Work Text:
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's meant to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
Goo Goo Dolls - "Iris"
Twice was already obnoxiously drunk when he flopped down in the chair beside Dabi, grabbing the bottle off the counter and pouring himself a glass. The doubling villain rested his arms on the bar behind him, stretching and rambling mid conversation with himself as he sat down.
"Don't you have somewhere else to drink, weirdo? There's plenty of other chairs around." Dabi grumbled, sliding his chair over when Twice got a little too close.
"Mind if I sit here?" Twice said, then, "does it look like I fucking care?"
Dabi shrugged, pouring another shot, "guess not."
The other man sighed, "That was rude. Sorry about that."
Dabi ignored him, staring at a spot in the wall. His eyes fixated on the spot as his mind drifted off again, still sluggish and slow, the booze only adding to the disoriented and foggy feeling in his head.
"So the doc fixes your staples then?" Jins voice suddenly cut through Dabi's muffled thoughts.
"Hm?"
"Your staples, the ones in your back. That's what he was doing in the lab earlier before the meeting, right?"
Dabi reached for one of the rolled cigarettes Jin threw onto the bar counter top, "yeah, Ujiko helps me out with the places I can't reach by myself."
"Right…" Jin stared up at the ceiling, an unreadable expression on his face, as his eyes darted back and forth behind his mask. He tilted his head towards Dabi and Dabi could feel the other's eyes on him, staring.
Dabi should be used to the staring by now. Everyone always stared cause who wouldn't when he looked like that . He was used to it, but it always sent a shiver up his spine.
"Your staples look kinda mine, actually." The older villain suddenly jerked forward, movements sloppy as he reached to grab one of Dabis wrists.
"Hey, don't just-" Dabi flinched a little when the fingers wrapped around his scarred wrist, but the grip wasn't rough or tight, the touch wasn't cold or lingering. Twice just gingerly lifted his arm closer to take a better look, strangely gentle for a man as drunk as he was.
Jin made a little sound of interest as he looked, his hand warm and soft like it was that day at the lab. "Yeah, they are pretty similar actually!"
Dabi blinked, yanking his hand away "what are you rambling about? Don't just grab me."
"Oh stop being a baby." Twice grumbled, then his voice softened, "my bad, totally shoulda asked first!"
Dabi rolled his eyes and puffed on the cig, staring back at the spot he was fixed on before.
"I handle my own staples, by the way," Jin gestured to the split in his forehead stapled together under his mask, "so if you ever need some help and can't get to the doc, feel free to ask me."
"Ha. Like I'd trust you with a medical stapler." Dabi said with a slurred chuckle, Jin returned his own.
"I'm actually pretty good at it! I've had a lot of practice." He exclaimed, "I totally suck."
"Mhm, I'm sure."
"No… but really," Jin said, suddenly serious, "I'll help you with them anytime you want… you know, in case you don't feel… comfortable with Ujiko."
Dabi suddenly remembered being in a daze as he left the lab with the others, Twice peering over his shoulder as he walked beside him.
"Are you okay, man? The hell were you guys doing anyway? That guy's weird, looks at you weird, I don't like it…"
..
Dabi was in a daze again, dizzy as he stared at the spinning floor under his feet. There were voices around him but he could hardly make them over the ringing in his ears.
"... probably try to stay awake, don't pass-"
"-Pretty bad blow to the head…"
"-still not answering, I'll try calling again and-"
Something warm trinkled down his cheek, probably blood. He tried to shake the fog from his head, blinking when another pair of shoes appeared in front of his. Red converse.
"Dabi, hey Dabi. Idiot, look up." Fingers snapped in front of his face and he glanced up, eyes narrowing out of habit.
"That dumbass hero blasted you pretty far. You hit your head hard. You probably have a concussion." Shigaraki was saying, the image of pale blue fluff blurring and shifting before it cleared to show the young man's face, "Ujiko isn't picking up. A shit ton of your staples got torn out when you slid across the pavement. We need to get to you Ujiko."
"I can handle it, Shig. Instead of waiting for the doc." Twice's voice piped up, fading in and out, "-doctor anyway, he acts too strange with Dabi."
"That's why one of you go with him now that way-" Tomura replied, "-not alone with him anymore."
They were talking about him and Ujiko again, always saying things like that. Like they knew something he didn't know, like there was some insider story he was missing. Dabi didn't think Ujiko acted in any odd kind of way. Ujiko had always been like that towards Dabi for as long as they knew each other.
"-last couple times we sat in it was weird too. The guy's a creep." Spinner muttered from somewhere further in the room. "-Called him his favorite. That's creepy."
