Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The computer screen explodes into a shower of white rose petals that slowly drift down as the wedding march blares through the speakers. The petals materialize into an envelope, which opens to reveal a pristine wedding invitation with glowing gold script.  

“With the blessing of their families,
Ian Boothby and Darcy Lewis 
Request the honor of your presence 
At their wedding ceremony,
December 23, 2019”

Bucky clicked the mouse to restart the whole invitation, jumping when the music started, then nodded. 

“Impressive.”
“Mm-hmm.”

He looked away from the screen, seeing you pace back and forth in front of the section of windows in your office. He narrowed his eyes, resting back in your chair, steepling his fingers together over his stomach.

“Are we mad about this?”

You looked to him, shaking your head. 

“I’m not mad.”
“You’re not?”

You shook your head again, blinking once. 

“I am pissed off.”

Bucky’s eyes widened as your lips curled into a snarl before you started pacing some more. 

“This is so like Darcy. She’s doing this because—“

You pressed your lips together, slamming one hand into the wall. Bucky jumped up, walking to you, digging your fingers out of the wall. 

“Easy. Don’t break the sheetrock, Killer.”

You couldn’t help the smile, sighing as Bucky turned you to face him. He gave a shake of his head. 

“What’s so bad about this? You hate weddings?”

You swallowed, shaking your head, casting your eyes down to Bucky’s shoes as you spoke softly. 

“I love weddings.”
“Then why are you so mad about this one? Who’s Darcy?”

You studied the frayed end of one of his shoelaces. 

“My cousin.”
“She a bitch?”

You gave a quiet laugh. 

“No, she … well, she’s not the brightest crayon in the box. She’s sweet, and really smart, just … not that gifted with common sense.”

Bucky slowly nodded. 

“So what’s the deal?”

You swallowed again, exhaling a slow breath. 

“I never told you the reason I moved here.”
“So it wasn’t just to upstage Natasha at every turn?”

You had a soft smile on your face when you lifted your head to look out the window, at the gray New York City day. Snow was in the forecast, and you still hadn’t gotten used to the chill in the air. Or the way it got dark around four P.M.

“Y/N?”

You blinked, moving one hand to touch the cool window while Bucky took your other hand. You just stood there, looking out the window until his soft voice spoke again. 

“What is it?”

You took in a breath, letting it out again. 

“The day Darcy is getting married?”

Bucky nodded as you looked to him, a sad smile on your face. 

“That’s my wedding day.”

Bucky’s eyebrows furrowed and you cleared your throat before you spoke again. 

“I moved here in January after … after I was left at the altar.”
“I’m sorry, what?”

You nodded and Bucky stared at you with wide blue eyes. He shook his head, ushering you to the little couch in your office. You sat, and he sat beside you, turning to face you, stormy blue-grey eyes still wide in shock. 

“Whole story. Now. Go.”

You smiled at him, giving a shaky exhale. 

“I’d always wanted a wedding at Christmas. The red and green and the snow … of course, you don’t get much snow in Louisiana, but sometimes.”

You shrugged and Bucky nodded before you went on. 

“Peter and I … we dated for three years before he proposed. He did it perfectly, exactly a year before, so I’d have enough time to plan.”

You looked down at your hands, at your bare ring fingers. 

“I had everything like I wanted. My bridesmaids had deep, dark emerald green dresses. The flowers were red and white roses. The dress … god, I loved my dress.”

You shook your head as you slid your tongue between your dry lips. 

“I should have known something was up. I should have seen it. But I was … I was so preoccupied with having everything perfect. The baker told me two days before the wedding that there wouldn’t be strawberry filling in the cupcakes and I very nearly had a nervous breakdown.”

You gave a nervous giggle, moving a hand to your hair, just to give yourself something to focus on other than the pain these memories were bringing up. 

“The rehearsal dinner went off without a hitch. Peter was quiet, keeping to himself, talking to his best man while I was flitting from here to there to check the arch and the favors and the Polaroid cameras on every table.”

You shook your head, closing your eyes. Bucky moved a hand to gently rub your back and you gave a quiet whine. You shook your head again, standing up and starting to pace again. Bucky didn’t say a word, just watched as you started slow, picking up speed as you spoke. 

“The morning went off without a hitch. Everyone was on time to get their hair and makeup done. We had mimosas and doughnuts and laughed and danced and I felt like a princess. My best friend and my mom helped me put the dress on, and I felt more beautiful than I ever had. I held my bouquet of roses and looped my arm through my uncle’s and I waited impatiently to become Mrs. Peter Quill.”

You came to a screeching halt as the words you’d just said echoed through your brain. You gave a sharp exhale, shaking your head.

Ever since you left your hometown, you’d tried so hard not to think of Peter. You’d pushed him so far out of your mind, deliberately not allowing yourself to think of what all you’d lost when he’d walked away from you. 

All of that came rushing back, and you blew out another breath at the renewed pain in your heart. 

“Y/N?”

You shook your head, holding up a shaky hand. Bucky moved to the edge of the couch, and you exhaled again. You swallowed, straightening your shoulders. 

“When I took his hand, it was cold. Sweaty. Shaking. I thought he was just nervous, because you get nervous when you’re about to pledge your life to someone, you know?”

You gave a nervous giggle, licking your lips again. 

“The preacher started talking, and I don’t even know what he said. I was staring at Peter, and … he wouldn’t look at me. I kept squeezing his hand and he … he just shook his head.”

You took in a breath, raising your chin and letting it fall. 

“The preacher asked if there was anyone who had any objection as to whether or not we should be married. ‘Speak now or forever hold your peace.’ And I guess Peter couldn’t.”

You shook your head, turning back to Bucky, tears sparkling in your eyes. Bucky stared at you as your mind slipped back, to you standing in a white dress in front of all of your family and most of the people you’d known for your entire life. People you went to school with, people you attended church with, girls you’d played tee-ball with as a child. 

Your friends and cousins stood beside you in their dresses, Natasha looking absolutely gorgeous in the emerald gown that seemed to set her fiery hair even more aflame. 

Peter looked so handsome in his suit, but the bow tie at the base of his throat was slightly askew, and your hands itching to straighten it. You gave a shake of your head when his blue eyes finally met yours, and the look in those eyes made your heart drop. He mouthed two words to you, words that lit a panic in your heart while simultaneously making you want to lay down and die. 

I’m sorry.

Peter gave your hand a squeeze, letting it go as he stepped forward, in front of the preacher, forcing you to take a step back. 

“Ladies and gentlemen, I …”

Peter shook his head, looking down before raising his head again, glancing back at you. 

“I’m so sorry.”

Hushed whispers began rising from the crowd as Peter shook his head again. 

“I shouldn’t have let it get this far. I can’t follow through with this wedding.”

The whispers began growing louder, or maybe that was the roar of your own blood in your ears. You felt pain when Natasha’s nails dug into your hand, and you looked over, seeing her standing beside you, her flowers on the ground. One of her hands was entwined with yours, the other hand on your elbow, holding you steady. You looked to her with wide eyes, your face pale, and she gave a shake of her head, murmuring under her breath. 

“Stand strong. Don’t fall to pieces now. Not here.”

You nodded to her, gripping her hand tightly. You looked into the audience, meeting the eyes of your mother, who was staring back at you with love and worry in her eyes. Peter shook his head again, looking over his shoulder back at you. 

“I never wanted to hurt you. You’re wonderful, but I … I can’t marry you. I’m sorry, Y/N.”

Peter shook his head once more, then stepped off of the stage, walking down the aisle by himself. You watched him go, the whispers of the crowd growing to a buzzing that crowded your ears until no other sound could get through. Your bridesmaids gathered around you while the groomsmen left in the direction Peter had gone, and Natasha forced you to put one foot in front of the other until you were away from the crowd, away from everyone but her. 

And that’s when you collapsed.

“Y/N.”

You blinked, once and then a few more times. You found Bucky standing in front of you and you blinked some more. He shook his head and you spoke softly, smoothing your hands over the lapels of his suit jacket. 

“He’d written me a note that one of his groomsmen gave Nat. Peter said loved me, but he wasn’t in love with me, and he couldn’t spend the rest of his life trying to make himself love someone. He knew he’d grow to resent me and we’d be unhappy and it’s better to break it off before kids get involved, you know?”

You lifted your head to see Bucky staring down at you, and you smiled. 

“I’m a great person, apparently. Just not great enough to be married to.”

You started to step away when Bucky wrapped his arms around you. You put your face in his shoulder, digging your nails into his back. 

“Y/N, I … I can’t even imagine. I’m so sorry.”

You clung to Bucky, missing the way he closed his eyes and rested his head atop yours, breathing in the scent of your shampoo. 

“What can I do?”

You shook your head, moving to rest your cheek against his shoulder as you sighed. 

“Nothing. I thought I was over this.”
“This doesn’t sound like something you just easily get over.”

You sighed again, stepping out of his embrace and crossing your arms over your chest. Bucky swiped his tongue over his lips and shook his head. 

“That Peter sounds like an absolute cunt.”

You gave a gasping laugh, shaking your head. 

“Bucky!”
“I’m not sorry.”

You laughed again. 

“I hate that word.”
“Nothing else fits.”

You pursed your lips, then nodded. 

“You’re right, though.”

Bucky eagerly nodded and you sighed again. 

“It’s over. I don’t even have the ring anymore.”
“What did you do with it?”

You smiled. 

“I wish I could say something poetic, like that it sank to the very blackest depths of the Mississippi River, but I just couldn’t bring myself to throw it. It facilitated my move here.”

Bucky nodded and you sighed, glancing down at your bare ring finger again. 

“It was such a pretty ring.”
“Did he try to get it back?”

You exhaled, then looked to him. 

“I haven’t spoken to him since the day he left me.”

Bucky lifted a hand to his chest and you rolled your eyes, reaching out and shoving his shoulder. 

“Don’t be so melodramatic.”
“It’s such a Lifetime movie situation, I swear.”
“Except for the fact that I’ll never love again. Why set myself up for failure a second time?”

The phone rang, so you missed the way Bucky blinked rapidly, watching you as you walked back to your desk. You leaned over and grabbed the phone, using your last name as a greeting. 

“Tell me you didn’t open this monstrosity of an email.”

You giggled, covering the receiver as you whispered to Bucky. 

“Nat got an email, too.”
“Speaker!”

You pushed the button to channel the call through the speakers, and Bucky shut the door to your office. 

“Buck’s here too, Nat.”
“Did you make him watch it?”
“Twice.”

Nat groaned, and you just knew she was slipping her heels off under her desk. 

“I love Darcy to pieces, don’t get me wrong, but she is real fuckin’ clueless sometimes.”

You laughed as you sat in your chair, grabbing up a few files and settling them. 

“It’s fine. I’m fine.”
“You sure? I know it’s—“
“Fine, Natasha. I am fine.”

The line was quiet for a moment, with Bucky looking from the phone to you, back to the phone. 

“You’re not going, are you?”

You stopped shuffling papers and Bucky’s eyes widened.

“Seriously?”

You looked to him, your own eyes wide. 

“Why in God’s name would I go? Did you miss the whole story about how this wedding is exactly one year from the single most humiliating moment of my entire life?”
“But you have to go.”
“I don’t have to do anything, Natasha. Except pay taxes and die, I guess.”
“Darcy will shit herself if you skip her wedding.”

Bucky made a face and you shook your head. 

“She won’t even miss me.”
“The hell she won’t! Mom’s there and she said all Darcy has been talking about is the week leading up to the wedding.”

You lifted your eyes from your desk, staring at nothing. 

“She didn’t.”

Natasha’s low, sultry laugh came through the speakers. 

“Someone didn’t read the fine print, did they?”

You scrambled to pull up your email, both you and Bucky jumping when the wedding march screamed through the computer. You shook your head, then noticed the email was two parts long. 

“Goddamn it.”

Natasha laughed again and you started to read the note Darcy had written. 

Y/N—

I’m getting married! Can you believe it’s finally happening? I can’t wait to be Ian’s wife, but I can’t do it without you there. You’ll be a bridesmaid, won’t you? My favorite cousin just has to stand beside me on my Big Day. Don’t worry about a dress or any of that. Nana’s helping me get it all together. I know you and Nat have work, but surely you’ve built up some time off, right? Ian doesn’t have much family, so we thought, why not have our whole family come down for a big reunion-type thing, culminating in our wedding! Doesn’t that just sound like all kinds of fun?! Seriously, Y/N. Say you’ll come. We all miss you around here and what better reason to come home than a wedding? I love you, cousin. Can’t wait to see you! 

XOXO, 
Darcy

You shook your head, resting it in your hands, your palms pressing against the headache threatening right behind your eyes. 

“So … should I get the flights together?”
“Nat, what am I going to do?”

She sighed. 

“Head back so we can show everyone what a kickass boss bitch you’ve become?”

You snorted, lifting your head and leaning back in your chair. 

“Did she ask you to be a bridesmaid too?”
“Yep. And Carol and Hope. Her old college roommate is going to be her maid of honor. Crap, what was her name?”
“Jane?”
“Yeah, that’s the one.”

You tapped your fingers on your desk. 

“So Darcy wants me to come home for a week of fun for the whole family—literally—and be in her wedding exactly one year to the day of my own. And not only that, but I get to be in the actual wedding party, so just in case I think I’m okay, let’s put me back on stage in front of everyone in a pretty dress and see if I don’t pass out from PTSD or something.”

You could hear Natasha rolling her eyes. 

“You got left at the altar, bitch, not left for dead in some backwoods cabin with a machete-wielding psycho.”
“Don’t tempt me with a good time.”

Bucky snorted, and you narrowed your eyes at him, but smiled. 

“It’s not as bad as you’re making it out to be. We can get shitfaced at the open bar and no one will bat an eye. Hell, they’ll probably be expecting it from you.”

You tilted your head. 

“You’ve got a point.”
“Plus someone’s got to have slutty bridesmaid sex and it might as well be you.”

You barked out a laugh, shaking your head. 

“Might I remind you, Bucky’s listening.”
“I don’t give a fuck. Hell, he can come, too. Everyone should experience the hodge-podge of our family at least once in a lifetime.”

You shook your head, going still and tilting your head when Bucky smiled. He looked down at his feet, then back up, a soft smile on his lips when he met your eyes. 

“What?”
“Come with me.”

Bucky’s eyebrows raised as Nat coughed on the phone. 

“Excuse me?”

You shook your head. 

“Nat’s right. Our family’s batshit insane, but they’re fun. We always have a good time.”
“We put the ‘fun’ in dysfunctional.”

Bucky shook his head and you reached across the desk, laying your hand on top of his, both of you jumping and laughing softly when the shock wore off. 

“Sorry.”
“Don’t be.”
“I know it’s Christmas and all, but you should come.”
“I don’t know, this sounds like a family thing.”
“All the more reason you should come!”

You stood up, walking around your desk to sit on the edge of it. Bucky sprawled in the chair, looking up at you. You opened your mouth, then closed it as Natasha spoke. 

“We have a metric fuckton of family members. Cousins galore. The one thing guaranteed to keep everyone from constantly staring at poor, pitiful Y/N is fresh meat.”

You rolled your eyes, then met Bucky’s. 

“Seriously. They love new people. You’ll like my mom more than you like me. You’ll adore Nana. And I know they’ll all fuss over you.”

Bucky swallowed. 

“I …”
“Come on, Buck. I need you there. The one thing guaranteed to get me through this is—“
“The open bar.”

You closed your eyes, shaking your head at Natasha, smiling at him as you took his hands. 

“Is my best friend.”

Bucky stared into your eyes, as you mouthed ‘please.’ He opened his mouth, closing it again and nodding. Your eyes widened as you gave his hands a squeeze. 

“Seriously?”

Bucky nodded again. 

“Yeah, I can’t let you go alone. That would be like throwing you to the sharks and I’m not a hundred percent sure you can swim.”

You rolled your eyes, but stood up. Bucky stood as well, and you stared up at him. 

“You’re really going to come with me?”

Bucky smiled, saying the words even though they felt thick in his mouth. 

“What are friends for?”

You squealed and threw your arms around him, and he closed his eyes as he hugged you back, opening them when he heard Natasha’s quiet, knowing laugh through the speakers.

Chapter Text

“Have you lost your got-damn mind?”

Bucky groaned as he paced the floor, much to the amusement of his two best friends. Steve was sprawled on the couch, a pillow clutched to his chest and paint-spattered shorts on his legs. An amused smile was on his face, tired blue eyes flicking from Bucky and his pacing to the man sitting beside him on the couch. Sam was on the edge of his seat, a bottle of beer in his left hand that he was waving around as he spoke. 

“So let me get this straight.”

Bucky groaned again and Sam motioned with his bottle. 

“You have agreed to leave this godforsaken frozen tundra to head to good Ol’ Dixieland for a family hootenanny?”

Steve snorted as Bucky glared at the dark-skinned man on his couch. 

“First of all …”

Steve gave a laugh, and Sam smiled as he set the beer down on the coffee table, settling back and crossing his arms over his chest. 

“I know what you’re doing.”

Bucky stopped pacing, turning to Sam. 

“What, pray tell? What am I doing?”
“You trying to get with the bridesmaid. You know how it is at weddings. Everybody’s all in love and the cake’s got some kind of pheromones or GHB in it and bam. Slutty wedding sex all around.” 

Steve closed his eyes, shaking his head. Bucky closed his eyes, letting his head fall back as he let out a breath. 

