Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

It was Friday morning when Dean got the call.

Benny, his agent, gave him the good news. There had been rumors, of course, but nothing concrete. Apparently, it was happening. Roommates would be back on air next year. Filming started in two weeks. It was all so sudden. Dean hadn’t had breakfast yet.

Dean sat down on his brown leather couch, squeezing his cell phone in his hand. A hundred emotions rolled through him. He was thrilled, sure. Roommates was the show that set off his acting career. It led him where he was now. He was entirely grateful to it. But there were memories--people--that he hadn’t moved on from. There were old wounds that hadn’t closed yet. 

Just two weeks before he was back on set.

Dean called Sam. His brother was the only person Dean wanted to share this with.

Sam picked up on the third ring. “You’re up early.”

“ Roommates got picked up by NBC. We’re filming in two weeks.”

“What? Are you serious? Dean, that’s huge news! I mean, are you excited? Why don’t you sound excited?”

Dean cleared his throat. “I am excited, Sammy. I’m a lot of things right now.”

Sam was quiet for a while. “Is this because of Cas?”

Yeah. It was all because of Cas. Castiel Novak. His beautiful, blue-eyed co-star. “Kinda. I haven’t seen him in over ten years. And now, we’re gonna be working together again. I just--I don’t know if I can do this. All over again. With him.”

“Dean, like you said, it’s been over ten years. An entire decade. You guys were twenty-three last time you saw each other. So much has changed. And this is such a great opportunity for you. I mean, going back to the show that started your entire acting career. That’s amazing!”

“I know, I know.” Dean swallowed. “I should be more grateful. And I think you’re right. A lot has changed. Nothing has to be weird between us.”

“Exactly,” Sam said. “Hey, do you want to meet up for drinks tonight? Jess is on a business trip this weekend, so it’s just going to be me at home. We could meet up at the Roadhouse just like old times.”

The Roadhouse was the only safe public space Dean still visited. After his Supernatural Hunter trilogy made him a big-name movie star, going out in public became a nightmare. Dean couldn’t even go to the local Rite-Aid when he had a cold because he had fans lining up behind him. But The Roadhouse was a small bar where people knew him from before his celebrity days, and they wouldn’t bother him. Still, Dean had become such a recluse these past few years, relying mostly on his assistant for anything he needed from the outside world. It was easier that way. But very lonely.

“Drinks sound nice, Sammy. I’ll meet you there at eight.”

“Perfect. I’ll see you tonight, Dean. And hey, I’m really happy for you. Trust me, this is a good thing.”

Dean smiled. A small smile, but a smile nonetheless. “I hope it is.”

After getting off the phone with Sam, he got a phone call. It was from an unknown number, which he usually would ignore, but something made him answer this time. 

“Hello?” Dean asked slowly.

“Am I speaking with the world famous Hollywood moviestar Dean Winchester?”

Dean broke into a wide smile. He recognized the voice instantly. “Well, if it isn’t the world famous sci-fi showrunner Charlie Bradbury.”

“Believe me when I tell you my heart is fucking racing right now. Dean! I can’t believe it’s you. I had to call in a few favors to get your cell phone number. How the hell have you been, chico?”

Dean laughed, heading over to the fridge to pour himself a glass of water, and maybe grab himself a snack. He should really eat some breakfast. “Doing good now that I get to hear your voice, Charlie. You should have called my assistant, Jack. He would have put you right through to me.”

“Listen to you. I have to go through your assistant to speak to you, your majesty.” Charlie laughed. “I kid, I kid. But seriously. How are you? It’s feels like an entire century since we last spoke.”

“It’s definitely been years. Seven, maybe. We ran into each other at the Golden Globes, I think. Or was it at Jack Black’s birthday party? One of those.”

“God, we sound like a couple of jackasses. I’ve really missed you, Dean.”

Dean leaned against his kitchen island, peeling a banana. “I’ve missed you too, Charlie. I’m assuming you’re calling cause of the show. I still can’t believe it.”

“I know. It’s nutso. We get to do Roommates again, my dude. You, Castiel, and me. The three musketeers back at it.”

Dean froze at the mention of Castiel, mouth full of banana. But Charlie didn’t know any of the humiliating details pertaining Castiel and Dean. Still, he couldn’t help but shift uncomfortably. “Yeah, the three of us back together. I can’t believe you have any time left since you’re running your own show right now. How the hell are you gonna juggle everything?”

“I wish I knew. I have help, though, let me tell you. My beautiful wife, Bela, has been so supportive about all of this. She’s been pretty hands-on with Space Girls , which has brought us even closer together, if you can believe it.”

Dean had known Charlie had gotten married two years ago, on a private island, with only their closest friends and family. Dean had been invited, but he’d been on a tour promoting the final Supernatural Hunter movie, so he had politely declined, sending a gift instead. Castiel had attended the wedding with his wife, Daphne. Dean wasn’t upset he’d missed the wedding at all.

“I watch Space Girls every week. It’s one of my favorite shows.” Dean looked down at his bare feet. “I’m really sorry I haven’t been in touch lately. I really should have. You’ve always been a great friend, Charlie.”

“I know, I know. You don’t have to get all mopey on me. Let’s just leave the past behind us, and focus on the present. And the future. I cannot wait to be back on set with you and Cas. God, it’s gonna be the best. Plus, we get a long season. Twenty episodes! Apparently, NBC has a good feeling about bringing back our old little show.”

Dean laughed. “It wasn’t little. We all won Emmys. When we were teenagers.”

“Good point. But after five years on-air, I’m surprised the fans still want more. Not that I blame them. I’m happy to give it to them. I get to work with my two best friends again.”

Best friends. Yeah, they’d been Dean’s best friends too. For five years. Charlie and Castiel had been the closest people in Dean’s life. As close as Sam, and maybe even more so because they were all Dean’s age, while Sam had been four years younger. During those five years, Charlie and Castiel had been the people Dean spent most of his days with. At one point, they’d become real-life roommates. It’d been easier to live together, drive to work together, eat together, shop together. They each became major celebrities at a young age, and it seemed like the only other people that understood how incredible and frightening that felt was each other. 

They had been great together. The three of them against the world, just like in the show. That was what the fans were more drawn to. The bond between them that went beyond the screen. Dean worried that their return would flop as soon as the fans noticed the tension between at least two of them.

“Have you talked to Cas yet?” Charlie asked when Dean didn’t answer. 

Dean closed his eyes, bit his lip, and counted to ten. “No, I haven’t talked to him in years.” Not since the very last day of filming the show. Ten years ago. When Dean had gone and ruined their friendship.

“I called him before I called you,” Charlie said, and Dean felt his pulse quicken at that. Charlie had spoken to him. God, he was so jealous of her, which was stupid. But he couldn’t just pick up the phone and call him. They weren’t friends anymore. Dean didn’t even have his number. “He sounded good. After the divorce last year, he’s been off social media, but I think he’s doing better now.”

Dean had heard about the divorce. Castiel’s marriage had lasted three years, and he had no kids. Dean would be lying if he said he didn’t keep up with Castiel’s life. He did. He’d seen every movie he’d been in. Castiel did mostly comedies. A lot of rom-coms. Dean’s favorites were his Hallmark holiday movies. Dean had a few of them memorized. Castiel was handsome, and he’d been a heartthrob in his twenties, so he was always cast as the lead love interest. And he played the role so well. Girls everywhere drooled over him. And they weren’t the only ones.

“I’m glad he’s doing okay,” Dean finally said. “I lost touch with him after the show.”

“Well, that’s another great reason for our comeback. No more excuses. The three of us get to be back in each other’s lives.”

That was the main reason Dean was so worried.

***

Jack showed up at Dean’s penthouse with coffee and donuts. 

Dean had already cooked an entire breakfast. Before getting off the phone with Charlie, he’d invited her over for drinks with Sam, and she’d gladly accepted. Now, Dean was trying to placate his nerves with food.

“Am I here late?” Jack asked, confused, checking the time on his smartwatch. “Nope. It’s 9:00 am. You’re up uncharacteristically early.”

Dean filled two plates with scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast. “Leave those donuts in the kitchen. Let’s have a real breakfast, buddy.”

“Already. Whatever you say, boss.”

Dean rolled his eyes and smiled. Jack started calling him boss in a snarky way, but it kind of stuck after a while. He had a lot of affection for the kid, and he treated him more like a good friend than an assistant. 

Jack returned with just the coffees and sat down to eat at the table with Dean. “So, I heard the big news. Roommates is back. How do you feel?”

Dean took a big bite to stall on that answer. And then he carefully sipped his coffee. “I feel...good. I think.”

“Yeah, not buying it. Are you worried people won’t like you guys now that you’re in your thirties?”

Dean narrowed his eyes. “I wasn’t before, but now I am.”

Jack laughed. “I’m totally joking. People love the three of you. There's a crazy amount of fanfiction about the show, you know. Fans are going wild over the news.”

Dean was curious now. “Jack, have you ever read any of the fanfiction? Is it any good?”

“Well, for starters, it’s heavily centered around Michael and Emmanuel falling in love. It’s interesting because Rae was the one who was openly gay on the show. Although, there are countless fan theories that Michael and Emmanuel were gay too.” Jack smiled at Dean. “To answer your question: yes, I’ve read the fanfiction. And yes, some of it is good.”

“I remember hearing some of that back in the day,” Dean said. “About Michael and Emmanuel. It would always make me laugh, but it would make Castiel uncomfortable. I don’t think he ever even wanted to consider the possibility of our characters getting together.” Dean looked down at his plate. He couldn’t believe he was talking about this. But he trusted Jack. It was easy to talk to him. Besides, it wasn’t like he knew what had happened back then. No one besides Sam knew.

