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“You’re pretty,” Eren says. It takes Armin by surprise, and he looks at Eren with a confused expression spread across his face. They’re sitting under a tree in the school playground, relaxing under the shade away from the harsh heat of the sun. It will be the long summer vacation soon and everyone is restless in anticipation for it.
“I’m not pretty,” Armin says, frowning, “I’m not a girl.”
“You don’t have to be a girl to be pretty,” Eren replies. He plucks a daisy from the grass and holds it in front of Armin’s face. “This flower is pretty, isn’t it?”
“I guess.”
“And I think you’re even prettier than this flower.”
A soft blush appears on Armin’s cheeks. He looks away from Eren and fiddles with his hands.
“I think you’re pretty too,” he says shyly, so quiet and hesitant compared to Eren who is full of youthful confidence.
“I’m not as pretty as you,” Eren declares. Armin doesn’t object to it, but he thinks that’s wrong. Eren is definitely prettier, with eyes like light reflecting off tropical oceans. Armin has read all sorts about the ocean in the book his grandpa bought him for his birthday. He loves studying all the colorful pictures, reading about all kinds of amazing sea creatures. He’d love to see the ocean one day. Only if Eren was beside him, of course. He wants to share everything he has with Eren.
“I hate school,” Eren mumbles irritably, using a stick to draw shapes in the dirt. Armin can’t work out what it is he’s trying to draw. “So stupid and boring.”
“Did you do the homework?” Armin asks, Eren’s words causing him to remember it. They have math next and they were supposed to do some exercises at home. Knowing Eren he probably forgot about it.
“No,” Eren tells him, “We didn’t have any homework.”
“Yes we did.”
“No we didn’t.”
“We did because I had it written in my diary.”
“Oh. Well I didn’t do it.”
“I’ll help you do it now,” Armin offers, “If you want-”
The bell rings to signal the end of lunchtime. Armin startles at the sudden noise, and Eren lets out a huff of irritation.
“Damn,” Eren says, a word his mother told him he isn’t supposed to use but she says it all the time herself, “No way lunch is over yet. This school is so stupid.”
Armin smiles gently at him. “Come on,” he says, “Let's go inside. It doesn’t matter about the homework.”
The two of them rise from their spot under the tree and walk hand in hand back to their third grade classroom. Eren’s hands are rough against Armin’s soft ones.
::
Mikasa is pretty like a rosebud that is just coming into bloom. Her eyes are so dark they remind Armin of black holes. He read about them in one of his books, too. Big black holes in the sky that suck up everything that comes too close. Mikasa’s eyes are like that, deep and dark and Armin feels like he could fall right into them. She doesn’t smile much but Armin thinks if she did it would be a very pretty smile. Her hair is long and black, and it shimmers in the sunlight.
Armin tells Eren all these things as they sit eating the picnic lunch that Carla made for them. They’ve been hanging out together all afternoon, and Mikasa is sat on the other side of the garden on the swing, swaying back and forth quietly.
“Do you want to marry her, then?” Eren asks innocently.
Armin’s eyes go wide in surprise. He turns his head to look at Eren. “What? Why would I want to marry Mikasa?”
“Because you think she’s pretty.”
“But I don’t want to marry her!” Armin insists, “And you said you thought I was pretty.”
“You are,” Eren says, resolute, “And I’m going to marry you one day.”
Armin gawks at him like he’s said something crazy. But Eren looks completely serious.
“Why are you looking at me like that? I am.”
Armin feels flustered by Eren’s suggestion but he can’t help thinking that it would be nice to get married to him one day. They aren’t supposed to get married. Boys can’t marry each other. Still, something about the idea of marrying Eren makes Armin feel all warm and fuzzy inside. He thinks he’d like that very much. They could get a little house together by the sea and Armin could make it look all pretty with lots of colorful flowers and decorations. Maybe they could even get a cat too.
“We can’t get married,” Armin says, instead of admitting how he really feels about it.
