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Two Months
“Oooh, she got you too?” Kotetsu said, popping up from behind a stack of boxes. It looked like paperwork.
“I told you she’s creating a harem,” Izumo whispered. Kakashi could pinpoint Izumo by sound, but not by sight. He was somewhere in the boxes shuffling papers.
“Inoichi is married,” Kotetsu protested in mock indignation.
“This is about the Dogs?” Kakashi asked.
“Yes and no,” Kotetsu leaned on a pile of boxes. “She showed up in our secret club room and ordered everyone to take what we had to her office, and then she questioned us--mostly Ibiki, Inoichi, and Shikaku, and then she decided since we showed so much ‘initiative’ we all deserve a reward. So Izumo and I get to be her personal secretaries, Ibiki and Inoichi got put in charge of ANBU, and I think she’s put Shikaku in charge of heading the ‘who the fuck isn’t dead’ committee,” Kotetsu ticked each name off on his fingers. “Anko’s out on a mission, so who knows what she’ll have to do.”
Shizune opened the door. She looked at Izumo and Kotetsu. “When someone arrives, you’re supposed to announce them.”
“Can’t you smell him from in there?” Izumo asked, but he stood up from behind a stack of boxes and swept into a bow to Kakahi before knocking on the open door, bowing low, and announcing. “Hatake Kakashi to see you, Hokage-sama.”
Kakashi took this all as a sign Izumo and Kotetsu liked Tsunade and were pleased with their promotion. Shizune gave Kakashi a look behind Izumo’s back that begged him to save her from the Chuunin Tsunade had decided to inflict on her. Kakashi shrugged. He’d never been any good at handling Chuunin. They were vital to keeping Konoha running, but they were also a completely different kind of strange from every Jounin Kakashi had ever known.
Izumo flounced out of the office, and Kakashi hesitantly walked into the room. Shizune closed the door behind him. Tsunade sat behind a desk covered in paper. She had two different maps on the wall covered in different markers and notes. She watched Kakashi come into the room and bow with no change of expression.
“Have a seat, Kakashi. I’m aware every shinobi in the village is pulling triple duty, and I won’t keep you too long,” Tsunade said briskly, but not unkindly. Kakashi hadn’t had anything but brief interactions with her so far. Kakashi had heard she’d first gone through the hospitals to heal who she could, advise on other cases, and the entire place had been in an uproar. Tsunade was a queen to all medics, and now she firmly had all of them in her pocket.
Kakashi sat slowly in the chair across from Tsunade. “How can I be of services, Hokage-sama?”
“How likely is Uchiha Shisui to come back to Konoha for more revenge?” Tsunade asked.
Kakashi took a moment. He hadn’t expected that. “He wouldn’t. Either Itachi is alive and we will never see them again, or Itachi is dead as we suspect and I don’t--”
“You, like everyone else I have spoken too, assumes Shisui would kill himself if Itachi is dead,” Tsunade finished. “I don’t agree with that assessment, moreover I can’t risk assuming that.”
“I don’t think it would be suicide, rather without Itachi, Shisui won’t avoid risks he otherwise would have. He doesn’t have a reason to stay alive now, and he has a very valuable kekkai genkai that is easily transferred. People will come for his Sharingan, and I don’t know how long or hard he will fight after losing Itachi,” Kakashi elaborated. He had wondered if he took Team 7 out of Konoha if they might attract Shisui. The risk had been too much, and Kakashi didn’t know if Team 7 should see Shisui in whatever state he was in.
“But, even if he’s alive, you don’t think he’s coming back to Konoha,” Tsunade asked.
“If Shisui comes back to Konoha, it would be for his gennin,” Kakashi paused. “I don’t think he will. He couldn’t risk the chance of losing them too so soon after losing Itachi. I also doubt he will come back to Konoha for revenge because Sakura and Naruto are still here. He wouldn’t destroy Konoha until he was certain he could protect them. I don’t think Konoha is his priority right now.”
Tsunade tapped a senbon on her desk. She was looking at something over Kakashi’s shoulder. She sighed and leaned forward.
“Did you know there is every indication that Danzo was harvesting the Sharingan from both the Uchiha and the Dogs?” Tsunade asked.
“I did not, but I would be surprised if it had never happened. One reason to let the younger Uchiha live would be to allow them to activate their Sharingan for later. . .collection. I know. . .” Kakashi paused. “. . .it was reported many of the Uchiha who were killed during the purge damaged their eyes. It’s likely those that did not were kept as Dogs or harvested after death. The bodies were burned almost immediately.”
“The purge,” Tsunade said with scorn. “I used to think the Uchiha must have had something going on for Sarutobi to allow that, but now I think ANBU had just gotten too much power and Sarutobi was always too trusting. After it happened, what could he do? Go after his Black Ops?” Kakashi felt an uncomfortable weight in Tsunade’s gaze.
“I can’t say, Hokage-sama. I never had access to that kind of information,” Kakashi demurred.
“ANBU is why you’re here, Kakashi.”
“Yes, Hokage-sama?”
