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I live in a world where you can feel the pain of your soulmate. You suddenly feel pain and a scratch appears on you even though you're just sitting on your couch? Most likely your soulmate. You randomly start bleeding without reason? Generally your soulmate. The only thing is that you cannot die if your soulmate dies. You'll feel the pain, but you yourself won't die.
My soulmate doesn't seem to like themselves that much and is also seriously accident prone. Cuts will appear on my arm at least once a week. Sometimes more. And they're not like scratches. They sometimes go quite deep. It's painful. More mentally than physically in my opinion. I just wish I could hug them and tell them that it's okay. I want to find them. But they could be on the other side of the world and I'd never know it. At some point I started keeping a journal of what time the person would cut, how many cuts, how deep, etc. It sorta makes me feel better.
Day 1
So, this is a little strange for me. I've never kept a journal for anything outside of school. But I feel like this is something I have to do. My soulmate hurts themselves quite a lot. So let's start this.
Time: 7:15 PM
How many cuts: 3 cuts added today
How deep: Not as deep as usual, not much blood
Notes: One of their good days. Still not good that they're doing it at all, but it seems like today wasn't that bad of a day for them? I'm not quite sure. I hope so.
Day 2 (Two days Later)
Time: 3:43 PM
How many cuts: 5 cuts added today
How deep: Usual deepness
Notes: Seems to be a worse day than the last two days. Yesterday no cuts, which is good. Sadly back to routine. Seemed to happen right as I got home from school, not sure if that means something or not.
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Day 7
Time: 5:04 AM
How many cuts: 9 cuts added today
How deep: Less deep than usual
Notes: Quite early in the morning, woke me up. I wonder what happened. Does not seem to be going well today. I have been using quite a lot of bandages recently, moms getting worried.
Day 7 (Again)
Time: 8:21 PM
How many cuts: 8 cuts added
How deep: More deep than usual
Notes: Seemed a little angry. Today is not a good day for them.
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Day 17 (Three days Later)
Time: 4:53 PM
How many cuts: 2 cuts added today
How deep: Usual deepness
Notes: Back to routine. At least it's only two, right?
~~~~~~~~~~~
Day 54
Time: 5:07 PM
How many cuts: 10 cuts added
How deep: Usual deepness
Notes: Has been going on for a week straight. Not a single day without the cutting. My mom is extremely worried. I hope their week gets better.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sometimes… I myself hurt myself. Not often. But sometimes. I wonder if my soulmate feels the same pain as me when they do it. If my mom asks where the new cuts came from I always end up saying my soulmate. I always feel bad for lying to my mother and sister. But I… I don't know… but I wonder if they do that too. If they blame the cuts on me.
Heavy tears run down my face. I wasn't hurt physically. I just want my soulmate to be happy. I want to help them. I just want them to be okay! I want them to live out their days with their loved one and live happily!!
….Is that too much to ask for…?
I let out a heavy sigh. Another day going to my new school without knowing who my soulmate is. I love my new friends, I love my school. But even without being forced to come to classes, school is tiring (although I almost always go to the classes). The school is meant for ultimate students, people who are the best at what they do. But I just got in on a raffle. I'm known as this year's "Ultimate Lucky Student". I'm glad I got entered in. I've met my best friends here. But I don't feel like I belong here. I'm so average compared to everyone, the only good thing about me is my optimism.
I hear my own feet pitter pat as I walk to school, bag on back. It's not too far away, within walking distance in my opinion. Plus getting to think things over in the morning and afternoon is nice. A small smile creeps upon my face. Today was going to be a good day!
I arrive to school and head to class. Classes went normal (as normal as one person could get with Ultimate students). Not a lot happened, and lunch break was approaching stealthily. The teacher blabbered on about physics. Then the lunch bell rang. Alerting all the students that it was now time to eat.
I stood up, grabbed my bento and rushed outside to my favorite spot. I generally sat there with Kyoko Kirigiri and Sayaka Maizono. My two best friends. I got there first, per usual. Then was Sayaka, and afterwards was Kyoko. Kyoko seemed to catch on quickly to how I was acting. I got worse and worse overtime trying to hide my uneasiness.
"Naegi?" Kyoko said out of nowhere, startling me.
"A-ah! Yes, Kirigiri?"
"You seem a little… out of it. Everything alright?"
It wasn't a question. I knew that for sure, she already knew the answer was 'no'.
"Yes, yes! Everything is fine!" I lied and glanced down at my arm momentarily. Kirigiri followed my glance and gave me a stern, cold look. The type of look that screamed 'give me your arm this instant' without needing to actually say anything. I gave in instantly and outstretched my arm.