“Yeah, the fans don’t give a shit. They like what they like. And they make it happen in writing. It’s the only thing they can do. Although, I read that they’re hoping something does happen in this new season.”

Dean snorted. “I highly doubt that. Castiel would never allow it. Trust me.”

“I don’t think it’s up to him, boss.”

***

It was 7:45pm when Dean received a text message. He was heading out for the Roadhouse, climbing into his 1967 Impala, when he stopped dead in his tracks. 

Charlie: I invited Cas and he said yes!!! He’s meeting us at the bar at 8. I’m running a little late because of Space Girls emergency, but I’ll be there soon.

Dean sat in his car, staring down at his phone for what felt like a small eternity. Suddenly, he was regretting agreeing to the drinks with Sam, and inviting Charlie. He should have stayed home where it was safe, holed up in his apartment. 

But it wasn’t like he could avoid Castiel forever. In just two weeks they’d be back on the set of Roommates , working together again. He couldn’t run from this tonight. It would just delay the inevitable.

Dean: Great. See you soon.

***

The Roadhouse was filled with the regulars, who waved at Dean as he walked past them, calling out greetings to him. Dean greeted them with the same enthusiasm. The Rolling Stones were playing in the jukebox, and Dean headed straight to it to put a few coins for a series of Fleetwood Mac songs. Then he headed for the counter, where he found Jo smiling at him warmly. Dean loved this place.

“What can I get you, stranger?” Jo asked.

“My usual. Unless you forgot.”

“It’s been too damn long, but I forget nothing.” Jo waved him away. “Go have a seat with Sam. He’s over at that table. I’ll bring your drink over.”

Dean spotted Sam, alone, at a table in the corner. He was on the phone with someone. It didn’t take a genius to figure out with who when Dean sat across him and Sam had those heart-eyes he only got around Jess.

“I’ll see you Monday then. Bye, darling.” Sam hung up.

Dean grinned. “How’s Jess doing?”

Sam smiled from ear to ear, taking a sip of his beer. “She’s good, just landed in Chicago. She’ll be home Monday, but I already miss her.”

“You’ve been married for six months, Sammy. You’re still happy.”

Sam narrowed his eyes. “Are you insinuating I’ll be unhappy later?”

“No, but you won’t be as gushy in love as you are now. I hear what comes later is better.” Not that he had any personal experience to know what he was talking about.

“Good save.” 

Jo showed up with Dean’s house beer and a basket of fries. “Maybe you’ll visit us more often if I bribe you with food.”

“You know me too well, Jo,” Dean said.

“Listen, are you having some sort of reunion tonight?” Jo asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Your old co-star is sitting at the bar all alone,” Jo said. “He said he was waiting for Charlie Bradbury.”

Dean widened his eyes, staring at Sam with a mixture of fear and excitement. His heart was racing and his stomach was fluttering and he was short of breath. How was it possible that absolutely nothing had changed in the ten years since he’d last since Castiel? “Cas is here.”

“Yeah, let me wave him over,” Jo said, looking over her shoulder. “Hey, buddy, over here!”

Dean didn’t bother looking in the direction she called out. Instead, he sunk into his seat, until he remembered that he was a thirty-three year old adult and he should sit like a man. John Winchester would have been ashamed to see him hide from another man. So, Dean sat up straight, fixed his shirt, and took a deep breath.

And then, there was Castiel, standing in front of him.

Dean allowed himself a good glance. Castiel looked just as stunning as ever. Much older than the last time Dean saw him in person, but about the same as the last time Dean saw him in a movie. He had stubble, which made him look rough around the edges, but his dark jeans, button-up blue shirt, and black blazer made him look pristine as always. And his smile. His smile was out of this world. The way it wrinkled his nose and showed his gums, it was the same smile Dean had grown so fond over the years. Back when they were both 18.

“Hello,” Castiel said, and his voice was perfectly gruff. “I’m not sure if you remember me. I’m Castiel Novak. I used to star in a sitcom called Roommates . I’m very famous and important.”

Dean broke into a smile. It was impossible not to. “Can I have an autograph? Sign my left boob, please. I’ll never wash it.”

Castiel smiled even wider. “Dean Winchester. Ten years later, and you look just the same. What is your secret?”

“He never showers,” Jo said, laughing. “Alright, I’ll leave you all to catch up. Let me know if you need any drinks.”

Castiel sat on Dean’s side of the booth, never taking his eyes off of him. The intensity of his gaze was intimidating, but Dean liked having all his attention. This was a very dangerous game to play. “How are you, Dean?”

Dean shrugged. “Good. Although, this day has been a big blast from the past.”

“I agree,” Castiel said. “You look good. Congratulations on your Supernatural Hunter movies. There’s not a city I’ve been to that doesn’t have a huge billboard with your face on it.”

“I paid them to do that.”

Sam cleared his throat. “Hey, Castiel.”

Castiel looked over at Sam, like it was the first time he’d realized he was there. “Oh. Hi, Sam. I’m sorry. I have terrible manners. How are you? Last time I saw you, you were heading off to Stanford.”

“Yeah, I did my undergrad there. Then I went to Harvard Law. I’m an attorney, and so is my wife.”

“You’re married?” Castiel tilted his head, in that familiar way Dean was so used to.

“I am. Six months. Her name is Jessica.”

“Congratulations, Sam. I’m happy to hear you’re doing so well.”

Sam smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. He was looking at Castiel with a bit of resentment. Dean was entirely to blame for that. “Thank you, Cas.”

Castiel didn’t seem fazed by that. He looked at Dean again. “I can’t believe we’re doing the show again. After all these years. People still care about our characters.”

“It seems that way,” Dean said. “I never thought we’d be doing this again. I always thought that was a closed chapter of my life.” He didn’t mean for that to sound so weighted, but it definitely came out that way.

“I think part of me always hoped our last episode wouldn’t be the end.”

Dean looked at him, taken aback. He knew Castiel wasn’t referring to the last time they saw each other, but it sure sounded that way. “Can I get you a drink?”

“Sure. I’ll drink whatever you’re drinking.”

Dean signaled Jo for another drink, and she nodded. “I think Charlie should be here any minute.”

Castiel leaned closer. “Are you bored of me already?”

Dean had goosebumps all up his arms, but he laughed it off. “Hell no. I’m not letting you go anywhere tonight.” I’m such an idiot. What the hell am I saying?

Sam gave him a look that screamed: What the hell are you saying? But Jo showed up then with Castiel’s beer to break up the tension.

“You guys need anything else?” Jo asked.

“We’re all good now, thanks, Jo.” Dean winked, and Jo beamed.

Castiel elbowed Dean on the ribs once Jo was gone. “You like her? She’s very pretty.”

Dean laughed awkwardly, nursing his beer. “Trust me, that wouldn’t be good for any of us. Ellen would murder me if I ever went out with her daughter.”

“That didn’t stop you from making out with her last New Year’s Eve,” Sam said.

Castiel raised his eyebrows, amused. “So you like to go around kissing people you shouldn’t be kissing, huh? Nice to know nothing has changed.”

Dean blushed. The memory of their last day of filming Roommates flooding his mind. Dean and Castiel had had a few drinks. They’d danced together. They’d whispered secrets into each other’s ears. They’d snuck off to Dean’s trailer because Dean had had enough and he needed to make his move. And then, they’d kissed, soft and slow and deep. Dean had put it all on the table. And Castiel had kissed him back with an eagerness that surprised Dean. Greedy hands grabbing Dean everywhere, sneaking under his sweater. Dean had left a hickey on Castiel’s neck, and Castiel had moaned his approval.

But then, there was a knock on Dean’s trailer. It was someone from the TV crew. Nothing important. But Castiel freaked out. He pushed Dean off of him and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. He looked panicked, panting as he stared at Dean.

And then, in the weakest voice, Castiel said, “I’m not gay.” 

That was the last interaction they’d had until this impromptu reunion.

“You have no idea,” Dean said, gulping his beer.

“Yay, you’re both here!” Charlie said, sliding in next to Sam. “My favorite boys back together. Sam! I’ve really missed you, kid.”

Sam laughed. “Not a kid anymore, Charlie.”

“No, you’re not. Look at your hair. It’s longer than my wife’s.”

Sam ran a hand through it. “It’s very soft, thanks.”

“He conditions it twice a day,” Dean said. “He’s a hair superfreak.”

Charlie juzzhed Sam’s hair. “I love it.”

“So, what was the big Space Girls emergency?” Dean asked.

Charlie sighed. “One of my writers just went into labor and I had to go visit her in the hospital.”

“Charlie, you are just the best, aren’t you?” Dean said.

“She really is,” Castiel said. “She sent me a care package filled with all my favorite snacks and the entire Friends collection during my divorce. What would I do without you?”

Dean looked at Castiel. He hadn’t wanted to pry before, but since he brought it up, he would take his chance. “How are you doing...with that? With the divorce, I mean?”

Castiel frowned, taking a sip of his beer. “To be honest with you, Dean...I feel incredible.” He looked up at him, grinning. “You have no idea the weight that’s been lifted off my shoulders after my divorce. Sure, the legal part of it crushed my spirits, but now that that’s over, and everything has been finalized, I feel free.”

That was not at all what Dean had been expecting to hear. “You don’t miss being married?”

“Not at all,” Castiel said. “I’m very happy right now. But that could just be because I get to work with my two best friends again.”

“Is it realistic for the three of your characters to still be roommates ten years later?” Sam asked, signaling Jo for two more beers.

Charlie shook her head. “Not at all, but sometimes we just have to suspend disbelief for the sake of the story.”

“I don’t think it’s terribly unrealistic,” Castiel said. “Our characters loved each other. They would have just wanted to spend the rest of their lives together.”