“I am not trying to get with a bridesmaid.”
“No, no. Not a bridesmaid. The bridesmaid. The one you’ve been in love with for almost a solid year now.”
“I’m not—“
“James Barnes, don’t you lie!”

Steve coughed and Bucky turned to him. Sam looked at Steve with raised eyebrows and Steve shrugged his thick shoulders, pointing his thumb towards Sam. 

“He’s got a point.”
“Oh, the hell he does.”

Sam laughed. 

“Bucky and Y/N, sitting in a tree. K-I—“
“Finish spelling and it’ll be the last thing you do with those teeth.”

Sam rolled his eyes, settling back against the couch again. Steve sat up and patted Sam’s shoulder, then looked to Bucky. 

“For real. You’re traveling to Louisiana with Y/N to attend her cousin’s wedding?”
“So she doesn’t have to go alone.”

Sam nodded, leaning over, loudly whispering. 

“Which is code for—“
“Don’t say it!”

Sam held his hands up, miming zipping his lips. Bucky blew out a breath, turning to face the boys on the couch. 

“Am I an idiot?”
“Yes.”

Steve and Sam quickly spoke in one voice, and Bucky groaned as he walked over to sit in the chair near the couch, slumping over until the lower half of his body was nearly parallel with the floor. Sam and Steve exchanged glances, until Sam sat up. 

“What if—and just hear me out on this … you told her how you felt?”

Bucky shook his head. 

“I can’t.”
“Why not again?”

Bucky turned his head, meeting Sam’s dark eyes before he looked to Steve. Sam shook his head, his voice easy. 

“I mean … you have loved this girl pretty much since you saw her. Would it be the worst thing to just … tell her?”
“You’ve been saying that to him for a year, Sam. You really think he’s just going to up and change his mind now?”
“It’s Christmas. The most wonderful time of the year! And now he’s going to a wedding—a wedding, Stevie—which is like love on steroids. Why not take this time to spill the beans?”

Bucky sighed, shifting in the chair and staring up at the ceiling. 

“Because it’s also the anniversary of her getting left at the altar.”

Steve and Sam went strangely quiet, and Bucky turned his head to see two pairs of wide eyes staring back at him. Bucky pressed his lips together and Sam closed his eyes, giving a shake of his head. 

“Run that by me again?”

Bucky huffed out a breath, sitting up and wincing at the ache in his lower back from the way he’d been slumped over. He ran a hand down his face and turned to face his best friends. 

“This cousin is getting married on the exact day Y/N’s groom left her at the altar last year.”

Sam shook his head as Steve cursed under his breath. Bucky nodded, looking down at his hands. 

“It all makes sense now.”
“What?”
“The way she acts. How she held me at arms length until she decided we could be friends. How she makes sure to always remind me what a good friend I am, how lucky she is to have a friend like me.”
“How she won’t let you get too close.”
“Or love her.”

Bucky nodded at Steve, who held his gaze, then shook his head. 

“Damn.”

Bucky nodded again. 

“So when exactly should I tell her? Day of? When she’s standing at the front of the church as a bridesmaid this time? Oh, how about when the minister or whoever asks if anyone has any objections? I could jump up then and confess my love, but it might be weird, since that’s when her groom decided to call it off.”

Sam made a face. 

“He left her when the guy called for objections?”

Bucky nodded and Steve shook his head. 

“What a dick move.”
“No kidding.”

Bucky stood up again, shaking out his hands and walking to the window. 

“I just … I don’t want her to have to do this. The cousin’s apparently a bit of a bubblehead, but come on. The exact day? And now Y/N has to go back to the exact place where this bastard left her and smile like everything’s fine.”

Sam and Steve exchanged a glance, and Steve nodded. 

“Everything is fine.”

Bucky turned to look at Steve, one eyebrow raised. 

“You seriously think that? You could go to the very spot you were left at the altar and, what? No big deal?”
“I’ve never been left at the altar, so I don’t know.”

Bucky rubbed a hand over his head, then sighed. He shook his head, turning from the window and resting against the wall. 

“I’ve got to pack.”

Sam and Steve nodded, and Sam spoke up. 

“I could order some pizza. Give you some guy time before you head into the land of wedding festivities.”

Bucky nodded. 

“I guess I could put up with you dorks for a few more hours.”
“Just for that, I’m getting pineapple on the pizza.”
“You son of a bitch, you know I hate pineapple!”

Steve gave a sigh, shaking his head and sinking back into the couch, pulling the pillow back to his chest, closing his eyes as Bucky and Sam bitched at each other. 

Chapter Text

“Fuck, New Orleans is bright.”

You giggled to yourself as Natasha frantically slid her sunglasses on. Beside you, Bucky made a face as he shrugged out of his coat and you nodded. 

“And humid. I don’t even want to think of how my hair’s going to look.”

Natasha shook her head.

“Home sweet home, right, Y/N?”

You nodded, swallowing hard as Bucky laid a hand on your shoulder. You closed your eyes and lifted a hand, gripping his for just a moment before you sighed. Natasha stood beside her suitcase, scrolling through her phone and you turned to look up at Bucky, a soft smile coming over your face when he smirked down at you, sunglasses hiding his blue eyes. 

“What?”
“Nat, did you call a car?”
“Yep. Should be pulling up any minute now.”

You broke the staring contest you were having with Bucky to smile over at her. 

“Think we can change the travel plans?”

Bucky groaned, shaking his head as he took another bite. You laughed at the powdered sugar in his beard and covering the front of his shirt. Natasha rolled her eyes, sitting back in her chair, arms crossed over her chest. 

“It’s just fried dough.”
“No, it’s a delicacy.”

You laughed again, at the words muffled by the bite in Bucky’s mouth. He looked to you, leaning in closer. 

“What’s it called again?”
“A beignet.”

Natasha blew out a breath. 

“Yes, we are the quintessential New Orleans tourists, having beignets at Cafe Du Monde.”

Bucky narrowed his eyes at Natasha. 

“Don’t be such a Grinch, Romanoff.”

You laughed as her green eyes narrowed, and you shook your head, sliding the plate away before Bucky was wearing more powdered sugar than he already was. You nodded to him. 

“Have you dunked it in the coffee yet?”

He nodded. 

“Thank God your cousin’s wedding isn’t here. I’d gain—“
“Diabetes.”

You laughed at Natasha’s knowing comment, as she picked up her coffee cup and took a sip. Bucky shook his head, taking another bite, passing the rest of the pastry towards you. You smiled and picked it up, dipping it in the pile of powdered sugar on the plate before taking a bite. You giggled when powdered sugar went all over your face and shirt, but you made no move to wipe it away when you saw the grin on Bucky’s face. He nodded to Natasha. 

“Take our picture.”
“Oh, Buck—“
“You’re gorgeous, hush.”

You felt your cheeks warm as Natasha smiled, lifting her phone and snapping a pic of you and Bucky, powdered sugar all over your faces and clothes, lips curled in cheesy grins.

The town you grew up in was about a three-hour drive from New Orleans. Natasha had ordered a car to take the three of you to the lake house, and you stared out the window as you drove over the long bridge out of New Orleans. Bucky sat across from you, Natasha beside you, both of them watching you. Natasha widened her eyes at Bucky and he gave a nod before he leaned forward. 

“Hey.”

You turned to face him and he smiled at you. 

“Tell me about the fam.”

Natasha gave a quiet laugh. 

“There’s a can of worms you don’t know you’re not ready to open.”

You smiled at her. 

“It’s too late. He’s already on the way to them.”

Natasha sighed, shaking her head. You smiled as you looked back to Bucky. 

“Well, the first person I’ll seek out is my mom.”
“Don’t worry; you’ll love her. You’ve already met her, because she’s Y/N, just older.”

You rolled your eyes as Natasha smiled, then nodded. 

“Then we’ll have to find Nana.”

You looked to Bucky and grinned. 

“You’ll love Nana.”

Natasha vehemently nodded, leaning forward. 

“She’s as tall as I am—“
“Which isn’t saying much.”

You dodged the elbow Natasha tried to hit you with and you giggled. She rolled her eyes, then continued. 

“She’s also the one who taught me to take no shit.”

Bucky pursed his lips as he nodded. 

“Oh, good. A pre-Natasha Natasha.”

You nodded your head. 

“Everyone says Nat acts just like Nana did back in the day. But Nana can still hold her own.”

Bucky nodded and Natasha fluffed her hair as she spoke. 

“Nana and Papa had five daughters. Hence the reason our family is so big. I’ll take some, then Y/N can take over. First there’s Aunt Janet and Uncle Hank. They have Hope, who’s married to Scott Lang. Scott has a daughter named Cassie from a previous marriage, and Hope’s pregnant right now. They also have Carol.”

Bucky nodded. 

“Is she married?”

You and Natasha exchanged a glance. You shook your head as Natasha spoke out loud. 

“No, she’s a lesbian.”

Bucky flicked his eyes to you, and you lifted a shoulder and an eyebrow at the same time, almost like you were daring him to say something. He smiled back at you and you rolled your eyes, smiling as you looked to Natasha. 

“Do you think she’s bringing a plus one?”
“Uh, it’s Carol. I’ll almost guarantee it.”

You looked back to Bucky. 

“Carol’s a bit of a … how can I put this politely?”

Natasha snorted. 

“Carol’s a hoe.”

Bucky barked out a laugh and you shook your head. 

“I love her to death, but she’s had more girlfriends than any sane person should have.”
“She’s very intelligent, but has the worst taste in women.”

You nodded at Natasha, making a face. 

“Remember Sharon?”

Natasha groaned. 

“She was the human equivalent of watching paint dry. But she was better than Jessica.”

You widened your eyes and nodded your head. 

“Jessica was batshit insane.”
“Bobbi was normal.”
“Now, I liked Bobbi.”
“But ever since …”

Natasha let her sentence trail off and you sighed as you looked to Bucky. 

“Carol was in the Air Force. She met Maria and they fell in love. They were in a terrible plane crash and Carol even had amnesia for a while. I thought that was just a plot point for soap operas, but it’s real.”
“And it’s awful.”

You nodded. 

“When she finally did get her memories back, we had to tell her that Maria died and it … god, it was horrible.”

Bucky shook his head and you met his eyes again. 

“We love Carol. We’ve been through a lot with her, and we’re kind of protective.”

Bucky smiled and nodded. Natasha let out a breath, then picked her story back up. 

“Then there’s my mom. Good luck with her.”

You giggled. 

“I love Aunt Nadia. She’s such a bad bitch.”

Natasha nodded, and you leaned forward. 

“And Uncle Phil is the greatest.”

Natasha rolled her eyes and you laughed. 

“He’s the polar opposite of Nat and Aunt Nadia, but it just works somehow.”

Natasha shook her head, turning back to Bucky. 

“Then there’s Y/N’s mom. The light of her world and all that.”

You elbowed Natasha before she could dodge it and she laughed as you took over the story. 

“Next is Aunt May, who’s Darcy’s mom. She also has Peter. Uncle Ben had a little brother, Peter’s dad, and when Peter’s parents died, Ben and May adopted Peter.”

Natasha glanced down and you sighed as you looked at your hands in your lap. 

“Uncle Ben died a few years ago. Cancer.”
“God, I’m sorry.”

Bucky reached over to take your hand, and you smiled as you laced your fingers through his. You glanced through the window, then back to Bucky. 

“The baby of the family is Aunt Pepper. Her real name’s Virginia, and I honestly have no clue where the nickname Pepper came from.”
“Mom said it’s because she was spicy as a kid.”
“But Aunt May told me that once Pepper discovered the spice pepper, she ate a ton of it on all her food. And one day Papa said ‘that's enough pepper,’ and I think my mom thought he meant Pepper as a nickname and not the spice. Then they all started calling her Pepper after that.”

You and Natasha shrugged as you exchanged a look, and you turned back to Bucky. 

“Pepper’s married to Tony and they have little Morgan.”

Bucky raised an eyebrow and you smiled. 

“Pepper was sort of an unplanned surprise in the family, so she’s closer to our age than our moms’. Aunt May’s ten years older than her. And Pep and Tony had some issues getting pregnant, but they finally had Morgan.”

Bucky nodded, blowing out a breath. 

“That’s a lot.”
“Oh, just wait until they’re all in the same room.”

You nodded at Natasha’s statement and Bucky leaned back in his seat. You smiled, kicking your foot out, your toes barely brushing his leg. He smiled when he looked to you and you smiled at him. Natasha slid over to the window, pulling her phone out and acting interested in it. Bucky leaned forward as you did and you let out a breath. 

“What are you thinking about, pretty girl?”

You sighed. 

“I don’t know. I’m nervous. I haven’t seen most of them since my wedding.”
“Well, just from what you told me, it’s clear there’s a lot of love here.”

You nodded. 

“I’m just being stupid.”
“You’re not stupid.”

You sighed, lifting your eyes to meet his. He took hold of your hands, giving you a soft smile. 

“If at any time you need a break or an escape or whatever, just look at me. I’ll get you out of there.”
“But—“
“No buts. I don’t need to know the story, Y/N. If you need a minute to catch your breath, I’ll sneak you outside. No worries.”

You shook your head, a soft smile on your lips. 

“You’re too good to me, Bucky.”

He shook his head, staring at the top of yours when you glanced down at the hands he was still holding. 

“Well, what are friends for?”

The words tasted vile in his mouth, but the way you looked up and met his eyes, that soft smile on your lips almost made it worth it. 

Almost.

Chapter Text

“Y/N? Hey, sweetie. Wake up.”

You blinked your eyes open, disoriented as you looked around, eyebrows drawing together. Bucky smiled, patting your thigh again. 

“Hey, sleeping beauty.”

You yawned, shaking your head. 

“Crap. I’m sorry, Buck.”
“Don’t be. You needed it.”

You held a hand to your forehead, giving a deep exhale. Bucky wrapped his arm around your shoulder and kissed your temple before resting his forehead against it. 

“It might not be as bad as you’re making it out to be.”

You nodded, leaning against him with your eyes closed. 

“I’m so glad you’re here. I don’t think I could do this without you.”
“No place I’d rather be.”

You snorted as you sat up, opening your eyes and smiling at him. 

“I’m sure Sam and Steve had something to say about this little trip.”

Bucky slowly nodded, then waved a hand at you. 

“Who cares what those dorks think?”

You laughed. 

“You do, Buck. No matter what you say.”

You patted his thigh, straightening your shoulders and taking in a deep breath. You glanced out the window of the SUV and nodded. 

“I am excited to see everyone. I just don’t want them to look at me like …”
“Like they pity you?”

You smiled, then nodded, turning back and meeting his eyes. 

“It’s like you can read my mind.”

Bucky smiled after you, lifting a hand to twirl a piece of your hair around his finger. 

“We’ve spent a lot of time together over the past year.”

You nodded, feeling your heart speed up the slightest bit. You swallowed, forcing yourself to look out the window again.

“You ready to meet everyone?”

Bucky nodded and you furrowed your eyebrows. 

“Where’s Nat?”
“Oh, she hopped out as soon as we got here.”

You sighed.

“Probably to warn everyone that I’m here and to not mention the P-word.”

You glanced back at Bucky and saw him pressing his lips together, trying not to smile. You shook your head and let out a quiet laugh, shoving his shoulder. 

“You’re twelve, I swear.”

Bucky laughed, moving to open the door and climbing out of the car. He turned back and offered you a hand, and almost without thinking, you set your hand in his. As per usual, a spark rushed up your arm as soon as your hand was in his, igniting more when Bucky gave you hand a soft squeeze. You kept a tight hold to his hand as he started towards the back of the SUV, where your luggage was. You gave a shake of your head, giving his hand a tug as you started walking forward. Bucky walked with you, taking your hand and looping it over his arm. 

“Do we need to get the luggage?”

You shook your head. 

“Someone will come get it.”
“You sure?”

You nodded, your heart pounding in your chest keeping you from saying anything else. Bucky leaned over, and your eyes closed when his hot breath washed over your ear. 

“Your heart is pounding. Try and relax.”

You nodded, keeping your eyes closed as you trusted him to lead you forward. 

“Oh, there she is.”

Your eyes opened and a smile spread over your face. You slipped your arm from Bucky’s and ran up the front steps, tears coming to your eyes when your mother embraced you. 

“There’s my girl. Oh, I missed you!”

You couldn’t speak, but your mom had always known what you couldn’t say. She just held you, blinking back tears of her own, gently rubbing your back. She spoke softly, for only you to hear. 

“I’m so glad you decided to come. I’d have understood if you didn’t want to, but I’m so glad you’re here. Also, this cutie at the bottom of the stairs, we’re going to have to discuss.”

You gave a watery laugh, pulling back from your mom and sniffling. She wiped your tears away with her thumbs, smiling widely. 

“Sweet baby.”
“I love you, Mama.”

She smiled, leaning in to kiss your cheek before turning to Bucky. 

“Young man, are you going to stand down there all day?”

Bucky shook his head, jogging up the steps. You sniffled again, laying your hands on her shoulders. 

“Bucky, this is my mom. Mom, this is Bucky Barnes.”
“This is Bucky? You didn’t tell me you were bringing him!”

She stepped forward and caught him by surprise when she embraced him, and Bucky smiled as he moved his arms around her. 

“Thank you for taking care of my baby.”

Bucky’s smile widened. 

“Of course, Mrs—“
“Oh, none of that. You can call me Mama, too.”

Bucky met your eyes over your mother’s shoulder and you lifted a shoulder. He winked at you, straightening and smiling when your mother looped her arm through his. 

“Come meet the family. They’ll be so happy to know Y/N brought—“
“A friend, Mama.”