“Says who?”
“Says everyone.”
“Then everyone is stupid,” says Eren. He folds his arms across his chest and pouts. “You’re supposed to marry the person you like most, and I like you the most, so it makes sense.”
“I like you the most too,” Armin tells him, “And Mikasa. And Grandpa, but I can’t marry Grandpa.”
“Of course you can’t,” Eren says, “He’s old.”
“And he’s my grandpa.”
“And that.”
Armin nibbles on his sandwich, and Eren takes big bites out of his. They’re both quiet for a while, just eating and enjoying each other’s company, until Armin breaks the silence.
“Do you really want to marry me?” he asks, tentative, like he can’t quite believe it still.
Eren nods once resolutely. “Of course I do. I wouldn’t marry anyone else.”
Armin giggles at that, feeling giddy, and Eren beams proudly at him.
::
Eren has been acting weird with him for a while now.
They’re both fifteen, not naive little kids anymore. Still, Armin retains something of a childish curiosity about everything, and he’s gentle in a way most boys his age aren’t. Eren is more rebellious than ever, always getting into fights and not doing as he’s told. It’s usually up to Mikasa and Armin to keep him out of trouble at school. But recently Eren’s behavior around Armin seems different, like something has changed between them. Sometimes he stares but when he realizes Armin has noticed he averts his gaze quickly and refuses to make eye contact, like he’s been caught doing something wrong. They don’t hold hands or hug each other as often anymore, and when they do it’s always Armin who initiates it. It makes him a little sad to think maybe Eren has outgrown those affectionate touches of their childhood.
“Are you stupid or something?” is Jean’s response when Armin explains the situation to him.
“Huh?” Armin says, genuinely confused by the question, “I’m serious, Jean. I feel like I must have done something to upset him - why else would he be acting like this?”
“Talk to Eren,” Jean instructs him, reaching over to ruffle Armin’s hair, “Just talk to him, you idiot.”
Armin smiles despite the insult, because he knows Jean is only teasing and he’d never say anything that would actually offend him.
He’s become very close to Jean in the past few years. At first he thought he was kind of an asshole, always provoking Eren for no reason and making witty remarks in front of the class for attention, but now Armin knows how kind and sensitive he really is. He’s a good friend. A really good friend. And as they’ve grown up together Armin has started to notice how handsome he’s becoming, no longer a lanky twelve year old with braces and a scruffy undercut. Jean really is pretty, despite Eren’s relentless teasing. Armin blushes at the thought. He isn't really sure about his sexuality yet, still exploring it.
He takes Jean’s advice and confronts his best friend about his behavior that evening, when they’re sat in Eren’s bedroom playing video games together.
“Did I do something?” Armin asks, “Is that why you’re avoiding me lately? If I did something wrong please tell me.”
“I’m not avoiding you,” Eren says, ignoring the questions. He still won’t make eye contact. “What made you think that?”
“You never touch me anymore.”
“Oh.”
There’s silence for a moment, and it hangs in the air uncomfortably. Armin feels anxious, like he’s said something he shouldn’t have, and he wrings his hands together.
“Sorry,” he says, quiet.
“No, I’m sorry,” Eren replies, “I didn’t realize it bothered you so much.”
Armin lets a sigh escape his lips. He smiles at Eren softly, feeling tears start to sting his eyes but he isn’t sure why. He always finds himself crying at the stupidest things. “It’s okay,” he lies, “I mean, we’re not kids anymore, right?”
Now Eren stares at him, intense, eyes burning. “No,” he says, “We aren’t.”
“So if you don’t want to touch me anymore then-“
“That’s not what I meant,” Eren interrupts him, but he doesn’t say anything more than that, just goes back to playing his game in silence. Armin can’t stop thinking about it for the rest of the week but then gradually it fades into nothing more than a hazy memory.
