kid.”
“Good morning.” Peter meekly responded to the greetings from Happy and Pepper. Each smiled in a way that Peter knew was meant to encourage his presence then they relaxed back into their tasks.
They had been great about giving him space, excusing his absence from family time, and not putting, really, any pressure on him to do anything when he’d stayed over. And, their greetings were always natural, normal, just like they’d been for years. He felt guilty, forcing them to watch over him like a child.
Morgan sped over to him breathlessly. She’d very obviously been waiting for him to appear, as she had been every morning he’d stayed with them the past two months. In her hand she had a little Band-Aid, just like she’d given him every morning. “I picked out a Hello Kitty one because I thought you’d like it.”
“Thanks, Mo.” Peter said. He glanced at Pepper who was clipping shut a plastic lunch box. He noticed her small smile thin slightly. Happy looked up from the road route he was studying on his phone. Peter swallowed. “I love it.”
“Can I put it on this time?”
An icy feeling ran down into his stomach. Morgan was being sweet, he knew that. She didn’t understand how Peter was sick. She had heard somewhere- how nobody could guess- that he was hurt on his left arm. She knew he had done it. Not a bad guy.
It was a nightmare.
She’d come up with the idea that he needed a Band-Aid to keep on his wrist. Pride glowing on her face, she made sure he had one every morning. Peter wore it all day for her. The only time he hadn’t is when she handed him one with Spider-Man on it. That was trashed as soon as he could slink back to his room. If he wasn’t wearing the suit, not helping anybody, he figured he shouldn’t pretend he was still a hero.
Morgan kept giving him Band Aids every visit. She didn’t give up. She was being sweet. She was trying to take care of him. But he really wished she would stop!
“I—“ Peter didn’t want to say no again. But, how could he let her see?
He had new ones.
“Hey, Squirt,” Happy said. He was trying to give Peter an out. “Do I get to pick the music for the drive this time?”
Morgan didn’t even break her gaze with Peter. “No.” She said simply.
Peter said quietly, “Thanks, Mo, but I’ll put it on myself.” He shifted away from her falling face.
“Good call, Maguna,” Tony said, striding into the kitchen, “Happy can't be trusted with the radio.” Tony hoisted up his little girl and won a smile from her. “Too many buttons anyway.”
Relief eased through Peter’s chest as Tony and Happy began a familiar back and forth. Morgan’s giggles were sprinkled throughout. Tony had saved him again. Peter retreated to the countertop, away from the island where the others stood together.
“I’m picking the music for the drive.” Tony teased. He paused to send Peter a warm gaze from across the kitchen.
Peter gave him a smile back. Just like in the days when he was a teenager, he felt an urge to tell Tony… To tell Tony about the new cuts on his wrist — about his frustration that they were fading so fast, erased by the tide of his enhanced healing, when he wanted them to be something more —about the worry he felt about his special day planned with Morgan and how he didn’t want to go… But the guilt of withdrawing from her was too strong. Like always, the guilt decided. He would go.
Peter knew he couldn’t talk to him.
“No, Daddy!” Morgan laughed. “Pete gets to pick.” She looked over at him with an expression like she was giving him a present. Then she turned back to Tony. “Besides, you’re not going. Just me and Pete.”
“Ouch.” Tony laid a hand over his chest. He set Morgan down as he joked. “You may not remember, but you like having me around sometimes.”
Happy grumbled. “I don’t even get a mention. I’m going, too.”
Peter turned shyly away from the family. He pushed the left sleeve of the sweatshirt away from his wrist and stuck on the Hello Kitty Band-Aid, one side at a time. Yesterday’s Band-Aid was already removed. He did that as soon as he was closed off in his room every night. Yesterday’s had been a yellow one with a tiny rainbow on the center. It was crumpled in the wastebasket by his bed. Once the Hello Kitty one was affixed, he replaced the tattered sleeve.