She turned back to meet your eyes and you made yourself smile. 

“Bucky’s my best friend, just here to get me through the wedding.”

One of her eyebrows arched and you tilted your head, that fake smile still on your face. She blinked, giving you a look that you knew meant the two of you would be discussing this later. You nodded and she patted Bucky’s arm before making him start walking. 

You closed your eyes, dropping your head forward. You took in a deep breath, letting it out slowly. 

“Why the long face? We haven’t even started wedding shit yet.”

You smiled as you looked over your shoulder, closing your eyes as you wrapped your cousin in a hug. 

“Carol.”
“Hi, honey.”

She stepped back from you and smiled, and you lifted your hands to touch her hair. 

“You let it grow out.”
“Yeah, the butch look didn’t sit well with me.”

You laughed and she slid an arm around your shoulders. The two of you slowly began walking around the porch. 

“So what have I missed?”
“This week or this year?”

You side-eyed her and Carol smiled. 

“Darcy’s not a total bridezilla, but she’s had her moments. London Boy calms her down a lot.”

You giggled and Carol tapped on the ball of your shoulder with her fingers. 

“You missed the bridesmaid dress shopping, which I’d say was a gift from God. Some of the dresses they made me try on …”

She shook her head and you giggled. 

“On the opposite side of that, now you’re stuck in a dress you didn’t get a say on.”

You nodded. 

“I’m just …”
“I know, honey.”

You nodded again, letting out a sigh. You and Carol turned the corner, stepping through the front door. You found Bucky right away, being interrogated by Natasha’s parents, and you laughed at your Uncle Phil, arms crossed over his chest as he tried to look intimidating. They looked over towards you and Phil’s face lit in a smile. 

“My favorite niece!”

Carol rolled her eyes. 

“I’m right here, Uncle Phil. Right here.”
“And he said the same thing when you showed up. Hi, sweetheart.”

You smiled as Nadia, then Phil embraced you. Phil walked to Carol and ruffled her hair, kissing her temple. You made your way to Bucky and he leaned over, whispering in your ear. 

“Thanks for saving me. God, they’re worse than Natasha.”

You laughed, rubbing a hand over his back. 

“You’ve never met them?”

He shook his head. 

“I know they come see Nat a lot, but we always seemed to just miss each other.”

You nodded, and Bucky smiled at you. 

“I love your mom.”

You smiled back at him. 

“Well, she’s probably already scoping out a place to hang your stocking with the rest of the family, so…”

He chuckled, reaching down to take your hand. 

“You okay?”

You nodded. 

“Haven’t seen everyone yet. Want me to introduce you to Carol?”
“Nah, I’ll go talk to her myself.”

You jumped at the sound of a squeal, and Bucky pushed you behind him as the two of you turned towards the source of the sound. You smiled when a blur of dark hair made its way to you, and Bucky helped keep you upright when the blur grabbed you in a hug. 

“You made it, you made it!”
“Hello to you too, Darcy.”

She leaned back, holding you at arms length, a huge grin on her face. 

“I’m getting married!”

You smiled, nodding your head. 

“I know. I’m so happy for you.”

She hugged you again, and you waved to the man over her shoulder. 

“Nice to see you again, Ian.”
“Same to you, Y/N. Darcy’s been going on and on about you.”

You smiled, rubbing Darcy’s back as you felt a warmth in your chest. Darcy pulled back and grabbed your hand, forcing you to walk with her. 

“I have a question. You know those centerpieces you had last year?”

You blinked but nodded, and Darcy went on. 

“Do you have any idea where they are? I want to embellish them a bit but we can’t find them.”

You shook your head. 

“I honestly don’t know. Did you ask my mom? I didn’t have anything to do with the clean up after …”

You cleared your throat and Darcy nodded. 

“I think there’s a few other storage places we haven’t looked yet.”
“Oh, there she is! Y/N, hi!”

You smiled, pulling your hand from Darcy’s as you walked to where Hope was sitting at the counter in the kitchen. The two of you laughed as you embraced, and you stepped back to put your hands on her blossoming belly. 

“Look at you!”

Hope smiled, nodding as she laid a hand at the top curve of her stomach. 

“I’m huge. I don’t remember what my feet look like.”
“When’s this baby due?”
“February, and it’s in your best interest not to mention the size of the belly or how big the baby will be. Just trust me on this.”

You laughed as Hope’s husband stepped into the room. 

“Hi, Scott.”
“Y/N!”

You gasped, a wide smile coming over your face as you knelt down. Scott’s daughter Cassie came rushing into your arms and you held her tightly. 

“Oh, I missed you, little peanut!”
“I missed you, too!”

You set her feet on the floor and took her hands, shaking your head as you looked up at her. 

“You grew. I swear, you’ve grown like five inches since I saw you last.”
“And guess what!”

She opened her mouth for you to see her missing front tooth, using her tongue to wiggle the tooth next to it.

“Oh no, Cass! You’re losing your teeth!”
“She’s keeping the tooth fairy in business.”

You glanced back at Hope and smiled and Cassie tapped on your shoulder. 

“There’s a boy here and I don’t know his name, but he’s really cute. Is he your boyfriend?”

Your eyes widened and Hope pushed herself out of her chair, going for the doorway to look into the other rooms.  

“Who is it?!”
“Don’t make a—“
“Ooh, there he is! Damn, Y/N. Nice.”

Cassie took in a quiet breath, tugging on your shirt. 

“Daddy said ‘damn.’ That’s a quarter in the jar.”

Hope elbowed Scott’s stomach as he winced. 

“Nice going, Daddy.”
“Well, this one was worth it. Look at him!”

You sighed, shaking your head. Cassie grinned when you looked down at her again. 

“He’s very cute.”
“He’s my friend. My best friend. That’s all.”

Hope snorted and you glared at her, but she turned back to Scott, whispering something that he nodded at. You swallowed as you looked across the room, seeing Bucky and Carol laughing. Cassie tugged on your shirt and you looked down at her. 

“You should get him under the mistletoe.”
“Oh, not that again.”

Hope laughed and nodded, both hands gently scratching her belly. 

“Hidden sprigs all over the estate. Darcy made it a rule that if you get caught under one, no matter who it is, you’ve got to kiss them.”
“On the cheek.”

You met Hope’s eyes and you both smiled at Cassie’s chime in. You nodded and laid a hand on her head, giving another quiet sigh. 

“Y/N, want to go see my ant farm?”

Your eyebrows raised and you met Scott’s eyes. 

“Those are still a thing?”
“Apparently. Since she’s allergic to pet dander and she’s dying for a pet ... Well, we can thank Grampy Hank for this early Christmas present.”

You chuckled and Cassie took your hand, tugging you along after her. 

“Antony is Daddy’s favorite, but I haven’t decided if he’s mine.”

You smiled at Bucky when Cassie dragged you past him, and he watched you go until you’d disappeared down a hallway. 

“Wow, you’ve got it bad.”

Bucky turned back to Carol, shaking his head. 

“I’m sorry?”
“Yeah, so am I.”

He furrowed his eyebrows and she winced. 

“Dude, you’re going to need to rein that in.”
“What?”
“The … pining. It’s almost palpable.”

The color drained from Bucky’s face. 

“It’s that obvious?”

Carol’s mouth faltered, and she gave him a sympathetic smile. 

“Probably not to Darcy. But she’s got the observational skills of a glass of orange juice.”

The side of Bucky’s lips quirked up and he dragged a hand down his face. 

“I try really hard not to make it obvious.”
“Ooh, you do have it bad.”
“Don’t tell her.”

Carol made an “X” over her chest. 

“Your secret’s safe with me. Probably would be easier if it wasn’t a secret, but hey. It’s your funeral.”

Bucky nodded, blowing out a breath. Carol patted his back, then motioned towards the kitchen. 

“Come on. I’ll introduce you to my sister and her blended nuclear family. Just don’t comment on the belly or feel her wrath.” 

You sat in the bedroom you’d always stayed in, staring out the window. This room had a perfect view of the lake, and the pier leading down from the house to the water. You’d always sat in this room to escape the hustle and bustle of your big family, to find a moment of stillness in the seemingly ever-present chaos. 

The last time you’d been in this room was after you were left at the altar. 

Natasha had cut the corset off you, the ribbons used to secure you into the dress too much to try to untangle while the panic attack kept you from breathing. Hope had waved programs in front of your face, the cool air helping the slightest bit. Darcy had held your hand, unable to say a word while you cried, and Carol had held you in her arms, rocking you back and forth until your voice was hoarse from sobbing. 

You were shaken from your memories by a quiet knock on the door and you smiled when your mom walked in. She looked out the window and smiled, sitting beside you on the bed. 

“How are you?”

You nodded. 

“I’m okay. A little overwhelmed.”

She nodded, patting your hand. 

“That’s to be expected.”
“Did you give Darcy all the decorations from last year?”

Your mom sighed. 

“Most of them.”

You nodded and she spoke again. 

“Y/N, I tried. I really did. I tried to get her to have the wedding another day—any other day—but she wouldn’t. She insisted on—“
“My day.”

Your mom nodded, letting out a breath and shaking her head. 

“I don’t think she’s doing it to be mean.”
“Oh, I don’t think she is either.”

Your mom smiled, leaning over to brush her fingers through your hair. 

“I think she loved everything about your wedding, except for the … you know, and she’s trying to recreate that.”

You nodded, closing your eyes. 

“She did go on and on about the decorations. And the food.”
“You’re a brave girl, my love.”

You sighed. 

“I don’t feel very brave.”
“You should. You didn’t have to come, yet here you are.”
“Yeah, but the real test will be the dinner party tomorrow night.”

Your mom sighed, and you opened your eyes, turning to face her. You put a smile on your face. 

“I’ll be alright, Mama.”
“I know you will.”
“It’s just … it’ll be the first time I see those people since my wedding. And I hate to be looked at with pity.”
“I know you do. You got that from your dad.”

An almost involuntary smile came over your face. 

“I miss him.”
“Oh, so do I. More than I breathe, sometimes.”

Your smile widened. 

“Do you think he would have kicked Peter’s ass?”

Your mom let out a laugh. 

“My darling, that little bastard would be nobody’s problem, I can guarantee that. Nobody messed with his baby girl and got away with it.”

You laughed, leaning over to rest your head against your mom’s shoulder. She kissed your temple, then gave your shoulder a pat. 

“Come on. It’s time for dinner and your Nana’s been going on and on about this New York boy you brought home to her.”
“She loves him already, doesn’t she?”
“Well, he’s easy to love.”

You felt your heart trip in your chest as you glanced down at the bedspread. 

“Yes, he is.”

The words were barely a whisper, but they burned leaving your throat. Your mother was sitting on the bed again before you could lift your head, eyes wide. 

“Y/N, you talk to me right now.”
“Mama—“
“Are you in love with this boy?”

You pushed yourself off the bed, shaking your head as you walked to the window.

“No.”
“‘No?’”
“No.”

She clicked her tongue and you closed your eyes. You shook your head again, turning to face her with tears in your eyes. 

“I can’t. I can’t do it again.”
“Oh, honey.”
“I can’t get hurt like that again, Mama.”
“And you think that boy would ever do anything to hurt you? Y/N, he looks at you like you hung the moon.”

You shook your head, turning away from her. 

“No, he doesn’t.”

The lie left a sour taste in your mouth. Of course you’d seen the way Bucky looked at you when he thought you weren’t looking. You saw the way Natasha rolled her eyes when the three of you were together, when you and Bucky were like magnets to each other and she was your third wheel. You saw the knowing looks Steve and Sam exchanged whenever you hung out with them, and you even tolerated the scary movies Sam always chose, just because he knew it would get you in Bucky’s arms so he could protect you from evil clowns and killer puppets on tricycles and anything else. 

You just couldn’t let yourself love him. You couldn’t give yourself over to him, because when you did, he’d have the ability to break you. You’d given Peter everything you had and he’d broken it, left it shattered at your feet. 

You couldn’t go through that again. You didn’t think you’d survive it. 

“Hey, Nana’s getting antsy about … everything okay?”

You wiped the tears from your cheeks as your mom stood up, walking to the door and giving Carol a smile. 

“We’ll be down in just a few minutes.”

Carol nodded. 

“Hey, Y/N, just a heads up, beware of door frames.”

You glanced to your cousin, looking up when she motioned. You gave a quiet laugh and Carol leaned forward to kiss your mom on the cheek. Your mom laughed, shaking her head and closing the door. You met her eyes and she nodded to you. 

“Go wash your face. Take your time, but don’t take too long, okay?”

You nodded and she left the room. You closed your eyes and gave a shaky exhale, grabbing your makeup bag and heading into the bathroom.

Chapter Text

You glanced over your shoulder when the overhead light came on in the kitchen. Bucky had one eye closed, the other narrowed as he stared at you. 

“What are you doing?”
“Why aren’t you asleep?”

He shrugged, yawning as he stepped into the kitchen, the white t-shirt he was wearing riding up as he raised his arms above his head. You quickly looked away when you saw the strip of skin, feeling your cheeks warm as you went back to kneading. Bucky shook his head, rubbing a hand on the back of his head as he shuffled towards you. 

“You okay?”

You shook your head. 

“I couldn’t sleep.”
“So you decide to take your aggressions out on this poor dough?”

You gave a laugh. 

“I felt like being productive.”
“What are you making?”

You looked down at the dough, the ingredients you had set out on the counter. Bucky followed your gaze, giving a quiet laugh when he picked up the “Everything But the Bagel” seasoning. He blinked, then turned his head to look at you. 

“Are you making bagels?”

You nodded, looking down as you kneaded the dough some more. You felt your cheeks flush again and Bucky stepped closer to you. 

“Y/N.”
“Hmm?”
“Why are you making bagels?”
“Well, we’ve got to have something for breakfast.”
“Yeah, but why bagels?”

You opened and closed your mouth a few times, feeling like a fish. You lifted your head and met his eyes and his lips curved into a soft smile. His voice was pitched low, and the sound sent shivers up and down your spine. 

“Are you making bagels for me?”

You automatically shook your head, looking away from his cool sapphire eyes. 

“No, I … I usually make something for everybody while I’m here, and I just thought bagels would be something different this year.”
“And it has nothing to do with the fact that I’m a born-and-bred New Yorker, the bagel capital of the USA?”

You swallowed, letting go of the dough and turning to look at him. 

“Maybe it had something to do with it.”

You’d barely even whispered the words, but Bucky smiled, stepping closer to you. 

“Thank you, sweetheart.”

You nodded and Bucky stepped closer, smiling when you closed your eyes and moved to rest your forehead against his chest. Your dough-covered hands hung by your sides, and Bucky lifted his hands to gently rub your shoulders. 

“I’m tired, but I can’t sleep.”
“What’s got you so anxious?”
“The dinner tonight.”

Bucky nodded, still kneading your shoulders. 

“The dinner that’s not the rehearsal dinner?”

You nodded, lifting your head. 

“Nana throws this huge … gala every year. Only the elite get an invite. We did the same thing last year. The big dinner tonight, rehearsal tomorrow, wedding to finish out the week.”

Bucky nodded. 

“And the elite who do get an invite?”
“I haven’t seen any of them since my wedding. And some of those women are real bitches.”

Bucky stifled a laugh and you turned back to the bagel dough, punching it as you spoke. 

“‘Oh, Y/N, how lovely to see you. Where have you been?’ ‘The decorations are so lovely this year. Where did you find all these things?’ Knowing damn good and well the decorations are leftovers from my farce of a wedding.” 

You shook your head and Bucky smiled, stepping up behind you and rubbing a hand along your back. Some of the tension left your shoulders at the touch of his hand, and you moved the dough from the flour-covered counter into a bowl. Bucky stood in the same spot as you went to wash your hands, and you held onto the edge of the sink. 

“Peter’s parents will be there.”
“Seriously?”

You lifted your head, looking out the small window at the moonlight on the lake. 

“They’ve been friends of the family for years. Nana can’t just not invite them.”
“Even though their son is king of the douches?”

You smiled, then sighed. 

“I guess I’m just dreading seeing them.”
“What would you say to them, if you could say anything you could?”

You glanced over your shoulder and smiled. 

“That their son is king of the douches.”

Bucky grinned and you sighed, turning to face him, wiping your hands on a dish towel. 

“I’d love to say that wedding and not marrying their son was the best thing that ever happened to me, but I’m just not there yet.”
“I get it.”

You met his eyes, smiling as you tossed the towel onto the counter behind you. 

“Of course … if it wasn’t for that disaster of a wedding, I might never have met you.”

Bucky smiled as he stepped closer to you. 

“And my life would be dreadfully boring.”
“Oh, please.”
“No, it’s true. Who would come over for movie night? Who would cook me soup when I’m sick?”

You rolled your eyes. 

“Yeah, that ‘man cold’ just about took you out this year.”
“Hey.”

You snorted, and Bucky took your hand. 

“I, for one, will forever be grateful for your disaster of a wedding. My life wouldn’t be the same without you in it.”

You smiled, gently shoving his shoulder. 

“Don’t go getting all mushy on me, Barnes.”
“It’s the truth, whether it’s mushy or not.”

You glanced up, going still when you saw the mistletoe hanging above Bucky’s head. He followed your gaze, blinking a few times before meeting your eyes again. You smiled, shaking your head. 

“You only have to do it when someone’s around to see. The kids keep score.”

Bucky nodded, giving your hand a gentle squeeze. He let go of you, and you felt a weird emptiness in your chest when you glanced up at the mistletoe again. You started to turn away, but Bucky took hold of your arms. You lifted your head, eyes widening when you saw the look on his face. 