"Just lemme go to bed and wake me up when Ujiko gets 'ere." Dabi muttered, eyes shutting again as the room began to spin faster.
"Just let me do it. Fuck Ujiko."
Suddenly hands wrapped around his upper arms with a firm but gentle grip then a figure started pulling Dabi to his feet. Jins voice reassured him as he was pulled somewhere, the change from wood floor to carpet told him it was the hallway, then he was pulled into a room and sat down on a soft surface. The room smelled like cigarettes and paint.
He looked up, eyes focusing on Jin as he rustled through his desk drawers, moving some notebooks and pencils onto the top of the desk until he found a first aid kit.
Dabi watched as Twice pulled off his mask, his own staples catching the light while he opened the kit.
"Don't worry I'll fix you all up, don't need that freak Ujiko." Jin was mumbling to himself as he put on a pair of gloves then walked back over to kneel in front of Dabi.
Dabi then realized he was in Jin and Spinner's shared room. He'd never been in any of the other member's rooms before.
Jin moved his bangs out of the way and pressed a cold, wet cloth against Dabi'is temple, dabbing at the busted skin, careful around the edges of the patchwork under his eye. He flinched when Dabi flinched at the pulling of a staple that had been ripped mostly out.
"There's two that are missing here on your face. And… three that look loose. I'll start here, okay? You want pain killers or anything?"
"I guess?" Dabi answered, dully staring at Jins face. He never realized how clear the other man's eyes were.
"Well, what'd the doc have you take when he fixed your staples?"
"I dunno," Dabi mumbled, "he'd just hand me pills and I'd take them… then he'd fix me."
Twice made a face at that, opening his mouth to say something then bit into his lip.
Dabi faded in and out over the time Jin cleaned up the blood and dirt and removed and replaced the staples that were damaged in his face, then the ones on his shoulder, then helped take off his shirt to fix where the stitches had torn on his back and side, covering the irritated areas with gauze and antibiotic cream.
"You don't need fixing," Jin said, "you aren't broken."
Twice was so gentle and soft, always apologizing, asking if he could touch Dabi here or clean over there, asking if he was okay, why he was crying, what the scars from things that obviously weren't caused by his quirk were from, and Dabi just stared into those clear, sparkling eyes the entire time. It grounded him.
..
Dabi couldn't explain why exactly he started going to Jin to help with the hard to reach areas of his patchwork, but it became easier to ask the other villain more and more each time and Twice seemed thrilled to help.
"Why do you still have to have staples in your head?" Dabi asked one day as Jin plucked one of the staples out of his lower back, placing it in the plastic cup on the nightstand.
"I pick at the scar a lot, so it won't stay closed." Twice answered, "I'm constantly splitting apart again, won't stop, can't stop, always-"
Dabi heard him take a shaky breath, mutter something he couldn't hear, then he reached over to grab the disinfectant.
"Sorry." Jin said. "I break apart too much."
"Nah 's fine." Dabi replied, "I dont think you're broken."
They were quiet for a little and Jin continued to work. It was so different than when Ujiko fixed him. Dabi didn't know why. It hurt a bit more because Jin didn't give him all the pills Ujiko did, but he didn't feel as confused during it. he didn't squirm under his skin when Jin touched him like he did whenever Ujiko touched him. He didn't shrink into himself when Jin spoke like he did whenever Ujiko spoke.
"Did… did Ujiko do this to you?" Twice suddenly asked.
"What? The patchwork or the scars themselves?" Dabi slouched forward a little, wincing at the staple gun punching metal into his flesh. "He fixed the injuries into patchwork scars, made them work like a cooling system. He didn't give me the scars though, technically."
"Do they hurt?"
"Not the scars themselves, the skin around them do though."
"So when did… how long have you known Ujiko, anyway?" Jin asked, punching in another staple.
"A really long time." Dabi answered vaguely.
"So… you were a kid when he started doing this to you…"
Jin was talking in that soft, weird tone again. It was that same tone Compress used whenever he pulled Dabi in from the cold rain outside and wrapped him in blankets. That tone Spinner used when he checked on Dabi after noticing Ujiko getting too close in the lab. That tone Toga used when she pulled Dabi aside after sitting in on one of his appointments with Ujiko and asked why Dabi kept whimpering whenever the doctor touched him. Like they knew something he didn't and wanted him to explain.
"You don't have to go back to that lab ever again, you know… just tell Tomura what's really going on. He's already suspicious of Ujiko…" Jin said, "Kurogiri acted weird around that guy too…"
Dabi swallowed the secrets. Some secrets he didn't want to tell, some weren't his to tell, and some of the secrets he forgot after they were whispered. Like the secret echoes of screams in bouncing off concrete walls in his sleep. Like the secrets of fluffy clouds inside a skyless room. The secret sounds of metal clanking against metal and the needles of syringes being flicked. The secret touches of gloved hand stroking white hair, roaming over bandages, under burned clothes.