Peter turned back. Pepper was watching him. She smiled gently. Then she gave him back his space.
Last night she had talked with him about today. They had worked together to plan a laid back outing for Morgan and Peter, something she would enjoy and would be easy on him. Pepper suggested the lemon grove nearby.
Morgan had become enamored by the idea of a lemonade stand. As much as Tony had spurned “capitalism for seven-year-olds”, Pepper thought the grove would be a quiet but open place where Peter could slip away if he needed. Peter thought about sunlight and the calm and nodded his approval.
“You can walk together and pick some lemons.” Pepper had said. “Happy can drive and take care of Morgan. After lunch, you can come back here and make the lemonade with me in the kitchen. You can take a break whenever you want. I can keep Morgan entertained.” She winked.
“I’m really sorry,” Peter said but Pepper shook her head. The way she looked at him was soft.
She wasn’t like May and never had been. Yet, in moments and certain movements - especially around their eyes, Peter could catch something. It must be specific to the way mothers look at their children. Peter blushed when he realized what he had thought. Even after so many adults had stepped in to love him like their own, May and Ben not the least, he was still so humbled and overjoyed to be treated as a son.
“I’m sure she’ll want to set up a stand in the yard.” Pepper chuckled, “Even though our closest neighbor is seven acres away.”
Peter smiled and looked down.
“The rest of the day we can spend in the yard. Tony and I will be around to take some of her attention. You can have some quiet before it’s time for your bus.” Pepper paused and her brow creased. “Don’t feel like you have to do this.”
“I really love being with her.” Peter assured her. “And I want Mo to have good memories with me. I’ve been…” ignoring her, he finished in his mind.
“You’re allowed to not be okay, Peter.”
He wondered, How long am I allowed to not be okay, though? But he didn’t say anything. They wordlessly cemented the plans and Pepper let him know that she would take care of everything. Then Tony came downstairs from putting Morgan to bed and asked if Peter wanted to take a walk down to the lake with him. Peter said he was tired; he went to his bedroom and removed the yellow Band Aid with the tiny rainbow.
In the kitchen, Tony said to Morgan, “Are you going to the lemon grove in a Buzz Lightyear gown?”
“Hmm.” Morgan smirked as if seriously considering it.
“How about you go get ready?” Tony said, sending her off. Morgan padded away at top speed. When she had left, he walked over to Peter.
Tony smiled at him and patted his shoulder. Then he reached for a mug from the cabinet and remarked playfully, “Who said you could wear my shirt?”
Peter smiled. “You did.”
“Oh yeah,” Tony said, with no conviction, as he retrieved the coffee pot from the maker. Peter rolled his eyes. Tony became more of a dad by the day. “Whoever made coffee, bless your sainted soul!”
“That,” said Pepper, “was Saint Harold.” She gestured to Happy.
“Of Audi,” Peter added, “Champion of Babysitters and Expired Firewalls.”
There was good-natured chuckling. It felt good. Peter felt something pull at the back of his mind. His smile was weighed down as a vague panic moved through his stomach. He wanted to cut. But why?
“The bugs won’t be bad during the morning, right?” Peter heard Tony ask. “There’s bug spray in trunk, I think.”
“I think they’ll be fine.” Pepper said. She stood and placed the three packed lunches in a backpack.
“But there’s sunscreen?” Tony asked. “I’m going to put some on Morgan before you go. Thirty minutes before sun exposure, you know. You need some, too, Pete.” He tapped Peter’s chest as he walked past.
Happy took the backpack from Pepper. “This ready?” He left to pack it in the car after she had nodded.
Peter shifted. “I guess I’ll get ready.”
Pepper looked at him in surprise. “You haven’t eaten.” She indicated the pot of oatmeal kept warm on the stovetop.
Peter backed away. “I had some protein bars in my room. The special kind that Tony made for my metabolism. I’m good.”
“Ok.” She said.
Peter left the kitchen and went upstairs to his bedroom.