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Tanba Koichiro didn’t regret coming to Seidou. When he had first entered he wanted to be the Ace, but he knew he was a long way off. He and Kacchan* had vowed to meet during the Summer Tournament and battle it out. It was a long road to reach that way. He was shy, unable to look people in the eyes or speak louder than a whisper.
Seidou had helped change that, had helped him grow and gain confidence. He owed it all to the baseball team and the friends he made there.
When they entered Seidou together Chris was already the first string regular catcher and Koichiro was itching to form a battery with him. Along with that desire came another. Despite gaining confidence in other things in his life he would revert to being shy and hesitant when he was around Chris. It was frustrating how he went weak in the knees, how his stomach filled with butterflies and his face flushed red.
He brought it up with his cousin who steered his thought process in the right direction. He’d never had a crush before so he didn’t understand his feelings, but then it all made sense. It was true that he wanted to form a battery with Chris, but more than that he wanted to kiss him.
To Koichiro, Chris was perfect. He had pleasant manners, a great work ethic, and a wicked sense of humor that only came out when one least expected it. Besides his personality, Chris was absolutely gorgeous. He hadn’t known at first that Chris was half American, but the catcher’s features were definitely more different than others he had met. Koichiro wondered if maybe that’s what made him more attractive, what made his lips look so full or his jaw so chiseled.
As Koichiro worked on perfecting his curveball he and Chris had worked many hours together. They ran laps around the field, Koichiro threw into Chris’ mitt, and they’d even eat dinner together. Slowly Koichiro fell more and more in love with the catcher.
Then their second year happened.
Koichiro had become more confident in his curveball, but it was Chris who collapsed. Koichiro spent several nights worrying over Chris, but the catcher did not allow anyone to worry about him or help carry his burden.
There were many regrets Koichiro had during his second year. The late night study sessions with Chris tapered off, their battery never went past the bullpen, and even their conversations seemed to fade. Chris never wanted to talk about his injury, didn’t want the pity from the others on the team. Soon Miyuki Kazuya swooped in and took his starter position. It was a very bleak time for Chris who would practice with the team as much as time allowed then would head over to rehab. More than anything Koichiro wanted to be there for him.
It wasn’t that Chris was completely alienated from the team. He would still offer advice freely to anyone who needed it and he remained friends with the people in his year, he just didn’t seem interested in anyone else.
Koichiro felt that this was fine. As long as Chris didn’t care about others then he could remain free and Koichiro could continue to pine in silence. The love he held for Chris was warm and fluttering and Koichiro never found anyone else he cared about more than him. Their moments together increased after Chris had warned him about his arm injury. It could have been worse had Chris not caught it in time. Koichiro was still nowhere near getting Chris out of his slump and sometimes self-imposed exile, could not seem to understand just what Chris needed, but he vowed to stand by him every step of the way. He wanted to form a battery with Chris in an official game at least once before they graduated - it was the one dream he would never give up on.
They were third years now. Time passed so quickly and Koichiro hadn’t progressed much outside the bullpen. He had gained more confidence in his abilities, was able to look people in the eye, was a contender for the Ace number this summer, but he still hadn’t been able to break through Chris’ shell. He knew just how much work Chris put into his rehabilitation and that’s what kept Koichiro’s hope alive. Chris would pull through and be the person he had met two years ago - would become someone who smiled easily, who spoke softly and cared for those around him, who still had a burning passion to play baseball at Seidou.
They met the first years and Koichiro wasn’t impressed. He remembered how he was back when he was that young and how inexperienced he was. He had worked hard these past two years and it was finally time to refine and perfect his pitching in order to take Seidou to Koshien. He paired up with Miyauchi to work on the curveball and his new pitch, the forkball.
This was his and Chris’ last year - their last time to form a battery. Time flowed much faster than he wanted or anticipated and he felt a bit rushed, but oddly calm at the same time. The only worry he had was how Chris still hadn’t recovered.
There was a loudmouth running around the field. Koichiro vaguely remembered him as a new first year who wanted to be a pitcher. He hadn’t paid much attention to the new recruits, too focused on his own pitching now that it was his final year, his last summer.
It wasn’t until he noticed how Chris spent a little more time on the field now, working with the small brunet...Sawamura he believed his name was. Chris looked indifferent to the first year. It wasn’t that he didn’t care, but he certainly didn’t put more effort into teaching him than necessary. Sawamura was terrible and not just at pitching. He definitely needed a lot of work. Chris gave him the tools to work toward bettering himself, but Koichiro knew that Chris didn’t have high hopes for the southpaw. The only one that Koichiro was worried about was Furuya and that first year was working with Miyuki.
They were still playing in the Spring Tournament when Koichiro came across an odd scene. It seemed that Sawamura was hounding Chris’ steps. At first he thought he was imagining it, but since Koichiro made it his business to keep an eye on Chris himself he realized that he wasn’t making it up at all. It only took a little longer to realize that Chris seemed to be in higher spirits than before.
Just who was this Sawamura Eijun?
The second string was holding a game against Kokushikan High School. After this the coach was going to pick the last two members for the Summer Tournament and Koichiro still had hopes for Chris to make it. The last time they spoke Chris had admitted that his shoulder, while not at one hundred percent, was healing quite well. That’s why when someone burst through the indoor gym and shouted that Chris was playing in the second string game, Koichiro was only a few steps behind Miyuki. He knew it! Chris was doing just fine!
So why did his heart hurt when he found out he wasn’t the one in a battery with Chris?