Jo reappeared with two beers, one for Sam and one for Charlie. “This really is a reunion. Hi, Charlie. I watch Space Girls every week. It’s almost as good as Buffy , and that’s saying a lot.”

“Dude, that’s the biggest compliment I’ve ever received,” Charlie said. “I’ve made it my duty to make Space Girls the most diverse and feminist show in existence. Buffy was my main inspiration.”

“Well, you’re doing a great job with it,” Jo said. “Are you ever going to act in it?”

Charlie wiggled her eyebrows. “You’ll have to stay tuned to find out, my dear.”

“What a tease,” Jo said before leaving.

“Well, I’m happy to see the three of you back together,” Sam said. “I remember back in the day, I looked up to all of you. I thought you were the coolest people ever. Perspective is everything.”

“Hey!” Dean complained. “Are you saying we’re not cool anymore?”

Sam smiled. “I said what I said.”

“Come on, Dean is the coolest,” Castiel said. “He gets to hunt monsters for a living, and looks badass doing it.”

Dean sipped his beer. “You don’t know the half of it, Cas. I pulled a muscle in the last movie doing a high kick. It was so embarrassing.”

Castiel clapped Dean’s shoulder. “Sounds like you grew into the old man you’ve always been at heart.”

“Shut up.”

“I don’t know if he’s cool, but he’s definitely a player,” Sam said. “Dean has hooked up with so many celebrities, he can’t even keep track.”

Dean wanted to disappear. “It’s really not that many.” He knew exactly why Sam was bringing this up, but he really didn’t want to get into this at the moment. What did Sam think, that Castiel would give a damn about Dean’s dating history?

“Oh, yeah?” Castiel said. “I’m not surprised. Look at you, you’re gorgeous.”

Dean opened his mouth, speechless for the first time tonight. Castiel had called him gorgeous, in front of everyone. That was...well, that was something new. “I think I’m done with the hookups, though. I’m still good friends with some of them, like Aaron Bass and Lisa Braeden.” Dean was openly bisexual to his friends, family, and the rest of the world. He’d openly dated both men and women, so he had nothing to be ashamed of. The name-dropping part, though, that he wasn’t so proud of.

“I remember Aaron Bass,” Charlie said. “I met him at a party years back. Nice guy.”

“Yeah, he was nice,” Dean said. “We didn’t last long, but we ended things on good terms.”

Castiel sipped his beer. “He’s your longest public relationship, isn’t he? I read about it.”

Dean raised his eyebrows. “You kept up with me these years?”

Castiel nodded. “Of course, Dean. You were my best friend. I had to keep up with you. In fact, I’ve seen every single thing you’ve been in. Even the few episodes you had on Days of Our Lives . I really enjoyed those, by the way. You can be very dramatic when you want to be.”

Sam laughed. “Dean hates it when we bring that up, but I will never let him live it down.”

“Yeah, so I’d appreciate it if we just never talked about that ever again, thank you.” Dean cleared his throat. “Well, Cas, it means a lot that you’ve followed my career so closely. I’ve followed yours as well. I’m a big fan of the holiday rom-coms. Love Me This Christmas was probably my favorite. It’s always about a small town man falling for a big city woman who puts her career first, but it never gets old.”

Castiel smiled bashfully, but he didn’t take his eyes away from Dean. “I have done so many romantic comedies that I can hardly tell them apart.”

“How does it feel to fall in love over and over again on screen, Cas?” Charlie asked. “I mean, doesn’t it get repetitive?”

“It definitely does,” Castiel said.

“So, Cas,” Sam said. “How does it feel to be one of the most sought after single men in Hollywood?”

“It feels great, Sam,” Castiel said. “Recently divorced and newly single. I didn’t think anyone would find that attractive.”

“Who wouldn’t?” Dean said. “You’ve always been attractive.”

Sam threw Dean a look.

“Attractive to women,” Dean said. “To your women fans, I mean.”

Sam rolled his eyes.

“And to lots of men, too, I’m sure,” Charlie said.

Dean was expecting Castiel to look uncomfortable with that comment. Disgusted, even. But Castiel had a funny look on his face. And then he said, “That’d be nice.”

“Cas, I’m scandalized,” Dean said, and he kind of was. This was new.

Castiel smiled at Dean, and then sipped his beer, but he changed the conversation. “So, Charlie, how’s Bela doing?”

Content to be on this topic, Charlie went on and on about the love of her life. Dean tried to stay focused on the conversation, but his mind wandered back to that night ten years ago when he kissed Castiel. Before his freakout and escape, Castiel had responded to the kiss. Despite what he’d said to Dean, Castiel had practically melted in Dean’s arms. It had been the reason Dean had never let him go. For some very stupid reason, Dean had always held onto hope that Castiel did want him. It was absurd, of course. Ten years had passed without them so much as speaking on the phone. If Castiel had wanted him, he would have reached out at least.

Dean looked at Castiel’s profile, the wrinkle on his eye as he grinned at Charlie and Sam. Being with him tonight felt like no time had passed. And Dean recognized the feeling in the pit of his stomach. That hope, that feeling came alive. Dean knew it was time to let that feeling go. If they were going to work together again, Dean had to move on. Otherwise, he wouldn’t survive this.

***

It was after midnight when Charlie had to go. She had a million things to do the next day, to no one’s surprise. Charlie was a machine. Dean had no idea how she was able to make time to breathe with all the things she was responsible for. 

“I’m throwing a party in two weeks,” Charlie said as she was putting on her jacket. Also, she was a multitasker. Not much had changed in ten years.

“But we start filming in two weeks,” Dean said.

“Exactly!” Charlie said. “It’s a welcome back to Roommates party. I’m inviting the cast and crew.”

That was such a Charlie thing to do. Just adding another item to her extensive to-do list. 

“Let me know if you need some help,” Castiel said.

“Oh, I do,” Charlie said, scrolling through her phone. “Cas, I have you down for bringing dessert. And Dean, you’re in charge of getting a DJ.”

“What?” Dean protested. “How come he gets the easy thing?”

Charlie raised her eyebrows. “Do you know how to make Castiel’s famous snickerdoodles and fudge brownies? I didn’t think so.” Charlie turned to Sam. “Should I put you and the missus down, Sam?”

Sam sighed, shaking his head. “I’m afraid not. Jess and I have been tied up to our necks. This is the first weekend I’ve had available.”

“What a shame. I’d love to have you both there.” Charlie said. “But don’t worry, there’ll be a lot more parties in the future.”

“Awesome,” Sam said.

“I’ll see you guys soon,” Charlie said, and then she was gone like the Flash. 

Sam grabbed his coat and stood up. “I think I should head home too. I’m getting old and I can’t be out as late as I used to.”

“Party pooper,” Dean said, sipping his beer. “I still haven’t finished my drink and everyone’s leaving.

“I’m not,” Castiel said, sipping his own beer. “I can stick around a little longer.”

Sam looked at Castiel for a long moment, and then to Dean, trying to tell him something with just facial expressions. Dean tried to read them as best as he could, but all he understood was that Sam was warning him to be careful with Castiel. Dean nodded and gave him a thumbs up.

“Alright, catch you guys later,” Sam said. Be careful , Sam mouthed.

Dean snorted. He loved his brother so much.

Castiel ordered two more beers and then angled his body towards Dean, draping his arm behind him. “Catch me up on your life these past ten years. On all the things I couldn’t read about you online.”

Dean whistled. “That’s gonna take a lot more than one beer.”

Castiel sipped his drink and leaned closer, so close that Dean got a whiff of his cologne. It made him want to bury his nose in Castiel’s neck. “We can go back to my place if you want.”

Did he hear correctly? Castiel just asked him back to his place. That couldn’t possibly mean what Dean thought it meant. Of course not. They were friends. Friends invited each other back to their places. After midnight. That was a normal friends thing to do.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Dean said, keeping his eyes on his beer because he could just feel the intensity of Catiel’s gaze on him and it was too much to bear. 

“Dean, are you afraid of me?”

Dean looked up and met Castiel’s gaze. Was he afraid? He was petrified. “No. You’re too pretty to be scary.”

Castiel smiled softly. “I’ve really missed you, you know.”

“I’ve missed you too, Cas. It wasn’t enough watching your movies. Very one-sided.”

“It doesn’t have to be that way anymore.” Castiel grabbed Dean’s phone from the table and unlocked it. “How is it possible you haven’t changed your password in all these years? I know you too well, Dean Winchester.”

“What are you doing?”

“I’m saving my number so I can finally pick up the phone and call you when I really, really, really want to talk to you.”

Dean smiled. “Does that happen to you often?”

Castiel nodded, an earnest look on his face. It was such a beautiful face too. “Yeah. A lot.” Castiel’s phone vibrated with a text and Castiel handed Dean’s phone back to him. “I just texted me. I want you to text or call me anytime.”

“You might regret that offer.”

Castiel sipped the last of his beer. “It’s a shame that this night has to end. But I should go before...I should go.”

Dean took a shaky breath. Having Castiel this close was intoxicating. How was he going to last an entire season of filming? “It was nice seeing you again, Cas.”

Castiel looked at Dean closely, and then he brushed his fingertips on Dean’s cheek. His touch was feather light but it carried a weight that nearly crushed Dean. “You really do look just the same. No. Maybe better.”

“Cas.”

Castiel smiled one last time, and then he left.

***

The next day, Castiel called him.

Dean was making lunch, but he put down the salami to answer. “I bet you twenty bucks that you’re totally hungover right now.”

“Only twenty? You’re rich. Bet at least a hundred.”

Dean laughed, finishing up his sandwich. “I’ll bet you a thousand. I know I’ll win.”