“I’m putting you in charge of ANBU’s hunter division. Find out who you have left. Make a draft of new recruits and also give me a list of people who can get their skills to ANBU level as soon as possible. Even if they aren’t the cream of the crop, I need my spooks back. ANBU has a reputation, and I need that reputation immediately. Our defenses are in shambles. Our information network is going to have to be rebuilt. We need to make ourselves look as big and as dangerous as possible immediately.”
“Yes Hokage-sama,” Kakashi foresaw slaughter of people not quite ready.
“If you find any agents you think are following an agenda that isn’t mine, turn them over to Inoichi and Ibiki for questioning,” Tsunade went on.
“Yes, Hokage-sama,” Kakashi didn’t sigh, but he did wonder why he had been chosen.
“Good, now about your team. . .” Tsunade pulled a file over. “Jiraiya and I agreed Naruto is going to be safer with him. Konoha can’t offer proper protection for Naruto right now, and we know the Akastuki was after him. Jiraiya can train him, and a moving target will be harder to track. Any complaints?”
Kakashi saw the logic. He didn’t disagree at all, but what came out of his mouth was different. “That leaves Sakura alone.”
“I want to take Sakura on as my aide and student,” Tsunade said.
“She won’t.” She blamed Konoha for what had happened. Kakashi kept expecting to come back from a mission and find she was gone.
“I think I can convince her. I left Konoha because I had lost too much. I’ve been disillusioned, but I ran away from it. It didn’t save anyone. It didn’t cure anything. I do understand some of what she’s been through, and I don’t expect her to accept now.
“I’m going to send her to Sand with our delegation so she can visit another village and see if she likes that any better than Konoha.” Tsunade explained. “The change of village will give her some emotional distance and something to keep her mind occupied.”
Kakashi didn’t relax yet. “That would be good for her. Are you sending any of the rookie nine?” They were still the rookie nine, even with Sasuke gone and Naruto about to be sent off.
“Shikimaru. He had a decent connection with one of the Kazekage’s children. All the rest I’m pushing up to Chuunin to work lower-level missions,” Tsunade said. “Getting her out of Konoha will also give the rumors time to die down.”
They both knew what rumors that were, though with everything that had happened the rumors had calmed down. People still whispered them. Kakashi still heard the mutters, and he had heard someone call Sakura “bitch” in a way that sounded less like an insult and more like a moniker.
“Is there any possibility those rumors are true?”
“No.” Kakashi didn’t need to think about that. “Sakura and Shisui simply got along well and understood each other. Despite all rumors to the contrary, Shisui never displayed any pedophilic tendencies, and he was never anything close to inappropriate to any of Team 7.”
Tsunade nodded, as if she had expected as much. “If Danzo weren’t dead, I’d be doing my best to have him imprisoned or executed.” Kakashi felt the stare she pinned him with. Kakashi knew he shared some of the guilt. Almost everyone in Konoha did.
“As it is, I am giving those who know best what the misuse of power results in, power over ANBU, and expecting them to implement a reasonable amount of accountability so we don’t end up with another chakra monster ripping out our guts.” Tsunade leaned back. “Is that clear?”
“Yes, Hokage-sama.”
“Good, if anyone asks, Uchiha Shisui is dead. Uchiha Sasuke is Orochimaru’s problem. I don’t want anyone looking for any Uchiha. I don’t want any Uchiha in Konoha for any reason.”
There was a knock on the door. “Hokage-sama! Haruno Sakura is here.”
“Good, send her in, Shizune.”
Kakashi stood to leave. Tsunade motioned for him to stay. Shizune opened the door and Sakura came in. She had a bruise on her jaw, and the flak vest made her look too small. She had wary eyes that made Kakashi think too much of Shisui and Itachi. She had none of their cultivated stillness, but she could learn it. She would learn it. Kakashi saw her as Tsunade must, the furtive glances and guarded stance when faced with her Hokage.
“Haruno, what would you say is fitting punishment for what was done to your sensei and Uchiha Itachi and all the other Dogs?” Tsunade asked, neatly cutting the legs out from under Sakura and Kakashi. Kakashi broke out in a cold sweat. Sakura glanced at him, checked the room for other eyes, looked at Tsunade, and balked when she realized the question was genuine and aimed at her.
Sakura’s face went red. “I-I don’t--”
“Do you think what was done to them was right?”
“No.”
“So what punishment would you say is deserved? Kakashi was part of what they called the Dog initiative. He was Itachi’s ANBU captain and punished him as it was dictated. He followed both Shisui and Itachi while they were in Konoha, and made certain they knew they were always watched,” Tsunade said. Sakura kept her head towards the Hokage, but her glances toward Kakashi began to get more desperate.
“Kakashi-sensei helped Shisui-sensei,” Sakura countered hesitantly.
“And many people would say that deserved to be punished as well,” Tsunade said, and that wiped out Sakura’s indecision. Kakashi could see Sakura getting angry. He saw it in the clench of her jaw. She had become more volatile since the attacks, less controlled. She had always had that temper, but she had previously been better at holding it.
“He doesn’t,” Sakura started.
“And some people would say he didn’t do enough, as they are both dead now.”
