Work Text:
"My character is a genderless lizard with one leg, who plays the viola," Daniel declared. "His- I mean their- name is Baku."
"Hilarious," George deadpanned.
Daniel laughed it off, but Lando heard the coldness to George's tone. He felt kind of tense. These were his best friends, and he knew Lance pretty well too. He might have made a mistake in insisting Daniel came along.
It was their first session in a few months, which was a really long hiatus for them. They tried to make the time to play together, which often happened on race weekends, when they were all in the same place. It hadn't taken much effort to convince Daniel to give it a go. Lando had been really pleased at the time, but now, he was starting to worry that he'd derail it.
The guys took D&D really seriously, which was great, but he was already sensing that Daniel was going to treat the whole thing as a piss take.
George was big on roleplaying in character. He confessed that living through his character was really important to him, especially the gender side of it. If Daniel was going to start making trans jokes, this was going to get uncomfortable very fast.
Not only that, but even he would admit he was possessive of this little group. He wanted everything to work smoothly, with no tension, and he didn't want his friends to feel like they were second-best compared to Daniel. Especially as they knew his underlying motivations for inviting Daniel to play, probably better than Lando did.
"Okay, have you finished his character sheet?" Lance asked impatiently.
"Yeah, yeah, give me a second," Alex said absently. He had the end of his pen pressed thoughtfully against his mouth as he pored over the character sheet, checking for things he'd missed out.
They were sitting in a weird kind of circle, with dice, maps, character sheets, food, and pencils strewn over the floor. Daniel was halfway through his third bag of crisps, munching contentedly while he let Alex sort everything out.
"Have you ever played before, Daniel?" their DM queried.
"Nope," Daniel answered cheerily. "I was way too cool for this kind of nerdy shit."
Lando cleared his throat. George's pointed glare didn't rattle Daniel one bit.
"Okay, so we've got Claren, Alexis, Tatiana, and now... Baku," Alex said, putting the pen down and handing the sheet over to Lance, who inspected it carefully. It had taken a long time to work out, because Daniel insisted on coming up with a really complicated character instead of just taking one of the pre-generated sheets Lance had brought.
"Okay, so last week, the party finally got to the castle where they've captured the princess- that's Lando's character-"
Daniel sniggered. Lando's heart sank. In their little group, everything was normalised and accepted. If you, a macho Formula 1 driver, wanted to play a cute princess who wore girly dresses, that was fine. If you wanted to play any kind of gender, race, sexuality, ability, et cetera, that was fine and encouraged. It was jarring to be reminded that outsiders still found it weird. It was upsetting to think Daniel found it weird.
Lance paused and waited.
"I'm only joking with ya," Daniel huffed. "You'd make a cute princess, Lando," he added innocently.
Lando turned to look at him, ready to object to being mocked. He was surprised to see playful sincerity reflected back at him.
"Lando won't be involved much today, seeing as Claren is chained up at the king's mercy, as punishment for desertion. As the party is sneaking in via the sewers, maybe that's where Baku is holed up. They might be willing to join the party for a reward, or something like that."
"Can't they be the court viola player?" Daniel proposed.
Lance looked taken aback at Daniel's ingenuity. "Actually... that's not a bad idea. Fine. So Baku is the court bard, and maybe they can be persuaded to help free the princess. I'll give you inspiration if you react in character."
"What, I have to put on a voice?" Daniel laughed incredulously.
"He means think about how your character would behave based on their personality and bonds," Lando explained.
"Oh, right. And what's inspiration?"
"It gives you advantage on an attack roll, saving throw, or ability check of your choice," Lance answered, a little tersely.
"Hey, cut him a bit of slack," Lando reasoned. "He's never played before."
"I don't really understand all the dice rolling stuff," Daniel said.
"Don't worry. I'll help you," Lando reassured him. "Just try and have fun with the roleplaying element for now."
"Is that what you do? You like pretending to be a pretty princess?"
"Moving swiftly on," Lance interrupted. "When you reach the end of the sewers, you come to a grate. Through it, you can see the castle dungeons, and two guards patrolling the halls. On this rotation, they briefly disappear around the corner, before coming back into view a few moments later."
