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Disclaimer: I don’t own Marvel comics or characters or movies, and am making no money off of this fic.
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Much Ado by luvsanime02
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“You can’t be mean to me! I saved your life.”
“We’re locked in a cell.”
“But, the point is, you’re still alive to bitch about it.”
“...”
“You’re welcome.”
“...”
“...Okay, if you’re going for the silent treatment thing as a punishment, I feel I should warn you now that silence only makes me talk more.”
“...”
“Seriously, it’s like a compulsion. Never bothers me when I’m alone, but if I’m in a room with someone else and they’re not talking, I start rambling, man, and there’s no-”
“Could you be quiet?”
“Look, I just told you I can’t. Maybe if you talked back, I wouldn’t feel the need to talk so much myself, you know? It’s this thing called conversation.”
“I’m trying to listen.”
“...Oh.”
“...”
“What are you listening to? Besides me, I mean. There’s no one else here.”
“There are four guards in a room approximately 500 meters away, and two other prisoners at the end of this hallway. Kids, I think.”
“...What the fuck.”
“Yeah, fuckers kidnapping kids really pisses me off, too.”
“No, not that. I mean, yes, that. Yes, people kidnapping kids is wrong and we’re definitely springing them too when we get out of here. I just meant, what the fuck, you can hear stuff 500 meters away?”
“I can hear everything in this building if I’m concentrating. Less with you talking in my ear.”
“Huh. Well, that’s handy.”
“...”
“...”
“...Are you pouting?”
“What? Of course not. Why would I be pouting? It’s not like I’m incredibly jealous of your enhanced hearing, or anything.”
“...Why are you jealous of my enhanced hearing?”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“It just seems to be a really odd thing to be jealous over. You’ve never cared about my enhanced healing factor or my enhanced speed or strength, or my enhanced smell-”
“You have enhanced smelling, too? Seriously? Oh my god, I’m so sorry.”
“Clint, I don’t care that you didn’t brush your teeth this morning.”
“I was referring to that time I threw up on you.”
“You were poisoned. I think that’s understandable.”
“I hadn’t even remembered about not brushing my teeth until you said something. Fuck.”
“Really not in the mood right now, but I’ll take a raincheck.”
“...Wait, really? Even though I don’t brush my teeth?”
“There are far worse things I’ve smelled than stale coffee, Clint.”
“Oh. Okay. Good. Right. That’s- that’s good, then. Okay. Right.”
“Are you broken?”
“No more than usual. Which isn’t a ‘no’, mind.”
“Understood. Can we get out of here now?”
“I was just waiting on you to give the all-clear. Since apparently you can hear 500 meters away, and all.”
“What’s your problem with the hearing?”
“Nothing, really. It’s just not something I can match. Speed? Sure. Or I’m accurate enough that it doesn’t matter. Same with strength. The sense of smell is something I can’t match, but why the hell would I want to, really? Hearing, though, now that would be useful.”
“I’m sorry if my traumatized life is an inconvenience to you and your perfect existence.”
“...Was that a Scream reference?”
“See, this is why I think we should date.”
“I’m not saying no. Just to be clear.”
“Great. Now, let’s go get the kids and then get the hell out of here.”
“When did my life become so domestic?”
“You have an interesting definition of what counts as domestic.”
“We can discuss that after we get out of here and I shower. Suddenly, I’m feeling self-conscious about the fact that I can’t remember for sure when I last did that.”
“If you could use a different soap, that’d be nice. Yours is a little too much, sometimes.”
“...Fuck."
“Later.”