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There are some ways that Evie refuses to bend to the norms of the colony. Besides the obvious rage against the machine that is essentially the mission Phineas sent her on, most of it has to do with domesticity. She learned early on that food was an important and scarce resource that required more effort to claim than it had on Earth.
There are foods that she can only ever dream of the taste now, but that doesn’t stop her from trying to make things as palatable as possible. When Evie first brings up the idea of cooking a proper meal in their kitchen area, Parvati practically balks at her.
Their first few attempts are less than stellar. Parvati’s knowledge of preparing food doesn’t reach far beyond saltuna , and Evie’s got no idea what still exists and what doesn’t. Max is no help at all. His attempts to offer advice are wrapped in allegories that she doesn’t care to unravel.
It’s really with the signing on of Felix that the Unreliable starts to become the home she wants it to be. Growing up on Groundbreaker, Felix had obviously little experience with fresh ingredients, but he’d at least seen more variety than anyone else. He was also willing to try anything that Evie made, and she found herself surging with satisfaction at some of his reactions.
The more they travel, the more the crew begins to understand her vision. Evie, decades ago, had grown up poor and as a result, was rather frugal. She makes sure to always set aside time to budget what they’ve got, to make sure that her crew is cared for. Eventually they’ve got enough of a surplus of bits that she can afford to buy a spice or two she’s never heard of but is willing to try.
She knows how untenable the nutrition that most of her crew rel ies on is, and so she also makes an effort to learn to hunt. Ellie tries to offer suggestions of nontoxic game to the best of her ability, but this is where Nyoka truly shines. When she gets a chance to hunt off Monarch, away from the putrid stench, she is even more impressive and proud of herself.
After Evie has found a few recipes that her crew enjoys of warm food that will keep their bellies full, she tries to instate “family dinners”. The concept is fairly unfamiliar to most of them, but they do it because she asks. The first one is quiet and awkward, but Evie works to break the silence.
“I hope you guys enjoy,” she tries to smile at them all, but her stomach flutters nervously, “I know that...that I can be hard to adjust to sometimes. It means a lot that you guys try.”
Felix shakes his head, his mouth already half-full, “Who wouldn’t want to adjust to a boss who actually makes an effort to take care of her crew?”
“He’s right, Evie,” Nyoka says, “There ain’t a lotta folks out there that would go through all this trouble.”
“Truly a blessing,” Max remarks, and his smile lets Evie know that his words are genuine.
Their sentiments warm her heart, and she keeps them close on bad nights when she wonders what the hell she’s doing trying to save a whole colony.
Evie encourages her crew to make the Unreliable their home, and she relishes the small personal touches they add to the empty spaces. The crew become staples in her life, even a lover in Felix’s case. They come to enjoy eating surrounded by one another, trading stories and making each other laugh. Parvati is particularly good at offering riddles, once she’s comfortable enough to speak up.
Sometimes the peace they cultivate in the Unreliable is enough for Evie to forget that she’s a woman living on borrowed time. Halcyon has such a different culture that sometimes it’s all she can think about though. The calendar has shifted, no longer on the cycle that she grew up with, but it’s similar enough. They’re docked in Stellar Bay when Evie catches the date, and feels her insides shrivel.
Her birthday is fast approaching. It’s one of the customs that Halycon seemed to deem too fruitless to celebrate. Parvati has told her they do celebrate a little, but people don’t have enough time to make anything remarkable of those days. Evie tries not to, but her mind becomes consumed with the memory of her last birthday, seventy something years ago.
She becomes distracted, narrowly avoiding injury in a skirmish with marauders because Felix pushes her out of the way. She becomes withdrawn, shrugging off their questions. When Felix holds her close at night, she knows that he’s worried, but she doesn’t know how to explain what she’s feeling. Evie doesn’t want to be selfish—it's not like she wants gifts or anything.
The part that’s most upsetting is that her crew have never experienced real holidays, rarely had families to even celebrate with. Everything is mandated by corporations, leaving people with little for themselves. Evie decides to talk with Phineas, and heads to his base when there is nothing pressing to do.
Felix tries to accompany her, but she assures him that she’s fine. She kisses him for good measure, but the sadness in his eyes follows her off of the ship. Phineas isn’t expecting her, but he always makes time to speak with her.
“Is everything alright?” he asks through the thick green glass, “You’re looking a little pale. You don’t feel like your cells are going to explode, do you?”
“I’m okay,” she says, but she can’t keep the frown from tugging on her lips. “Can I ask you some questions?”
“Of course!” Phineas presses a little closer to the glass, “What’s on your mind?”
“I just...the Hope hadn’t been lost for that long when you were younger, right?” Evie asks, pushing an empty gurney toward the wall and hopping onto it.
“If you’re asking if I’m old, then yes, unfortunately, I am,” Phineas watches her closely.
“How...was Halycon always like this? Were there ever any touches of Earth?” Her voice is soft, sad.
Phineas glances over her shoulder briefly, but then his eyes flicker back to hers, “In the beginning, I think people did their best to hold onto Earth. But it was far and soon most people had never seen it. Feeling homesick? I certainly don’t blame you.”
Evie opens her mouth to reply, but there is the clang of falling metal from behind her. She glances back suspiciously, but nothing catches her eye . She turns back to the glass, “I guess you could call it homesickness, but honestly...I think I’m sadder that everyone else doesn’t miss it. When I was on Earth, things were bad. There’s no doubt about that. But before I left, people still had...well, if they were lucky they had each other. I don’t see that here that much. Even when people get close to each other, someone betrays someone else in the name of survival. I’ve seen it on every planet and satellite you’ve sent me to.”