He shivered, his shoulders shaking with every hitch of his breath as the tears welled up in his eyes again.
"Sorry." Jin said, pulling Dabi back, grounding him again in a gentle voice and clear blue eyes.
Every time they did this, he cried. After the first couple times, Dabi started to let Twice comfort him afterwards, rub circles into his back and hold him close to his chest until he calmed down.
..
Jin liked to paint. He painted the most beautiful pictures Dabi ever saw. Colors of red and white and black and gray. Sometimes abstract shapes and blended smudges, other times otherworldly scenery and surreal landscapes.
He was shy about it, always acted like it wasnt a big deal, but Dabi never saw art like Jin's. He liked to stare at them, study as Jin cares for his patchwork and replaced the metal staples. He used the paintings as an achor.
"So you've always done your own staples?" Dabi asked as Jin sat down, taking off the medical gloves and grabbed a rolling paper off the desk, breaking up the pot on the hard surface.
"Yeah i started doing them myself after a while. The doctor's at the hospital got really rude after the forth time or so I came in." Jin laughed, sounding carefree before he switched to angry, "rude fucks called me a nutcase."
"So you started doing it yourself instead."
"Yeah, it was just easier that way, and i… didn't have anybody to help me or anything… no one to put me down and call me crazy and avoid me… ask me what made me so broken I couldn't tell if I was real... had to do everything alone." The older man said, a deep sadness in his voice as he inverted his eyes.
"Well, you ain't alone anymore." Dabi said and Twice looked up and grinned.
They sat and listened to the music playing for a few minutes as they passed around the joint.
"Ujiko… did he… always treat you like that?"
Dabi didn't know how what he meant exactly. "Ujiko's just… like that."
"He's only like that with you though… the way he… looks at you and how he talks to you… I don't like it. I know, I know, I'm a broken record, but i don't… I think he's... I think he's been doing things to you that... that he shouldn't be doing."
"I didn't understand what he was doing." Dabi blurted out, "i still don't understand. I don't know… why I never tried to fight back… why I let just him…"
"You were a kid. It wasn't your fault. Old creep took advantage of you. Did he… did he..." Twice mumbled, voice cracking and stopping, eyes narrowing, "gonna kill that fucker, gonna kill him."
Dabi didn't say anything and the music played in the background to fill up the silence.
"Is he the one that…" Twice's voice faded off, puffing on the joint again as if he could find the courage to finish his half sentences inside the rolled up paper and plants.
"The others aren't from Ujiko. Those are from before." Dabi answered the unfinished question.
Jins eyes lingered on the faded blotches of reddish burns and white lined scars on Dabi's chest and stomach. "Family member?"
"My Dad…" Dabi said, he was breaking his own rule, getting too open with the other villain than he liked, but he felt like Jin wouldn't betray his privacy.
Jin set his jaw, "He beat you?"
"Called it training." Dabi said, "he said i was weak. He thought if he kept pushing me I'd build a resistance… I never did, not until Ujiko modified me… my Father always said i was useless and defective… Ujiko fixed me, made me stronger… said i was perfect."
Jin chewed on his lip a little, clear eyes fixed on Dabi's lips as he took a drag of the joint. "You didn't need to be fixed or stronger, you needed to be safe."
They made eye contact and held it, for a minute lost within each other's eyes. Slowly the space between them closed, gentle hands caressed Dabi's cheeks, and Dabi's fingers found their way into Jin's short hair to pull him in closer. The joint was discarded into the ashtray and they fell back into the bed.
..
They laid in bed together, sharing a cigarette as they came down from the afterglow. Dabi wondered why Jin's touch felt different than anything he ever felt, why his skin was softer than any texture, why his moments and words were so gentle they made him melt. He wondered why their broken pieces fit so well together each time they stapled each other's shattered psyches back together beneath the sheets.
After a few long months, Dabi hardly ever flinched under Jin's touch anymore and Jin's eyes held much less loneliness and despair.
It gave them the illusion they weren't falling apart anymore.
Jins fingertips brushed a lock of ebony behind Dabi's ear, "Why would someone as beautiful and understanding as you want a delusional nutcase like me?"
Dabi traced Jin's cheekbone with his own fingertips "Why would someone as precious and loving as you want damaged goods like me?"
"You aren't damaged goods."
"And you aren't a delusional nutcase."
They were quiet for a while, nothing but the sounds of their breath and the beating of their hearts. It almost sounded like they matched each other's beats.
"We aren't broken. Neither of us."