Castiel groaned. “I’m just a little hungover. I’m still a lightweight.”

“I knew it. Do you remember last night?” Dean kept replaying the night over and over because his hopeful heart wanted to believe Castiel had come on to him, in some way. The way he looked at him, what he said, the soft touches. But Dean had always wanted to see more than what was true, especially when it came from Castiel.

“I remember. I’m not that much of a lightweight. And I wasn’t that drunk.”

“What are you up to today?”

“I’m going to be a guest star on a baking show, and I have to be on set in two hours, but I’m tempted to ditch them for a day in. I really don’t want to wear pants today.”

Dean tried not to picture Castiel without pants on. “Put some pants on, go to the set, and then steal some of the baked goods for me.”

“Alright. I can do that.”

“I was kidding.” Dean took his sandwich and sat at his kitchen island to eat it.

“I wasn’t. I’m bringing you stolen baked goods after the show. Text me your address.”

Dean looked around his apartment. It wasn’t messy, but it wasn’t spotless clean. Castiel had always been a neat freak. Oh God. Castiel wanted to come over. After the show, which would likely end at night. Castiel was definitely trying to kill Dean. “I’m sorry, but I don’t let my fans in my apartment.”

“But I’m the president on your fan club. Don’t I get special treatment?”

Dean should be careful, sure. But Castiel was his friend first. He texted Castiel his address. “You better bring me some pie.”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

***

“Are you sure you don’t need me for anything else, boss?” Jack asked.

“No, Jack, I think I’m good,” Dean said. Jack had already brought Dean his dinner and helped him research the best DJs for Charlie’s party. Dean didn’t want to abuse his power. “You go home. I know I’m annoying as hell.”

Jack laughed, but then he clapped Dean’s shoulder. “Yeah, you kinda are. But I still like you.”

“Well, as long as you still like me.”

The doorbell rang.

“You want me to get that before I go?” Jack asked.

“Don’t worry about it,” Dean said, already heading to the door. “I’ll walk you out and get the door at the same time. Who said I didn’t know how to multitask?”

Jack rolled his eyes. “One of your many talents.”

Dean opened the door to Castiel, who was carrying a white box. True to his word, he’d stolen some baked goods. It made Dean smile. “Hey, Cas. Come in.”

“Hello, Dean,” Castiel said, stepping inside. “Who’s this?” he asked of Jack.

“This is my awesome assistant, Jack. Jack, this is Castiel Novak, one of my oldest friends.”

Castiel handed the box to Dean so he could shake Jack’s hand. “Nice meeting you, Jack. You must be brave to be working for Dean.”

“It does take a lot of courage,” Jack said, smiling at Dean. “See ya, boss.”

Dean saluted him before Jack left, closing the door behind him. 

“I like him,” Castiel said, taking a few steps closer. “I thought maybe you were on a date.”

Dean furrowed his brow. “A date? With Jack? He’s a kid, Cas.” Jack wasn’t actually that much younger than Dean at twenty-six, but Dean still saw him as a kid.

“I don’t know your type.”

It’s basically just you . Dean cleared his throat. “Well, I wasn’t on a date. I haven’t been on a date in months.”

“Hmm. Interesting.”

“What did you bring, anyway?” Dean asked, heading over to the kitchen to set down the box.

“Half of a devil’s food cake and some madeleines,” Castiel said from the living room. He hadn’t followed him to the kitchen.

Dean cut two slices of the cake and put them on plates, adding two madeleines per plate, and then grabbed two forks. “What do you wanna drink?”

Castiel was browsing through the spines in Dean’s bookcase. He ignored his question. “You’re still a wide reader.”

Dean set down the plates on the coffee table and sat on the couch. “Yeah, I love all types of stories.”

“Hey, this is my copy of The Picture of Dorian Gray ,” Castiel said, pulling out the old book. “I lent it to you a few weeks before we wrapped the fifth season of Roommates . You never gave it back, you book thief.”

Dean remembered that. He’d kept that book, carrying it with him every time he moved, making sure it didn’t get damaged. Dean had cherished that book for the last ten years. “I didn’t really have a way of giving it back to you.”

Castiel turned to him, and gave him a sad smile before putting the book back. He dug his hands into his pockets as he walked around the room, looking at the paintings and framed pictures on Dean’s walls. “Still a fan of Johannes Vermeer, huh?”

“The Girl with a Pearl Earring is better than the Mona Lisa. Fight me.”

“Maybe later,” Castiel said, like a promise. He stopped in front of a big photograph of Dean, Sam, and their parents, Mary and John. It’d been taken the day Sam was heading to Stanford. “I heard about what happened to your parents. I’m really sorry, Dean.”

Losing both his parents in a house fire had nearly destroyed Dean. It had been one of the worst times to not have his best friend in his life. “Thanks, Cas.”

“Will you ever tell me everything I missed these years?” Castiel turned to Dean. He was frowning. “I wish I could turn back time.”

Dean shrugged. “We can’t do that. But I feel like ever since I saw you at the Roadhouse yesterday, no time has passed between us.”

Castiel grinned sideways. “I feel the same way.” He went to sit beside Dean on the couch. “You have a nice home, Dean. It’s very you.”

“I’m glad you like it. When you told me you were coming, I kinda freaked out. I spent a long time today cleaning.”

Castiel touched Dean’s shoulder, and gave it a squeeze. “You did that just for me?”

“I did it because I know you’re a neat freak.”

“You know me so well.”

“You know me too.”

Castiel grabbed one of the madeleines and took a bite. “These are good.”

Dean’s stomach was fluttering too much to eat at the moment. “You wanna watch something?”

Castiel raised an eyebrow. “Tell me you still love Indiana Jones.”

“Are you kidding? I worship Indiana Jones.”

“I think it’s time for Raiders of the Lost Ark then.”

To hell with being careful. Dean had his best friend back, and he was going to enjoy it.

***

They got comfortable on the couch. They sprawled on either end of the couch, head to feet and feet to head, with a blanket draped over both of them. A huge bucket of popcorn sat in the middle for them to share. Castiel kept tossing them at Dean, but he missed his mouth a quarter of the time. They were better at this when they were younger.

Indiana Jones was kicking ass on the screen, but Dean could hardly focus, especially when Castiel kept poking his socked feet against Dean’s side. 

“This is just like old times,” Castiel said with a sigh.

“I remember being able to fit on the couch better.”

“Let’s switch.”

“I don’t think that’ll do much.”

“No, you bring your head over to my head.”

Dean stared at Castiel, wide-eyed. Did Castiel want to cuddle? Because holy shit, Dean was not expecting that. “Are...are you sure?”

“Yeah, come on.” Castiel scoot further back on the couch, putting down the popcorn and lifting up the blanket so Dean could get in.

Dean didn’t stop to think about being careful, or anything at all really. He just did as he was told because it was what he wanted to do the most at this moment. Dean laid on his side in front of Castiel, who quickly covered Dean with the blanket, wrapping an arm around Dean’s stomach. They fit perfectly this way. Dean pressed his back closer to Castiel’s chest, who was softly nosing Dean’s neck.

This wasn’t the first time they’d done this. They had always been very close, physically and emotionally. At first, it hadn’t meant more to Dean than just friendship. But then it evolved into the strongest feeling he’d ever felt in his life.

But now that they were here again, Dean simply relished the closeness. He hadn’t been held this way in far too long. His hookups never stuck around to cuddle him. And Dean wasn’t close like this with anyone else. He’d never wanted to be. But this was Castiel. And he’d always belonged this close to Dean.

“You always had a thing for Indie, didn’t you?” Castiel asked, breaking the silence.

“Hell yeah,” Dean said. “Harrison Ford was my first crush. Han Solo and Indiana Jones were my sexual awakening.”

“I caught onto that. You would drool over him.”

Dean gasped. “I did not.”

Castiel chuckled, his breath hitting the back of Dean’s neck, sending shivers down his spine. His arm around Dean tightened. “I like having you this close. Just you, me, and India Jones.”

Dean had been staying very still, but he tried to relax. His hand settled over Castiel’s hand on his stomach, and his heart went wild. “Don’t ever let Charlie hear that. She’ll be so mad.”

Castiel turned his hand and laced their fingers. “I’ve seen this movie countless times without you, but I don’t remember it being this good.”

“Must be the company.”

“I think you’re right.” And then, Castiel pressed his warm lips against Dean’s neck.

If Dean thought his heart was going wild before, he wasn’t prepared for this. He tried to relax because he was sure it was not healthy for his heart to beat this hard and fast. It hurt to realize that no one else had ever made him feel this way. What was wrong with him? Why did Castiel have so much control over him? And why did he like that?

Dean thought that if he spoke, he would ruin the moment. There was an action scene on the screen, but the moment was quiet. Castiel’s lips left a trail on his neck, soft, so soft. Castiel’s thumb caressed the back of Dean’s hand. Everything he did was so gentle and careful. Castiel was quiet too. The intimacy of the moment would have made Dean weak in the knees if he’d been standing. 

This was them.

This closeness, this lack of boundaries. The soft touches. The calm and quiet.

It didn’t take much longer for Dean to drift off. He usually struggled going to sleep so he hadn’t expected to pass out on his couch in the middle of the movie.

Dean woke up to end credits on the screen. Castiel’s even breathing brushed the back of his neck. He knew him well enough to know he was out, too. Dean wanted nothing more than to stay on the couch all night, but he wasn’t twenty anymore. He had a king size memory foam bed and he intended to use it.

As sweetly as possible, Dean untangled Castiel’s arm from him and sat up, yawning, and turning off the TV. He looked back at Castiel, who was still sleeping soundly. Dean wouldn’t even think about kicking him out. He didn’t want him to sleep on the couch, though.

