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It took some time before the reality of becoming the new guardian hit in, before it sunk into her bones, and all that that brought with it. And when it did, she couldn’t be in her bedroom any longer. The room was too small. The air too tick. So, she did what she always did. Took to the sky for a run wilder than the wind.
She ended up on the Eiffel Tower. High enough so the people down below couldn’t see her as she shed her tears. The hero of Paris realised just how much she was really giving up, for the city of love.
He knew something was wrong as soon as he showed up. She didn’t hear him as he landed softly on the metal. His shoes barely making any sound. But she always knew, no matter how far away in her thoughts she where, she always knew. Except today…
Slowly, slowly stepping closer he heard her soft sobbing. Her hands covering her face as she wept into them. Slowly letting go of the pain she could no longer hide.
“My lady?”
When did his voice get so wobbly? Why couldn’t he be strong when she was so clearly needing him to be? She tried to wipe away her tears as he squatted down in front of her. Slowly taking them away so he could meet her blue eyes.
“What is wrong?”
He swallowed heavily as he waited for her to calm down enough to answer. Slowly stroking a hair away from her eyes as she snuggled up to his hand. Meeting his eyes and tearing up once over as new realisations hit her.
“No, please. Please don’t cry LB. Please don’t be sad!”
He couldn’t help the hiccup, the pain, sorrow and fright that started inside him. Because Ladybug was the strongest person he knew, and if she was breaking down, then there had to be something serious. And he wasn’t sure if he could be of any help either. He was about to ask again when she flung herself forwards into his arms, making him stumble out of balance, and landing on his rear end. He wanted to ask again. To get to the bottom of her pain. But it was clear as day she didn’t need that right now. Right now, she needed him to hold her. And that he would do until the end of time if that was what she needed.
It was the way he slowly stroked circles into her back that finally calmed her. Or at least started to calm her down. His presence, and knowing she could actually tell him why she was feeling so down. It was the greatest relief she could hope for in this sea of hopelessness. And then she couldn’t help but cry some more.
It was as if a door had opened up as she finally let go of all the emotions that had built up since she picked up the earrings not that long ago. She had changed so much in so little time. Had adapted to a life where nothing could be taken for granted. But it had been lonely, so very, very lonely. And it was about to become even more so.
She shook away her last few tears and finally let go of the boy in her arms. His kind eyes looking down on her in patient anticipation. Not pushing her, but at the same time urging her to tell as much as she was comfortable with.
“I will forget…” the words were tougher than she had thought they would be. But when she looked up at Chats confused face, she couldn’t help but giggle, and that little giggle helped her more than anything else. Taking a deep breath, she started again.
“I will forget everything Chat…”
He still didn’t follow, and she couldn’t blame him. It had been a few days. Or 56 hours, 8 minutes and 48 seconds to be more precise. She didn’t know how she knew, but somehow, she could tell exactly how long it had been. No matter what.
“When the time comes for me to pass the task on, I will forget everything Chat. Absolutely everything…”
She couldn’t hold the sob that escaped from her as she met Chat’s eyes with her own tearful ones.
“And when that time comes… my whole life loses its meaning. I will forget everything about my life and what I have done or achieved before the age of 13. No matter what I now decide to do with my life I will end up not remembering a thing”
She hiccupped before continuing on. A door had been opened and she couldn’t close it again. Even if she tried, which she had no intention of doing.
“My whole life would be meaningless. I won’t be able to live it the way I dreamed. I will never be able to marry. To get children. To have a family of my own. Because how could I drag someone into my already messy life. Somehow find someone who understands why I suddenly have to leave without any explanation, and at the end of the day I won’t even remember why I disappeared all the time. When the time comes, I will forget everything and my whole life would be wasted. I won’t manage to be a fashion designer. I won’t remember fulfilling a single dream. I…
I won’t…
I won’t remember a single thing”
She spilled everything and fell together in his arms. Finally, free of the burden that held her down these past few days.
He opened his mouth more than once before he finally managed to speak again. His mind going a thousand miles an hour to keep up with her words and what that really meant.
“I’m so, so sorry Ladybug!”
The words couldn’t be simpler, but at the moment it was all he managed to string together without breaking down alongside her. A single tear leaked from his eye and he pressed her closer to his chest so she wouldn’t see it. She didn’t need to think about him now. This was her pain and he wouldn’t take that away from her. He couldn’t take that away from her.
“I don’t know what to say… I…” he had to take a deep breath. Steady his voice “just know that I will always be here for you. No matter what happens. Okay?”
She nodded softly against his chest and more tears flowed freely down his cheeks.
“If I could, I would have taken the burden away from you. I know it isn’t possible. But if there is anything. Anything at all I can do to help you with this burden I will. No matter what. I will be here for you. In any, and every way you’ll let me. I’ll always be here for you. Until the very end!”
“Even if you won’t remember me at the end of the day, I’ll be here to help you get your life together. I know I can’t be there for you in your civilian life. And even though I wish I could, I’d like to tell you that anything you tell me will stay between us. And…”
He knew she needed to hear it. Needed the reassurance he earlier had been to selfish to give away.