Sakura went pale. Kakashi almost stepped in. This was unfair. They were all still assuming on the matter of Shisui’s death since no one had seen him. The amount of chakra that had been used to create that thing could indicate death, but no one could say for certain. Maybe Sasuke had left in hopes of finding that out. Maybe Sakura had been clinging to hope more tightly than Kakashi realized.
“What punishment would you give the village and the people who allowed your sensei to be treated that way, and who lied about you as well?” Tsunade asked. “You could be standing here with your sensei, your whole team, and your reputation intact, but Konoha would not let that happen. What do people like that deserve in your eyes, Sakura? People who called your sensei Dog and you a bitch?”
Tsunade had been present for Sakura’s tirade against Sasuke, but she had seen through it. She had seen the anger and divined its true source. Now she stoked all Sakura’s anger and hurt into a fire to see what appeared in the smoke.
Sakura looked Tsunade in the eyes. “I wish he had destroyed every last inch of Konoha.”
“And everyone?”
Sakura nodded, bravely defiant and probably expecting a punishment. “Everyone.”
“Including your team?”
Sakura didn’t answer. Her rage was so wrapped up in her grief Kakashi usually saw her getting angry and tearful. He didn’t know how to help her with that. He never remembered feeling anything as intensely as his students did. He couldn’t tell her the feeling would pass, though it would, or where to direct that anger. He didn’t have a saving answer for her.
“I’ll make you a deal, Haruno Sakura.”
Sakura didn’t falter in her anger. Her jaw stayed clenched. Her hands were fisted. She would, in time, burn them all to the ground.
“I want you to be a med-nin. I want to take you on as my student and as my aide.”
“No,” Sakura said, her voice hoarse behind the emotion. I don’t--”
“Wait,” Tsunade said softly held up her hand. She didn’t cut Sakura off like before but asked for her permission to continue. Tsunade stood up. “I won’t just teach you medical jutsu. I’ll show you how Konoha runs. I already know you can hold your tongue and you understand how politics work and how they can be turned against people. Konoha is going to need more than strength moving forward. We’ll need cunning, guile, and alliances. We need kunoichi like you, who are ready to do what needs to be done.
“The deal is--I’ll send you to Sand with our delegation to complete alliance discussions. They’ll be there for months, maybe even a year. If at the end of that time you decide you don’t want to come back to Konoha, you can permanently reside in Suna if you like it there, or anywhere else.” Tsunade met Sakura’s gaze steadily. “If you choose to come back, my offer will still stand.”
“I can’t leave Naruto,” Sakura started. Kakashi saw it in her eyes. I will be alone. Shisui had made Team 7 a team, and they were now ripped apart.
“Naruto is going to continue traveling and training with Jiraiya. Konoha can’t protect him right now,” Tsunade said. “The Akatsuki is after him, and we can’t have that big of a target here while we’re so weak.”
“Why?” Sakura, of course, didn’t know why Naruto would be valued by the Akatsuki.
“Because Naruto is Konoha’s jinchurruki,” Tsunade explained calmly. “The fourth Hokage sealed the kyuubi inside of Naruto when he was an infant.” Sakura’s eyes widened. Kakashi thought she saw it then: her own road to power. Knowledge. She could have these secrets of Konoha, not freely given, but given.
“Is there anything else you want to know?” Tsunade asked.
“No,” Sakura said. “I’m not accepting your offer. You can’t lure me in with promises you don’t intend to deliver on.”
“You don’t have to. As Hokage, I’m ordering you to escort our ambassador to Suna, and at the end of that mission your superior will inform me of your decision to return to Konoha and be my student or that you’ve chosen to continue your life elsewhere, as I once did. I will instruct your superior to give you any information you ask for, on my orders to show you I mean what I say..” Tsunade looked at Sakura, not encouragement or threat. “You don’t have a choice about Suna, but you will have one about coming back.”
Sakura nodded slowly. Kakashi felt relief he would not have to manage Sakura anymore. Her fate had been taken out of his hands.
“Good,” Tsunade stood up. “I’m going back to the hospitals this afternoon. You’re both dismissed and Sakura--”
The girl froze, obviously expecting a last retort or barb. Instead, Tsunade smiled.
“Keep getting angry over the right things.”
Twelve Months
Sasuke would not say Sound was better than Konoha. He would only say he had more of a chance of escaping Sound if he needed to. Orochimaru was less interested in control than in power. Being in Sound was like being in a prison constantly on the edge of a riot. After Konoha’s quiet powerplays and crushing control, Sasuke found he quite liked the chaos. He could escape as needed to find quiet, but the amount of freedom here showed him how closely Konoha had boxed him in.
Sasuke had been down into ANBU once. An entire group of Uchiha had gone down into the depths and been shown the cells where Dogs lived. No one had said as much, but every Uchiha there had known those cells were where they would end up if they did not perform to standard. if they broke rules or acted out they could be certain they would be crushed and thrown into these cells to rot.
Sasuke had always lived in a cage, no matter how many people told him he was free. He knew Sound was just another cage, but he had to pick the cage he could break. He only had to grow fast enough to keep Orochimaru from taking his body in three years. He only had to stay a step ahead of everyone else who wanted his eyes.
Sasuke didn't let himself think: 'Until Shisui comes for me.'