::
They go to a wedding when they’re both eighteen and something about their matching suits makes Armin’s heart swell. He finds he can’t take his eyes off Eren all day, distracted by how handsome he looks, and when they sit close to each other during the ceremony his heart races the whole time. His cheeks heat up whenever Eren looks at him and he’s so embarrassed by it all. It must be written all over his face and he’s so worried Eren will notice something’s off with him, that he’ll start asking questions and Armin will have to make up a stupid excuse for why he’s acting so flustered.
Recently he’s started having feelings for Eren that he’s scared to give a name to. As they’ve gotten older it’s become impossible to ignore how truly beautiful Eren is, how intensely his eyes shine, how his smile is as contagious as wildfire. Eren’s the most handsome boy Armin has ever seen. Sometimes he daydreams about what it would be like to kiss him, how Eren’s lips would feel against his own. He blushes furiously whenever he catches himself thinking about it. But it’s difficult not to when Eren is as bright and beautiful as the sun.
When the ceremony is over, everyone goes outside to relax and drink tea in the late summer heat. At some point Eren takes Armin’s hand and requests he come with him somewhere.
“Where are we going?” Armin asks, feeling butterflies in his stomach. It’s been far too long since Eren last touched him like this and it makes him feel happy and breathless.
“It’s a secret,” Eren says. He pulls Armin along like when they were little kids in the school playground. “Close your eyes.”
Armin does, and he can’t help giggling as Eren guides him. At one point he almost stumbles but he feels steady hands reach out to catch him, stopping him from falling. He can always rely on Eren for things like that.
“Okay. Open.”
When Armin opens his eyes, he finds that he’s underneath a willow tree beside a large pond of tranquil water, covered in little lily pads. There’s no one else here but them and it’s quiet, peaceful. Armin can’t help staring out at the pond in awe.
“It’s so pretty,” he says.
Eren chuckles softly beside him. He’s still holding onto Armin’s hand. “Yeah, it is,” he replies, “I still wish I could take you to see the ocean. But I’m glad you like this.”
“One day we’ll go and see the ocean together,” Armin tells him with a sweet smile. They’ve promised each other that for years. Eren smiles back at him and Armin notices how his eyes are sparkling in the sunshine under his long, dark eyelashes. He’s truly the most beautiful thing in the world. Armin looks away, flustered, and chews on his bottom lip. He never really knows what he’s supposed to do in these sorts of situations. He wishes he could just kiss Eren now.
“You’re so pretty,” Eren sighs, so quiet Armin wonders whether he really said it at all. But when he looks up and finds Eren staring at him intently he knows he didn’t imagine it.
Armin lets out a nervous laugh, feeling dizzy like he’s dreaming. “So are you."
“I mean it, Armin. You’re beautiful.”
He doesn’t know what he’s meant to say to that. Instead he just stares at Eren, wide-eyed, lips parted slightly as he tries to process what’s happening. Eren helps him understand, placing a hand on his shoulder and leaning down to capture his lips in a tender kiss.
For a moment Armin is caught off guard but then he melts into it, eyes closing peacefully. Eren tastes like sweet tea and chocolate cake. He kisses Armin gently and slowly, like he’s savoring every moment of it. His lips are warm. He feels like home.
When Eren pulls away, he lets out a deep sigh and it sounds like he’d been holding it in for a lifetime.
“You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do that,” he confesses.
Armin’s heart feels full, like it’s overflowing. He can feel the tears welling up in his eyes and he wipes them away, smiling up at Eren fondly. “I didn’t realize,” he says. It’s true, he didn’t. Maybe he was blind to it all this time. But he understands now. Everything seems like it makes sense now.
“I love you, Armin. I really love you.”
“I love you so much, Eren.”
Eren just pulls him into a tight hug then, holding him close and pressing kisses to the top of his head. Armin hugs back just as tightly and can’t stop the tears rolling down his cheeks. Just the two of them together like that, they might as well be the only people in the whole world.
Armin wouldn’t have it any other way.