“And I promise I’ll stop looking for you. I won’t try to put together the strings to find you. So even if you give me information about yourself that would have made that easier I won’t. Okay? I had a hope you’d one day give up the one who wouldn’t see you and finally realise I’m right here for you. But I know now that you don’t need the pressure of that as well…”
She listened to his heart. Pressed her ear against it as his words slowly sunk in. The flirting all but gone as he laid his heart open for her, while at the same time respecting her boundaries. She clung herself to him as she could feel herself grow sad with the feeling. She didn’t want him to stop. She didn’t want him to stop! Realisation hit her like a punch to the stomach.
It wasn’t only that she didn’t want him to stop. She wanted him to continue. She wanted to answer him, to be able to curl up in his arms the way she was now, without the tears, without the pain. Just being loved the way only he could love her. And love him back the way she slowly, oh, so slowly had let him slip into her own heart.
She tried to let go of her hug, but it took some time before he would slacken the grip. And when she looked up at his face, she could see clear signs of the tears that had been streaming down. His lips trying to make a reassuring smile, not really succeeding and instead making some kind of grimace that made her own smile come out alongside the tears.
“But you can’t stop loving, My Lady. You can’t stop doing what you love because you fear the end of life. You have to make the imprint we both know you are meant to have on the world. You’ll marry the one you truly love and have beautiful children and grandchildren, and you’ll record it all. Make a story of your life that you’ll be able to look back on when the day finally comes. Write a diary with the parts your future self is allowed to know. In some way you’re lucky in all of this. Because you know you’ll forget. You know that one day you’ll forget everything. And that makes it possible for you to prepare a way for you to know about the beautiful life you by then must have lived.”
His eyes were shining with the truth he was speaking. And she couldn’t help the surprised little sob that escaped her. He had so much faith in her. So much that she couldn’t understand it. Couldn’t even begin to understand it.
“But… what about you?”
They both knew the meaning behind her words. She wouldn’t be able to tell her future self about the boy in the suit. Because doing so meant that she would spill the secret of her own identity. And that was information her future self wasn’t allowed to have.
“One day the time will come where you’ll feel comfortable enough to share our identities with each other. And when that day comes, I pray that you’ll allow me to get to know you in your civil life as well. And I’ll help you when you’ll lose all your memories. I will be ready with the tapes of your life. I’ll be there. Don’t worry. I’ll be there. In any and every way you’d want me to be”
She could feel how everything suddenly fell into place and a strange calmness took over her. And the best thing of all was the little voice inside her head that told her it was okay. Told her she was allowed to break the one rule that had kept her cards hidden.
“Tikki… spots off”
The words were barely a whisper and the boy in front of her closed his eyes, as the hands he held suddenly became bare. A sharp intake of breath as he kept his eyes closed. She couldn’t help but feel a little hurt. Didn’t he want to know who she was? Was it all a lie? The words he had just spoken nothing more than that… words?
“Are you sure about this LB? You won’t regret it in the morning when you’ve had a good night's sleep to think this over?”
His voice was so hopeful, his breath clearly hearable as he asked. And it broke her heart. Because even now, when she gave him the thing he wanted the most, he had to make sure she was actually comfortable with it, that it wasn’t a flash of stupid thinking. She swallowed heavily before she lifted her hands to his face. Stroking his chins softly before letting him go and giving him some space.
“Please look at me Chaton”
His eyes fluttered opened. Looking down at his own empty hands as he swallowed heavily before slowly looking up. Taking a sharp breath, and then…
“Princess?”
She smiled softly and took out her hand.
“Hi… my name is-”
“Marinette Dupain-Chang. Aspiring fashion designer, wonderful baker and fantastic friend. The everyday Ladybug.”
He couldn’t help his mind for looking after the boy she liked that wouldn’t like her back. He knew for a fact that more than a few boys were harbouring a crush on he, so who in the world could she have feelings for, that didn’t return them? Whoever he was, he sure lost out on the most wonderful human being the universe had ever seen.
“You know me in real life?”
He nodded slowly. Meting her smile uncertainly.
“Would you be okay knowing who I am as well?”
He cursed himself over how weak he sounded. How the fright took over as he feared her next words.
“Of course, kitty”
She couldn’t help but wonder what would possibly make him this frightened, how he ended up so scared of losing her. But he knew who she was. He even knew the words Adrien had used to describe her. And that meant that she probably knew him as well. And she was about to get the answer of who he really was. Underneath it all.
“Plagg… claws in”
Green light and she couldn’t help but close her eyes. Suddenly understanding why, he did so earlier when faced with the same situation.
“I’m scared Chat…”
He didn’t say a word and she took a deep breath before she continued on. Slowly. Weighing every word before she spoke it. Trying to say the right words on first try. Because she only had this one chance.
“When I open my eyes, everything will change you know… and I like things the way they are. I like our bantering. I like our talks long into the night. And if I know you… I’m scared it will change because we don’t have the same relationship outside of the masks… please. Please don’t let things change to much”
“I promise”
And she opened her eyes.