Phineas eyes her, pursing his lips, “Are you worried that your crew will succumb to the same fate?”
“No, no, I trust them,” Of that she is sure, “I just...I’m sad for all of the things that I will never be able to give them or show them or make them understand. I know not every Earth tradition was necessary, but some...some are so hard for me to leave behind.”
Phineas nods, “It’s quite alright to want the colony to be different, to be better. That was your mission long before I woke you up. I would not give up hope, my friend. It may still be possible to show the colony a better way—it must be.”
Evie lets his words sink in, wills herself to believe them. Though not much has changed, she does feel better for at least having talked about her feelings. When she doesn’t immediately respond, Phineas asks, “May I ask what’s gotten you thinking so heavily about these matters?”
For a moment, she doesn’t want to say, but Phineas has never made her feel stupid. “My birthday is in a few days, I think. I would have been twenty-four...or ninety-four. The Hope makes it so confusing.”
Phineas smiles warmly at her, “You are the age that you feel, my friend, or at least that’s what I keep telling myself.”
They talk a little bit more about their upcoming plan, and Evie eventually returns to her ship feeling just a little lighter. Perhaps she’ll talk to her crew about the traditions she’s used to, and they can decide if anything seems worth reviving. When she enters the Unreliable, only ADA greets her. Evie finds the other five huddled around the table, speaking in hushed tones.
“Everything alright, guys?” She asks, startling them. They all look somewhat guilty, like children caught with their hand in the cookie jar.
“ Cap’n !” Parvati’s smile seems a little unnerving, “You’re back!”
Evie decides not to press, sure that if it truly mattered, they would tell her. Maybe she’d hear from Felix later. “Yeah, we’re done here. I’m going to set course for Groundbreaker if anybody needs me.”
“Sure thing,” Ellie salutes.
Evie leaves them in the kitchen area, too lost in her own thoughts to really bother herself with their shenanigans. It’s only a few days later that she really thinks of it again. They’re resting on Groundbreaker, taking care of a few minor tasks. She and Felix have just finished freeing a man from a bathroom on the upper floors, when he suddenly grabs her hand and tugs her to a stop.
“What’s up?” She asks, looking around in confusion.
“I, um,” Felix swallows and he drops her hand hand, “I wanted to talk...to ask you something.”
“Okay...” Evie feels her insides begin to twist, nervous, “What’s up?”
Felix hesitates for a moment, but then blurts, “Are you happy?”
Evie blinks at him, surprised. He begins to ramble before she can answer, “I know you...I know you’re not used to Halycon, and that whole thing with the Hope sucks, obviously. Halcyon sucks too, especially compared to Earth, I’m sure. But...are you happy with us? With me...and the rest of the crew?”
He looks so nervous, and she can see him resist the urge to look down at his hand a few times. “Felix,” she says softly.
Felix exhales slowly as she steps toward him, and she brings a hand up to rest on his chest. His heart is pounding. Evie says, “Of course I’m happy with you...with all of you. Why wouldn’t I be?”
He looks away, “I just wanted to make sure. You do a lot for us—for everyone. Sometimes...well you deserve a lot more.”
Evie reaches up to turn his head back toward her, and her voice is firm, “I don’t deserve more than anyone else, Felix. I have more than a lot of people already, and I’m so thankful for that.”
Felix’s hand covers hers, adjusting it until their fingers are laced together by their sides. He smiles at her and motions forward, and they begin to walk toward the Unreliable. It’s quiet and she’s happy, honestly. Felix moves ahead of her when they enter the ship, and ADA is uncharacteristically silent. “Come on,” Felix murmurs, moving toward the stairs.
It’s too quiet now, and Evie finds herself confused again. “What’s going on?”
Felix just smiles at her, which does nothing to ease her confusion.
It is only when they reach the landing and can see through the archway into the kitchen that Evie begins to understand. Her crew is crowded around with a few other familiar faces she’s come to know aboard Groundbreaker. “What is this?” she asks, but her voice betrays her and it comes out more like a whisper.
“Surprise!” Ellie shouts, and the others follow out of sync with each other.
“So...” Felix bumps his shoulder against hers, “Don’t be mad, but I kind of...eavesdropped on your conversation with Welles and heard about your birthday. So we...well, we wanted to show you that you’re not missing out on everything.”
“We made you a cake!” Parvati claps her hands together, glancing at the blob of material presented on the center of the table. “Or...we tried to, at least.”
“I’ve also been researching some ancient texts for documentation of the proper hymn,” Max says proudly, “We’ve practiced.”
“Uh huh,” Nyoka laughs, “and we got you a gift you’ll need to get through it.” She motions toward a brand new bottle of Purpleberry Liqueur.
Evie is completely blindsided. Tears are welling in her eyes, so she’s also a little straight up blind. Through her blurry vision, she watches her the faces of her crew fall. “Evie?” Felix says quietly from beside her, like he is trying not to spook her, “Look, we can throw the cake out if you don’t--”
“I love it,” she cries, throwing her arms around him and smearing his shirt with her tears, “I love you.”
She feels Felix freeze for a moment, but then he is hugging her tight. She pulls away from him, wiping her cheeks, “I love you all. This is too much.”
“Nonsense,” Max shakes his head. “Now let’s get on with the celebration, shall we?”
“Wait!” Ellie springs forward, “You’re supposed to light it on fire!”
“I got it,” Nyoka says before Evie can stop her.
Watching her ragtag family stumble through a birthday party just for her, Evie feels her heart swell. Felix’s hand drifts down to hers and squeezes it, and she thinks maybe there’s no need to wish on a candle—not with her crew around.