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I had a dream
I got everything I wanted
Not what it seemed
And if I'm being honest
It might have been a nightmare
To anyone who might care
Thought I could fly
So I stepped off the Golden
Nobody cried
Nobody even noticed I saw them standing right there
Kinda thought they might care…
I had a dream I got everything I wanted
Billie Ellish - "Everything I Wanted"
Must of been one hell of a spectacle, Dabi thought to himself as he walked away from the ruins and fire. He was sure the news cameras got perfect shots of the blazing war between blue and orange flames, the destruction and mayhem, all those money making shots sure to bank off the tragedy.
They were all always banking off tragedy, weren't they?
Dabi would have laughed at the thought if it wasn't for the burning sensation and taste of blood in his throat.
He got everything he wanted back in that battle. He got to see his Father fight for his life against his fire. He got hurt, badly, but he got what he wanted, what he deserved, and Endeavor got what he deserved. Dabi's so much weaker than Endeavor, but he still won. He's not as weak as Touya was against Enji.
The reveal gave him that opening, if he hadn't told his Father and the world who he really was, Endeavor probably would have killed him, but that moment of shock and confusion was enough for Dabi to get a clean shot. He burned his Father until he burned himself, then he watched the light fade from the eyes of the man who tormented him for years and years, and haunted his nightmares and bad trips ever since.
Dabi killed Endeavor just as Enji killed Touya. It was everything he wanted… But why did he feel so empty?
He knew it had nothing to do with the fact that He was clearly about to die. Dabi knew that, he planned it, there was no way out of that battle that ended with him surviving and Dabi wasn't afraid of death.
(Touya was terrified)
It was that he longed for this for so long, dreamt of it day and night. Killing his Father was the only reason he lived as long as he did, his only purpose of coming back, of staying at all. He knew he'd die, alone and abandoned, he knew that since he was a boy, but he thought it was fine if he killed his father.
But what else did he accomplish? He got what he wanted, but at what price? For what? What else had he ever done in his miserable existence?
(He knew Tomura would yell at him for talking like that, tell him to have some self esteem. Jin would probably hug him and nag him for days with praise and affection he lied and swore he didn't need, Compress would try to talk him through it again, try to talk him out of feeling that way. Toga would try to cheer him up for days. But he knew the truth. He was a worthless disappointment like that bastard always said.)
He killed the man, but didn't prevent years of abuse and neglect on his younger siblings. Endeavor was dead, but all the pain of his mother and siblings were going to be there in the morning. The damage was already done. He told himself he did this to save them, to protect them, but maybe it honestly had more to do with his desires for revenge and his own suicidal thoughts than to save his family like he had told himself for years.
The damage was already done.
He collapsed outside of the battlefield, hit the pavement in a dark, lonely alley hard. He rolled onto his back to look up at the sky, smoke and blue and orange flames still tinting the sky like ghosts from two dead monsters.
He wasn't afraid to die, but…
He remembered seeing the shock on Shouto's face too, how his brother completely froze in his own fight to stare at Dabi and their Father as Touya screamed out every horrible thing Endeavor did to his family. He remembered the confusion on the faces of the other members of the paranormal liberation front, and the horror on Hawks face. None of them… even approached him afterwards… they just watched him leave…
...For a minute, a split second, he almost had tricked himself into thinking they would care…
He wondered if they ever had, if anyone ever did. Did they care when Touya died? If no one cried when Touya died, there's no reason they would shed a single tear for Dabi. Dabi was already dead. You can't kill what's already dead. You can't break the broken. Can't infect the sick.
(He knew that wasn't true. He was sure his sister cried for him daily. He knew his mother loved him. He remembered how Shouto would make him promise not to leave him too and how Natsuo would beg Touya to run away so Father couldn't hurt him anymore.)
He laughed at himself again, but it hurt even more this time and brought on a coughing fit.
His eyes hurt, the burns under them stinging painfully like they did when he got upset like this. He guessed it was him trying to cry, but the damage to his eyes preventing him from doing so… he… couldn't even cry.
His body slowly gave up, having completed his goal he couldn't think of a reason to force his body to keep going through the pain of surviving anymore. there wasn't any reason to keep fighting it, he let himself finally give up.
In the distance, before he closed his eyes and everything faded away and the lights went out forever… for a minute, he swore…
He could have sworn he heard someone calling his name…