“Cas?” Dean brushed back his hair. 

Castiel stirred, his eyes fluttering open. “Dean.”

“Hey, handsome. Your back’s gonna hurt in the morning.”

Castiel stretched as best as he could on the couch. “I’m too tired to get up.”

“Want me to carry you?”

“Would you?”

Dean chuckled. “No. Come on, lazy. Get up.”

Castiel extended his arms, and Dean hauled him up with one pull. Castiel looked impressed. “How did you get so big and strong?” 

Dean threw an arm around Castiel’s shoulder, guiding him to the bedroom. “You think I’m strong?”

“The strongest.” Castiel wrapped an arm around Dean’s waist. “Where are you taking me?”

“To my bed,” Dean said.

“To your bed?” Castiel gasped.

“Yes, to my bed. To sleep.”

“Oh. Right.”

“Did you think I had some ulterior motive?”

“No, no, no. I trust you completely. You’re a good bean.”

Dean snorted. “You’re cute when you’re tired.” Once he entered the bedroom, Dean flipped on the light, and Castiel buried his face in the crook of Dean’s neck. 

“Too bright. Ugh, turn it off.”

Dean turned off the light, laughing quietly. “Get out of your clothes and under the covers.”

Castiel groaned. “Fine. Let me borrow a shirt.”

“It’s kinda hard to look for a shirt in the dark.”

“Then I’ll sleep shirtless,” Castiel said, already unbuttoning his shirt and slipping out of his pants.

Oh, God. Dean would have a hard time sleeping next to a shirtless Castiel. “You do know we’re sharing the bed, don’t you?”

“Yeah, Dean. I wasn’t going to make you sleep on the couch.” Castiel was clad in his boxer briefs, crawling up the bed. “Come lay down.”

Dean took a deep breath. They were just a couple of friends who were sharing a bed. Nothing more. This was completely normal. “Alright.”

Castiel pulled Dean close, making sure they were in the same position as the couch, with Dean’s back up against Castiel’s chest. Then Castiel kissed Dean’s shoulder, just once. “Good night, Dean.”

“Good night, Cas.”

Right before fading to sleep, Dean heard Castiel mumble something, very quietly. It sounded like, “I’m not letting you go this time.”

***

When Dean woke up, his face was buried in the crook of Castiel’s neck, with Castiel’s arms wrapped warmly around him. Dean had a hand on Castiel’s chest and the other on his hip. For some reason, this didn’t feel weird. He remembered the night before, and he smiled. Having Castiel this close again felt like coming home.

Dean took his chance and pressed his lips to Castiel’s neck. Castiel didn’t even stir from his sleep. He’d always been a deep sleeper. Dean kissed his neck again before he rolled away. He had to use the bathroom, probably shower while he was at it. The time on his phone on the nightstand read 10:47 am. 

Shit. Jack must have already come in. 

Dean walked to the kitchen to find a coffee on the kitchen island with a note next to it.

Sorry I only brought one coffee. I would have brought two if I had known you had a sleepover last night. I already booked the DJ for Charlie’s party. I’ll be working at the coffee shop downstairs. Call me when you need me.

Jack

God, he loved that kid. 

Dean sipped his coffee, which was still surprisingly warm. But he couldn’t drink it right now. Dean took a piss, brushed his teeth, and got in the shower. It was impossible to stop smiling. He kept trying to remind himself that Castiel was just his friend. They had shared a bed for years during the first filming of Roommates . They had cuddled hundreds of times.

The excitement Dean felt was because Castiel was back in his life. Because Castiel still wanted to be close to Dean, even though he wasn’t gay and he didn’t want Dean in the same way. Castiel didn’t care. He still wanted Dean’s friendship, after all these years.

Dean couldn’t believe he’d tried to ruin it ten years ago with that kiss. If he’d only stopped himself, they wouldn’t have lost all those years.

But it was pointless to dwell on the past. All they had now was the present. 

After getting out of the shower, Dean dried himself and wrapped a towel around his waist, heading back to his room.

Castiel was awake now, curled up under the blanket, looking like a dream come true. He grinned up at Dean. “What a sight to wake up to.”

“Shut up,” Dean said, grabbing boxer briefs and some pants to wear. “Are you gonna shower too? I have clean towels in the bathroom closet. I should have some new toothbrushes too. Help yourself.”

“I think I will.” Castiel made a show of covering up his eyes when Dean dropped the towel. But then he laughed and looked at him. “It’s nothing I haven’t seen before.”

“Right. We lived together for years.”

“We had fun, didn’t we?”

“So much fun.”

Castiel kicked off the blanket and sat up, yawning. “Oh, Sam called while you were in the shower. He said to call him back.”

Dean could guess why Sam had called him. He’d ignored his text yesterday when he’d told Dean to be careful with Castiel. Dean wanted to tell Sam that he’d be careful for the next ten years so he could calm down with his warnings. “Thanks. I’ll give him a call.” Dean buttoned up his pants and grabbed a Led Zeppelin t-shirt to slip on.

It was until Dean was fully dressed that Castiel got out of bed. He touched Dean’s arm as he went. “I knew you were strong.”

Dean rolled his eyes, grabbing his phone from the nightstand. He went back to the kitchen for his coffee while he dialed Sam’s number. 

“Dean?”

“Hey, Sammy. You called?”

“Yeah, and your boyfriend answered.” Sam had a big frown on his face. It was clear on his voice.

Dean sipped his coffee, taking a seat on the couch. He decided to ignore the boyfriend comment. “What’s up?”

“Dean, you were supposed to be careful. I told you so many times already. But what do you do? You let Castiel sleep in your house? In your bed, I’m guessing. What part of that is you being careful?”

Dean rubbed a hand over his face. “Sammy, I’m being careful. Cas and I are just friends. Nothing has changed. We’re just hanging out.”

“Isn’t this what happened last time? You two got all close and cuddly, you developed feelings, fell for your straight friend, and got your heart broken. I won’t let you get your heart broken again, Dean.”

Well, Dean’s good mood was officially ruined. “I know, Sammy. I remember what happened last time. I’m well aware that Cas is straight and nothing can ever happen between us.”

“You should also check Castiel’s Twitter.”

“I thought he was off social media.”

“He was, after the divorce. But he tweeted yesterday. I think you need to see it.”

Dean swallowed, already dreading what he would find. He grabbed his laptop from the coffee table and opened up Twitter with shaky fingers. Dean was following Castiel’s Twitter, even though he rarely tweeted himself. He clicked on Castiel’s profile and read the first tweet. It was from yesterday afternoon.

@castielnovak: when you see your crush and they’re more beautiful than you remembered

There was a gif of a sweaty James McAvoy desperately fanning himself attached to the tweet.

“Wow,” Dean said. “He was at a baking show when he tweeted this. I guess he must have run into a woman there he likes.”

“Probably. Look, Dean, I just don’t want you to get tangled up with someone who won’t--or can’t--reciprocate your feelings.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” Sam was always right. “I’m gonna keep my distance from Cas. I think it’s for the best.”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.”

Dean scrolled through some of the replies to the tweet. Castiel’s fans were freaking out over a few things. The first was that Castiel had broken his Twitter silence. The second was that Castiel had a crush on someone, a little over a year since his divorce from Daphne. The third was that maybe Castiel wouldn’t be single for much longer. People were certain that whatever woman Castiel was after, he would get. They were using a lot of water drop emojis with their tweets.

Dean couldn’t deal with any of this any longer. He closed his laptop.

“Listen, Sammy, I have to go.”

“Are you gonna be okay, Dean?”

“Yeah. I’ll be fine.”

Dean took a deep breath, took another sip of his coffee, and got started on breakfast. Or lunch, since it was almost noon.

***

Castiel joined Dean in the kitchen, freshly showered, wearing Dean’s AC/DC t-shirt and gray sweatpants. “I borrowed some clothes. I hope you don’t mind.”

“I don’t mind.” Dean flipped the pancake. He was trying to come up with a nice way of asking Castiel to leave. What was he still doing here? He clearly wanted to be somewhere else, with someone else. 

Castiel walked up to Dean, standing right behind him, and he pressed a kiss to Dean’s shoulder. “How did you sleep?”

“Um, good. How did you sleep?”

“Amazing. You work better than a dreamcatcher. Plus, you’re warm and soft, like a teddy bear.”

Dean smiled despite his sour mood. “I am so not like a teddy bear.”

“It’s a compliment. Just take it.”

Keep your distance, Dean. Keep your distance. “Okay.”

“I’ll take three pancakes, by the way.”

Dean had made three chocolate chip pancakes just for Castiel. He still remembered how he liked them and how many. “Coming right up.”

“Is everything okay?” Castiel was still hovering close to Dean, making it so difficult for Dean to come up with ways to kick him out.

“Yeah, everything’s cool. Go have a seat. I’ll bring your pancakes.”

“You don’t need any help?”

“No, I got it.”

“Okay.” Castiel rubbed his hands up and down Dean’s sides before finally moving away, going to sit at the kitchen island. 

Once breakfast was done, Dean brought over the two plates, a carton of orange juice, and two glasses to the kitchen island. He had a plan to keep his distance from Castiel. It was weak, but it was a plan.

He’d already texted Jack, and he was on board.

“Mmm, these look delicious,” Castiel said, taking a bite of the pancakes. “And they taste exactly like they used to. All these years, I’ve never had pancakes like yours. The other ones are all stale compared to yours.”

Dean smiled. How could he not? “I’m happy to hear that.”

Castiel stared at Dean, still chewing on his pancakes. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah. I’m just a little busy today. Got lots to do.”

“Really? Like what?”