“Buck?”
“Just … don’t say anything.”

You swallowed, feeling your heart start to pound in your chest when he lifted one hand from your arm to cup your cheek. He slowly inched closer to you, and your eyes slid closed, feeling his breath against your lips. 

A loud crash made the two of you jump apart, and Bucky stepped in front of you, both of you leaning out the kitchen door see a man stand up and hurry towards the back door. 

“Clint?”

He glanced over his shoulder as he pulled his shirt into place, hair sticking up and pants unzipped. He smiled and waved at you, shrugging his shoulders before turning and running out the door. You bit back a laugh and looked up at a confused Bucky. You motioned with your head. 

“Clint is Natasha’s high school sweetheart. Anytime she comes back to town, he comes over so they can … catch up.”
“You don’t say.”

Bucky glanced back down the hall and you took a step back from him covering your mouth with a hand. He cleared his throat and you shook your head, turning away from him, going to the bowl you’d set the bagel dough in. 

“Y/N—“
“I’ve got to get these bagels going. Shaped out and stuff. You should go back to bed.”
“Y/N.”
“We’ve got a big day tomorrow, Buck. Well, today. You need your rest.”

Bucky nodded, slipping his hands into the pockets of his pajama pants. 

“And what about you?”
“I’ll be fine.”

Bucky nodded, and you went still when he moved directly behind you, close enough for you to feel his body heat. You closed your eyes, somehow suppressing a shiver down your spine when he whispered in your ear. 

“If you want to pretend that almost didn’t happen, fine. But know that it wasn’t an accident and I’m as messed up about it as you are.”
“Buck—“

He leaned in to kiss your cheek, then turned and walked away. After a few long moments, you lifted your head, staring in the direction he’d gone.

“Earth to Y/N. You in there?”

You nodded in response to Hope’s question, lifting a hand to your mouth as you yawned again. Carol shook her head, pointing at you. 

“That’s like the fourth time you’ve yawned. What gives? How late were you up last night?”

You gave a quiet groan, shifting in your spot on the white couch. Natasha was beside you, and Carol and Hope were in chairs across from the couch, on the other side of the pedestal. You shook your head. 

“I couldn’t sleep.”
“Oh, was that the creaking Cassie heard and then came and asked Scott and me about?”

You grinned.

“Nope, that was Natty.”

Hope’s eyes widened as Carol made a slow gasp. 

“I knew I heard the back door open after everyone had gone to bed! Clint came over, didn’t he?”
“Fuck you very much, Y/N.”

You laughed and Natasha shifted, straightening out her legs and brushing a hand down her slacks. 

“Yes, he did. No, we’re not talking about it.”

Hope shrugged, resting her arms on her belly. 

“What’s there to talk about? You come to town, Clint comes over, you do the do, and that’s all until the next time you come to town.”

Carol snorted. 

“‘Do the do.’ Does the baby have ears, Hopie? Don’t want him or her to hear you say ‘fuck?’”
“I’m trying not to be crude, Carol Anne.”
“Don’t even start with the middle names.”
“Ladies, ladies.”

You shook your head, yawning again. Natasha tapped her foot against the floor as she side-eyed you. 

“Are you this exhausted because of the bagels we had this morning—“
“Which were delicious, by the way.”

You smiled at Hope and Natasha tapped her foot again. You looked to her and she raised an eyebrow, a sultry smile coming to her face. 

“Spill.”
“Darcy should be walking out any minute now.”
“But she ain’t here yet, so spill.”

Carol and Hope moved to the edges of their seats and you groaned. 

“There’s nothing to—“
“Don’t lie. You’ve always been shitty at it.”

You glared at Hope, even as your cheeks warmed, and she waved a hand at you. You sighed, looking down at your hands. 

“I couldn’t sleep, so I decided to make bagels. Bucky came down and we talked for a while and ended up under the mistletoe.”

Carol gave a quiet squeal in her throat and you shook your head. 

“Clint tripped over his own feet and interrupted us.”
“Damn it, Barton.”

You smiled at Carol’s eye roll, then sighed. 

“I just … he’s my friend. My best friend. He is the best friend I’ve ever had and I don’t want to mess that up. I can’t mess it up.”
“And kissing him would mess it up?”

You looked to Hope, pointedly flicking your eyes to her belly, then back to her face. She rolled her eyes, patting her belly with a hand. 

“This did not happen because Scott and I kissed under the mistletoe. There was a lot—and I mean a lot—that happened before this.”

You looked to Natasha. 

“What about you and Barton?”

She raised one eyebrow. 

“What about me and Barton?”
“Why haven’t you ever dated him?”
“We dated.”
“Holding hands in junior high doesn’t count.”

Natasha flipped Carol off without looking at her, making her laugh. Natasha shrugged. 

“We decided a long time ago that we’d just have fun with each other. Over the years, our definition of ‘fun’ happened to change to sex. We like where we are in our lives, but we like each other, too.”

You shook your head.  

“I don’t think I could do that.”
“No, you’re way too monogamous for that.”

You looked to Hope, and she lifted her shoulders, shaking her head. 

“You wouldn’t be able to do a friends with benefits thing. You’d catch feelings at penetration.”

Carol made a gagging noise, holding a hand up to her sister. 

“Do not talk about penetration at the table.”
“We’re not at the table. We’re at the wedding dress shop.”
“Ever. Do not talk about penetration ever.”

You giggled as Carol shuddered. Natasha tapped your knee with a fingernail and you looked over to her. 

“Let’s say, just for shits and giggles, that Bucky likes you as much as you clearly like him.”
“I don’t—“
“Oh honey, don’t even.”

Carol and Hope’s voices overlapped Natasha’s, all three of them shaking their heads and denying your claim. You looked from Natasha’s green eyes to Carol’s brown, landing on Hope’s hazel. She smiled at you, one hand gently rubbing her belly. 

“Everyone can see it, sweetie. You look at him like he hung the moon. And he’s all starry-eyed when he looks at you.”

Carol shook her head. 

“I don’t see what the problem is. You like him, he likes you—“
“And what happens when it ends?”

Carol, Hope and Natasha look over to you, and you shake your head, tears welling up in your eyes. 

“What happens when we get tired of each other? Or when he meets the one he’s supposed to be with? What happens when he asks me to marry him and then decides I’m not what he wants?”

You jerk your head to look at Natasha, who had hold of your hand, her nails digging into your wrist. 

“He’s not Peter. I’m personally offended that you would ever lump Bucky in a category with that human shitstain, because I know for a goddamn fact that Barnes would die before he hurt you.”

She dropped your wrist with a push, making it land in your lap. You stared down at your hands, a tear slipping down your cheek. Carol stood up and walked to the couch, and Natasha left the couch to take Carol’s chair. Carol scooped you into her arms and you shook your head as you moved it to Carol’s shoulder. She gently carded her fingers through your hair, speaking softly. 

“I know you’ve been hurt. I know it was horrible, and I know it’s hard to try to move on. But Y/N … you can’t keep living like this. Trust me when I say you don’t have forever. Don’t wait.”

You closed your eyes, missing the way Hope watched Natasha, the way she stared down at her hands, lost in her own thoughts. You sat up and sniffled, wiping your eyes when you heard May’s voice announce that Darcy was coming out. You shook your head, meeting Carol’s eyes. 

“Tell me her dress isn’t a carbon copy of mine.”
“Oh, no. This dress is much worse.”
“She looks like a cross between a Southern Belle and a cupcake. It’s hideous.”

You laughed at Hope, the four of you standing up and waiting for Darcy to appear.

Bucky held the Scotch in his hand as he looked around the room. You’d been right. Anybody who was anybody in the state of Louisiana was at your family home tonight. You’d introduced Bucky to everyone from the governor and his wife to the local sheriff. You’d stayed by him through most of the beginning of the evening, and Hope had come by to warn him not to let you hide in the kitchen or the bathroom, which you’d been known to do. 

Natasha was working the room the way she worked deals, her sultry laugh filling the air while her throat sparkled with diamonds and the emerald gown she wore seemed to highlight the fire of her hair. Bucky noticed a man always near Natasha, watching her, tugging at his tie or his sleeves like he wasn’t used to his suit. You hung to the edges, never getting too deep in the crowd, breathing a sigh of relief whenever Bucky came near. You were gorgeous in your deep purple gown, hair pulled up, your mother’s jewels in your ears. Hope wore a navy blue dress that hugged her belly, Darcy was a vision in red, and Carol wore black slacks and a white puffy shirt, her hair in cascading curls with sparkling starburst pins near her crown. 

The dinner was exquisite, the drinks flowed like a river, the laughter echoing through the rooms. You were sitting close to Bucky as a band played outside, a few couples creating a makeshift dance floor. The doors were open, so the music drifted in at the perfect volume, and the night was not cold, but not hot, lingering in that comfortable temperature. 

“Want to dance?”

You smiled as you met Bucky’s eyes. You nodded and he offered you a hand. You took it, letting him lead you to the dance floor, laying both your hand and your chin on his shoulder. 

“Is it always like this?”

You smiled and nodded. 

“At least once a year. More, if there’s an election of some kind. Parties have been thrown in this house since before the Civil War.”
“Really?”

You nodded. 

“There was talk that it was a whorehouse in the Depression, but Nana will vehemently deny that if asked.”

Bucky laughed, pulling you closer, his hand burning on the small of your back. The two of you moved along the floor in a comfortable silence, until his voice tumbled between you. 

“Hope told me not to let you hide in the kitchen.”

You sighed, nodding your head. 

“When I was younger, I had terrible anxiety whenever it came to talking to people I didn’t know. I’d go in the kitchen and hide, because they were so busy in there they never noticed me. Or I’d lock myself in one of the upstairs bathrooms. Only … one time I didn’t lock the door and Natasha and Clint came into the bathroom and I had to hide in the tub and wish I was dead while they … you know.”

Bucky leaned back to look into your eyes, his own wide and his mouth open. You laughed and nodded. 

“She doesn’t know about that, so keep it between us.”
“Your secret’s safe with me, sweetheart.”

You smiled, letting it slide from your face as you moved closer to him, your face hidden from his. You and Bucky danced and talked for the better part of an hour, amid which your uncle Phil and uncle Hank cut in for a dance of their own with you. Bucky danced with your mom and then Nana, and you almost had to fight her to get him back. 

Bucky led you back to a table and you let out an appreciative groan when you sat in a chair. 

“These shoes are so pretty but my feet are killing me. Or, as we say here in the South, my dogs are barking.”

Bucky laughed, patting a hand on his thigh. 

“Want me to rub your feet?”
“As tempting as that is, Nana would kill us. We have to look like ladies and gentlemen, even if we aren’t.”

Bucky grinned at you, the two of you turning when you heard your name mispronounced in the sweetest way. A smile spread over your face when a dark haired blur ran your way, and you stood up, bending down and catching the blur in your arms. 

“Hello, sweet girl! Oh, I’ve missed you!”

Bucky stood, noticing that all eyes in the room were on you. A tall, blonde woman appeared in the doorway, sighing when she saw you. She smiled and waved to people in the crowd, laying a hand on your back when she reached you. 

“As soon as Mom mentioned your name, she took off.”

You smiled at the woman, leaning to kiss her cheek. You pointed up and she groaned when she saw the mistletoe. 

“Not again.”
“It’s a tradition:”

She shook her head, widening her eyes and rolling them towards her right. You smiled. 

“Pepper, this is Bucky Barnes. Buck, this is my aunt Pepper and this is … psst. Tell him your name.”

The little girl in your arms lifted her head off your shoulder, giving Bucky a once-over before speaking. 

“Morgan Maria Stark.”
“Nice to meet you, Morgan.”

Pepper shook Bucky’s hand, then turned to you. 

“Sorry we’re late. The plane was grounded because of snow, and then you know how Tony is, always has to make an entrance.”
“Well, when you’re worth a billion or so, you can do that.”

Bucky nodded, and you moved back to the table, sitting down with Morgan in your lap. Pepper patted your shoulder and then started making the rounds. The band started back up and Morgan looked up at you. 

“I missed you.”
“I know, pumpkin. I’ve missed you, too.”
“Daddy said we can move to New York if we wanted.”

You nodded, tucking her dark hair behind her ear. 

“You could, but who would watch out for Goose?”

Morgan shook her head. 

“Goose stays wif Carol.”
“Well, what about Charlie?”
“Daddy says Charlie is not our problem. But I love him.”

You smiled, looking over to Bucky. 

“Charlie is Nana’s basset hound. He loves Morgan.”

Bucky smiled and Morgan lifted her hands to your cheeks, making you look at her. 

“Is Bucky your boyfriend?”

Your eyes widened as he laughed, and Bucky shook his head. 

“And I think that’s my cue to go to the bar. Can I get you anything?”
“Chardonnay, please.”

Morgan nodded. 

“Apple juice, please.”

Bucky grinned. 

“Coming right up.”

You watched him walk away and you shook your head, leaning in to touch your nose to Morgan’s. 

“You can’t say things like that, Morguna. Not until he’s not around.”
“Is he though?”

You sighed. 

“No, he’s not. He’s just my friend.”

Morgan nodded. 

“Daddy says it’s okay for boys to be your friends. But that’s all.”

You shook your head, a smile on your face. 

“Your daddy thinks he knows everything, doesn’t he?”

Morgan nodded.

“He does his best thinking with juice pops and me.”
“Oh, he does?”

She nodded again. 

“We make a great team.”

You smiled, resting your head atop hers, hugging her gently. 

“You’re one lucky little girl, Morguna Stark.”

You smiled at Morgan asleep on Tony’s shoulder, his other arm holding Pepper close. Hope and Scott were barely moving, one of his hands on her belly. Darcy and Ian were wrapped up in each other’s arms, cheeks pressed together. Natasha … well, you didn’t know exactly where Natasha was, but you had a hunch. You were sitting at the table again, Cassie asleep in the chair beside you, Bucky leaving Carol on the dance floor as she laughed and he shook his head. He smiled as he arrived at your table, sitting on your other side once he’d seen Cassie. 

“You okay?”

You nodded. 

“The party should be winding down soon. Once the little ones fall asleep, the big ones aren’t too far behind.”

Bucky smiled, turning as chants began rolling up from the dance floor. Cassie sat up, a frown on her face, and you laid a hand on her dark hair. She moved to rest her head in your lap, closing her eyes again. 

“Alright, alright! Fine.”

Cheers rose from the floor as Carol stepped up to the doorway, which was a few steps above the rest of the floor. You took in a breath, a smile on your face. Bucky turned to you, shaking his head. 

“What’s going on?”
“Carol’s going to sing.”

Bucky’s eyebrows raised and you smiled. 

“She’s really good.”

She started to sing acapella, and just as you’d known would happen, the room became entranced. Carol’s voice brought everyone to a standstill, and you could only smile in pride as you listened to her. She sang two songs, and as the band began to play, she sang one last one. 

“Have yourself a merry little Christmas.
Let your heart be light.
From now on, our troubles
Will be out of sight.”

You took in a breath, eyes on Carol who was resolutely not looking at you. Natasha, Hope, and Darcy, however, had all glanced back to find you. Bucky saw them looking towards you and you swallowed.

“Have yourself a merry little Christmas, 
Make the Yuletide gay.
From now on, our troubles
Will be miles away.”

You closed your eyes, lowering your head. You blinked your eyes open and stared at the table, and Bucky reached over to take your hand. You grabbed onto his hand and held it tightly, staring at the table as Carol continued to sing. 

“Through the years, 
We all will be together,
If the fates allow.
Hang a shining star
Upon the highest bough. 
And have yourself
A merry little Christmas now.”

You swallowed, lifting a shaky hand to rest it on Cassie’s head. 

“Y/N? Are you—“

You shook your head, lifting tear-filled eyes to Bucky’s. 

“Take her.”

He moved to gently lift Cassie from the chair, holding her as she wrapped her arms and legs around him. He turned and watched as you rushed from the room, not stopping until you were outside. 

You took great, heaving breaths in and out, trying your hardest to stop the tears. There was no explanation for it. You couldn’t hear that song without crying. You hadn’t been that way until your father had died, and for some reason, “Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas” always made you cry. 

You felt somewhat in control of yourself and let out a shaky breath. You ran your hands down the front of your gown and nodded, turning to go back into the house. You stopped when you realized you weren’t alone, all the blood rushing from your limbs and going ice-cold when you saw the man before you. 

“Peter.”

Chapter Text

You stood frozen to the ground, eyes locked on the man before you. He gave you a smile.

“Hi, Y/N.”

Hi?

Did he just say ‘hi?’

You just blinked, unable to take your eyes from him. Peter glanced away, licking his lips before he brought his eyes back to you. 

“You look amazing, Y/N. Purple always was your color.”
“What are you doing here?”

Peter blinked, then smiled. 

“Darcy invited me. Her wedding—“
“She invited you to her wedding?”

Peter exhaled and nodded. 

“Y/N, I … I feel like we need to talk.”

You furrowed your eyebrows. 

“Now?”
“Well, this is the first time I’ve been able to get you alone today.”

You felt anger start licking along your spine and you grabbed onto it, clutching it like a lifeline. 

“What could we possibly have to talk about, Peter? I haven’t heard a word from you in almost a solid year.”

He hung his head, then nodded. 

“I know.”
“Do you? Because you’re out here talking with me like we’re old friends, and I hate to be the one to break this to you, but ‘friends’ is the last thing we’ll ever be.”

Peter nodded again. 