He couldn't rely on other people. He had to keep himself free of entanglement. He had to make his own way on his own terms, and maybe then it would be time to look back. Maybe then he could consider such things as loneliness and regret and the wistful feeling in his chest whenever he thought of Team 7. Sasuke had always been lonely. He had always been apart. He could live like this for three more years or ten.
Because, one day, he would be strong enough he wouldn’t have to. One day, he could protect them all.
"I heard some interesting news," Kabuto said.
Sasuke kept sharpening the blade of his sword and ignored Kabuto. He listened to gossip and rumors, but he didn't trade in them. He pretended disinterest to anything but power. It made people dismiss him and it let him hear almost everything he needed to.
"About a man who bears a striking resemblance to you. . .Orochimaru-sama was very interested in the information," Kabuto went on. Sasuke had determined Kabuto knew something about Itachi or Shisui no one else did. He fairly Sasuke with suggestions of vague hints Sasuke pretended it didn't make his chest tighten unpleasantly. Dogs were Dogs, Sasuke thought to himself, and he was an Uchiha.
Today, because he was annoyed, Sasuke stopped what he was doing and looked at Kabuto. "Orochimaru thinks he's going to find a better Uchiha body? If Shisui survived, he's missing a leg."
Kabuto smiled. "He was. I gave him a new one."
Sasuke went back to sharpening the sword. He liked using a sword. It seemed less versatile than kunai, but it gave him more power and reach. He tried not to show the thrill that went through him. He thought about all the advantages of a sword to calm himself as adrenaline kicked in. When had Kabuto given Shisui a leg? How did that slot into the timeline of events?
"I can see what you're thinking. If Shisui were alive and whole, why hasn't he come for me?" Kabuto stepped into the room.
"I tolerated that Dog because I needed to learn the Sharingan and because he knew my brother. Shisui was an inferior Uchiha whose cowardice got my brother killed," Sasuke said the words easily because he had been practicing all sorts of lies and excuses to make himself look uninterested in Shisui. He whispered them in the mirror and watched his face to be certain his face stayed exactly as he needed it to.
It made him think of his brother’s careful expressions. It made Sasuke think of how their faces were almost the same face, and Shisui would never be able to look at Sasuke again without first seeing Itachi. Shisui would never come for Sasuke. He couldn’t, and Sasuke understood that. He got it. He understood because all Sasuke could see when he saw his face was Itachi’s.
"So is it him you really want revenge on?" Kabuto asked.
"Konoha," Sasuke let every once of anger and contempt and hate he had bottled inside himself against that place push into the word. He saw the tiny apartment they had given him. All the notes from Itachi. His foster parents. Shisui’s flashes of terror so neatly hidden. Sasuke’s voice actually cracked. "Is the reason my clan is dead. Shisui was just a by-product of that.” Sasuke stood and pushed the sword back into its scabbard.
"Unlike some people, I don't get bogged down in the petty details. I prefer to act on the entire picture. Maybe I can see it more clearly than you," Sasuke suggested. He could activate his Sharingan smoothly now, thanks to Shisui. Kabuto barely averted his eyes, but he did. Sasuke didn't trust himself to ask questions about when Kabuto had given Shisui a leg. Instead, he walked past Kabuto. He needed to find somewhere to think about what Kabuto had said.
"He is alive, you know," Kabuto said as Sasuke passed. Sasuke let out a small sigh and turned with mock politeness to Kabuto.
“Have you seen him?” Sasuke asked. “Or have you had more vague whispers about supposed sightings of dead men? Tell me, Kabuto-sensei.”
Kabuto smiled back just as sweetly. "He did something to that leg I gave him to keep me from tracking him, but he's alive. But if you think he's going to come and save you--"
"I don't need to be saved," Sasuke almost snapped. He saw Kabuto's pleasure at the snap and reminded himself to guard himself better. He could dig more into this later. He could ask Orochimaru directly, but Sasuke would never reveal how desperately he wanted to know how Shisui was and what he was doing. However, Sasuke couldn’t risk getting involved. Not yet.
But he didn't want any misstep of his to be the action that took Shisui down.
Twenty Months
Sakura had split off with her squad to meet up with an informant before returning to Konoha. She imagined Shikimaru would split off on his way back and pick up his own information packets. Sakura got to pick this information up because it was already collected from information dens and she would make the final pick-up in a small farming village. Her age would make her blend in, but she’d smoothed a wig over her pink hair before she got there. Now she simply had to make her way back to Konoha through friendly territory.
She was exhausted and had hoped it would be an easy trip back home.
Sakura threw herself sideways. The sword cut through the tree branch with barely a pause of momentum. She twisted and launched herself off a tree branch, throwing herself forward. Electricity exploded through the air. She translocated away at the last second, feeling the hair on her body stand on end. As soon as she landed, fire arched down to meet her. She combined water and earth to make a wall of sludge that hardened on impact with the flame and dissipated some of the heat.