Dean hummed. “You know, just actor stuff. I always have stuff going on. Interviews and photoshoots and fan mail to answer.”

Castiel gave him a weird look. He clearly wasn’t buying it. “So, you have interviews, photoshoots, and fan main to answer today?”

Dean shrugged, keeping his eyes glued to his plate. “Um, no, not all of those things. Just, like, one or two of those.”

“Dean, are you lying about your busy day to get me to leave?” Castiel sounded hurt, and it made it that much harder for Dean to keep lying.

“No! I’m not. No. Um. My assistant needs my help today with something personal. I told him I’d help him.”

“Jack needs your help with something personal?”

“Yeah. He helps me, I help him. We both help each other out.”

Castiel took another mouthful of pancake and stared at Dean as he chewed. Yeah, Castiel was definitely not buying any of Dean’s bullshit.

Right at that moment, Dean’s phone rang. He answered quickly. “Hello?”

“Hi, Dean,” Jack said. “Just calling you as you requested. Tell me, why do I have to pretend I need you to help me with something? When have you ever helped me with something?”

Dean chuckled. “Oh, Jack, of course I’ll help you. You know I’m an expert when it comes to...fixing your car. I’ll fix your car. I’ll head over there in about half an hour. Yeah, no problem, buddy.”

“You’re ridiculous,” Jack said, hanging up.

Dean looked at Castiel. “So, I’m helping Jack fix his car today.”

“I thought you said you had interviews, photoshoots, and fan mail to answer?” Castiel asked, raising his eyebrows.

“All the more reason to get started on fixing Jack’s car. Got lots to do. You know the actor life. It’s just one thing after another.”

Castiel narrowed his eyes. “Okay. I’ll go put my clothes back on and leave you alone. To do all your actor stuff.”

“Yeah, sorry...about...that.”

Castiel shut the bedroom door behind him with a heavy thud.

***

After Castiel left, Dean dedicated the rest of his day to reading all the celebrity news articles tearing apart Castiel’s new tweet. Usually, Dean wouldn’t be wasting his time with stuff like this, but he too wanted to know who Castiel was talking about.

BuzzFeed made a top 10 list of Castiel’s co-stars that have played his love interests in movies. Apparently, the fans were hoping Castiel’s crush was one of those women. And the women were all incredibly gorgeous. There was no concrete evidence that Castiel had even dated any of these women before, but Dean wouldn’t be surprised if it really was one of them.

The #1 on the list was a beautiful brunette named Meg Masters. She did mostly action hits, but apparently she’d signed up for Love at First Sight when she knew Castiel would play the lead role. The movie came out the year prior, around the same time of Castiel’s divorce. So, it made perfect sense for Castiel to be crushing on Meg. The fans had a theory that Meg was the reason Castiel had gotten a divorce, and now he was trying to date her.

BuzzFeed had graciously attached a long set of photographs of Castiel and Meg at a restaurant, sitting close together. Then on a separate day of the two of them walking down a sidewalk with ice cream cones. They did look pretty cozy together, and Dean had not at all expected the jealousy that overtook him. He knew he had no right to be jealous. Castiel wasn’t his. Castiel would never be his. But it still hurt to be constantly reminded of that.

Dean continued staring at the candid photographs of Castiel and Meg for what felt like a small eternity. Then he dialed Jack’s number.

“You need me to get you out of another problem, boss?”

Dean frowned, leaving his fingerprints on his laptop screen as he touched Castiel’s face. “You think you can bring me a big bottle of vodka? I don’t think beer’s gonna cut it today.”

Jack sighed. “Will it make a difference if I nag you about day drinking?”

“No.” Dean clicked on a new tab and opened up Castiel’s instagram. 

“Fine. I’ll be there soon.”

“Thanks, buddy.” Dean hung up. Then he scrolled down Castiel’s instagram. He hadn’t posted any new pictures in almost a year. But there were a lot already there. He still had pictures of him and his ex-wife there. Daphne was beautiful. She had a great smile. And they made a perfect couple. Most of their pictures showed Castiel holding her by the waist at his side, and her looking up at him. Looking at them, Dean would have never guessed that they would end up divorced. He wondered what actually separated them.

Castiel’s most liked instagram picture wasn’t what Dean had been expecting. It was a picture of Charlie, Castiel, and Dean they’d taken on the set of Roommates during their first or second season of filming. They were all lying on a bed, tucked under the covers, with Castiel in the middle. Dean and Charlie were pretending to be asleep while Castiel rolled his eyes at them. Dean didn’t remember taking this particular picture, but it made him smile. They’d had the best time together. Dean wasn’t sure how they got any work done with them goofing around on set every day.

The picture had been posted about a year and a half ago, with the caption: I miss the good old days with my best friends. #tbt #roommates.

How could Dean have missed this post? Granted, Dean hardly spent any time on social media. He followed like ten people, two of which were Charlie and Castiel. But over time, it’d hurt to see the posts of his ex-best friends living their lives without him. It’d been easier to avoid the whole thing altogether.

When Jack showed up with the vodka and a disapproving glance, Dean offered him a drink.

“I don’t drink before dinner,” Jack said. “You need anything else, boss?”

“No, actually, you should just go home. I don’t really have anything going on today. If I get hungry, I’ll order some Postmates.”

“Okay. What’s with the long face and the vodka?”

“It’s nothing. I’m just sulking.”

“Why?” Jack narrowed his eyes. “Does this have anything to do with Castiel?”

Dean shook his head. “No, not at all. Cas went home. I got him to go home. With your help. I just think it’s better if we don’t spend time together.”

“Why not? I thought you two were friends. How are you gonna avoid him while filming a twenty episode season?”

“Jack, you ask a lot of questions. I don’t plan on answering them.”

Jack folded his arms and raised an eyebrow. “Whatever it is you’re hiding from me, you know it won’t last long. Sooner or later, I will find out. I know everything about you, boss. It’s kind of my job.”

“Well, this is something you officially don’t need to worry about. See ya later, Jack.”

With Jack gone, Dean took a shot of vodka. And then another. And then another. And then he went back to googling Castiel Novak. 

***

Dean woke up with the ringing of his phone. The empty bottle of vodka was sitting on his stomach and his laptop was tucked under his head. Dean had passed out on his couch drinking, crying, and sulking. This was bad. This was really bad. It’d been ten years. Dean had managed to get past most of the whole Castiel issue years ago, but things had changed. Castiel had come back into Dean’s life and fucked him up all over again.

The caller ID on his phone read: Castiel.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Castiel was calling him. It was 11:00 pm, and Castiel was calling him.

Dean hit ignore. He was definitely not talking to Castiel right now.

Not a minute later, Castiel sent a text.

Castiel: Is there a reason why you liked an instagram picture of me from four years ago?

Castiel: And left a comment on a picture of me and Meg Masters from a year ago that said “u shud gt merried.” Great spelling by the way.

Castiel: And now you’re ignoring me.

Dean groaned. What the fuck had he done? Drinking and using a laptop should not be allowed. But it wasn’t like Dean would have let anyone stop him.

Dean: Sorry can’t talk. Busy.

Castiel: If you were busy you wouldn’t have scrolled through four years of my instagram posts. 

“Obviously,” Dean said, tossing his phone somewhere on the couch and getting the last few drops of vodka from the bottle. The alcohol hit him so hard because he didn’t have dinner. He was a total mess. It was time to call it a night. He’d done enough self-destruction for one day.

***

Dean woke up at noon the next day. It was Jack’s day off, so he didn’t have a nice coffee waiting for him. 

He did have another text from Castiel waiting for him. 

Castiel: Why won’t you talk to me? I’ve missed you for ten years, Dean.

Now, that hurt like a bitch. It hurt even more than the headache Dean had from his hangover. That reminded him, he should probably get some food in him.

Dean ordered some waffles, eggs, and bacon from the diner nearby, and showered while he waited for his delivery. With perfect timing, his food arrived just as he was dressed from his shower. Dean had breakfast, while he promised himself he wouldn’t touch his laptop at all today. Or have another sip of alcohol. 

Dean had a lonely life. Most of his days were spent alone in his apartment. The only constant company he had was Jack. And Sam. But Sam had a busier life than Dean, and he couldn’t come by all the time. The only time Dean felt good was when he was working. As much as he was dreading doing Roommates again, he was looking forward to his full days. He was actually looking forward to his fourteen-hour work days. At least it would get him out of the house.

And so, that was how Dean spent his days before he went back to work on Roommates . In the two weeks, he’d managed to avoid all of Castiel’s phone calls, only answering with a text that repeated how busy he was. Eventually, Castiel would get tired of trying.

On the morning of the first day of shooting, Dean was up at 5:00 am. He was so ready to get back to work. He’d even shaved this morning.

The first person he ran into in the building was Kevin Tran, the creator of the show. Kevin had been just twenty when he’d created Roommates . He was extraordinarily smart and funny. Dean had always liked him.

“Dean Winchester, welcome home!” Kevin said, pulling Dean in for a hug.

“Hey, man, it’s good to be back,” Dean said. “It feels like I never left.”

“That’s what I like to hear.” Kevin called over a couple that had been walking past. “Hey, guys, come meet one of the stars of the show.”

“Oh, my God, it’s really you,” the small blonde woman said. “I’m such a huge fan. Supernatural Hunter is my favorite movie trilogy ever. I’ve seen all three movies over fifteen times.”

Dean didn’t recognize her, but he did recognize the man beside her, Chuck Shurley. He was one of the original writers on the show. “I’m very flattered.” Dean shook her hand.

“Dean, this is Becky Rosen, one of our new show writers,” Kevin said. “And I’m sure you remember Chuck Shurley.”

“Yes, I do. How have you been, Chuck?”