“I deserve that.”
“No, you deserve more than that. I can’t believe you have the audacity to confront me out here.”

You stopped suddenly, turning your head to him. 

”Oh. Oh.”

You looked around, then gave a laugh. 

“Wow. Wow, I should have seen this coming.”
“Y/N—“
“You never wanted to cause a scene … until you did. And look at us now, away from the party, out of earshot from the crowd. Were you the one who asked Carol to sing that song?”
“No, I had nothing to do with that song.”
“You just knew what it did to me and thought ‘now’s my chance?’”

Peter looked away and you put your face in your hands. 

“God!”
“I know you don’t believe me, but I do want to apologize.”

Your eyes were blazing when you dropped your hands, looking over to him. 

“Apologize?”
“I shouldn’t have done what I did.”

You stared at him and he shook his head. 

“Leaving you in front of all those people … I should never have done that. I should have stopped it before, but I … god, Y/N. You were so happy. Your dreams were coming true and I … I just couldn’t.”

You couldn’t do anything but blink until you found your voice. 

“You couldn’t? So you waited until literally the very last minute and did it as publicly as you could?”
“If I could take it back—“
“But you can’t. And no matter what you say, I will never forgive you.”

You shook your head, going to take a step back when a voice made you stop. 

“There you are. I was wondering where you ran off to. Oh. Hello.”

A woman walked up to Peter, studying you with a smile on her face. You looked at her, then Peter, and he cleared his throat. 

“Y/N, this is Gamora. My wife.”

White noise started quietly, then began to roar in your ears. You stared at him, at the blue eyes you’d fallen in love with long ago, the ones that broke your heart in the worst possible way. You moved your eyes to her, Gamora, watched her move her hand to his chest, seeing a diamond glinting on her finger. Her ring didn’t look anything like the ring he’d given you, which gave you some semblance of satisfaction. 

You blinked, then met his eyes again. 

“Wife?”

She nodded. 

“Call it a whirlwind if you want, but … I have never met anyone so kind and caring as Peter. He’s such a good man, and I am the luckiest woman to be his wife.”

You gave a slow nod, never before wishing quite as hard as you did then that the ground would open up and a sinkhole appear to swallow you whole. 

But wishes had never really worked for you. 

“Y/N, we’ve been looking for you. The party’s …”

You looked over your shoulder, seeing Bucky’s face morph into one of concern as soon as your eyes met his. He hurried to you, taking your hands, speaking where only you could hear. 

“Shit, your hands are like ice. Are you okay?”

You couldn’t do anything but shake your head, and Bucky lifted his eyes to the couple behind you. Peter nodded, holding out a hand. 

“Peter Quill.”

Bucky blinked. 

“Excuse me?”
“Don’t.”

Bucky looked down to you and you gave a minute shake of your head. 

“Please, Buck.”

He stared at you, and you moved a weak hand to grip his suit jacket. He nodded, lifting his eyes to Peter’s again, knowing by the way Peter’s hand dropped that his eyes had taken on a sharp edge. 

“I hate to be rude, but excuse us.”

Bucky didn’t wait for an answer. He wrapped an arm around you and led you back to the house, letting you grip his jacket as tightly as you wanted. He bypassed the crowd and headed up the stairs, all the way to the third floor, to your bedroom. You pushed away from him to go to the middle of the room, and he locked the door before he turned to face you. 

You moved in a tight circle, lips moving while no sound left your throat. Your body was trembling and Bucky helplessly watched you, then spoke softly. 

“Y/N?”

You whirled to face him, shaking your head. You lifted a hand to your lips, then let it fall by your side. 

“He’s married.”

Bucky blinked. 

“What?”
“That—that woman? That’s his … his wife.”
“Y/N.”

You shook your head, going to the window, gripping the windowsill and staring at the lake. Bucky took a step into the room, but kept his distance. 

“Honey, you need to calm down.”
“Did you hear me? He’s married, Bucky!”

You whirled to face him again, chest heaving with every breath you took. He slowly shook his head, holding a hand towards you, as if you were a wild animal he was needing to calm. Your body trembled so hard you were almost vibrating, and Bucky stepped closer to you.

“I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t apologize! Not for him.”
“I don’t know what to say.”

You stopped, staring at him. Bucky shook his head, lifting his shoulders, letting them fall. 

“I don’t know what to do. You don’t want me to apologize, that’s fine. You won’t let me kick his ass. Am I supposed to say ‘good for him?’ Or maybe ‘good riddance?’ Or ‘how lucky you are, that he’s not your problem anymore?’”

You felt your heart slow, the breaths easing instead of tearing out of your lungs. You shook your head, hand shaking as you lifted it to your forehead. You felt your knees give, but Bucky was right there, catching you, holding you to him, leading you to the bed and sitting you on it. He knelt in front of you and held your hands, and you shook your head. 

“I’ve been … mourning for a solid year. Missing him. Sending texts that were ignored. And he … he’s married.”

Bucky didn’t say anything, and you lifted your eyes from your hands to his. 

“He moved on.”

Bucky nodded and you blinked.

“He moved on and I … I’ve been stuck.”

Bucky sighed, letting go of one of your hands and moving his hand to cover his mouth. You slowly nodded. 

“It’s not that he didn’t want to be married. He just didn’t want to be married to me.”
“Y/N—“
“He didn’t want to crush my dreams. He let me plan and be happy and he waited until the last possible second and ruined my life. And then he—“

You lifted a hand to press it over your mouth, giving a muffled scream. You stood up as Bucky did, but you pushed him away when he tried to come close to you. 

“What did I do? What did I do that was so awful that he had to leave me like that? I was so good to him. I loved him. And he didn’t want to hurt my feelings? So he waited until my feelings were raw and flayed open for everyone to see?”

Bucky shook his head and you moved your hands to your head, pressing as hard as you could for a split second before shaking hands went to remove your earrings. 

“You need to go.”
“What?”
“I just … I need to be alone. Don’t let anyone come up here, okay?”
“I’m not leaving you.”
“I’m not asking, James.”

Bucky raised his eyebrows. 

“Oh, so I’m James now?”
“Just leave, would you?”
“I don’t think so.”
“God!”

You gave a hard laugh as you shook your head, yanking pins from your hair. 

“What, do I put off some kind of vibe where men do the exact opposite of what I need? Fuck.”

You tossed the pins to the floor, not caring where they fell. 

“Do me a favor. Help me unbutton this dress, then go.”
“I’m not leaving you right now.”

You shook your head, looking to him. Your hair was tumbling around your face, curls misshapen and falling. Your makeup was ruined, lipstick long gone and mascara in rivulets down your cheeks. You’d been crying, not that you’d noticed, but Bucky did. Every tear that slid down your cheek embedded like a thorn in his heart. 

“Do you want me to be mean to you? Fine. I’ll be mean. Get the fuck out of here. I don’t want you near me right now. Go away!”

Bucky set his jaw, then nodded. You turned your back to him, closing your eyes. You heard the door unlock and open, and it wasn’t until you heard it close again that you broke. 

You sank to the floor, hanging your head, tears streaming down your cheeks as sobs left your throat. You moved to your hands and knees, probably ruining your dress, but paying it no mind. You dug your nails into the rug you were on, crying like you’d done only one time before. 

When the sobs were still coming and your chest felt like it had been scooped out like a pumpkin, you felt arms surround you. You turned and put your nose in a familiar neck, looping your arms around his neck as he lifted you in his arms. Bucky carried you to the bed, sitting you on the end of it, kneeling to remove your heels. He moved behind you and unbuttoned your dress, leaving you with the back of the dress open and your head hanging. 

He walked back with a wet washcloth from the bathroom, wiping your face and making you blow your nose. He helped you stand and slid the dress from your shoulders, walking behind you to unfasten your bra, then slip a T-shirt, one of his that you’d somehow managed to steal, over your head. 

You lifted your tear-stained face and looked into his eyes. He gave you a smile, speaking softly. 

“I don’t know what to say, so I’m not going to say anything. I’m going to stay right here with you, and you can cry or scream or do whatever you want. But you’re not going to do it alone.”

You shook your head, more tears coming to your eyes. 

“I don’t deserve you.”
“Yes, you do. Lay down.”

You sniffled, but did what he said. He shook the jacket off his shoulders, unbuttoning his shirt and dropping it to the floor with the jacket, leaving him in a white T-shirt identical to the one you were wearing. 

You were laying on your side with your back to him. Bucky crawled onto the bed beside you, moving until your back was against his chest and he wrapped his arms around you. He moved a hand to brush your hair behind your ear and spoke softly. 

“Do whatever you need. Cry if you have to. Just let this be the end of it. Let him go.”

You felt the tears start again, and you closed your eyes, but started sobbing. Bucky held you tighter, not saying a word. Somehow, and you didn’t understand how, but his presence was helping. It still hurt, and you knew you needed the catharsis these tears would bring, but you didn’t know if you could have done it without Bucky being there. 

So, you let go. Everything you’d kept inside for a year. All the hopes and dreams you put on Peter, that he’d let come crashing down. Every time you’d wanted to break down, but wouldn’t let yourself. It all came out, washed away by the tears cascading down your cheeks. You cried until your face was swollen, until you couldn’t see, until your chest hurt with every breath you took.

And then, you slept. 

Bucky felt like he was being flayed alive, holding you while you cried the way you did. He’d meant every word he’d said, and he held you tightly against him while you gave these deep, broken-hearted sobs. It physically hurt him to hear you, but he wasn’t about to let you go. 

It wasn’t until your breathing evened out, the hitching finally calmed and deep breaths taking its place that Bucky realized you’d relaxed in his arms. He leaned over to see your eyes closed, soft snores leaving your slightly parted lips. Bucky smiled, pressing his lips to your cheek. He stared up at the ceiling for a moment, then started to move. He went to slide his arm out from under you, going still. 

You whimpered, like you were about to start crying again. You nestled closer into him, relaxing when he moved his hand to rest against your hip. He tried not to focus on the feel of your panties under his palm, and he swallowed as he tried again to maneuver out from under you. He managed to get his arm free, closing his eyes when you whispered his name. 

He looked to you, finding your eyes still closed, but your face no longer peaceful in sleep. Your eyebrows were furrowed, your lips pouted, hands reaching for something. When you murmured his name again, Bucky realized you were reaching for him. 

It was a bad idea, and he knew it was, but he couldn’t stand to hear the pitiful sounds coming from your throat. He gently shushed you, rubbing a hand down your arms. 

He never expected you to roll over, to take hold of his shirt and pull him close, to throw a leg over his as you wrapped your arms around him. He gave a shaky breath, tossing his resolve aside, circling his arms around you, pulling you close and holding you as tightly as he dared. You gave a satisfied sigh, resting your head against his chest, dipping deeper into sleep. Your arms relaxed around him, but didn’t let go, and Bucky put his face in your hair, inhaling deeply as he closed his eyes.

You woke up slowly, head giving the slightest throb, but it barely registered with you because you were so warm. You snuggled deeper into the bed, giving a soft noise when the bed moved, too. You blinked your sleepy eyes open to see the warm bed you were laying on was actually Bucky, and you were wrapped in his arms, your head on his shoulder, your legs tangled together. Your shirt had ridden up during the night, leaving your panties on full display, and you went to tug your shirt down, sucking in a breath when Bucky tightened his hold on you and moved the slightest bit. 

He gave a deep exhale, resting his chin atop your head, and you closed your eyes again, unable to hide the smile from your lips. You moved your hands to lay them against his back, feeling the muscles shift under your hands. He mumbled low in his throat, the deep sound rumbling in his chest, and you gave a soft, happy moan as he tugged you closer. 

That must have registered with him, because Bucky slowly blinked his eyes open. He glanced down, swallowing when he saw you, tangled together with him. He cursed a blue streak in his mind, going to loosen his hold on you. 

“No, don’t.”

Bucky went still, leaning back, watching you snuggle closer to him, your face in his chest. 

“You’re so warm.”
“There’s blankets I can—“
“Just stay here.”

Bucky nodded, relaxing only slightly, moving a hand to push his fingers through your hair. After a moment, he spoke again, voice deeper than usual, still thick from sleep. 

“You okay?”

You nodded, the stubble on his chin tickling your forehead when you moved. 

“My head hurts, and my face feels all puffy and swollen. But … I don’t know. I feel lighter.”

Bucky slowly nodded. 

“Good.”

The two of you were quiet for a moment, and Bucky shifted until the two of you were face to face. You took in a breath, letting it out slowly, studying his face as he was studying yours. You finally broke the silence, making Bucky smile. 

“We slept together last night.”

Bucky nodded. 

“I guess we did.”
“Buck—“
“Why don’t … we don’t we just see what happens?”

You swallowed, reaching over to brush your fingers through his hair, watching his blue eyes flutter closed. You couldn’t answer him and you weren’t sure why, so you continued touching his soft hair. 

“Would it be the worst thing?”
“No. Bucky, god, no.”

He blinked his eyes open and you sighed. You shook your head and Bucky moved a hand to your hip, both of you sucking in a breath when his fingers brushed the band of your panties. He didn’t move his hand, instead moving where his palm was pressed against your thigh. You gave a shaky breath, meeting his eyes again. Bucky’s eyes were dark when he spoke softly. 

“We don’t have to put a name to it. We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. Just … let’s see what happens. And we can just do what feels right.”
“Like what?”
“Like …”

Bucky moved his hand and took hold of yours, brushing his fingers against yours before closing his hand. He rolled to his back and you moved with him, snuggling close to his side, still holding his hand. His other hand moved to brush through your hair and he sighed. 

“You don’t have to say I’m your boyfriend. We don’t have to kiss or anything. Just—“
“Touch each other more than we already do?”
“Yeah. Just be comfortable together, whatever that means.”

You nodded, letting go of his hand and moving to lay your hand over his heart, whispering softly. 

“I don’t want to mess us up.”

Bucky closed his eyes, moving a hand to your elbow. 

“Just give me a chance, baby.”

You gave a shaky sigh, closing your eyes as you turned your face into his chest. You took in a shaky breath, exhaling slowly. 

“Okay.”

Bucky’s eyes flew open. 

“Yeah?”

You nodded and Bucky smiled as he tightened his arm around you. The two of you froze when there was a knock on your door. 

“Y/N? Hey, are you awake?”

Your eyes widened and you sat up, clamping a hand over Bucky’s mouth as he started chuckling softly. You shook your head. 

“Ye—yeah, I’m up.”
“We lost you last night. I know you hate that song, but … they asked me to sing it and I tried to tell them no, but—“
“Carol, it’s okay.”

She sighed, twisting your doorknob, you and Bucky sucking in a breath and holding it. 

“Why did you lock your door? You never lock your door. Are you okay?”

You closed your eyes to ignore the look on Bucky’s face and you shook your head. 

“I’m fine, I promise.”
“Then come unlock the door.”
“Carol—“
“Oh my god, is Bucky in there with you?!”

Your eyes went wide, looking down into his wide eyes. You shook your head, both of you looking to the door when Carol unlocked the door and opened it. You closed your eyes, hanging your head and Carol shut the door behind her. She had a smile on her face and you shook your head. 

“Don’t. Please don’t—“
“What, you think I’m going to throw open this door and run and yell that you’ve got a Bucky in your bed?”

Bucky smiled and Carol rolled her eyes. 

“Give me more credit than that.”

You gave a sigh and Carol waved a hand. 

“Plus, you both are dressed, so how boring are you?”

You and Bucky laughed, and you moved to sit up fully, moving the blankets to cover your lap. Bucky sat up beside you, brushing a hand over his hair. Carol locked the door behind her, walking to sit on the bed. 

“Where’d you go last night? Hope saw you run out after I sang. We sent Bucky to find you, but he never came back, either.”

You looked to Bucky and sighed. 

“Peter confronted me.”

Carol’s dark eyes went wide. 

“I’m sorry, what the fuck did you just say?”

You nodded, and Bucky moved to lay an arm over your shoulders. Carol shook her head. 

“What was he even doing here?”
“Darcy invited him.”
“She did what?!”

You held up a hand as Carol jumped off the bed. 

“It’s okay, she—“
“No the fuck it is not okay! What the actual hell?!”

Carol shook her head, going to the door. You started out of the bed, holding a hand towards her. 

“Carol—“
“Darcy! We need to talk!”
“Carol, no, wait—“

Carol ran down the stairs and you turned back to Bucky, who had climbed out of the bed and walked to you, kissing the top of your head as he hurried down to his room. You put your face in your hands, starting down the stairs, realizing what you were wearing. You cursed under your breath, running back to your room and grabbing some pants, throwing on a bra, running down to where you could already hear the yelling.

Chapter Text

“I just don’t understand how you can be that damn stupid!”
“I’m not stupid!”
“Oh, really? You were there last year! You saw what he did, how bad it hurt her. How could you even think of inviting him?”

You stepped into the room to see Carol, Hope, and Natasha surrounding Darcy. Your mother and aunts were huddled in the opposite doorway, trying to stay out of it, whispering to each other. You sighed, and Hope held out her arms when she saw you. 

“Y/N, I am so sorry. We had no idea.”

Darcy looked to you, green eyes wide. You walked to Hope and let her embrace you, looking to Darcy and shaking your head. 

“Why did you do it? Why did you invite him?”

Carol gave an exasperated, muffled shriek. 

“He shouldn’t have been able to step foot on the property! Much less have an invite to the fucking dinner.”
“We had to invite his parents! I couldn’t just not invite him.”
“Oh, yes you could!”

Three voices rang out in unison, and you looked from Hope to Carol to Natasha, all of them angrily glaring at Darcy. You sighed again and Darcy shook her head, eyes filling with tears. 