"Wait," Daniel said. "Can I be in the dungeons, because I'm a really shitty bard, and they got so sick of me they locked me up? And that's why I'm all about helping you guys murder the King and Queen or whatever?"
There was a moment where they thought about it.
"Wow, that was very actually pretty innovative of you. I'll give you inspiration, Daniel," Lance said, impressed.
"Sick." Daniel looked extremely pleased with himself.
"Do you know what that is?"
"No."
"I just told you!" Lando exclaimed.
"Well, I forgot."
"Advantage on a roll of your choice," George said, long-suffering. "Which means you get to roll twice, and pick the higher number."
Daniel nodded sagely, although they doubted he understood. Lando was starting to remember how complicated D&D really was, especially for a beginner. He, Alex and George had been playing together since they were kids. They'd gone through countless different campaigns, characters, players. Even after all this time, Lando loved it. He loved getting lost in a fantasy world where he could be whoever he wanted to be, and share it with his friends. He was really, really hoping that Daniel was enjoying it too.
"Can I make an Insight check to predict the pattern of the patrol?" Alex asked.
"Uh... is it Insight, or Investigation?" This was Lance's first campaign as dungeonmaster, even though he'd been playing for longer than any of them. Normally, Alex was in charge, and he'd taught Lance how to DM. It was nice to give Alex the opportunity to be a player, and Lance's practical style as DM, which allowed for more character interaction, was refreshing.
"It's insight," Alex replied. "I'm trying to read their body language to see which direction they'll go."
"Okay, then yeah, make the insight check."
"What's an inside check?" Daniel muttered to Lando.
"Insight check. I'll explain what he's doing. Basically, Insight is what you use to figure out if someone's lying, or like, what their intentions are. So an insight check would mean Alexis is trying to figure out the pattern or the direction that the guards are patrolling in, so we can avoid them, or sneak up on them."
Alex picked up one of his dice, a blue-and-red d20, and rolled. It landed on 6.
"DC 10, man," Lance told him.
"What does that mean?" Daniel said frustratedly. "You're just saying random letters and numbers."
"DC means difficulty class. Alex had to roll a 10 or higher to succeed the check. He only got a 6, but he has modifiers which will add to the dice roll. That's what all the numbers are for, you know, Constitution, Strength- the higher the number, the higher the modifier you get," Lando said patiently.
Alex took pity on Daniel. "Insight is a Wisdom skill. Remember when you chose which skills you wanted earlier? I have Insight, which, because I'm level 2, gives me +2 proficiency bonus on Insight checks. And my Wisdom score is 15, which also gives me +2. So it's 6- the dice roll- add my proficiency bonus, add my wisdom modifier. It adds up to 10, which means I pass the check."
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Daniel told them, "but I appreciate the effort. Can we just get to the part where I have to do a silly voice?"
George sighed audibly.
"You manage to predict the pattern the guards are moving in, which will give you an advantage on stealth checks," Lance continued.
George's character, Tatiana, was a Yuan-Ti rogue, and she spoke in a guttural hiss. When George, altering the pitch of his voice almost expertly, said, "Let'sssssss kill them,", the rest of the group weren't fazed, because they were used to it.
Daniel's jaw dropped. "Dude. That is so cool."
George smiled, and then he dropped back into character. "They don't dessssserve to live. We can't risssssk any chanssse of losssssing the princesssssss."
"But we don't want to draw attention to ourselves," Alex said. He didn't change his voice at all, but somehow his whole posture and aura seemed different, emulating this wise, lofty Dragonborn.
"When we burst into the palace guns blazing- oh," Daniel cut himself off, frowning. "They don't have guns, do they?"
"That's a point, actually," Lance mused. He took out his phone and started Googling it. "Ugh. It says guns were invented in 1364, but that just doesn't sit right with me. It's really complicated. Don't worry about it, we haven't used guns in our campaign so far."
"Well, when we burst into the palace waving our swords around, we won't be able to help drawing attention. I say we kill them."
"You don't really get a say seeing as the characters haven't encountered you, yet."