Sakura ducked down and came around the barrier just as Sasuke stabbed through it. He was already yanking the sword free of the rock hard mud and jumping back, shifting the angle of the stab to hit her as she came in closer. The sword gave him the advantage of reach. Sakura changed the angle of her punch and hit the ground. She couldn’t yet crush the ground like Tsunade could, but it buckled, the shockwaves making Sasuke stumble. Sakura flickered. Tsunade had taught her how to reinforce her joints properly, which took too much chakra but also let her combine speed and strength.
She punched Sasuke in his sternum, and he flew backward.
Sakura flew backward too. Somehow Sasuke had knicked her with a lightning strike when she came in. Her chakra control spasmed, her body jerked, and she landed in an awkward heap in the underbrush. She heard Sasuke jumping up, gasping for breath and hopefully regretting trying to stab her like that. Sakura, joints loose and painful, managed to get to her feet. They approached each other warily, circling.
Sasuke looked better than Sakura had expected. When she thought of missing-nin she thought of patched clothes, bad equipment, and a constant hungry look. When she thought of Orochimaru she thought of experiments and misshapen creatures, combining those two always made her think the worst for Sasuke. But Sasuke didn’t have extra limbs or strange bulges or look less pale than he always had. His dark eyes were bright, his lips contemptuous. He was wearing black and it made him look like his brother. He had an Uchiha fan embroidered on his chest over his heart. He wore a snake around his throat, her vibrant colors exotic against his pale neck still marked with the curse seal.
“You got better,” Sasuke said.
“So did you.” Sakura didn’t know if she should attack again. She felt a tremendous amount of relief at just seeing Sasuke alive, physically cascading down her spine. She had always regretted not going with him, or making him stay, or taking him and Naruto and just going to find Shisui-sensei, wherever he had been. She had never been able to fully convince herself she had made the right choice.
All that said, Sasuke was her enemy now.
Technically.
“Have you seen him?” Sasuke asked.
Sakura felt the sucker punch to her gut all over again. “No, but I heard.”
“Do you think it was him?”
“I talked to the shinobi who saw him. I think it was.” Sakura took another three steps closer, watching Sasuke’s movements.
“Why is he doing it?” Sasuke asked. He didn’t seem concerned. He didn’t need to know, but he was asking, and Sasuke would not ask her if he didn’t need to know.
“I don’t know,” Sakura answered that and several other questions. “Selling high-level secrets if lucrative.” They both knew that was not why their sensei had become one of the most notorious information terrorists of the era. Money did not enter into the equation. Chaos and destruction did.
Decimation.
“No one’s seen Itachi,” Sakura added.
“I think we both know he’s dead.” Sasuke kept his sword out. To Sakura, he just looked like Itachi. He kept his face stiller than he had before he left. He exuded an aloof cold that suggested he was inherently better than everyone else. It made Sasuke want to punch him, but she realized he needed that aura. He had to be untouchable out here.
“We don’t,” Sakura said, even though she didn’t think Itachi had made it out alive. She thought, if he had, Shisui would have made contact with one of them or he would have vanished completely. She thought Itachi’s death would have been catastrophic enough Shisui couldn’t talk to them yet. She had to draw on what she had felt and multiply that by thousands, but she had wanted to burn the world down too.
And she was only a little sorry to see Shisui setting things ablaze.
“Why are you here?” Sakura asked.
“Running errands.” Sasuke sheathed his sword, leaving a hand on it. Sakura didn’t know if she liked being called an errand, or if Sasuke were trying to imply this meeting had been an accident. He had to have been waiting for Sakura, or Konoha had a leak and he’d been able to intercept her. Sakura felt the paranoia creeping in. She’d never had to watch her back as she did now. She’d never been important enough, and she thought she saw a sliver of what all the Uchiha had dealt with for years. At least people still underestimated her as a girl.
“Me too,” Sakura said. “What are you picking up?”
Sasuke’s nose wrinkled. “Body parts.” Sakura couldn’t completely control her reaction. Sasuke disdain turned to delight. “Do you want to see?”
“Not unless you want them reattached to something.” Sakura pulled a little healing chakra into her hands. Sasuke’s Sharingan flicked on and then off. He couldn’t do it that quickly before.
“Is that why you’re still in Konoha?” Sasuke asked.
“One of the reasons.” Standing in front of Sasuke, Sakura felt she had taken the coward’s way out. She had stayed. She had learned. She had been able to dig more deeply into Konoha’s sordid past than she could outside. Tsunade had been good on her promise or information given almost freely. “There’s a lot of learn inside of Konoha.”
“There’s a lot to learn outside,” Sasuke smirked, his old cocky smirk usually reserved for Naruto. “Maybe we should see if we’re learning the same thing.”
Sakura’s grin wasn’t a smirk, but she felt something settle in her chest that had been askew for years.
“Why don’t we?” Sakura agreed.
From without and from within, they were going to get the whole picture this time.
Before the monster’s had them around the throat.
Thirty Months
Shisui woke up halfway across the room, spinning and unsealing knives as he put his back hard against a wall.
Kisame had come out of bed, but only far enough to avoid being gutted or burned by Shisui's waking. A pillow had been raked open, stuffing spilled across the floor now.
The tremors of the nightmare moved through Shisui, phantom smells and tastes as he leaned back against the wall and let his red eyes sweep the room in frantic searching.