“I— I didn’t think he’d come.”
“You should have known he’d come. He loved those stupid dinners and the notoriety he had for being with Y/N. He always loved a show, didn’t he, Y/N? Of course he’d come last night.”

You blinked at Natasha, and Darcy closed her eyes, bowing her head. 

“I messed up.”

Carol scoffed. 

“Yeah, you did. I just don’t know how someone so smart can be so damn stupid.”
“I’m not stupid!”

Darcy glared at Carol, then turned and ran from the room. May broke away from her sisters and rushed after her daughter. Hope pushed a hand through her hair as you sighed. You met Natasha’s eyes, then walked in the direction Darcy and May had just gone. 

“Honey?”

You glanced back at your mom, shaking your head, continuing in your walk. You stopped outside the bedroom Darcy had always claimed, taking in a breath and letting it out when you saw May with her hands against the closed door. You swallowed, laying a hand on her back as you spoke. 

“Darcy, it’s me. Will you let me in?”

You didn’t hear an answer, but when you tried the doorknob, it opened easily. You smiled at May, stepping into the room and closing the door behind you. You leaned against the door and Darcy turned to you, tears rolling down her cheeks. She shook her head, rushing to you. 

“I never meant to hurt you, Y/N. You have to believe me.”
“I do, Darce.”

Darcy shook her head, putting her face in her hands. After a moment, she lifted her head, tear-filled eyes meeting yours. 

“How could I have done that? How could I have invited him, not only to last night, but to the wedding, too? It never even occurred to me that you’d have a problem with it.”
“You didn’t ask me, Darcy.”
“I haven’t seen you.”

You met her eyes and she shrugged. 

“I get it. You had to get away from here, but … Peter isn’t the only one you left, Y/N. Do you know how stupid I felt emailing you and asking you to be a bridesmaid? But I didn’t know if you’d answer if I called.”

You blinked. 

“I didn’t … I didn’t think about that.”

Darcy nodded, looking down at her hands. 

“I know I’m not Carol or Natasha, but … I love you, too. And I’ve missed you this year.”
“Can I ask you something?”

Darcy nodded again, and you walked to sit on the bed, swallowing before you spoke. 

“Why did you carbon copy my wedding?”

Darcy came to sit beside you, giving you a smile. 

“Because your wedding last year was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. Everything was gorgeous and perfect and I told myself that if I ever got married, I’d want to do it just like you.”

You couldn’t help but smile. Darcy had always wanted to be like you. You and Natasha and Carol has always been thick as thieves. Hope was a bit older, Darcy a bit younger, and while you loved your cousins, there was always a closer bond between you, Carol, and Natasha. 

Darcy shrugged a shoulder, looking down at her engagement ring. 

“You didn’t deserve what Peter did to you.”

You never did know what to say to that, so you just nodded, looking down at your hands. 

“Y/N, did … did it hurt your feelings for me to copy your wedding?”

You lifted your head, waiting a moment before answering. 

“Yeah, Darce. It kind of did.”
“Why?”
“Because everywhere I look I’m reminded of what last year was like. How happy I was, all the dreams I was dreaming. And how it all came crashing down.”

Darcy closed her eyes, face falling as more tears spilled from beneath her lashes. She blinked her eyes open and shook her head. 

“That never occurred to me. I didn’t once think of how this might make you feel. What kind of person does that?”
“Darcy.”
“No, I … I’m so selfish. Normal people think of these things. What’s wrong with me?”

You shook your head, reaching over and taking her hands. 

“There’s nothing wrong with you.”
“Yes, there is! You heard Carol. How stupid can I be?”

Darcy yanked her hands away from you, standing up and crossing her arms over her chest, and you sighed. 

“Carol was angry, Darce. She didn’t mean what she said.”
“Well, maybe she should have.”

Darcy walked to the window and stared out, crossing her arms again. You licked your lips, speaking softly. 

“Do you remember that summer little Peter came to live with you?”

Darcy didn’t turn around, and you smiled. 

“You loved him, but you did not want a brother. You spent the night with me … at least once a week. And then you and I came out here and stayed for a couple of weeks.”

Darcy glanced over her shoulder and you smiled at her. 

“When I got your email and saw the date, I didn’t want to come. But all I could think about was that summer and how much fun we had together.”

Tears came to her eyes again. 

“That was the best summer of my life. When you and I were like you and Carol and Nat always were.”

She shook her head, voice going soft. 

“I’ve always wanted to be like you, Y/N. So kind and gentle. So loving. But I’m not.”
“Honey.”

You stood up and walked to her, turning her to face you, taking her hands. 

“Look what being me got me. I got left at the altar, broken up with in the most public, most humiliating way. You need to be you, Darcy. Not me.”
“But look at me! Basic decency somehow escapes me and I never even realize it until someone points it out. How can anybody live like that? How can Ian want to marry someone like that?”

She shook her head and you pulled her close, wrapping your arms around her. 

“That’s the wonderful thing about finding the person you’re supposed to spend your life with. You fit together like the only two pieces of a puzzle. Everything you lack, he has.”

Darcy moved her hands to your back, pushing you closer. You moved a hand to stroke her hair and she spoke softly. 

“You really believe that?”

You nodded. 

“It took me a while to get there, but that’s something that made me realize Peter and I never would have made it. We didn’t complete each other. I was over here and he was over there, and we couldn’t meet in the middle.”

You were struck with a memory of how Peter hated mushrooms, something you loved. While you’d been willing to sacrifice eating them, he wouldn’t budge. If he found a stray mushroom on his plate, he’d refuse to eat. 

Bucky didn’t like mushrooms, either. But he ordered them on pizzas, and he’d pick them off his slices and give them to you to eat. 

You took in a shaky breath. 

“Y/N?”
“I’m okay. Are you?”

Darcy nodded. She leaned back, keeping hold of your hands. 

“I really am sorry my wedding is bringing up bad memories for you.”

You smiled. 

“It’s not all bad. I am enjoying the mistletoe, how happy it makes the little ones.”

Darcy grinned. 

“I’m just ready for you and Bucky to get stuck under some.”

You felt your cheeks flush and Darcy laughed softly. 

“He seems like a good one, Y/N. Much better than Peter.”
“Thanks, Darce.”

She gave your hands a squeeze. 

“Are we okay?”

You nodded. 

“We’re good, bridezilla.”
“Hey! I’m not a bridezilla!”

You giggled, and Darcy just stared at you for a moment before she started giggling, too.

Bucky glanced over his shoulder, smiling when you came walking down the stairs. He took in a breath and moved a hand to his chest. You stopped at the bottom of the stairs, adjusting the three-quarter length lacy sleeves of your black dress. 

“I don’t look like I’m going to a funeral, do I?”

Bucky snorted. 

“No. You look gorgeous.”

You rolled your eyes, fluffing the curls in your hair. 

“Nat’s a wizard with a curling iron.”
“I see. Very nice.”
“Very hairsprayed.”

Bucky gave a quiet laugh. You turned to look at him, at the sweater he was wearing with a suit jacket over it. You smiled, pretending to fix the lapels of his jacket. 

“You look nice, too.”
“Oh, I say you’re gorgeous and all I get is ‘nice?’”

You laughed softly, laying a hand against his chest. 

“Handsome?”
“Keep talking.”

Bucky looped your arm through his, walking with you to the section of the property where the rehearsal dinner would take place.

“Hunky?”
“I feel that you could do better.”

You felt a smile come to your lips when the two of you reached the rehearsal. You leaned over, whispering to him. 

“Panty-dropping.”

Bucky’s eyes widened as his cheeks flushed and you laughed to yourself as you opened the doors and walked inside. He rushed up behind you, gently pinching your side. 

“Not cool!”

He hissed the words into your ear, straightening and eyes widening again. 

“Wow.”

The room was a winter wonderland, with multiple Christmas trees peppered throughout. Tables were set up with white tablecloths, fancy plates with silver edging, and tiny Christmas trees as centerpieces. Bucky couldn’t help but smile as he looked around, feeling for some reason like he was inside a snow globe, just without the snow. He turned to you, hand automatically reaching for yours. 

“Y/N.”
“It’s—“

The breath hitched leaving your throat and you shook your head. Bucky stepped closer and you laid a hand against his chest, the steady beat of his heart soothing under your palm. You took a few deep breaths, letting them out slowly. Bucky leaned forward, his forehead bumping yours. 

“Is this how it was decorated for you?”

You nodded, pushing a smile onto your lips. 

“Not exactly. Some of the details are a little different. But it’s very close.”

You closed your eyes when Bucky pressed his lips against your temple. You gave his hand a squeeze. 

“The good news is, the dinner will be a thick steak that will melt like butter on your tongue.”
“Oh, really?”
“Yeah, I think I signed you up for the vegetarian version, though.”

Bucky’s blue eyes narrowed. 

“You take that back right now.”

You gave a soft laugh and he squeezed your hand. You looked over the room again, exhaling and nodding as you led Bucky outside to where the ceremony would take place. 

“So it’s like a rite of passage? Everyone gets married here?”

Scott nodded, taking another sip of his beer. 

“Hope and I did. All their moms did. Cassie’s even told me she’s getting married here, and I told her sure, when she’s forty.”

Bucky smiled, drinking from his beer. He looked across the room and saw you with Cassie and little Morgan, the girls each holding one of your hands as the three of you danced. Morgan looked up and tugged on your hand, and when you looked up and saw the mistletoe, you smiled, picking her up and kissing her cheek, making her giggle as she threw her arms around your neck. 

Bucky felt a pain in the center of his chest and he absently lifted a hand to rub it. He finished off his beer, taking his phone from his pocket and snapping a picture of Morgan’s head on your shoulder. He smiled at the photo, eyebrow raising when Morgan whispered in your ear. You nodded, putting her down on the ground, and Bucky watched her run on her tiptoes to him. He knelt down, taking her hands when she reached him. 

“Hi.”

Bucky smiled. 

“Hi.”
“Y/N needs a boy to dance wif.”

Bucky’s smile widened. 

“Oh, she does?”

Morgan nodded, tugging on Bucky’s hand. He stood up and let her lead him to the dance floor, where you sighed and looped an arm around his neck. Morgan squealed as her dad came up behind her, picking her up and carrying her across the floor. Cassie ran over to Scott and you sighed again as you turned to face him. Bucky smiled as he murmured to you. 

“You good?”

You groaned softly, both of your arms around his neck as Bucky’s hands went to rest at your hips. 

“Those little monsters are exhausting.”

Bucky laughed and you rested your head against his shoulder. He closed his eyes, tilting his head to rest it on yours. The music playing turned slow, and you watched as Hank pulled Janet to the floor, Uncle Phil smiling as Nadia took his hand. You smiled when May wrapped her arms around your mom, both of them laughing as they started to sway. Pepper and Tony were dancing, a sleeping Morgan resting between them. Darcy and Ian were lost in each other’s eyes, her friend Jane almost hidden in the arms of her huge fiancé. Hope and Scott were barely moving, one of his arms around her, the other on her belly. Natasha and Clint were sitting in a corner, her legs over his lap, his arm around her shoulder. Carol was at the bar, smiling and talking to the bartender, a dark-skinned girl with a big smile. 

“Y/N?”
“Hmm?”
“You okay?”

You leaned back to look up at Bucky, taking in a breath and letting it out slowly. You moved a hand to brush your fingers through his hair. 

“It wasn’t like this last year.”
“Really?”

You nodded. 

“I don’t really remember what it was, but there was some kind of crisis. I didn’t even dance at all. Peter was so quiet, so pale, and absolutely worthless with … whatever the problem was. I think Carol and Uncle Hank finally got everyone to leave.”

You sighed.

“That should have been a sign.”
“Honey, you wouldn’t have seen it.”

You met his eyes and he smiled at you, adjusting his arms, pulling you closer. You stared into his eyes for a moment, then smiled back at him. 

“You’re right.”
“I know.”

You gently punched his arm and Bucky laughed. Carol stepped over to you, a smile on her face. 

“It’s getting late. Bridesmaid slumber party for Darcy’s last night of single maidenhood.”

You gave a quiet laugh, then nodded. Carol glanced up and you gave a quick shake of your head. She rolled her eyes, sticking her hands in her pockets as she walked away. You turned back to Bucky and he smiled at you. 

“Slumber party, huh?”

You smiled. 

“It’s a tradition. We did it when Hope married Scott, did it last year, even though that didn’t turn out well.”
“Did you sleep well last year?”

You shook your head. 

“No, I didn’t. Something else that should have been a bright red flag.”

Bucky gave a quiet laugh and you sighed. 

“It’s awful, but I’ll be glad when this is over.”
“I know, babe. But it’s almost done.”

You nodded, leaning in and wrapping him in a hug. Bucky closed his eyes, hugging you tightly. You leaned back and smiled at him and you closed your eyes when he pressed a lingering kiss to your cheek. 

“Sweet dreams, Y/N.”

You nodded, watching him walk away, feeling a tugging in your heart to go with him. You swallowed, turning towards where your cousins had gathered, closing your eyes when Natasha put an arm around you, pulling you close to her side.

Chapter Text

“Okay, I have wine for us lucky girls and Oreos for the pregnant one.”

Hope groaned, sitting in the papazan chair in the corner and pouting. 

“Can I just smell the wine? Just a quick sniff. No one has to know.”

You giggled, taking the glass Natasha poured you. Darcy was sitting beside you on the bed, and Carol was sprawled on the floor between the bed and Hope in the chair. Natasha sat down near Carol once everyone had been served, and Hope glared at you while she twisted cookies apart, eating the middle first. 

“I miss wine.”
“I’m sure it misses you too, sissy.”

Carol cackled when Hope kicked at her. You nodded to Hope. 

“How much longer do you have?”

She closed one eye as she calculated. 

“Six, seven weeks? I mean, it’s really up to the baby. My doc says first babies need to come on their own, unless they’re too big or it’s just clear nothing’s going.”

You nodded, and Darcy smiled, both hands holding her wine glass. 

“Do you think it’s a boy or a girl?”

Hope smiled, one hand moving to slowly rub her belly. 

“I think it’s a boy. Scott and Cassie are convinced it’s a girl, though.”

You took a sip of wine, then spoke. 

“Hey, how are things with Cassie’s mom?”
“Much better. We didn’t have to go to court for this Christmas.”

You made a face. 

“You had to fly back like right after the wedding last year, didn’t you?”

Hope nodded, still slowly rubbing her belly. 

“Maggie blew a gasket, said Cassie couldn’t have Christmas without her mother. But she’s mellowed out a lot. She married a cop.”

Your eyebrows raised and Hope gave a soft chuckle. 

“That was my reaction when Cassie told us her mommy was dating a police officer.”

Hope shook her head, looking down at her belly. Darcy looked to Carol and spoke after she took a sip of her wine. 

“Any new prospects on the Carol front?”

Carol made a face and glanced over her shoulder. 

“Hey, where’s your friend Jane? I invited her.”
“She’s on her way. Forgot her makeup bag or something at the hotel she and Thor are staying at.”
“I’m sorry, Thor?”
“Stop trying to change the subject!”

You, Hope, and Natasha laughed. Carol groaned, moving to sit with her legs crossed. She finished off her wine, making grabby hands for the bottle Natasha was holding. After pouring herself another glass, Carol spoke softly. 

“I’ve been sort of shifting my focus from teaching to photography. I know it sounds stupid, but—“
“It doesn’t sound stupid.”

Carol smiled at you, then sighed. 

“I don’t know. I like the kids and I like teaching, but … I keep coming home to my empty apartment and sitting on my couch and thinking ‘Is this it? Is this all there is to life?’”

She shrugged her shoulders, looking down into her glass. 

“So I got a camera and started snapping some pictures. One of my coworkers was pregnant and wanted some maternity pics, but she couldn’t afford a professional photographer. So I took some pictures for her and she loved them. Another one of the teachers wanted a Christmas card with her kids, so I took that, too.”

She shrugged again. 

“It’s different than what I’ve done. It’s like … I don’t know. It’s like I’m seeing the world differently all of a sudden. I’m seeing more colors and how things could look through a shutter and I don’t really understand it, but I like it.”

You and your cousins were all smiling when Carol finished speaking. Natasha leaned over and took Carol’s hand, giving it a squeeze. Carol smiled over at her. 

“And I got the bartender’s number tonight.”
“Really?”

Carol nodded to Darcy. 

“Her name’s Val, so I’m relieved because you know she’s a lesbian with a name like Val.”

You and your cousins laughed, and Carol grinned before she exchanged looks with everyone but you. When you met her dark eyes, she nodded. 

“Now you.”

You groaned, finishing off your wine and holding your glass out to Natasha. She refilled you and you sighed. 

“I think we’ve talked enough about me this trip.”
“We beg to differ.”

You narrowed your eyes at Hope, and she lifted a shoulder, then relaxed. You huffed out a breath and Darcy was the one to speak softly. 

“So you and Bucky … why aren’t you together?”

You started chewing on your bottom lip, staring into your wine glass like it could give you an answer. You shook your head, shrugging your shoulders. You missed the look Hope and Carol shared, and the way Natasha looked back to both of them. Darcy tapped the stem of her glass with a fingernail. 

“I mean … he seems like a nice guy. Real nice. Everybody in the family loves him. I seriously think Nana may try to adopt him.”

You smiled at that, then sighed. 

“I don’t know. It’s not him. It’s me. I … I’m scared.”
“Scared of what?”

You closed your eyes, speaking almost in a whisper. 