"Well, I'm gonna whisper to them from my lonely jail cell." For some strange reason, he chose to put on a Geordie accent. "Guys, please help, I need my job back!"
Lando burst out laughing.
"Tatiana shares a look with Alexis," George narrated. He lowered his voice into a conspiratorial whisper. "Maybe the goblin can disssstract the guardssssss ssssso they don't ssssee usssss coming."
"Alexis nods in agreement. They need all the help they can get."
"Right, so, I'm going to start pretending to have a fit, really loudly, thrashing about on the floor," Daniel decided.
Lance turned to Alex. "Do you think that's Performance, Deception, or Persuasion?"
"Um... I'd say Deception," Alex said hesitantly. "Because they're trying to deceive the guards into believing they're actually having a seizure."
"Okay. Well, naturally the guards are going to be suspicious. I'm sure prisoners pull this kind of stunt all the time. So you need to contest; the guards' Insight versus your Deception. Do you have Deception as a skill...? No, you don't. That's a shame."
Lando pressed a small wooden d20 into Daniel's hand. "Roll this. Then add 2, because your Charisma score is 15."
Lance opened the Guard statblock on roll20.net to check the guards' Wisdom modifiers, and rolled 2d20. Daniel rolled his own die with a flourish.
"Oh, wow! Nat 20!" Lando exclaimed. "So that's 22!"
"Yeah, I rolled a 6, no modifiers, and a 15, so you definitely pass."
"Get in there!" Daniel whooped, grabbing Lando by the shoulders and shaking him.
"The guards come over to you, looking really concerned. They ask you what's happening."
"I can't speak, I'm having a fit."
"Cool. So they start arguing over what they should do, whether or not they should go and fetch a healer."
"We'd like to ambush them now," Alex said.
"Roll initiative. Are you going to get involved if they start fighting, Baku?" Lance questioned.
"Surely I can't do much from inside my cell."
"You'd be surprised."
Alex, George, and Daniel rolled initiative, and Lance rolled for the guards.
"So Tatiana first, then Baku, then the first guard, then Alexis, then the second guard. Except the guards are both Surprised, so you get a free round of actions."
It took seven rounds to finally kill off the guards, despite their relatively low hit points. They kept getting ridiculously lucky dice rolls with higher damage, and more than a few times, Alex failed to even hit. Daniel was starting to get the hang of modifiers a lot better. It was going pretty well.
"Thank you for helping us," Alex said seriously, addressing Baku. "We're trying to rescue the princess."
"Oh, the princess," Daniel replied dramatically, still doing that stupid accent. "The beautiful princess. She used to let me sing to her, tales of my goblin hometown. I must go with you."
Tatiana retrieved Baku's viola from the chest of prisoners' belongings. It was necessary for most of their bard cantrips and spells.
"I can show you to where the princess is being held," Daniel suggested.
What followed took way longer than it should have. Working out the rules on hiding was a grey area, as the handbook wasn't too helpful, and they hadn't had to use stealth in previous sessions. The session was paused for a good ten minutes as Alex and Lance hotly debated the mechanics of passive perception versus stealth checks when sneaking. While they were arguing, Lando showed Daniel his own character sheet, complete with the cute artwork he'd commissioned of his character.
Claren was a human fighter, using an ornate warhammer to dispatch her enemies. Her character sheet showed a beautiful princess with tanned skin, long green hair, a gilded circlet, skimpy golden armour, with the warhammer raised above her head. The notes scribbled at the side said "Claren. Human Fighter. Lawful Good. 22, 5"8, 150lbs, Brown Eyes, Green Hair" and some tiny scrawled paragraphs about her personality.
"Yeah, my character has always had a crush on the princess ever since he came to the castle," Daniel explained. "He thinks she's fit as fuck."
They laughed. Lando flushed red. He knew it was stupid, that Daniel was only trying to wind him up, but it almost felt like Daniel was flirting with him, instead of Baku flirting with Claren.
When the characters reached the throne room, they were greeted by the king- a powerful, ancient warlock, who wore magical robes that made him regenerate hit points at an accelerated rate. Lance delighted in standing up, waving his arms grandiosely and booming, "Who dares challenge my throne?"
