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Sometimes he just has a bad day.
It’s not for any particular reason at all. It is as though the galaxies have all aligned and everything is as it should be but he is just one centimeter out of place. He fits in this world in the same way that he does not.
It’s still light outside but he burrows into the covers. He creates a cavern there for himself, a space where he can breathe stale air and feel the warmth of the weight made by the blankets on his skin.
He waits there. Listens to the sound of his own breathing and wonders why sometimes he is the one that is wrong with the world.
The door opens.
His husband returns and it’s not a big deal, it is no different than any other day except Wei Wuxian has not come out to meet him halfway. Wei Wuxian does not always feel so heavy but Lan Wangji always knows when he does.
The quiet of closing doors, the shuffle of bare feet. Lan Wangji lets only enough light in so he can find his way to Wei Wuxian, taking steps that have become second nature in this space that they know so well.
He pulls the covers off Wei Wuxian but only so he can slip inside. It’s an odd fit, a whole other person in this world Wei Wuxian had not expected to contain more than one. Lan Wangji is good at that, at finding the little spaces to better secure himself into their shared always.
He lies close enough that Wei Wuxian feels his breath. Lan Wangji doesn’t touch him but he feels the heat against the line of his body, feels every breath and twitch of movement as if it's his own.
At first, he does not know if he can lift his arms to reach out—but he does.
His arms curl around a scarred back, fingertips brushing under soft cloth and seeking warm skin. He tucks Lan Wangji’s head against his chest, buries his head in his husband’s hair and breathes in the smell of sandalwood and cold air.
Lan Wangji hugs him tight, keeps his head buried against the beating of his heart and takes a deep breath as if that is where he the most content.
It all feels too much sometimes, something great and big and powerful enough to crush him. Wei Wuxian feels too much or not enough on days like these. Sometimes he stays naked simply because the brush of cloth against his skin is too overwhelming; even the littlest added weight feels like it may press down too hard and leave him to suffocate.
He cradles Lan WangJi to his chest. He doesn’t will it to pass because he knows it’s not that easy, knows there is nothing valuable to find in the rush of things that must take their time.
He does not think of the hard things, not today. Not when he feels the brush of Lan WangJi’s eyelashes against his skin, feels the soft touch of butterfly kisses along skin that did not always belong to him.
Sometimes it is hard. Wei Wuxian did not think, impossibly, that it could still be hard when he was alive and safe and happy.
But it can, and some days he cannot be grateful.
He runs his hands through Lan WangJi’s pretty hair. Holds the warmth of his husband’s body and lets himself be heavy.
It will be better tomorrow. If it is not, then it will be better the next day, or the next or the next or the next.
Lan Wangji does not ask and he does not force Wei Wuxian to speak. He lies there with him and demands nothing, waits for him to fight his way back to the surface and does not judge him if he wants to drown for a little while longer.
Wei Wuxian cannot regret everything, at least, if it means Lan Wangji will stay.
They lie there for a long time. Soon, they will fall asleep to the sway of steady breaths and their bodies might get too warm pressed together but they won’t move away. They’ll wake up sweaty and more than a little hungry and maybe Wei Wuxian will laugh about it or maybe he will only try to. Lan WangJi will still kiss him on the forehead like he is a treasure, bring him more blankets or things to eat as if it is an offering.
Wei Wuxian will fall in love with him a little more but that will have to wait until he feels better, until that love does not feel like the slightest panicked pressure among the burden of the rest.
Wei Wuxian hangs on and Lan Wangji tightens his hold because sometimes one of them has a bad day and that is okay.
It is tricky, being a person. It is complicated, surviving so much.
They will make it through. Wei Wuxian will find his way out and he will take his time to feel okay again.
For now, he will lie with his husband in his arms and breathe and not think about the next day, or the next.
The world is unpredictable and Wei Wuxian is full of moving parts. He will make it through the night and taste the morning air.
Wei Wuxian breaths in. Lan Wangji breaths out.
And they wait it out.