“Scared that if I give him a chance, he’ll turn out to be just like Peter.”

Carol scoffed and you looked over to her. She shook her head. 

“He’s not like Peter.”
“You’re just saying that because you love me and you like him.”
“No, I’m saying it because it’s the truth, goddamn it.”

Hope successfully managed to pull Carol’s wine glass out of her reach as Carol moved to sit on her knees. 

“You can’t sit there and think all guys are going to turn out to be like that tiny dicked prick.”

Yours and Darcy’s eyes widened as Natasha tried to hide her smile. Hope just rolled her eyes, popping a cookie into her mouth. You shook your head. 

“I don’t—“
“Yes, you do! You’re scared you’ll get hurt again, so you’re closing yourself off. You can’t live like that, Y/N.”
“Don’t you think I know that?!”

You stood up and Darcy grabbed your wine glass before it spilled all over the bed. You started pacing the room, and your cousins sat in silence, just watching you. 

“Don’t you think I know how he feels about me? He’s crappy at trying to hide it. But he doesn’t say anything because he knows I’m closed off. He didn’t even know anything about Peter or that whole debacle until I got Darcy’s invitation.”
“So what’d he do when you told him?”

You stopped, turning back to look at Darcy. Her eyes were wide and she shook her head, an expectant look on her face. You blinked, mouth opening, Natasha cutting you off before you could speak. 

“Said Peter was a cunt and Y/N deserves better.”

You made a face.

“I hate that word.”
“It fits, though.”

Hope enthusiastically nodded in agreement with Carol. You covered your face with your hands while your cousins exchanged a look. You shook your head, letting your hands fall. 

“I don’t want to be like this. I love being around him. He makes me feel … I don’t know.”
“Happy?”

You looked to Hope, who lifted her shoulders. 

“Loved?”

You looked to Carol, who was sitting with her arms around her legs, head resting on her drawn-up knees. You nodded at them, moving a hand to just under your ribcage. 

“I’m comfortable with him and how touchy-feely we are. We’re a lot alike, but we’re different, too. And every time I even think of maybe trying something with him, I get this … overwhelming feeling in my chest that he’s going to hurt me just like Peter did. And I know it’s not true, but I …”

You moved your hand to the center of your chest, where your heart was pounding. You closed your eyes and Natasha walked to you, taking your hands and forcing you to breathe with her. You gave a broken breath, hanging your head. Carol stood up and stopped in front of you, taking your hands and giving them a hard squeeze. You looked into her eyes, shocked to see them shimmering with tears. She gave a shake of her head, a sad smile coming to her lips. 

“Don’t wait. Stop letting your head get in the way of your heart. You love this boy, and he loves you. Go get him.”

You started to shake your head, and Carol squeezed your hands again. 

“You don’t get to decide how long you have with someone. You don’t get to choose if you’ll be together forever. But trust me when I say, the time you do get? Cherish it. Every second you have with him, tuck it away in your heart and cherish it, because …”

She didn’t finish her sentence—couldn’t speak through the tears—and you surged forward to hold her. Carol buried her face in your shoulder as you stroked her hair, and you glanced around the room to see Natasha with her arm around Darcy, Hope staring at the ceiling as tears dripped down her cheeks. 

After a moment, Carol spoke again, softly whispering in your ear. 

“Maria loved me the way Bucky loves you. Don’t throw that away, Y/N. Don’t push it aside and think it will always be there, because it might not.”

You nodded, closing your eyes when Carol kissed your cheek, both of you tightening your hold on each other. 

You walked down to the kitchen a little after three A.M., unable to sleep. You stopped in your tracks, a soft smile coming to your face when you saw the cup of tea waiting. 

“How did you know?”

Your grandmother lifted her shoulders, a soft smile on her face. 

“Nana’s intuition.”

You adjusted your robe, pulling it tighter around you, walking to sit across from her at the table. 

“Nana, it’s freezing.”
“I know. I turned the heaters on, but they haven’t gotten up to snuff yet. I didn’t expect the weather to turn this cold.”

A slow smile came to your lips. 

“Do you think it’ll snow?”

She smiled. 

“I think it might.”

You glanced towards the window.

“Darcy could have a white wedding.”
“Sweetheart, can we talk?”

You looked to her and nodded, moving the bag around your teacup. She didn’t say anything else and after a long moment, you broke the silence. 

“How did you fall in love with Papa?”

A soft smile came to your grandmother’s face. 

“I saw him in his Army uniform and thought he was cute. He walked over, asked my name, asked if I’d write to him while he was gone overseas.”
“Did you?”

Nana gave you a side-eye that made you giggle. 

“Of course I did. I barely knew him, but I definitely had a crush, so I wanted to write him every day. I settled for once a week. Didn’t want to seem too eager, you know?”

You smiled and she did the same as she stared into her cup of tea. 

“The very first letter he wrote me, he told me he was going to marry me. I scoffed and rolled my eyes when I read it, but deep down … I knew he was right.”
“And you married after the war?”

She nodded, lifting a hand to touch the necklace she always wore, one he’d given her on their wedding day.

“He drove me crazy and I must have thought of leaving him a million times. Especially when those girls came along. Janet bossing everyone around, Nadia crying, your mother yelling just to try to be heard, May oblivious to it all. I remember standing in this kitchen in the center of the chaos, not even pregnant with Pepper yet, and thinking ‘Could he handle it if I left?’”

She looked to you and you shrugged your shoulders. 

“Do you think he could?”

She smiled. 

“It wasn’t ever an option. Anytime I told him I wanted to leave, he said ‘Give me five minutes to pack a bag and I’ll go with you.’”

You gave a quiet laugh and she shook her head. 

“I told him all the time, ‘You’re defeating the purpose of me leaving you if you leave too.’ He didn’t care. Tried to convince me the girls could fend for themselves.”

The two of you laughed together and you reached to take her hand. 

“I miss Papa Stan.”
“Oh, I miss him too, my darling. But I wouldn’t trade the life we shared for anything. The memories … I barely have a single memory that’s my own. Everything is tangled up in Stan and the girls and I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

You stared into your cup and she spoke again. 

“I never liked Peter.”

You lifted your head, eyes wide. 

“Nana.”
“I’m serious. He wasn’t right for you.”
“Why didn’t you tell me that?”
“Would you have listened?”

You blinked and she gave a shake of her head, a soft smile on her lips. 

“You were so wrapped up in planning the wedding. Who was I to tell you it was a mistake?”

You shook your head. 

“You should have. It would have saved—“
“What, money? Please. We have plenty of that.”

You looked down at your hands. 

“Heartbreak.”

You stared at the hand she reached across the table, moving to set your hand in hers. 

“Y/N, darling, my mother used to say that we all have to climb Fool’s Hill. Some of us stay longer than others, but we all must do it.”

You lifted wet eyes to hers, and that same soft smile was on her lips. 

“I hate what happened to you. No one should have to go through something like that. But you had to be the one to go through it. And look at you now.”

Her smile widened. 

“You moved to New York, started a new job that you’re excelling at. You’ve made friends and started your own life. You wouldn’t have had a life of your own with Peter.”
“You don’t think so?”
“My darling, I know so. You never would have left this town. You’d be having babies and you’d end up as Peter’s wife, whoever’s mom. You wouldn’t be yourself. You wouldn’t have an identity of your own.”

You blinked, realization suddenly hitting you. Maybe it would have been a good life, but it wouldn’t be anything like your grandmother’s. Or even your mother’s. You’d be stuck, in what you’d come to see as a loveless marriage, forced to choose to live with it and turn a blind eye to whatever Peter decided he wanted, or to upend the lives of the children you’d inevitably already be expecting. 

You lifted your head to stare at your grandmother, and she smiled as she patted your hand. 

“And now here you are, back at the scene of the crime, so to speak, stronger than you even imagine.”
“I don’t feel very strong.”
“You are. We all see it. And we’re all so proud of you.”

She took her hands away, lifting her cup of tea to her lips. 

“None of us more so than that Yankee boy you brought home with you.”

You felt your cheeks warm. 

“Nana—“
“He’s a good one, my love. You wouldn’t have to worry about losing yourself with him. He wouldn’t let you.”
“I’m scared.”
“Of what? You think he’ll hurt you? My sweet girl, that boy would crawl on broken glass before he’d let you get a paper cut.”

You closed your eyes, tears welling up behind the closed lids. You felt her hand on yours, the words she spoke engraving themselves onto your heart. 

“Love isn’t about not being scared. It’s being scared, but taking the chance and loving anyway.”

You blinked your eyes open and she nodded to you. 

“Do you think I just sat around and wrote letters while your grandfather was at war? I spent every day terrified he wouldn’t come home. Every night, I fell asleep on my knees, begging God to keep him safe. And then when he came home and asked me to marry him? I was petrified. I didn’t know how to be someone’s wife. But when I told him how scared I was, he told me he was, too. And we figured it out together. He helped me and I helped him. Same thing when our babies came. I didn’t know how to be a mother, but Stan believed in me and together, we raised a beautiful family.”

She shook her head, gripping your hand tightly. 

“Be scared. But don’t let it hold you back. Let it fuel your fire instead.”

You swallowed, gripping her hand just as tightly. 

“I love him.”
“I know you do.”
“I have to tell him.”

She smiled, nodding her head. 

“Not tonight. He’s gone with Ian and the boys. They’re probably all passed out drunk right now.”

You gave a laugh that she echoed. You nodded towards the ceiling. 

“Carol and Nat are passed out, too. Darcy’s a lightweight and she was the first to go.”

Nana laughed, shaking her head. You yawned and she smiled, patting your hand. 

“And that’s our cue to go join them. Hair and makeup starts bright and early for you girls.”

You nodded, standing up and taking your teacup to the sink. You looked out the window and a smile came to your face. 

“Nana, look.”

She walked up behind you, a soft gasp leaving her lips. 

“Well, would you look at that? It’s snowing.”

Chapter Text

“It’s my wedding day!”
“Hey, sugartits. Up and at ‘em.”

You gave a quiet huff as you put your face in your pillow. Natasha’s low voice sounded in your ear again, making you laugh. 

“It’s too late to try and smother yourself. We don’t have time to find someone else to wear your dress.”

You sighed, rolling onto your back and staring up at the ceiling. Darcy was dancing around the room, and you and Natasha smiled at each other, shaking your heads when music started playing. 

“Going to the chapel and we’re 
Gonna get married.”

Darcy started singing along, as did Hope, and you shook your head, joining in. Carol walked into the room with a tray of coffee and doughnuts, a smile on her face as she yelled over the music. 

“Have you looked outside?!”

Darcy’s eyes widened as she ran to the window, an excited gasp leaving her lips. 

“It’s snowing!”

Hope waddled up behind her, mouth falling open. 

“Good Lord, look at the ground. It’s been snowing for hours. And it’s sticking.”

Natasha scrambled out of bed to join the crowd at the window and you sat up, pulling the covers closer around you and smiling. Carol walked over to you, handing over what you knew was a perfectly doctored cup of coffee. You smiled at her, sipping the coffee as she sat beside you. 

“You okay?”

You nodded, holding the cup in both of your hands. Carol glanced towards the crowd at the window and spoke softly. 

“I know we got a little heavy last night.”
“Yeah, we did. And once you’d all passed out, I couldn’t sleep. Luckily, neither could Nana and we had a good, long talk.”
“Figure some things out?”

Carol tried to look nonchalant as she sipped her coffee, and you rolled your eyes. 

“As a matter of fact, I did.”

Carol raised her eyebrows and you shook your head. 

“Was one of those doughnuts chocolate?”
“What do you take me for? All but one of those doughnuts is chocolate.”

You laughed, looking to the window and laughing harder when you saw Darcy with a white pillowcase on her head, dancing with Natasha and Jane before they all noticed the coffee and breakfast. 

You stood in front of the mirror, slowly turning, making sure your dress was falling in the right places, nothing tucked into your underwear, no bra straps showing. You took in a breath and let it out slowly, staring at your reflection. 

You couldn’t help but flashback to a year ago, when you were standing in front of this same mirror, dressed in white instead of crimson, the same butterflies in your belly, hair piled in a complicated updo instead of the soft curls dancing around your face. 

A buzzing noise broke you from your memories, and you looked for the source, finally noticing your phone on the dresser. You picked it up, smiling at Bucky’s face on your screen, wanting to FaceTime. You accepted the call, eyes widening when his pale, unshaven face came on your screen. He was still in the bed—damn boys for only needing ten minutes to get ready when it took you all damn day—blue eyes closed and face pressed into his pillow.

“Oh my goodness. Are you okay?”
“Your uncles and cousins and whatever tried to kill me last night.”

You laughed, moving a hand to your mouth. 

“Carol heard that it was a bottle of Jack and some poker.”
“‘Just a bottle of Jack,’ my ass. I lost count of the liquor we went through.”

You gave another quiet giggle. 

“Poor baby.”

Bucky groaned, finally lifting his head, squinting his eyes as he looked into the phone. His eyes widened, then narrowed. 

“Good God, Y/N.”
“What?”
“Hold the phone out farther.”

You did as he asked, watching some light come back to his eyes. He gave a shake of his head, licking his lips. 

“Jesus, baby. You look incredible.”

You felt your cheeks heat, shaking your head. 

“No, I mean it. That dress … is the wedding in the next ten minutes so I can see you in person?”

You gave a soft laugh, closing your eyes. 

“How do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Say just what I need to hear right when I need to hear it.”

He was quiet for a moment, until you opened your eyes again. He had a soft smile on his face. 

“Because I know you, sweetheart.”

You swallowed, nodding your head. Your lips trembled, but you managed to get the words out. 

“Hey, I need to talk to you later, okay?”
“Uh oh. That’s never a good sign.”

You smiled. 

“No, it … it’s nothing bad.”
“Promise?”

You nodded, lifting your pinky. 

“I promise.”

Bucky lifted his pinky, touching the screen as you did. He sighed, groaning as he shifted in his bed, and your eyes widened just the slightest bit when you noticed he wasn’t wearing a shirt. You swallowed and he sighed again, lifting his tired eyes to the screen. 

“I guess I better drag my ass out of bed.”
“Try some coffee. And maybe a shower.”
“Yeah, I’ve got to get the cigar stink off.”

You raised an eyebrow and his eyes widened. 

“I mean …”

You laughed and he lifted a hand to scratch at his chin. 

“And I need to shave this shit.”
“Um…”

He raised an eyebrow and you glanced away, pressing your lips together before you spoke softly. 

“Maybe not?”

Bucky’s lips curved into a slow smile, and he gave a quiet laugh. 

“On second thought, maybe not.”

You smiled as your cheeks burned, slowly nodding. You looked back into the phone and he winked at you. 

“I’ll see you in a bit.”

You nodded. 

“See you soon.”

You ended the call, holding your phone to your chest. You closed your eyes, a soft smile coming to your lips before you set the phone on the dresser. A knock sounded at your door and you walked to open it, smiling at your mom. 

“Hi.”
“You look stunning. I love the red on all you girls. It’s perfect.”

You nodded, opening the door and letting her in. She set her things on the dresser, then turned to face you. 

“You okay?”

You nodded, letting out a breath. You walked back to the mirror, turning sideways and studying yourself again. 

“I can’t stop remembering things from last year. Things that I’ve never once thought about until now. Like … were you in here when I dropped my earring and it rolled under the dresser?”

Your mom shook her head and you nodded. 

“My hands were shaking so hard I couldn’t get the earring on. I dropped it, and I couldn’t get it until they brought Morgan in to reach her chubby little arm under the dresser.”

You gave a quiet laugh, smoothing a hand down the front of your dress. 

“I also thought about climbing out the window in the bathroom, but I didn’t think my skirt would fit. And then I told myself that I was crazy for being so nervous, that everything would be fine.”

You sighed, and your mother walked up behind you, laying her hands on your shoulders, looking into the mirror behind you. 

“I am so proud of you.”
“Mom—“
“No, I’m serious. You have handled this week with so much grace. We all know Darcy can be a handful, but you’ve done so well when you so easily could have fallen apart.”

You sighed, leaning your head to touch hers. She smiled, giving you a sort of backwards hug. You smiled, speaking softly. 

“I talked with Nana last night.”
“Oh?”

You nodded. 

“I’m still scared, but … I’m going to talk to Bucky. See if … if maybe we can be …”
“More than friends?”

You nodded again and her smile widened. 

“I’m so happy for you, baby. He’ll be good to you.”
“You think so?”
“I know so. He’s crazy about you.”

You smiled as you looked into the mirror again. 

“I’m kind of crazy about him, too.”

Your hands were shaking as you stood with the rest of the wedding party, waiting for the music cues to start your walks down the aisle. It wasn’t just due to the chill in the air, the snow still continuing to fall. You were nervous, almost panicking, trying to keep yourself calm and failing. You were pretty sure Natasha knew that you were freaking out, but due to your places in line, she couldn’t do anything to help you. 

“Excuse me, Miss Y/N?”

You glanced over, then up, blinking at Jane’s fiancé. He gave you a smile, bending down to whisper to you. 

“There’s been a change of plans. Apparently, I’m to walk with you now.”
“I thought you were walking with Jane.”
“As did I, but Darcy wants Jane to walk by herself. So now I’m to walk with you.”

You slowly nodded, giving him a smile. 

“O-okay.”

He offered his arm and you looped your hand through it, letting out a shaky breath. 

“Are you alright?”
“Nervous.”
“Don’t worry, Miss Y/N. I won’t let you fall.”