"Don't look for him," Kisame said, the low rumble of the words a tangible taste in Shisui's mouth over the copper.
"It's not him I'm looking for," Shisui countered, out of breath and feeling every ounce of wild in his bones. Still, Shisui looked at Kisame, eyes red. Kisame didn't look away from that. He obviously preferred Shisui at his most wild and raw. Kisame had instantly begun picking at the cracked veneer of civility Shisui protected himself within Konoha the moment they met, and when Kisame's picking hit a nerve or artery and unleashed something, he never flinched from it. The fact that Shisui was an animal at his core never surprised Kisame.
But Kisame was also an animal at his core, only he had a different hold on his animal nature. Kisame was the animal at all times. The animal did not so much exist inside him as it was Kisame, and Kisame and his animal lived in perfect harmony. Poised for brutality and attack, but also controlled. Shisui's animal was a beaten, terrified thing that lashed out at everything and often bit itself in its terror. Shisui did not think Kisame had ever known a day of terror. He had always held himself in control and power. He had never let anyone else master him.
Shisui spit because he had bitten his tongue and straightened from his crouch. He stayed against the wall, still trembling with the idea of dark halls and cave-ins crushing the life out of precious things. Kisame sat back down on the bed, watching Shisui. Shisui flipped the knife in his hand and, because his skin was crawling, threw it at Kisame. The throw was flawless, quick and accurate and should have landed the knife in Kisame's eye. But, Kisame had clearly seen the throw and simply moved his head to avoid it. The knife buried itself in the wall behind Kisame.
"Feeling petty?"
"I want to start peeling off my skin." Shisui held his hands out, giving his fingers and arms a little shake. His eyes ached deep into his skull. It made him think he must have been dreaming about Itachi's death. He didn't always remember what he had been dreaming, but sometimes he woke up with that burning ache that he'd had after activating his Mangekyou for the first time. Shisui wondered if he activated it in his sleep, but he didn't wake up with blood on his face. He just woke with a feeling of revulsion for the entire world and his own worthless skin. He woke up wanting--needing to hurt himself and everything around him.
Shisui sealed the other knife and pushed off the wall. He walked past the bed to the tiny window and looked out. The weather had cleared and the moon was out. It had snowed again. Shisui could now begin to feel the cold on his bare skin. This kind of weather was best for sleeping through. They did less traveling in the winter. Shisui hated cold weather. Maybe it was because of his Uchiha nature, but he could always stand heat better than cold. "How much longer do we have to be up here?"
"I thought you were enjoying being away from Madara," Kisame said.
"Obito," Shisui corrected automatically. He leaned his head against the thick glass in the window. His breath fogged up the glass. He could see nothing but snow and the trees. Shisui turned away and paced across the room, restless in his skin and itching behind his eyes. Shisui pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes and turned his face towards the ceiling.
Shisui.
Shisui spun.
"Shisui."
Shisui stared, not at anything, not trying to see, but trying to see something.
Shisui flinched to the side to avoid the knife Kisame had thrown at him. Shisui reached up and touched his ear, gently fingering the tiny cut in his skin as he turned to face Kisame.
"Stop looking," Kisame commanded in the lazy way he commanded things. It fell between suggestion and threat. Cold was starting to pucker Shisui's skin, giving him another reason for tremors. It hadn't been this bad in months, and Shisui didn't know what had brought this all back. He didn’t know why he could be objectively better for months and then crash back into everything like he had just woken up to find Itachi dead.
It didn’t make sense and it made progress look worthless.
"If you keep looking, you'll find him," Kisame went on.
"Why do you care if I keep hallucinating him?" Shisui snapped. He knew all the reasons. He didn't even pull out the petty untruths he could unpack to hurl at Kisame. Shisui had so many he could cut them both up with. They were flying through the back of his mind now, ready for murder.
"Guilt won't make you any stronger." Kisame didn't seem to be bothered by the cold, despite being as naked as Shisui. He watched as Shisui paced the room again, circling the worn floor in altering patterns before finally coming back to the bed.
"Are you hoping one day I'll snap and you'll get to kill me?" Shisui asked. He hoped it. Death by Kisame’s hand would be a clean end.
Kisame's white smile cut a jagged scar in the darkness. "I'm satisfied with opponents your...information selling brings in. That's more entertaining than one fight with you would be."
"I'm so glad to be of service in my snapped state." Shisui sneered, circling the bed one more time before sitting down on it. He grabbed a blanket and pulled it up around his shoulders, pulling his knees up to his body. He huddled in on himself, staring past Kisame to the wall.
"You have other uses," Kisame mused.
Shisui snorted, allowing himself a smile before he settled back. His toes were freezing. He was cold to his core and he hated the shivery feeling that brought him. Panic and anger were one thing, but these other feelings were the ones that brought him lower than he could stand. These were wider feelings he couldn’t act through. They sat deep inside him.
"I can't imagine him sitting next to me anymore," Shisui said after more silence. "It's like they were all right about him."
"The dead are supposed to fade," Kisame said, with his oddly comforting nonchalance towards death and Shisui's continued struggle with grief. He accepted it, but he didn't allow Shisui to wallow in it.
"You're too fucking philosophical for a mass-murdering psychopath," Shisui grumbled.