He wasn’t jealous. He wasn’t . He was happy that Chris no longer looked so burdened, so hollow and brooding. He dreamt of the day that Chris, his Chris would come back to them, to him.
Then why was he so envious?
“So your shoulder wasn’t fully healed yet, huh?” asked Koichiro. He and Chris were standing in the hallway, enjoying their small break in between classes.
“Yeah, I think it’ll take some time until it is,” replied Chris as he held onto his shoulder as if to shield it. “But I don’t regret anything.” He continued on to say as if those words weren’t piercing right through Koichiro. ‘ Was it really worth it to hurt yourself again?’ he wanted to ask, but could never actually say.
“I’m grateful the coach put me in the game. Now it’s your turn. It’s up to you to make our summer long.” Chris’ words felt heavy, like a blanket of responsibility was draped across his shoulders. “I’ll support the team from behind the scenes,” said Chris as he walked away, either not realizing or not caring just how much those words hurt him. ‘ Don’t be satisfied with that! Did you really want your last battery at Seidou to be with a first year who can’t even pitch properly!?’ he wanted to shout at Chris. ‘Idiot, don’t tell me you don’t regret anything. In my last summer, I wanted to form a battery with you.’’
Sawamura this...Sawamura that… it’s all the first string talked about now. Just because the coach put him on the first string didn’t mean that he was anything special. He didn’t feel threatened by the other pitcher, if anything the coach probably meant the southpaw to be a motivator for him to help him grow as the Ace. Sawamura wasn’t anything special or important. Koichiro was just putting too much stock into what those around him were saying. He tried not to listen to it, tried to drown out the words…
...moving fastball…
...interesting form…
...southpaw….
...late release point…
.. brought Chris back to us....
The words followed him around like poisoned smoke. He blamed Kuramochi - the shortstop roomed with Sawamura and always had something to say. He blamed Miyuki - the catcher always making a habit of teasing Sawamura. He blamed Masuko - the third baseman who would look out for the first year. He blamed Sawamura himself - wannabe pitcher who was so loud he was sure he could hear him from anywhere on Seidou’s grounds. And lastly he blamed Chris, though his heart rebelled against it - the now manager of the team for allowing Sawamura to fawn all over him, for indulging him and taking time to train him. He blamed Chris for letting Sawamura into his enclosed heart, for letting the southpaw get close enough to actually change him.
Koichiro wasn’t sure what to do with his churning emotions. He still loved Chris but he couldn’t help how jealous he was that Sawamura was always around. The only times he ever got a moment with Chris was during meals and even those were sometimes interrupted by the loud southpaw, his disruptive yells and annoying laugh always filled the cafeteria. He tried to ignore it as best he could, to curb the jealous rage into an annoyed simmer, and hopefully have it turn into simple indifference. It wasn’t easy, but day by day he was slowly starting to get over it. Who cared that Sawamura was the one that brought Chris back to himself? The point was that Chris was once again the boy he fell in love with and that was enough for him.
Or it should have been, except that whenever Koichiro thought that Sawamura no longer ranked as someone important in his mind he would then see Chris and Sawamura training again. It was fine when it was in the bullpen, or so Koichiro tried to convince himself. It was fine when Chris looked at Sawamura fondly after the first year said something stupid, except it really wasn’t. It was fine when he caught Chris teaching Sawamura a slide step and a pick off move...really, it was fine . He tried to convince himself that it was only baseball. That the reason Chris had his hands all over Sawamura’s waist and thighs was to better help build the southpaw’s form. That the coach had asked Chris to do this job so the third year could feel useful on the team. He tried .
But he just couldn’t get over it.
He had to tell Chris his feelings. He knew he was still shy around the catcher, would still feel butterflies in his stomach. His hands would get clammy, his face would blush red, he would stutter at times - he knew he would probably fail to get the words to come out right, but anything was better than the wait, the what if’s and the what could-have-beens . So Koichiro mustered his courage, practiced in front of a mirror on the rare chance he could get alone, and decided that enough was enough. Just like he changed himself for baseball he could change himself for Chris.
Koichiro had simply been out late for a run and needed a drink so he headed to the vending machine. Unfortunately this one didn’t have the drink he preferred but he remembered the one at the other side of the building did. A cool down run was just the thing he needed after his workout, so he jogged lightly under the cover of a waxing moon. The supply closet happened to be near this particular vending machine so it was only natural that when he saw the opened doorway to be concerned. There weren’t thieves at Seidou per se, but it was still irresponsible to leave the shed open. He walked closer to it but before he could touch the door he heard it...heard them .
“Sawamura…” whispered Chris’ voice. It was undeniably Chris - Koichiro would recognize that voice anywhere, even if he had never heard Chris sound quite like that.
“Chris-senpai,” Sawamura sighed. Koichiro could envision the dopey look on his face.
He had to look...he had to make sure. Koichiro moved closer, making sure to be silent. He’s had practice moving that way ever since he was young - it was a good way to become a wallflower at any gathering. He could feel his heart pound wildly in his chest. He just needed to take a peek…
The undeniable truth was laid bare.
Chris and Sawamura were in an embrace - and by the way they were kissing it wasn’t their first time meeting up like this.
It wasn’t fair.
IT WASN’T FAIR!
A ball to his jaw stopped him from being able to pitch until the quarterfinals.
A random late-night wandering stopped his heart from beating.
He wondered if coming to Seidou had actually been worth it.
End.