The evil king took 20 rounds of combat to kill. Alexis had fallen unconscious on the 10th round and almost failed his three death saving throws, and without their cleric to heal, the party had struggled. While Tatiana was busy looting his expensive jewelry, Alexis had found his Spellbook, and was fascinated by the dark magic written inside it.
Baku retrieved the key to Claren's manacles and freed her.
"Thank you so much, Baku," Lando said shyly, slipping easily into the role of his beloved character. "You're my hero."
"I would like to roll to kiss the princess," Daniel announced.
There was a pause. Lando kept looking into his lap, cheeks scarlet. Daniel was just messing with him, it was just banter, but it was still awkward as hell.
"You don't have to roll," Lance said reluctantly. "You can go ahead."
Instead of the expected comedic retelling of the fabled kiss on behalf of the goblin bard, Daniel himself leaned forward. He cupped Lando's face and kissed him gently but thoroughly. Lando was so surprised he felt the brief flicker of Daniel's tongue against his lips, and then it was over as suddenly as it had started.
George stifled a laugh and politely looked away. Lando felt really self-conscious, opening and closing his mouth as he stared at Daniel, waiting for him to start cackling and crowing over his Funny Prank. He felt Alex and Lances's eyes burning into him, with disapproval or amusement he couldn't see.
"I need some air," Lando whispered. He saw Daniel's face fall before he got up on shaky legs and got the hell out of there.
Fresh, cold air found its way into his lungs and he breathed deeply. It was dark now; they'd been playing for three hours.
This was the weirdest D&D session they'd ever had, and there had been some really weird moments. Like that time when Lance was fixated on the myth of the pregnant horse, and the one-off session where Alex insisted on playing a gelatinous cube. And then there were the banned, graphic descriptions of Tatiana's adventures as a prostitute...
Daniel just kissed him. His colleague, friend, and famous Formula 1 driver, Daniel Ricciardo, just planted one on Lando's lips in front of all his mates. It was too much for him to wrap his head around, so he just stood there, staring into space, mind going round in circles.
He heard Daniel before he saw him, coming to stand a respectful distance at his side.
"I know you were just joking around, but it was really embarrassing for me," Lando said quietly. He turned around to look up at Daniel, feeling awkward and way too short.
"Why?" Daniel asked dumbly.
Lando clenched his fists, willing himself not to start crying or something equally mortifying. "You think it's funny to take the mick out of me. It's not. I- I hate that you did that," he admitted.
Daniel took a step closer and Lando forced himself not to flinch away. "I wasn't taking the mick," Daniel told him without a trace of humour. He swallowed, looking as though he wanted to reach out, but decided against it. "I just wanted to. I was kind of being a pussy, I guess, because I hid behind a stupid roleplaying game to make a move."
Lando gaped at him.
"Why do you think I agreed to this shit?" Daniel grinned. "Don't you think I have better things to do than sit in a circle and throw dice around on the floor, while I pretend to be a musical non-binary goblin?"
Lando's face fell. "I thought-"
"No, no," Daniel shook his head quickly, backtracking. "I didn't mean it like that. It was actually pretty fun. But I wouldn't have said yeah if you hadn't been there." He sighed. "I want to spend more time with you. Is that something you... do you wanna do that?"
Lando blinked, and then he squinted in confusion. "Are you asking me out?"
"Yes," Daniel exhaled in relief, glad he'd finally got the message.
Lando didn't know what to say. He wanted to say yes, but he also didn't want to look too eager. He still couldn't shake the feeling that all this was a joke. He really, really liked Daniel. He wanted to be his friend, but he couldn't deny there were some deeper feelings and there had been for a while.
He opened his mouth in a futile attempt to try and voice any of that, but Daniel took pity on him and lightly said, "Come on, don't pretend you haven't had a crush on me since you were like, ten."
That was not true. It was at least a few years older.
"I haven't."
"Get out of it."
"Daniel, I literally haven't-"
Daniel kissed him again. This time Lando kissed back with enthusiasm, leaning up on his tiptoes, while Daniel's hands settled on his waist. They didn't stop until they heard Lance yelling "Hey! Can we wrap this session up, please?!"