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It was strange, Beau mused, to gain sudden clarity on your relationship with another person.
Even stranger to have that happen while being fussed over by a friend who’d magically turned himself into a giant ape. But Caleb in ape-form hadn’t been shy with his worry or affection. And that wasn’t surprising to Beau, necessarily. It made sense, given things he’d said before. She’d learned to read Caleb’s sincerity through his tone and mannerisms over the past few months. But the intensity of his reaction to her being so badly hurt had shifted the mental picture she had of the two of them ever so slightly. And even through her exhaustion and pain, it had made a few things finally, fully click into place.
Beau tried to think of when someone else had ever offered her that kind of concern so openly. Well, she supposed, Jester tended to be effusive with her worry and care. And Caduceus was always gentle. And Yasha fussed in her own quiet way, always healing Beau with her strange glowy hands if Beau dropped her guard enough to let the others know she was hurting. Maybe what was surprising her was who it had come from. Caleb wasn’t exactly the most openly or physically affectionate person. Sometimes he was with Nott, and mostly only when he thought no one was looking. But he’d certainly never acted that way with her.
He’d told her how he felt, though. He'd said it out loud, ages ago now, back when they’d first gotten to Xhorhas.
“I care for you,” he’d said, sounding as though the words were being pulled out of him by force. And she’d believed him, she’d known he meant it, but it hadn’t sunk in.
Something about being worried over by an anxious giant monkey while still woozy from blood loss had made it click.
Her parents had never cared like that. Scraped knees and broken bones had been accompanied by anger and demands that she change her behavior. Perfect young ladies from would-be noble households didn’t get into fistfights with the butcher’s son, apparently. Any concern her parents might have had for her well-being (and Beau wasn’t convinced there had been much of that to begin with) had always been overwhelmed by their embarrassment and displeasure at having such an unruly and imperfect child.
Hell, Beau’s father had left her girlfriend behind in jail and then hired monks to abduct her without any sign that he cared what that would do to her. She’d always come second to his reputation. Third, maybe, after his wealth and wine. Fourth, now, probably, with a better child in the family to replace her.
It was strange, then, to realize that this odd, anxious, shifty Zemnian wizard, who’d looked like a vagrant when she first met him, was now treating her more like family than any of her blood ever had.
Beau glanced at Caleb where he was sitting next to her. They were side by side on a couch in the lavish rooms the Empire had set them up in after the near-disastrous meeting with King Dwendal. The place was called the Camaruth Cottage, but there was very little about it that resembled cottages Beau was familiar with. The sitting room she was currently in was almost disgustingly comfortable. It was full of plush chairs and richly carved wooden tables. The walls held gaudy paintings depicting important moments in Dwendalian history. Beau wondered how much trouble they’d get in if she encouraged Jester to vandalize the large mural portraying the surrender of the Lords of Julous that marked the end of the War of the Dominion.
Beau sighed. While it was a hilarious idea, and she was pretty sure Jester would be up for it, she was only thinking about it to distract herself. Caleb was unresponsive on the couch next to her. He hadn’t said anything since Trent Ikithon spoke to them. Since he let Caleb know that he recognized him. It was like the times Caleb shut down after casting fire spells, but worse. Then at least she felt like she knew how to handle it, and knew he’d eventually snap out of it. He’d been like this for close to an hour.
The rest of the Mighty Nein had bundled him off with them as quickly as possible, trying to get him somewhere safe. She’d been put on Caleb-duty while the others bathed and Caduceus made some food. Beau kind of couldn’t believe that just that morning they’d been waking up at the Gentleman’s hideout in Zadash. She felt like maybe she was getting a taste of Caleb’s obsessive understanding and knowledge of time. She wondered if he always knew, when he came back to himself after going away like this, how much time he had missed. She wondered what that felt like.
She put her hand on his shoulder, like he did to her when he looked through his cat. Steadying. Comforting. He didn’t react. They were alone, though, and she had some things to tell him.
“Hey man,” she said quietly, not really sure if he could hear her. It didn’t matter. This was something she could keep saying. “It’s gonna be ok. I know it doesn’t feel like it, but this is what I was talking about. You remember, way back when we first met Yussa? And you freaked the fuck out? It’s gonna be ok cause we’re here. I’m here. And you’re my brother, and I’m not gonna let a fucking creep like that hurt you again.”
Caleb didn’t answer, but he did shift a bit next to her. Moved closer. She moved her hand away to let him. His head dropped onto her shoulder.
“Glad you finally get it,” she said, words coming out perhaps a little harsher than she meant them to. Whatever. He’d know what she meant. She put her arm around him and pulled him into a side hug, an echo of how his giant ape form had held her a few hours earlier. “I hear you,” she added quietly, to let him know that she got what he was trying to say.
It had taken a while, but they could finally understand each other.