A soft smile came to your lips when he patted your hand and you closed your eyes as you exhaled. As you breathed, you focused on Thor’s muscular arm, the strength that seemed to exude from his pores, trying to steal just a little bit of that strength for yourself. When the music started to play, you swallowed, straightening your back and clutching your flowers. 

You and Thor walked down the aisle with ease, your eyes flitting through the crowd, a smile pasted onto your lips. You glanced over at the bride’s side of the room, doing a double take when your eyes landed on Bucky, a wide smile on his face, shaking his head as if he couldn’t believe what he was looking at. His eyes met yours and he winked, and the smile on your face went soft, a soft laugh leaving your lips as you and Thor made it to the front of the aisle. He kissed your hands, making the crowd “aww,” and you laughed again as you went to stand in your place.

You let out a shaky breath, watching your cousins walk down the aisle, your eyes constantly drifting to where Bucky was sitting, always finding him looking back at you. 

Darcy was stunningly beautiful in her fairytale gown, a gauzy veil over her face as she walked down the aisle on Uncle Phil’s arm. You saw the moment she found Ian, plump lips curling into a wide smile, until all her teeth were visible. You smiled then, not taking your eyes from her as she was given to Ian, their hands entwining. 

You glanced back over the crowd, finding your mom and stifling a laugh when she crossed her eyes at you. Nana had a proud smile on her face, and Cassie and Scott were whispering to each other. Morgan was sitting on Tony’s lap, dark eyes studying the goings on before her. You found Bucky’s eyes again, the room going silent as the minister’s words pierced your ears. 

“If anyone has any reason why these two should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

Your heart dropped to your toes as you tore your eyes from Bucky’s and stared at the minister. Darcy and Ian took their eyes from each other, glancing out over the crowd. You jerked your head to do the same, feeling your blood run cold when your eyes landed on Peter and his new wife. 

The panic wrapped around your heart like thorny vines, squeezing tightly, until you couldn’t take a breath. You knew you’d pass out if you didn’t get away, and you absently wondered how much Darcy would hate you if you ruined her wedding by making your panic attack known as you ran down the aisle. 

“Easy, take a breath.”

Your eyes widened when Hope, who was standing in front of you in line, turned the slightest bit, her eyes meeting yours. She gave you a smile and you blinked, unsteady heartbeat thundering in your ears. You heard a cough and looked out over the audience again, blinking when Bucky leaned over until he caught your eye. You followed him as he sat up, blinking again when he stuck his tongue out at you. He made another face, crossing his eyes and sticking his tongue out and you gave a quiet, breathless laugh. 

The minister nodded, a smile coming to his face. 

“No objections, as I expected. Darcy and Ian, we are here today to celebrate your love…”

The minister’s words tapered off as you kept your eyes on Bucky’s. He stared back at you, a soft smile on his face and you felt in that moment there was no one else in the room, no one else on the earth except the two of you. 

How could he calm you down without saying a word? How could just one look from him settle your racing mind, ease your aching heart? 

You loved him. 
Even more than you thought last night. 

Tears came to your eyes as you finally looked away from him, and you smiled as you heard Darcy say her vows. Rings were exchanged, a pronouncement was made, and it was all sealed with a kiss. 

“Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Mr. and Mrs. Ian Boothby!”

You clapped your hands as tears dripped down your cheeks. Hope turned to look at you, tears on her cheeks as well. Carol poked her head around, as did Natasha, and you smiled at them, nodding your head. Darcy and Ian walked down the aisle, followed by the rest of the wedding party, and when you placed your arm in Thor’s, he smiled. 

“Beautiful wedding.”

You nodded, your eyes widening at the tears in his eyes and tear tracks on his cheeks. You gave a soft laugh, squeezing his massive bicep, and he smiled as the two of you broke through the back of the makeshift wedding space. 

The reception was gorgeous, the food insanely delicious, the band on point with the perfect songs. You had to take no less than four thousand pictures with your family, the wedding party, Darcy, the happy couple. Every time you tried to get to Bucky, someone needed your help with something, until you were incredibly frustrated. 

You finally found a break, pawning the latest problem off to Carol, making your way to the banquet space, but you stopped in your tracks when you saw Bucky at the bar, smiling and talking with Natasha’s gorgeous cousin. A sad smile came to your lips as you sighed, turning to see Pepper standing in front of you. She tilted her head to the side and you sighed, shaking your head. She stepped forward, looping her arm around your neck. 

“You have walked into this room half a dozen times, the frustration evident on your face when someone comes and pulls you away. And now you’re here, with no interruptions, and I see the saddest smile on your pretty face. What’s going on, honey?”

You sighed again. 

“Wanda.”
“What about Wanda?”

You waved a hand, shaking your head. 

“I can’t compete with Wanda.”
“Why would you want to?”

You pressed your lips together to hide the laugh. 

“She’s gorgeous.”
“Yes, and? Have you looked in the mirror today?”
“Pep—“
“Don’t ‘Pep’ me. You’re drop-dead gorgeous today and I won’t apologize for saying that. Anyone who would overlook you for Wanda is dumb as fuck.”

You gave a laugh, glancing over your shoulder. Bucky met your eyes, widening his. He slid his eyes towards Wanda then sent you a pleading look. You looked back to Pepper and smiled at her, taking hold of your dress and walking across the floor. Wanda smiled when she saw you, leaning over the table. 

“Hi, Y/N! You look so pretty in that dress!”
“Thanks, Wanda. Sorry, can I steal Bucky for a minute?”
“Only a minute.”

She winked at Bucky and took her wineglass, walking away. Bucky gave a relieved exhale, turning to you and taking your hands as he slumped forward. 

“Thank you. She’s exhausting and we only spoke for five minutes.”

You gave a laugh, taking a hand from his to tuck some hair behind your ear. 

“Can we talk?”

Bucky nodded, and you kept hold of his hand as you led him to a corner of the room. You took in a breath, letting it out slowly as you turned to face him. 

“Buck—“
“Alright, alright! All the single guys, please gather in the middle of the dance floor!”
“Son of a bitch.”

Bucky let out a laugh, raising an eyebrow. 

“Everything okay?”

You groaned, shaking your head. 

“No, I … it’s fine. We can talk later.”

You started to walk by him and he took hold of your arm. 

“Hey. Come here.”

You sighed, turning back to him. 

“What is it?”
“They’re going to call for the single ladies in a minute and Darcy will embarrass me if I’m not there.”
“Then let’s go out into the snow and talk there.”
“I’ll freeze in this dress.”
“Then talk to me now. Come on, you’ve had me all worked up all day and I know you’re worked up. Forget this single whatever bullshit.”

You met his icy blue eyes and you shook your head. He exhaled through his nose and nodded, giving your arm a squeeze before he let it go, brushing past you as he started for the middle of the dance floor. 

“Wait.”

He stopped, waiting a beat before he turned to face you. You whirled to face him, hands trembling, heart pounding in your chest. He narrowed his eyes and you shook your head. 

“I love you.”

His eyes widened and he blinked. Neither one of you said a word, until a laugh burst through your lips. 

“I love you. Oh my god. Oh my god, that feels so good to say.”

You laughed again, moving a hand to your heart, shaking your head. 

“I … I was so scared. I was so scared to say it, because if I said it, then it would be real. The last time I loved someone I got really hurt, so I closed myself off. I didn’t want to love anybody ever again, but you … you.”

You took a step towards him, lifting your shoulders and letting them fall. 

“You wormed your way into my life, and somewhere along the way, you took up space in my heart.”

You shook your head again. 

“I’ve loved you for a while now, but I’ve been too scared to say it. A very wise woman told me to stop letting my fear hold me back and let it fuel me. So here I am, telling you that you … have my whole heart. I’m so in love with you, Bucky Barnes.”

He just stared at you, and you swallowed, a soft smile on your face. 

“I just thought you should know.”

You looked down at your feet, or where your feet would be if they weren’t hidden by your dress. You swallowed again, nodding once before turning away. 

“Y/N.”

You stopped, glancing over your shoulder. Bucky lifted a hand to thumb at his bottom lip, dragging his hand over his unshaven chin. You blinked as he stopped in front of you and a smile came to his lips. 

“Look up.”

You did, taking in a breath when you saw the mistletoe hanging over your head. You closed your eyes before lowering your chin, meeting his eyes as his hands cupped your face. 

“I love you, too.”

Your laugh was cut off when his lips finally met yours. Your hands moved to his hips, needing something to anchor yourself in the moment. His lips were full, soft against yours, his thumbs moving back and forth over your cheeks. You gave an almost-silent moan as his tongue touched yours, and Bucky broke the kiss, leaning back just enough to stare into your eyes, a promise in his dilated pupils. 

“Finally!”

You turned your head to see Carol in the middle of the floor, the rest of the crowd gathered behind her and all around you. Hope walked up and laid an arm over Carol’s shoulder, and Natasha came on the other side, shaking her head but mouthing “about time” at you. You just now realized how quiet the room was and you moved to put your forehead on Bucky’s shoulder. He laughed and drew you in close, as applause filtered through the room. 

“My god, we’re those people.”

Bucky laughed at your quiet words and he gently rubbed your back. 

“Fuck yeah, we are. Come on. Dance with me.”

You nodded, straightening and taking his hand. Halfway towards the floor, Bucky lifted a hand, catching something in midair. You raised an eyebrow as you turned to face him, and he shook his head, a smile on his face. He lowered his hand, opening his fist, and your mouth dropped open when you saw that he was holding the garter. 

“Ian’s got great aim.”

You shook your head and he pulled you in again, lips finding yours as more applause broke out around you. 

Chapter Text

One Year Later

“Where is he?! I know he’s here!”

Hope rolled her eyes, hearing bags hit the floor and footsteps rush across the floor. She lifted her head just in time to see Carol hit the door, a wide smile on her face. 

“There he is! My man!”

Hope shook her head as Carol walked across the floor, holding out her hands for the baby in Hope’s arms. She held him out and Carol took the baby into her arms, making him giggle as she covered him with kisses. 

“Hello, Henry! Hi there! I have missed you so much!”

Hope sighed, crossing her arms over her chest. 

“I’m doing fine, thanks.”
“Honey, you know I love you, but this is the only man I’ll ever love. He has my heart, yes he does!”

Hope looked to the door and saw the woman standing there, shaking her head. 

“Hi, Val.”
“Hey there. Any chance someone else will get to hold the baby?”
“I doubt it.”

Val smiled as she walked in, laying a hand against Carol’s back as she smiled at the baby who had a handful of Carol’s hair in his chubby fist. 

“Oh, he’s so cute.”
“Takes after his auntie, yes he does.”

Val and Hope snorted at Carol’s baby voice, and Cassie rushed into the room. 

“Auntie Carol, are you hogging my baby?”
“Of course I am. And he’s my baby.”

Cassie rolled her eyes, shaking her head. She looked to the door as Natasha stepped in, shivering once and dropping her bag. Cassie ran over and Natasha smiled as she bent down, hugging the little girl. Hope nodded to her. 

“Rough flight?”
“Ugh. The flight, the car ride. All of it.”
“Eh, it wasn’t that bad.”
“You can say that because you slept through most of it.”

Clint smiled as he dropped his bags beside Natasha’s, waving at Hope and Carol. He kissed Natasha’s cheek, then her lips when she turned her head, and Clint grabbed their bags, taking them to the room Natasha always claimed. 

Hope smiled, and Carol lifted her eyes from the baby to give an identical smile to Natasha, who rolled her eyes, color rising on her cheeks. Carol started bouncing the baby, speaking in her baby voice.  

“Natty and Clint, sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G!”
“Shut up, Carol Anne.”

Carol laughed and tickled the baby’s belly, and he giggled, making Hope smile. Everyone had been shocked when you called, letting them know that Natasha had opened her apartment door to see Clint standing there. He was tired of playing around, tired of only getting a little bit of Natasha every now and then, instead of all of her like he wanted. He upended his life and moved to New York, and he and Natasha had never been happier. 

Of course, you might have had a little something to do with that. You couldn’t stand to see the longing on Natasha’s face whenever she was around you and Bucky, watching the two of you move like you’d known each other forever, the smile that was always on your face now, the way Bucky could touch and kiss and breathe around you like he’d always wanted. So, you called Carol, who’d called Hope to get some advice, who called Darcy to put a bug in her ear, and when Darcy “happened” to bump into Clint at the grocery store, she laid the bait. 

Hope nodded to Natasha. 

“Y/N’s really not coming?”

Natasha shook her head. 

“No, her mom should be landing in New York now, and they’re spending Christmas with Buck’s family. Which means Y/N is subjecting her mother to Steve and Sam, so pray for them all.”

Hope smiled, glancing over to see Carol bouncing a now-sleeping baby Henry. Val walked into the room with a bottle of water in her hand, lifting her other hand to Natasha, who nodded and smiled. 

“Hey, hey!”

Darcy and Ian walked into the house, Darcy ran to Natasha, then Hope, ruffling Cassie’s hair before walking to Carol and oohing over the baby. 

“Okay, okay! Everybody settle down. Movie time.”

Everyone clapped as Tony finished setting up the DVD player and the projector. Nana walked to him and handed him a disc. 

“Play this one first.”

Tony nodded, and Nana went to take her chair. Tony got everything ready, then went to the little couch where Pepper and Morgan were waiting for him. Morgan settled the blanket in her lap over him too when he sat down. Darcy and Ian were huddled on one end of another of the couches, and Natasha and Clint were on the other end. Carol and Val were on the floor, while Hope and Scott were in some of the recliners, Scott holding the baby with Cassie on the floor between them. Janet and Hank were on a couch with May and Peter, and Nadia and Phil were on the last couch. Tony lifted a remote and after a moment, the DVD began to play. 

Waves crashed onto a beach and Clint groaned. 

“Is this a chick flick? I thought we were watching Christmas Vacation!”
“Just hush and watch.”

Eyebrows furrowed across the room as a white dress was shown, then a tuxedo. Rings sparkled in the sunlight beside a bouquet of flowers, and a small cake with minimal frosting was shown. 

Carol sat up with a start. 

“Wait a minute!”

The DVD continued to play, soft music coming through the speakers as a wedding arch was shown on a beach. 

Hope shook her head. 

“What is this? Nana, what is this?”

Nana just sat back with a smile on her face. 

A faceless man was shown putting on the tuxedo, straightening the jacket over broad shoulders, tying the tie around his neck. A woman was wearing the dress, face and hair hidden from the camera. 

Natasha put a hand over her mouth. Clint leaned closer to her and she whispered to him. His eyes widened and shot back to the wall, where the projector was flashing. 

The music changed into a song that made the cousins gasp, covering their mouths because they knew exactly what was happening. As Ray LaMontagne sang “You Are the Best Thing,” your smiling face came on the screen. Bucky was holding you, smiling just as widely as you were. He twirled you around as you laughed, and you held his face in your hands as he leaned in to kiss you. The camera focused on the ring sparkling on your finger, and when you turned around, Bucky’s arms slid around you, revealing the ring on his hand. 

Hope gave a laughing sob, tears slipping down her face. She met Carol’s wet eyes, then Natasha’s, and finally Darcy’s. 

“They eloped!”

Darcy gasped as she finally realized what was happening, and Ian gently rubbed her shoulder. The aunts had their hands over their hearts, the uncles with soft smiles on their faces. Morgan turned to her parents, confusion on her little face. 

“What does ‘eloped’ mean?”

Pepper smiled, running her hand over Morgan’s dark hair. 

“It means that Y/N and Bucky got married.”
“Without us?”

Pepper and Tony shared a soft smile. Tony brought Morgan to his lap and kissed the top of her head. 

“Sometimes you love somebody so much you just want to marry them without a bunch of people there. Sometimes you just can’t wait.”

Morgan poked her bottom lip out. 

“I like it when people get married here.”
“Well, I’m sure they’ll come home soon and we’ll have a party. Or we can go see them and you can tell her how mad you are.”

Morgan shook her head. 

“I’m not mad. I just want to be at the weddings.”

Pepper laughed to herself and tapped Morgan’s nose with her finger. 

“Sweet girl.”

Carol turned to Nana. 

“You knew, didn’t you?”

Nana closed her eyes, lifting a shoulder. Carol shook her head, a smile on her lips. 

“That’s where her mom is, isn’t it? They’re all on the beach somewhere?”
“Well, I’m sure Y/N and Bucky are in a hotel room somewhere—“

Hope and Tony cleared their throats at the same time, as Clint made a face and sank lower into the couch. Natasha giggled behind the hand she was covering her mouth with and Nana sat up in her chair. 

“Okay. Bucky called a month ago and said he wanted to propose. He thought it might be easier on Y/N if they eloped, so her mother and I helped him arrange everything.”

Nana shook her head. 

“Y/N was crying so hard when Bucky called me. No, he FaceTimed. I told her for a wedding present, I would help them elope and she … her sweet heart.”

Carol sighed, a smile on her face as she reached over, taking Val’s hand. 

“I’m so happy for them.”

Hope nodded, taking the baby from Scott and kissing his head. 

“So am I.”

Natasha shook her head, leaning into Clint. 

“I can’t believe she kept it from me. But I’m happy for her, too.”

Darcy smiled, looking at the ring on her hand. 

“She deserves it.”

Darcy smiled at Ian, who leaned in to kiss her cheek. Val leaned in and kissed Carol, who smiled and rubbed her nose against Val’s. Scott lifted Hope’s hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles, and she winked at him. Natasha met Clint’s eyes and he smiled as he leaned in to kiss her. Cassie smiled and leaned back against her parents’ chair. 

“Merry Christmas, everyone.”