She pulled both sleeves off of my wrist to reveal the many many bandages.
Kirigiri seemed slightly shocked, though it was hard to decipher her emotions most of the time. She regained her calm and continued to ask questions.
"You or soulmate?"
I hesitated. Technically it was both. But I didn't want to worry her further, but I didn't want to lie at the same time.
"Uhm… both… mostly soulmate.." My voice was quiet now. I was unsure how she would react. Truth is she didn't really, she took a deep breath and continued asking questions.
"How long have you done it?"
"Not sure?"
She takes a mental note of that bit. Maizono has had her headphones in the entire time, listening to music. I was glad, though. I didn't want to worry anybody else.
Lunch ends soon afterwards. We all walk back to class together. I sit down at my desk waiting for class to begin. It doesn't take long and a few minutes went by and not much happens. Then I start feeling the pain. The cuts. I pull down my sleeves and see blood stained my bandages. I tried to stay calm. I had a small med kit just in case it ever happened during school hours. I raise my right hand and get called on.
"What is it Naegi?"
"May I please go to the bathroom?"
"Yes, just be back as soon as you can." I nod in return and run out of the classroom, kit in hand.
I with, walking into the bathroom, not paying much attention.
And un(..?)luckily for me, I bump into someone, causing me to trip and fall to the ground. I look down at my leg after wincing. I had bruised myself really bad.
"Ah I'm so so sorry!" I exclaim as I look up at the other male who is… also wincing..? I look at his arm. Blood and pocketknife.
The other male looked down at our arms and how the both of us are bleeding. Their is a shocked look on both of our faces. I begin to smile again, but I feel like I'm going to cry. His face looks generally confused and shocked.
"You… you're my soulmate!" We exclaim simultaneously. I stand up (almost tripping again) and hug the white haired boy (I tried my very very hardest to not get blood on him). He seemed surprised by the hug but hesitantly wrapped his arms around me. They felt warm and welcoming.
"I… it's going to be okay… okay..? Whatever you're going through, you shouldn't hurt yourself because of it…" I whisper in a hushed tone, not wanting to overwhelm him more than he probably already was.
I hear breathy breaths. Like he is forcing himself to not cry. I tighten my grip around him, so does he.
"It's okay to cry if you need to…"
I hear soft whimpers coming from the other male. I myself begin to feel myself become overcome by my emotions. Hot tears stream down my face.
We stay there for who knows how long. But I soon realized we should probably get ourselves cleaned up.
"Hey uhm… we should get ourselves cleaned up.. I'm not sure the janitor would like blood everywhere…" I heard the other sigh softly as he pulled away. He took notice of the small medical kit.
"Ah… I suppose that's true…" the male let go of me entirely, much to my sorrow. He was so warm. But he seemed like he hadn't known what to do with human contact, so I didn’t pry. I scratched my cheek out of nervous habit.
"Do you know how to properly patch yourself up?"
He hesitates and he sniffles.
"...n-no…"
I smiled reassuringly and opened the kit. I had seen my mom do it and I had done it many times myself. This would be a piece of cake. Inside was a whole bunch of sort of things, but I only pulled out the rubbing alcohol, bandages, and some cotton swabs. He held out his left arm for me to patch up. I brought him over to the sink to wash away all the blood first. Then I dried our arms off with paper towels. Generally I used an actual towel, but it will have to do.
I gently held his arm and used a cotton swab to rub the alcohol over the cuts. I saw him flinch slightly out of the corner of my eye. I did the same to my own arm. I wrapped both of our arms in bandages.
"Here uhmm… I'm sure we both have to go back to our own classes… but how about we give each other our numbers..?"
I smile up at him gently, in which he returned back to me. He nodded and pulled out his phone. It was a light green, almost pastel. He passed it to me and I entered my own number. I pulled out mine and handed it to him. He quickly entered his own number and handed it back to me.
"Hey, one more thing before we go?"
"What is it?"
"Could you give me that knife?"
He handed me the knife, seeming a little confused.
"Sure, but why?"
I then dropped it on the ground and stomped on it, breaking it in half.
"No more cutting, alright?"
He looked completely shocked. I picked up the two pieces carefully and threw them in the trash, making sure it didn't rip the trash bag.
"I'll talk to you later…. Uh…" I still didn't know his name.
He smiled brightly.
"It's Nagito Komaeda. But someone like you doesn't need to worry about scum like me. And your name?"
My brows furrowed.
"You're not scum, Komaeda-kun!! You're a wonderful person!! And also my names Makoto Naegi. See you later, Komaeda-kun."
Before Komaeda could object I left the bathroom, hurrying back to my classroom.