Kisame chuckled, that low bass rumble that hit Shisui somewhere he didn't want to be hit. Not right now. "You have a type."
Shisui felt the tears then. They barely touched his eyes, but Shisui felt the grief as loss instead of anger or guilt, a simply the gaping hole ripped into his life. He could blame Itachi, and he had, but Shisui also blamed Konoha and villages and clans and everyone who had never saved them. He blamed himself, but he was coming to understand that he had never been any good at saving anything, but he could destroy the world if he wanted to.
And most days, he really fucking wanted to.
Kisame remained silent for a while. Shisui could see the goosebumps on Kisame’s naked back now. Shisui could draw no and every comparison between Kisame and Itachi. They were nothing alike, but they held the same quiet strength inside of them. They would have been perfect partners, mutually respecting the other’s differences and seamless as a battle duo. Shisui wished he could have seen it.
He wished he could have seen Itachi do so much more.
Shisui would give up everything in his present to have that imagined future.
But he knew playing that game would only hurt him more, and, as Kisame said, Shisui needed to stop looking for Itachi. The dead were meant to fade. Just a little. Just enough to live with the absence. Maybe, one day, that would be the case for Shisui.
"After we get done up here, I want to go back to Konoha," Shisui said.
Kisame shifted to look at Shisui. Shisui watched the movement out of his periphery, staying huddled. "I'm fucking freezing and that hell hole is always warm."
"Sound has warmer weather as well," Kisame mused, that absent observation poking at Shisui's motives.
"Yes, my every motive is glass to your piercing intellect. How well you know me and my machinations," Shisui mimicked Obito’s grandiose speech pattern and sighed. "You never had gennin, did you?"
"I never made them my family."
"Did you have a family?" Shisui asked, finally turning to look at Kisame. Kisame looked smug, anticipation of the disasters to come evident on his face. They did a lot of talking without talking these days, which Shisui found disgusting and comforting. It frightened him, to be so attached to this reckless killer, another man filled with so little regard for his own life.
But Kisame would never kill himself or be killed for Shisui, and that made the panic settle. It made this just a bit more safe.
"Pein is going to go after the Kyuubi soon," Kisame added.
"Don't rush my master plans," Shisui sighed. He shivered. "And I know you don't like Naruto, so don't pretend you're interested in saving him."
Kisame shrugged. "I like the Bitch better." Kisame didn't flinch at the red-eyed glare.
"She picked it," Kisame said. "With her ANBU mask and the ninken now. She isn't ashamed of it."
Or of you, Kisame did not say because he did not have to. Shisui felt the significance and the weight of the thought. He hated having things to care for because simply leveling the world would have been easier, but he had people he didn't want to destroy. He had children he had to take care of, even if they were becoming very capable of taking care of themselves.
They were becoming little monster's fully-fledged.
"She accepted it," Shisui admitted.
"...I am fucking freezing."
Kisame did that gut-punching chuckle. "We can clear out this business within the week."
"I can think of five different ways I could be not freezing in three minutes," Shisui gave Kisame a jaundiced look.
"Three minutes?" Kisame raised an eyebrow.
"Or five, if you need time to warm up," Shisui shrugged, watching the curve slash of Kisame's smile as he turned towards Shisui. Shisui still had his vices, and this was far preferable to trashing his liver even if it was just as likely to get him killed.
Thirty Six Months
Naruto never got over being homesick.
He missed Sasuke and Sakura and Iruka-sensei and even Kakashi. He also missed Shisui-sensei and Itach-san, but going back to Konoha wouldn’t have helped anything there. Naruto also missed the smell of Konoha. Something about being there made him physically feel better. He missed the food. He missed everyone he knew there, including Shikimaru and Ino.
Naruto did love traveling.
And he kind of liked Jiraiya. Under all the perviness, the Sannin was actually a semi-decent guy half the time. He had an entirely different fighting style and skills set from Shisui and Kakashi, which made Naruto realize Kakashi and Shisui had the same fighting style (sneaky, powerful, not flashy but kill you dead). Everything Jiraiya did seemed huge and impressive. Everything about Jiraiya was huge, loud, warm and bluff.
Jiraiya also listened to Naruto talk about Shisui-sensei and Sasuke and never told him not to talk about them or say he missed them.
Jiraiya would not, or could not, answer Naruto’s questions about why Konoha had done what it had done to the Uchiha and the Dogs. He didn’t explain why no one had ever stopped what was happening, not even the Hokage, who Naruto had thought of as kind and caring. As they traveled Naruto saw civilian poverty like he’d never seen in Konoha. He saw tiny villages destroyed in shinobi battles. He saw fields with a year’s worth of crops and food wiped out in three jutsu.
Looking for answers to what had happened to his sensei and Itachi, Naruto found the world was full of suffering. Some just happened by chance and nature, some were orchestrated by other people. All of it was terrible.
Jiraiya had some answers for that, but he would often just shrug. He would say something about the world was getting better. Things had been so much worse during the wars. At least there was peace.
Naruto found that wasn’t enough for him.