Chuck grinned, shaking Dean’s hand. “Oh, well, just writing a few novels here and there. I’m getting married soon. To Becky.”

Dean widened his eyes, genuinely surprised. “Wow. What a power couple. How cool is that.”

“I know, isn’t it amazing?” Becky said. “We met at a writer’s conference. It was love at first read.”

Kevin laughed. “Well, I have a lot to do before our first table read, so if you’ll please excuse me.”

“I love him,” Becky said, motioning to Kevin. “Don’t you love him?”

Dean had never met someone with this much energy this early in the morning. This conversation was making him tired. But he smiled politely. “Oh yeah, I love Kevin.” He was glad when he spotted Charlie. “I’ll talk to you both later, alright?”

Charlie grinned at Dean as soon as she saw him. “Dean! Can you believe we’re back? We’re really doing this.”

“I believe it. I was just talking to the great minds behind the show. I think we’re in good hands.”

“Have you seen Cas?”

Dean frowned. Shit. Cas. “Uh, no, not yet.”

Charlie stared at him. “What happened? Why did you get all sad when I mentioned Cas?”

Dean pinched the bridge of his nose. He was an open book and everyone could read him. “Nothing happened. Nothing. I’ve just been too busy to return his calls, and I don’t want it to be a thing.”

“Cas!” Charlie yelled. Castiel walked around Dean to kiss Charlie’s cheek. “We were just talking about you.”

Castiel looked at Dean, eyebrows raised. “Good morning, Dean. It’s nice to see you here. I thought you might be too busy to show up today.”

Yeah, Dean had that one coming. “Hey, Cas. It’s nice to see you too.”

Castiel turned back to Charlie. “Let’s get some food. I’m starving.”

Charlie looked back at Dean. “Are you coming, Dean?”

Dean rubbed the back of his neck. “I’ll catch up with you guys later.” Dean stood in the hall, watching Castiel and Charlie walk away, knowing full well he would avoid them until he absolutely had to see them again.

After breakfast--Dean sat with Chuck and Becky--they had a table read of the first episode. This was the first time Dean got to read the episode, and he was oddly excited about it. He’d always thought about his character, Michael, wondering what he’d been up to all these years. He finally got to find out.

During the table read, however, Dean found out that Michael had gotten married to a successful surgeon named Alexis, but they’d had a lot of marital problems, leading to a separation that made Michael move back in with Rae and Emmanuel. It was oddly fitting how Rae and Emmanuel hadn’t lost touch all these years, while Michael had moved a few states over to be with his wife, and was now returning to his roots. Rae and Emmanuel had welcome him back with open arms.

Did the writers keep up with Dean, Castiel, and Charlie in real life? If not, this was uncanny.

The episode was as hilarious as Dean had hoped. They had a lot of great one-liner. At least the writing was up to par with the original seasons. The last thing Dean wanted was to disappoint their devoted fans.

After the table read, they went over to hair and makeup before they started shooting. Dean had managed to avoid Castiel and Charlie, who were stuck like glue. Dean knew that he was coming off as a diva, wanting to be on his own, but this was for the best.

The woman doing his makeup introduced herself as Pamela, and she was very chatty. Dean liked her already. She was the only person he felt safe talking to. She was almost done with his makeup when Charlie and Castiel walked in, taking their own seats.

“Hey, it feels like we keep missing each other today,” Charlie said. “What did you think of the episode?”

“I think it was great,” Dean said, then he turned to Pamela. “Tell me more about your second husband, the one who worked on the set of Halloween.”

“Oh, honey, I’m sure I’ve talked your ears off enough for today,” Pamela said. “Anyway, you are all done and good to go.”

“Awesome.” Dean climbed out of his chair. “I’ll see you guys on set.”

Charlie waved at him, but Castiel didn’t even look in his direction. 

After getting his Michael clothes on, Dean went to hide in his trailer, letting out a deep breath. They hadn’t even started shooting and Dean already wanted to run away from all of this. No. Not from this. From Castiel. From the way Castiel made him feel. 

They had twenty episodes to shoot. Dean hadn’t even made it through one, and he wanted to scream and cry and vomit. 

Dean sat on the floor of his trailer and called Sam. His hands were shaking, so he put his phone on speaker and set it on his leg. 

“Hello?”

“Sam! Sammy. I can’t do this. I don’t know what I was thinking when I agreed to this. I’ve done nothing but avoid Cas these past two weeks. But I have to work with him for months. Months. And I hate that I’m doing this. I hate that I can’t just see him as a friend. I wish I could somehow surgically remove all of my feelings for him. I can’t do this.”

“Dean, calm down, okay? Take a deep breath. Come on. Just breathe. Are you breathing?”

Dean breathed. “I’m breathing. Sammy, I can’t do this.”

“Yes, you can. You can do whatever you want to do. You’re my big brother, and you are the strongest person I know. If anyone can do this, it’s you.”

“I love him, Sammy,” Dean’s voice broke, but he had to stop himself from crying or he’d ruin the makeup Pamela worked so hard on. 

“Dean, you weren’t supposed to get caught up in this mess again. This wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“I was doomed from the start. I shouldn’t have said yes to Benny.”

“If you really don’t want to do this, I can try to get you out of your contract. It won’t be easy, but I can do it. Is that what you want to do, Dean?”

Dean considered that. He had an out. Dean could leave this project behind and never see or hear from Castiel again. This torture could end.

But he would be letting down everyone who worked so hard to bring this show back on air. Kevin, Chuck, Becky, Charlie. Even Castiel. Without Dean, they couldn’t make the show they wanted to make. What would Dean give as an excuse, anyway? He had no other projects taking up his time.

John Winchester would have never allowed Dean to quit a project this big. It wasn’t the right thing to do.

“No,” Dean said. “I don’t want to get out of my contract. I can do this.” Or I’ll die trying .

There was a knock on Dean’s trailer door. “Set call in ten minutes,” one of the crewmembers called, slightly opening the door.

“Got it!” Dean called back.

“Are you gonna be okay?” Sam asked.

“I think so. Thanks for the help, Sammy. I’ll call you later.”

“Take care, Dean.”

Dean remembered to breathe. He had a job to do.

***

They got through the first scene, which involved Dean being sprawled on a couch in his underwear. And Castiel waking him up by sitting on him. Dean might be a lot of things, but he was a professional actor. He laughed when he had to laugh, and he was charming when he had to be charming. The entire scene involved Dean and Castiel joking with each other now that Michael and Emmanuel were roommates once again. Their characters had always had a great back and forth. They bickered like an old married couple. Dean was able to put his issues aside and be Michael, while Castiel was Emmanuel.

They nailed the scene with just a few takes, and Dean was ready to go hide somewhere, until Castiel grabbed his arm and pulled him in.

“Dean,” Castiel said, catching Dean’s gaze. “Good job on the scene. You nailed it.”

Dean blinked. Not what he’d been expecting to hear. “Thanks, Cas. You too.”

Castiel smiled, but it was all wrong. And then he let go of Dean’s arm. 

Dean stood frozen, stuck in the intensity of Castiel’s blue eyes. 

“You’re free to go,” Castiel said. “Don’t let me keep you.”

Dean nodded, basically running away from Castiel.

They did a couple more scenes, which were easier because they involved Charlie as well. She was always incredible as Rae, lighting up the room with her big smiles, cracking jokes that made everybody laugh. The day got easier after a while. The phone call with Sam had helped a lot. But now Dean felt better, knowing he really could do this.

The director, Bob Singer, yelled cut, and called it a day at around 7:00 pm. “I’ll see y’all at Charlie’s party later,” he said, before taking off his cap and walking off the set.

Dean had completely forgotten about Charlie’s party. He’d been looking forward to going home and drinking himself to sleep. A party was the last thing Dean wanted to attend right now. So, he snuck off before Charlie could stop him, and sped home.

By the time he got home, he had a missed call and two texts from Charlie.

Charlie: You left before I could ask if you wanted to ride with me to my place.

Charlie: I like the DJ you hired. He looks like Edward Cullen. Very mysterious.

Dean: Sorry Charlie but I’m not feeling well. I won’t be able to make it. Glad you like the DJ. My assistant picked him out.

Speaking of, Dean called Jack.

“Hey, how was your first day shooting, boss?”

“Awful. What are you up to? You wanna play some video games?”

Jack snorted. “I’m on a date with my girlfriend, actually. I thought you would be at the party right now.”

“Yeah, I decided not to go. So, is that a no to the video games?”

“That’s a hard no, boss. Go to the party. Have some fun. You deserve it.” Jack hung up before Dean could answer with some reason why he couldn’t go to the party.

Dean had just gotten out of his pants when the doorbell rang. He hoped it was Sam because there was no one else he wanted to see right now. 

But it wasn’t Sam. It was Castiel.

Dean groaned internally. “Hey, Cas. What’s up? I’m kind of in the middle of something.”

Castiel shook his head. “You’re unbelievable. Let me in.”

“No, I told you I’m busy.”

Castiel pushed past Dean, letting himself in the apartment. He spotted Dean’s pants on the floor, picked them up, and shoved them at Dean. “Put these on. I’m driving you to the party.”

“I’m not going to the party. I told Charlie.”

“Yes, I know. Charlie told me. She was very upset that you bailed on the party last minute. She believed you. She was about to leave her own party to come check on you since you said you weren’t feeling well. I told her I’d come instead. I had a feeling your made-up sickness was part of the whole ‘busy’ bullshit you’ve been giving me.”

“Cas, I don’t care that you don’t believe me when I say I’m sick or busy. That’s what I am. And I’m not going to the party.”