If Shisui and Itachi, who were in Naruto’s top seven list of best and most favorite people of all time, could not live and be happy in this world because Naruto’s home (that he loved) would not let them, something was wrong with the world. Jiraiya said Konoha was a better village than most, but Naruto found it lacking. He found the entire world lacking, but he didn’t quite know how to fix that. He didn’t like the answers he found other people using. They weren’t enough.
Naruto also learned how frightened people outside of villages could be of shinobi.
Jiraiya let Naruto wander a little, when he had to meet people or go on small missions. Normally Naruto stayed in an isolated area with a toad to babysit him and worked on his training. Sometimes he wandered around in little villages or found small farms, and on one of those farms, a girl not much younger than Naruto had seen his headband and screamed bloody murder before running. Her older brother had attacked Naruto with a hoe, and Naruto had left because fighting farmers was a pretty big “no” in his book. When Naruto had reported this to Jiraiya, Jiraiya had responded with “Of course they were.”
Shinobi were pretty much always bad news.
That all said, Naruto had a lot to think about, few people to talk to, and too much time on his hands. The Akatsuki hadn’t been around for ages, so Jiraiya and Naruto had both gotten a little lax in their defenses.
Naruto was sitting in meditation, trying to get his chakra to form correctly for this jutsu while the toad beside him lectured on his terrible technique.
And the toad vanished.
Naruto sprang away too late, seeing a red and black coat, forming signs for clones, getting kicked so hard in the gut he flew through the air and exploded into--
“Calm down, that was a genjutsu,” Shisui said from where he stood on Naruto’s rock. Naruto had fallen off onto the ground. Shisui’s Sharingan spun above Naruto. Shisui’s hair had gotten longer and was falling forward in a crazy kinky ponytail.
“....shit did you hit your head?” Shisui started to lean down, and almost hit his head on Naruto’s as Naruto sprang up, grabbing his sensei in a hug. Shisui tensed but he didn’t disappear as Naruto had expected.
“Please tell me you’re not snotting on my uniform,” Shisui begged.
“No,” Naruto lied. He felt cold and numb and very strange. He had thought...well, he had known, almost, that Shisui was alive, but it had not been real until this moment. Now it hurt, even if he was so happy he wanted to cry.
“Is Itachi-san?” Naruto pulled back and stopped when he saw Shisui’s face. Shisui looked up. He breathed in. His face went blank. Naruto knew he should not have asked.
“No,” Shisui said softly in a voice that shook just a little. “No. He isn’t.” Naruto bit his tongue to keep from saying anything else. All the complicated feelings were boiling back up. He just wanted to be glad to see Shisui again.
“Hey,” Shisui grabbed Naruto and scrubbed his head hard. Naruto yelled and struggled. “None of that, I came all the way to the back ass end of nowhere to talk to you, and you’re going to be fucking happy about it, damnit! I haven’t even talked to Sasuke or Sakura yet,” Shisui snapped, still scrubbing. “Do you know how fucking difficult it was to even find you?”
Naruto ripped himself free. “You haven’t?”
“Nope,” Shisui grinned.
“Why not?” Naruto demanded. “Do they even know you’re alive? That’s awful!”
“I’ve been busy being evil.” Shisui flapped the coat at Naruto. “And I haven’t been mentally well enough to talk to anyone of you until recently, so don’t give me down the road. I lost--” Shisui stopped. His lips twisted. Naruto wanted to tell Shisui he didn’t have to go on. Naruto knew what had happened. He’d seen the shrine.
“I lost the single most important person in my life, and it gutted me, and I did not want to come back from that. Ever. getting back to being any kind of person instead of just angry and hurt and hateful took some time, okay?” Shisui smiled a little, raw and crooked as he stepped off the rock. “But you’re right. It’s been too long. You guys needed me. And I’m back now, so that is going to have to be enough, okay?”
“We missed you,” Naruto said lamely.
“Well, at least I know you did,” Shisui grinned, and Naruto compulsively gave Shisui another hug now that he as off the rock. Shisui more gently scruffed Naruto hair and sighed.
“Not to cut this short, but we have to talk,” Shisui insisted, pushing Naruto back. “I can’t stay long. Jiraiya will be back and I don’t want him to know I was here. Can we keep that a secret?”
“Why?” Naruto asked.
Shisui rolled his eyes. “I’m paranoid, but I guess you can tell him. It’ll just make it harder for me to come back.
Naruto pretended to seal his lips. Shisui grinned. “Now sit, I have a story to tell you.”
“A story?” Naruto tried not to sound disappointed.
“Yes.” Shisui sat back on Naruto’s rock. “It’s a story about your parents, why you have got that in your belly, and a little about the Uchiha.”
Naruto couldn’t breathe. He looked at the vicious, cutting smile on Shisui’s face and finally recognized this was not the same Shisui he had known in Konoha. Shisui had become someone else.
“Really?” Naruto asked.
Shisui’s grin changed. It softened. He pulled his knees up and rested his elbows on them. “Yeah. Your mom was actually good friends with Itachi’s mother, and she was a kickass kunoichi. Really, kiddo, it’s time someone told you the truth.”
Because truth, Naruto would come to learn, was the most explosive and potentially devastating weapon available in this world. But it could also be the most healing.