Castiel got up close to Dean, to the point that his nose touched Dean’s, and Dean couldn’t help it when he took two steps back. Castiel could be really intimidating when he wanted to be. “You are getting dressed and in my car so I can drive you to Charlie’s party. I’m not leaving here without you. You got it?”

Dean was out of excuses. “Alright. I’ll go with you to the stupid party. But I’m not staying longer than an hour.”

“Great. Now hurry up. I don’t have all night.”

Dean put his pants back on, tamed his hair, and poured himself a shot of tequila. Right before he took it, Castiel snatched it out of his hand. “What the hell are you doing?”

“No pre-gaming. Let’s go.”

“That wasn’t part of our deal.”

“Let’s go.” Castiel tugged on Dean’s forearm, pulling him to the door. He was also freakishly strong.

Dean was quiet the entire ride to the party. He felt like the protagonist in a sad movie as he stared out the window, focusing on the scenery as Castiel drove.

“All you have to do is show up, tell Charlie you’re not dying, then do a quick walk around the room,” Castiel said. “That’s it. Then I can bring you back home.”

“Awesome,” Dean said, half-heartedly.

When they made it to Charlie’s place, Castiel guided Dean through the house. Charlie lived in a beautiful house in Beverly Hills. It was enormous and luxurious and there was a huge pool outside. Dean didn’t get a chance to look around because Castiel kept pulling him wherever he wanted him, making sure he greeted the cast and crew. Charlie had been so relieved to see Dean was perfectly healthy that she’d pulled him in for a hug that lasted a long while. Bela, who looked so stunning it was surreal, also gave Dean a hug.

True to his word, once they were done greeting everyone at the party, Castiel asked Dean if he was ready to go.

Dean swallowed, thinking about what was waiting for him at home. A lonely apartment where he would most likely drink himself to sleep. No, he wasn’t ready to get back to that. “Actually, I think I’ll stick around a little longer.”

Castiel nodded. “Hey, if I grab snacks, will you grab a bottle of wine and meet me by the pool?”

Dean smiled. Now that was more like it. “Hell yeah.”

***

The pool was lit up with white lights.

There was no one out here, so Dean made himself at home, sitting on the cool lawn, uncorking the bottle of wine he’d found in the cellar. Yeah, Charlie had a fucking wine cellar.

Castiel joined him on the lawn a few minutes later, holding a tray of chocolate covered strawberries. “If I remember correctly, these are your favorite.”

“My mouth is already watering,” Dean said, reaching for a strawberry and eating it whole. He downed it with a big sip of wine. “Didn’t get any glasses, but I think we’ll be fine.” Dean passed the bottle to Castiel.

Castiel gulped down the wine, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. Then he bit into a strawberry. “Mm. These are delicious.”

Dean bit into another strawberry and agreed with the sentiment. The night sky was clear, but the moon was the only thing visible with all the light pollution. It was a full moon at least. “Remember when we used to drive out to the desert to look at the stars? You, me, and Charlie. We would spend hours there just counting the stars.”

“Of course I remember. Those were some of the best nights of my life.”

“Yeah, they were amazing.” Dean sipped the wine and ate another strawberry.

Half a bottle of wine later, Dean had his head on Castiel’s lap, eating another strawberry as he gazed up at the moon. Castiel brushed his hand through Dean’s hair, in a soft way that was lulling Dean, but he fought to stay awake. There were a lot of strawberries left to eat.

“Coming to the party wasn’t as bad as you thought, was it?” Castiel asked, gently pulling on Dean’s hair before continuing to brush it again.

Dean let out a breath. “No, it’s not bad at all.”

“Being with me isn’t bad either, is it?” Castiel asked, and Dean hated the sadness in his voice.

Dean glanced up at him. Castiel was already looking down at him. “It’s never bad being with you, Cas. You’re my best friend.”

“You’ve been avoiding me. I’d like to know why.”

Dean wasn’t prepared to talk about this today. Or ever. “Cas, I--”

“There you guys are,” Charlie said, making herself comfortable next to Castiel. “I’ve been looking all over for you two.”

“We stole some of your wine and chocolate covered strawberries and came out here,” Castiel said. 

“And you didn’t think to invite me?” Charlie asked. “I shouldn’t be surprised, honestly. You guys would always sneak off to a quiet place all the time, even when we lived together. You don’t talk about me when you do that, right?”

Dean chuckled. “You think we’d sneak off to talk about you, Charlie? Please. We talk about you to your face. We don’t need to do it in private.”

Charlie grinned. “Okay, good. But seriously. What were you talking about?”

Castiel shrugged. “Nothing important. We were looking at the moon and remembering the nights we’d go out to the desert to look at the stars.”

“Ooh, yeah, I remember,” Charlie said. “I loved doing that. We were just kids back then.”

“Yeah, we were kids,” Castiel said.

“But we were so happy,” Dean said, closing his eyes as the night air hit his face. Castiel’s hand kept brushing back his hair and Dean felt so peaceful. He didn’t want to run away anymore. Not from his friends. Not when being with them felt so right.

Castiel stopped brushing Dean’s hair to pull out his cell phone. “Let’s take a picture. I’ll post it on my Instagram. We’ll break the internet.”

“I love doing that,” Charlie said. “Dean, sit up. The camera can’t see you when you’re lying on Cas’s crotch.”

“Shut up,” Dean said, but he sat up anyway. He leaned his head towards Castiel, who was angling his phone for a selfie. 

Charlie leaned up against Castiel and kissed his cheek, so Dean followed her lead and kissed Castiel’s other cheek. Castiel took the picture.

The picture went up to Instagram with the caption: We’re back. #roommates

***

Castiel drove Dean home much, much later.

Neither of them were drunk because they hadn’t even finished the other half of the bottle. Somehow, Dean hadn’t felt the need to keep drinking. Not when he was enjoying the company of Charlie and Castiel.

Dean didn’t know why Castiel had decided to walk Dean up to his front door. It wasn’t necessary for him to help Dean out of his jacket and undo his tie. But Dean let him do it, take care of him.

“Dean, we need to talk,” Castiel said, removing Dean’s tie and hanging it around his own neck. “Please. No lies. Just the truth.”

Dean nodded. “What do you want to know?”

“I want to know why you’ve been avoiding me.” Castiel stepped closer, so close that it should be intimidating again, but this time it wasn’t. This time, it made Dean shiver. “After we spent the night together, things changed. Did I do something wrong?”

“No, no, Cas. You didn’t do anything wrong. I’ve just had to deal with a personal issue.”

“Does your personal issue have anything to do with me?”

Yes. It’s entirely about you . “No?”

Castiel frowned. “I thought we were being honest. Why can’t you trust me?”

“I trust you.”

“It doesn’t seem like it. Dean, I thought we were finally moving forward. After those ten years of dead silence, I was hoping we could regain our friendship. But it’s clear to me that something has been bothering you. And I have a strong suspicion that it’s my fault. I need you to tell me why you looked so miserable today. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’d been crying.”

“Cas.”

“Please, Dean, talk to me. Just tell me what’s bothering you. Tell me how to fix it. Tell me what I can do to make things better for you. Tell me--”

Dean held Castiel’s face and kissed him. There was no other way of shutting him up. Dean kissed him hard, sliding his hand down Castiel’s arms, and around his waist. Castiel reacted immediately, pressing his tongue against Dean’s lips until they parted and Castiel dug his tongue inside. Dean let out a moan as Castiel’s hands dug in his hair, pulling it not so gently. Castiel walked them until Dean hit the back of the couch, and they rocked against each other. Dean slipped his hands under Castiel’s shirt, touching bare skin that was sizzling hot. But once his hands touched Castiel’s ass, Dean reacted, pushing Castiel away from his mouth.

What had he done? What the fuck had he done? Oh no, no, no, no, no, no.

“I’m sorry,” Dean said. “I’m so sorry. I’m sorry.”

Castiel stared at Dean, tilting his head. “Why are you sorry?”

“Because I kissed you.”

“I kissed you back.”

Oh. Right. “You did. Why?”

“Because I wanted to.”

Dean stared at Castiel. “What are you talking about? Last time I kissed you I lost you.”

“You didn’t lose me.” Castiel touched Dean’s face, smoothing his thumb on his cheekbone. “I’m still here.”

“You didn’t speak to me for ten years, Cas.”

Castiel dropped his hand. “It wasn’t because of the kiss.”

What? “What?”

“Yes, I was scared after that kiss. I ran away from you that day. I had to figure out what I was feeling. I’d lived all my life thinking I was straight but then you showed up in my life and there was no one I wanted more. And when you kissed me, I fucking loved it. God, Dean, I loved it so much. But then I got scared and left. I was going to come back to you.”

Dean couldn’t believe what he was hearing. This was crazy. This was nuts. What the fuck was Castiel saying?

“A week after we kissed you were dating some woman,” Castiel said. “I mean, what did you expect me to think? That our kiss meant something to you? Because it meant everything to me. I thought you were just playing with me. It hurt too much thinking that you just wanted me for a good time. I had to keep my distance.”

“I was so stupid, Cas. I dated Sarah out of spite. I was sure my kiss had scared you off for good, and I just wanted to show you that I was fine without you. But I wasn’t. Cas, I was never fine without you in my life. This whole time, I was sure you were just leading me on, so I was trying to keep my distance.”

“Leading you on? Dean, I was trying to get you to want me again. I wanted you to want me enough that you wouldn’t feel the need to leave me again. I was trying so hard to win you back because the moment I saw you again, I knew I didn’t care about the past. I don’t care about our stupid mistakes, Dean. I know what I want, and that is you. Tell me, Dean, do you want me?”

Dean pulled Castiel in for another kiss, and he kissed him until they were both panting, trying to catch their breaths. “I want you, Cas. I want you.”